Why are Americans so good at shooting?

They have the best schools to practise

A Lawyer goes shooting and brings down a marvellous pheasant right on Farmer Joe's field...

Knowing the law, he goes over to the farmhouse and knocks on the door, farmer Joe opens, and the Lawyer speaks,

"Excuse me sir, but I'm a lawyer on a shoot, and I happen to have brought down a fairly marvellous pheasant over in your field yonder. Being a lawyer (I happen to have attended an e...

A shooting club was holding a competition. The winner was to get a somewhat ugly trophy, the second-placed shooter - a crate of champagne.

By the end of the final round, two shooters were tied for first place, so they were told to do a tiebreaker round - 5 shots at maximum distance. To keep things more dramatic, they had to shoot at the same time.

After both had stopped firing and were awaiting the results, one shooter turned to...

Placing three armed veterans in each school will stop school shootings

The shooter will see people with three arms and freak out.

Did you hear the one about shooting an apple off your head with a bow and arrow?

Yeah, I don’t wanna Tell you.

The stereotype of gta players using hookers to heal and shooting them to get money back is ridiculous

You’re supposed to just call an ambulance and shot the driver, it’s much more efficient!

Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings?

Because it’s always too soon.



^(i feel bad)

Why do Americans always come first for shooting in the Olympic?

They’ve trained in the best schools

I went to the shooting range for the first time and couldn’t get my gun to fire.

I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.

I don't get school shooting jokes...

Maybe it's because they're aimed at younger audiences.

What do you call standing in a doorway while shooting a handgun?

Glock blocking

My wife called me at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, I replied, "No..."

She responded, "How about now?"

Why aren’t school shooting jokes funny?

They’re too easy a target, and aimed at a very young audience..

Cheap oil, no immigration and no school shootings.

Corona did what Trump promised

What's the difference between an American and a computer?

An American doesn't have trouble-shooting.

Russia is invading Finland

During the invasion a Russian general and his troops come to a hill.

They hear a voice shouting: "One Fin can beat ten Russians!"

The general laughs about it and sends ten of his troops to go kill whoever is on the other side of the hill. There is alot of noise and shooting and after ...

I'm 45 and I can't get school shooting jokes even though I have lived in America my entire life

I asked my friend and he said it's probably because they are aimed at a younger audience

People are currently shooting fireworks off in my neighborhood. I'm usually all for shooting fireworks to celebrate the founding of the greatest nation on Earth, but come on...

Canada Day was yesterday!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man has been getting horrible debilitating headaches for a long time a& finally decided to go to the doctor...

And he’s just begging for some relief. “They just won’t stop,” he says. “I can’t do anything, my work is suffering, I can’t spend time with my family, it’s just gotta stop!”

So the doctor does some tests and says, “well there’s good news & bad news. The good news is, I found the problem, ...

What were dinosaur's last words?

"Ayo these don't look like shooting stars. "

Mikhail Kalashnikov visits the United States (based on true story)

For the first time, the legendary father of the AK-47 visits the United States. On his first day there he goes to a shooting range and meets up with Eugene Stoner, the father of America's M16. They discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each of their creations to which Eugene Says:

"My ...

What can the coronavirus do that the us government can't?

Stop school shootings

I asked my crush out and got rejected. My friend was shot in a school shooting on the same day

Well on the bright side, atleast I wasnt the only one that got shot down.

Would you rather eat a chicken leg or a shooting star?

You'd probably say the chicken, but I'd pick the star... it's a little meteor.

Congratulations, America.

Zero school shootings so far this year.

In the Marines they teach you to run towards the people shooting at you.

In the Army they taught us to shoot back.

When the target range was asked when they would be fully open again

They said they were shooting for the fall

Why is Chewbacca bad at shooting blasters?

He's a Wookie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If a LGBTQ person participates in a drive-by shooting, is that a...

...fruity roll-up?

social distancing is great, public school shootings are down 100%

Unfortunately home school shootings are up 100%

A guy is in a shooting massacre and dies

The man stands before St.Peter at the gates fuming and full of holes in his body and asks “why did God let this happen?” St. Peter replies “You prayed to be more holy.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A panda walks into a bar...

The bartender greets him enthusiastically and says:

« Hey how’s it going? I’ve never had a panda in here before! What can I get you? »

The panda orders a small meal and waits at a table. After a few minutes, the bartender arrives and brings him his food.
The panda eats it and the b...

I'd make a school shooting joke but...

...most of them are already dead

Why do so many children die in school shootings ?

Because they are not allowed to run in the hallway.


Credits: Jimmy Carr

I no longer call it "heading to the shooting range".

Now it's "going out to yeet."

Y'all know what the best part of this quarantine is?

Several months of no school shootings.

A guy goes to a New Year’s Day party. There are hundreds of people, holiday music is playing.

A few groups of people are playing cards. Others are shooting billiards. Yet another group is sitting around a warm fire telling stories. Everyone seems to be having a wonderful time. Realizing he is hungry, the man gets in a large queue and starts chatting with an old friend. After many minutes ...

Putin and Obama meet in Moscow

They're debating the merits fo their respective societies. They argue about moral values and which country is doing better.

Obama: I've heard that all Russian are alcoholics.

Putin: That's a Russophobic myth. I bet there's not a single drunk out in Moscow tonight.

Obama: I don'...

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