Mongols once launched a naval invasion on Java but failed....

They sucked at C

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Last week I launched a book aimed at 9 to 12 year olds.

I'm proud to say I hit one of the little shits.

When a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a bold proposal:

- Whoever dares to jump, swim to the coast and survive, I'll give you $ 1 million.
No one dared to move for awhile, and then suddenly, a man jumped into the water and desperately swam to the shore while being chased by all the crocodiles.
With enormous luck came, taking everyone's admiration a...

Our company just launched our latest dishwasher on the market,

Luckily, nobody was hurt!

I bumped into an old mate of mine yesterday

I bumped into an old mate yesterday. He immediately started showing off, talking about him being an excellent writter and the book he recently launched.

Continuing to show off, he said, "My book has sold 1000 copies till date."

I said, "And how many copies did you buy?."

He said...

An ice fishing joke never before posted here.

Billy Bob and his family decided to go ice fishing. So they loaded up all their tackle and headed up north and found a lake where they could go ice fishing with a tackle shop nearby in case they needed anything. When they got there the man behind the counter said they'd need ice picks for breaking t...

Elon Musk has launched a new cologne!

Space-Axe Body Spray™

Amazon just launched their new pharmacy service!

They were going to call it Jeff's Benzos, but that name got axed pretty quickly.

Just launched a new product; a corduroy pillow.

It's already making headlines.

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A new washing liquid has been launched

It is marketed as the Best Universal Grit Grime and Effluence Remover. So if Persil won't whiten it and Tide won't brighten it and Dash won't renew it - BUGGER it.

Did you hear about the guy who launched himself in a home-built rocket to attempt to prove the Earth is not a globe?

You could say he became a flat earther.

Victoria's Secret has launched a revolutionary new bra, "Croatia"

..it has lot's of support but no cup

Since this year they launched the iPhone 8/X

We'll probably get to see 9/11 next year

Yesterday, daredevil and flat-earth theorist Mike Hughes launched himself in a homemade rocket to prove for himself the Earth was flat.

Once he got high enough to see far along the horizon, he noticed his parachute had fallen off.
Nevertheless, the view made him realize all his beliefs ideals were crashing down.

Elon Musk launched a cow to the moon. It landed so hard that a quarter of the moon got annihilated.

Moo.

They launched a ride share app for witches...

It's called BroomService

Did you hear about the ancient Egyptian man that launched a successful stone quarry business?

Turns out it was a pyramid scheme all along.

Europeans have been testing aircraft engines against bird strikes for a long while, using a cannon which launched (deceased, obviously) chickens at the aeroplane.

Eventually, the Americans decided they needed to test their engines tbe same way. So they brought a device over and started testing. No matter how resilient they made the engines, they always failed. After months of testing, they gave up and sent for a European engineer to advise on what wad wrong.<...

If Canada launched a space shuttle, what would it be called?

Apollo G

When I die

I’m going to get put in a rocket and be launched into the moon. That way my descendants can look at the crash site and see the impact I’ve made.

What do you call a nuke that was launched on the 4th of July?

The wrong firework.

Disney just launched a Mt. Everest attraction.

You wait in line, then die.

What do you call a potato that has been launched into space?

The Spudnik

They have launched a new marijuana app up here in Canada, but it is very annoying.

It keeps sending you kush notifications.

Despite Putin's recent crackdowns, a new streaming service for banned movies has launched in Russia.

It's called Nyetflix.

A new line of Samsung washing machines was launched today

16 injured

Two American astronauts are launched to Mars.

Two American astronauts are launched to Mars. When they reach the Martian surface they see a beautiful red-skinned, red-haired woman. Using their language-translation machine, they tell her they are from Earth. They see she is stirring a big pot, and every now and then she pulls a newborn baby from ...

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Trump's new Secretary of Defence decided the first thing he would do would be..

Trump's new Secretary of Defence decided his first action would be to order a test of how US Air Force planes would hold up in case of a bird-hit. He gave his brother-in-law's poultry business a contract to shoot birds at huge speeds at the latest F-35 at 1,000km/hr. Everyone expected the chicken t...

What is the difference between the American Revolutionary War and several cows being launched into space?

One was the shot heard around the world and the other is a herd shot around the world.

A farmer has 3 bulls and 200 cows

One of the bulls is large and has 100 cows to himself. The second bull is medium sized and has 70 cows. The third bull is small and has 30 cows.

One day the farmer gets another bull.

The large bull says, “I don’t care how big he is, he’s not getting a single one of my cows.” The medium...

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Hellen of troy, the face that launched a thousand ships...

...And the ass that docked them.

Helen of Troy had the face that launched 1000 ships

Hillary Clinton has the face that launched a Trump presidency.

¾ of the A-Team have just launched a valiant rescue mission

I heard they were just trying to save Face after their last failure, though.

Sting has launched his own range of aromatherapy oils.

They're a massage in a bottle

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The tale of how I was Knighted by the Queen

For as long as I can remember, I have had the ability to do these mind-blowing poses as I ejaculate. I became so famous for this ability, that I was asked to perform for the Queen. Needless to say, I was incredibly honoured and excited! And a bit nervous. So they flew me out to England and I was pra...

A baby turtle...

...was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb.


About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end. He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch. On landing at the bottom in a pile of soft, d...

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A bus full of nuns is driving through the Italian Alps...

When all of a sudden the driver misses a turn and the bus is launched of the edge of the cliff, rolls down the side of the mountain and explodes in a spectacular ball of flames.

A few moments later, St. Peter, who was expecting an easy day, found himself faced with 50 newly deceased and quite...

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"Grandpa, tell the story again when you broke a duck's neck with your erection at your brother's wedding!"

Well, children, the year was 1922. I had nothing more than a flatcap, a shovel, and my favorite pint glass to my name. It was around the time where cars were a brand new luxury and a lass would let you put a thumb in her bum just to honk the horn. Well as luck would have it, I was out peat poaching ...

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So this redneck is walking in the park when he sees his friend Joe.

Joe is crying his eyes out so the redneck walks up and says why are you crying. And Joe is like, my father died. And the redneck starts weeping bitter tears himself and he is like omg I'm so sorry how did he die.

And so Joe says, my father fell asleep on his armchair while the fire in the hea...

Ted Kaczynski was a philanthropist.

He launched a letter-writing campaign to support Borders Without Doctors.

What’s the difference between outer space and a Palestinian child?

Less rockets were launched into space.

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