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I Got Fired From My Job Jokes

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I got fired from my job today for having sex at work.

My boss reamed me out and I said, "What was I supposed to do, she was just lying there naked!"

He shouted, "The autopsy! The fucking autopsy!"

Then he fired me and called me the worst Veterinarian ever.

I got fired from my job at the sperm bank

My boss didn’t like me saying “Get a load of this guy!” whenever someone walked in the door

I got fired from my job at a bank today

Some elderly lady asked me to check her balance.


So I pushed her over.

I got fired from my job as a masseur.

There wasn't any specific incident, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.



Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.

I got fired from my job at the dollar store

My boss was angry that I consistently gave out the wrong change. Apparently, I lack cents ability.

I got fired from my job as a chef for stealing kitchen equipment.

It's a whisk I was willing to take.

I got fired from my job at the suicide hotline

Apparently they aren't familiar with the reverse psychology approach

I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.

Turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.

I got fired from my job finishing concrete

I can’t even

I got fired from my job as a cashier today...

This customer walked in, picked up something from the counter, walked up to the till and said, "I'd like to pay for a Bagel with Cream Cheese.."

I told him clearly, "I'm sorry sir, we only accept cash or credit"

I got fired from my job as a math teacher

I was supposed to teach the kids what sine divided by cosine was, but I kept going off on a tangent.

I got fired from my job today.

It started when I was looking for a job on a streets, and I found a hiring sign for a car wash that was asking for help from Sign Designers. I decided to apply and they accepted me! The Car Wash I was working for was offering wheel cleanings for $4 dollars for the weekend. So I was asked to make a s...

I got fired from my job at Pepsi

I tested positive for Coke

Once I got fired from my job just because I was eating chips while I was working.

And after that, I couldn't get a job at any of the other casinos either.

My wife left me after I got fired from my job in encryption.

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I got fired from my job at the calendar factory

I got fired from my job at the calendar factory a couple weeks ago, and all I did was take a few days off.

But it's alright, I think I'm going to become a mirror washer.

It's something I can really see myself doing

I got fired from my job at the funeral parlor.

My boss thought "smoking or non smoking?" was an inappropriate way to ask if they wanted cremation.

I got fired from my job for chasing away a stray cat.

Whatever, I never really liked working at the animal shelter anyway.

I got fired from my job at the sperm bank today

Apparently dipping your finger in the sample cup and saying “oh this is spicy I actually asked for mild” is frowned upon

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I got fired from my job just because I'm pansexual.

Who wants to work in a kitchen anyway.

I got fired from my job at the pasta factory

after a fusilli mistakes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from my job at the golf club today, here's how the conversation went.

*"This is not acceptable at all! You're fired!"*, said my boss.

"But sir I-"

*"I'm not hearing any excuses! You put your dick inside the golf ball washer!!? This is not acceptable at all!"* my boss replied.

"I understand sir, I'm really sorry."

*"Good. You may leave at on...

I got fired from my job at the calendar factory

I don’t know why. All I did was take a few days off.

So I got fired from my job last night for being a 'Pervert'

I don't understand why, I'm always hard at work...

I got fired from my job this week, which is ridiculous considering I was putting in 80+ hours of hard work..

...every single year.

I got fired from my job as an animal rights activist

All I said was that sometimes it feels like you’re beating a dead horse when you try to get people to donate

I got fired from my job as a bingo number caller yesterday,

Apparently "dinner for two with a hairy view" wasn't an appropriate way to call out 69.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from my job as a music teacher today

Called a student's house and told his parents, "you know, your son John is pretty good in my class. He reminds me of a young Elvis."

"Oh really? Is he really that gifted in music?"

"No," I replied. "I just found him dead on the toilet."

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I got fired from my job for putting my dick in a dishwasher.

I felt real bad about it, because she got fired too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from my job at a sex shop today.

I kept telling the customers to go fuck themselves!

I got fired from my job today, for helping a client.

Apparently, you aren't supposed to give ideas on how to die, when they call you at Suicide Helpline number.

I got fired from my job at a bank today

Turns out that sperm is only collected from our clients and they don't like when I ask if they're here to make a withdrawal or deposit.

I got fired from my job as a stencil maker.

I guess it just wasn't cut out for me.

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I got fired from my job at the sperm bank. I was just trying to be helpful...

But apparently telling all the patients “It sure takes balls to do what you’re doing” wasn’t appreciated

I got fired from my job of making leaf blowers...

because they all sucked.

I got fired from my Job at Panda Express for forwarding pictures of bad stir fry.

My boss said I should have labeled them Not Safe For Wok

I can't believe I got fired from my job at the DNA testing facility.

After all the blood, sweat, and tears I put in.

So i got fired from my job at the library, today

Apparently the books about womens rights, do not belong at the fantasy department..

I got fired from my job by a jealous manager for breaking too many records.

I'm guessing that the vintage music industry is just not for me...

I got fired from my job because I couldn't add 6 + 4

The position became untenable

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I got fired from my job doing porn...

I had all the dedication in the world but too many times i came in too early.

I got fired from my job as a teacher for sending a student to the office for being tardy

Apparently, it's not acceptable behavior for a special ed teacher

I got fired from my job at a tuna cannery because I came into work dressed as Ironman.

I told them this was who I was now, and they were being Starkist.

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