UPJOKE
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Launched Jokes

Victoria's Secret has launched a revolutionary new bra, "Croatia"

..it has lot's of support but no cup
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Since this year they launched the iPhone 8/X

We'll probably get to see 9/11 next year
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Sylvester Stallone has launched a new range of cakes. I would highly recommend them.

They are the best thing since Sly's bread.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Book launch

Yesterday I launched a book aimed at 7 - 12 years Olds.

I can proudly say, I hit one of the little shits.

A new car has been launched especially for American cowboys

The Audi Partner.
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OnlyFans launched a new step sibling content adult website...

They call it OnlyFams!
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Kim and Kanye’s kid launched a new perfume in her own name.

North—by North West.
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Mongols once launched a naval invasion on Java but failed....

They sucked at C
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Elon Musk has launched a new cologne!

Space-Axe Body Spray™
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What did the Chinese say to Genghis Khan before he launched his invasion?

"What are you doing, steppe bro!?"
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Our company just launched our latest dishwasher on the market,

Luckily, nobody was hurt!
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new washing liquid has been launched

It is marketed as the Best Universal Grit Grime and Effluence Remover. So if Persil won't whiten it and Tide won't brighten it and Dash won't renew it - BUGGER it.

If Canada launched a space shuttle, what would it be called?

Apollo G
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They launched a ride share app for witches...

It's called BroomService
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Disney just launched a Mt. Everest attraction.

You wait in line, then die.
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Did you hear about the ancient Egyptian man that launched a successful stone quarry business?

Turns out it was a pyramid scheme all along.
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When a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a bold proposal:

- Whoever dares to jump, swim to the coast and survive, I'll give you $ 1 million.
No one dared to move for awhile, and then suddenly, a man jumped into the water and desperately swam to the shore while being chased by all the crocodiles.
With enormous luck came, taking everyone's admiration a...
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Two American astronauts are launched to Mars.

Two American astronauts are launched to Mars. When they reach the Martian surface they see a beautiful red-skinned, red-haired woman. Using their language-translation machine, they tell her they are from Earth. They see she is stirring a big pot, and every now and then she pulls a newborn baby from ...
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What do you call a potato that has been launched into space?

The Spudnik
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A new line of Samsung washing machines was launched today

16 injured
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What do you call a nuke that was launched on the 4th of July?

The wrong firework.
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Did you hear about the guy who launched himself in a home-built rocket to attempt to prove the Earth is not a globe?

You could say he became a flat earther.
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They have launched a new marijuana app up here in Canada, but it is very annoying.

It keeps sending you kush notifications.
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Elon Musk launched a cow to the moon. It landed so hard that a quarter of the moon got annihilated.

Moo.
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Despite Putin's recent crackdowns, a new streaming service for banned movies has launched in Russia.

It's called Nyetflix.
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Sting has launched his own range of aromatherapy oils.

They're a massage in a bottle
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What is the difference between the American Revolutionary War and several cows being launched into space?

One was the shot heard around the world and the other is a herd shot around the world.
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¾ of the A-Team have just launched a valiant rescue mission

I heard they were just trying to save Face after their last failure, though.
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The Mafia have decided to get into online crime to keep upto date.

They have just launched a new App called Pay-Up-Pal.
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panties

Captain James T Kirk of Star Trek fame has launched his own range of women’s underwear, the bras are selling well, but it appears that nobody wants to buy a brand of underwear named

“Shatner Panties”.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hotline

Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic. A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you. ...

When I die

I’m going to get put in a rocket and be launched into the moon. That way my descendants can look at the crash site and see the impact I’ve made.
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The Test

After about 1.8 trillion times a planet circled their star, the life-forms that evolved there launched a small craft with an artificial likeness of themselves into orbit. It was done to show that they could and because it amused them. Years later, after they made their planet uninhabitable, they lef...
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