UPJOKE
overloadfreightcargoburdenweightreloadshipmentload upfillchargeladenstretchloadingoverburdensurcharge

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a full bar with a loaded gun. He shouts “Who here has been fucking my wife!?”

Everyone in the bar is quiet for a bit, until the bartender says “Mate, you don’t have enough bullets.”

400 passengers but only 200 meals were loaded onto a flight from Delhi to New York City (long)

It was only discovered after take off, when the flight attendants started going through their preparations for the meals. So, the airline had bungled, and the crew was in a fix. However, one smart flight attendant had an idea.

A couple of hours into the flight she nervously announced, 'Ladie...

John decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Keith, so they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard, so they pulled into a nearby farm...

...and asked the attractive lady who answered the door, if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed." she explained. "And I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did The Magic Flute opera singer say when his son asked him whether his putting on a costume loaded with feathers meant that he was a homosexual?

Papa gay? No!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A truck driver and his pet parrot are hauling a load of chickens

When all of a sudden he stops to pick up an attractive hitchhiker. He swings the door open and asks, "You want a lift?" She tells him "yes! Omg thank you!" As she starts to climb on in. When the parrot exclaims, "wanna fuck?" Which she stutters, "N-nnno." The parrot screeches, "No fuck! No ride!...

My team had to play a football game on a pitch that was littered with loads of stones and gravel.

Luckily we still won on aggregate.

Bought loads of herbs last month still haven't paid for them.

Hope they don't send the bay leafs round.

A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford "The materials we put into our stomach should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High transfat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But... There is one thing that is the more dangerous to all us...

A mom was cleaning her son’s bedroom when she found a load of serious bondage gear & fetish mags.

She asked her husband: “What do we do?” Husband said: “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t spank him!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trucker is hauling a load of bowling balls to New York

A truck driver is hauling a load of black bowling balls to New York. He sees two chimpanzees riding bicycles on the side of the road so he stops to give them a lift. He doesn’t have room in the cab so he puts them and the bikes in the tractor trailer.

While driving through a rural town he is...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Load of balls

While holidaying in southern Spain a man visits a local restaurant – where he sees a diner happily wolfing down two large pink objects. ‘I’ll have those, please,’ he tells the waiter.

‘I’m sorry, Senor,’ comes the reply, ‘but they are cojones – the testicles of the bull killed in the local bu...

What do you call a machine gun loaded with tranquilizers?

A Snuzi

Losing his load

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the t...

The US Marines, Delta Force and the Harris County Sheriff's Department are on one of those team building weekends out in the woods.

The US Marines, Delta Force and the Harris County Sheriff's Department are on one of those team building weekends out in the woods.

First night and the instructor says "Right guys. First night out in the woods! Your first test is to go catch your dinner. I want each team to go out and catch a...

I saw down a side alley a load of epileptics gathered in a circle, watching two others shaking in the middle together. I asked one of them, 'What the hell is going on?'

He said, 'First rule of fit club is, you do not talk about fit club'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone’s belly button when you shoot a load into it?

A kiddie pool

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say that women love a man in uniform.

I think that's fucking a load of crap.

I've been out clubbing in my McDonalds uniform for the last three nights and I haven't had any success.

Paddy was waiting at the bus stop with his mate when a lorry went by loaded up with rolls of turf.

Paddy said, 'I gonna do that when I win da lottery.'

'What's dat,' says his mate.

'Send me lawn away to be cut.'

Did you know?

Did you know that a sperm cell contains 35.75 MB of data. Making a load contain about 16TB

Yes i know, thats alot of information to swallow.

A girl told me to blow my load on her face...

But when I tried, it just dribbled out and she started laughing.

I said "Hey! Don't make fun of my shortcomings."

if school was a game, there would be loading screen tips reminding you to

stay behind cover and only move when the enemy is reloading

Dropping a load on the washer

Has a totally different meaning if you have an appliance fetish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Out with the girls...

The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls.

I told my husband that I would be home by midnight and even did a pinkie swear.

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband and wife decide to make a password for sex...

... they decide on a 'washing machine'.

Later in bed, that night husband says, "Washing machine."

Wife replies, "Not tonight darling I have a sore head."

Half an hour passes and she feels guilty so she says, "Washing machine."

Husband replies,

"Too late, it was on...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day at the end of class, Little Johnny’s teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with a moral of the story

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story.

The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.

Little Suzy raises her hand.

“My dad owns a farm...

I treat every day like I'm running a marathon tomorrow...

I load up on carbs, rest and don't run.

I got fired from my job at the sperm bank

My boss didn’t like me saying “Get a load of this guy!” whenever someone walked in the door

Family vacation

A family of five is going on vacation. They've rented an RV for the cross country trip.
They loaded the RV with household items, clothing, recreational gear, pets and food. Off they go!

The car crashes into a brick wall minutes after starting the journey. Everyone is killed except the pet ...

The Old Man and the Burdensome Load

An old man was tasked with carrying a bundle of sticks from his home to the next town over, and it was a terrible task. The bundle was very heavy, and the journey was many miles through harsh terrain. After many days, he could bear it no longer. His feet were blistered, his throat was dry, and he wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bricklayer has an accident at work and is being investigated, as the insurance company doesn't believe his injuries are real. They demand that he send them a description of the accident.

So he writes:

"I'm a bricklayer by trade. I had finished building the guard rail on the roof of the building. I use a barrel and pulley system to raise supplies up to the roof, and loaded the barrel up with the leftover bricks and my tools, weighing approximately 300 lbs, and then went below ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two American business men in the 1980s are visiting Tokyo, Japan to make a business deal with an electronics company

Sadly the CEO (Mr. Yamoto) had an unexpected issue to deal with at one of his factories and couldn't see the men that day, but had his COO (Mr. Hagino) not only invite the two Americans to join them for a round of golf the next day to discuss business, but also to show them around and keep them ent...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 students at a high school get into trouble and are put on detention after school.

But instead of just sitting in a classroom they are tasked with helping the school Janitor clean the school basement.

So they set about clearing the basement. They find loads of old junk, which had accumulated over the 80 years the school had been open.

After about an hour of movi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The sheep Farmer

A Welsh man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.
After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.
The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but...

A redneck woman goes into a store to get a new washing machine

The salesman, eager to score some commission, snaps into his pitch with a broad smile; "We can load it up and send it over to your house today, and you won't pay anything for six months!"

The woman suddenly gets angry and says, "Who the hell told you about me?!"

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyses, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astou...

What the difference between your mom and washing machine

The washing machine doesn’t get clingy after I drop a load in it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cain, son of Adam, had a shit load of responsibilities.

Aside from being a farmer Cain was supposed to murder his brother and do a whole slew of other shit so that future generations could learn from his mistakes. The lord felt pity for Cain’s workload and assigned another human to shoulder some of the load. He called him co-cain. Co-cain helped him get ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Karate Dog

A man walks into an exotic pet shop and is surrounded by animals he would not consider as normal pets: foxes, tigers, tarantulas, monkeys. He sees a dog in a crate in the corner.

He asks the shop owner, "why is there a regular dog in an exotic pet shop?"

The owner replies, "it's actual...

A pair of hunters went moose hunting and chartered a small plane to carry them.

At the end of the day, they had bagged six moose and were abou to load them in the plane.

The pilot disagreed with them, saying the plane could only take four safely.

The hunters argued, saying that last year, the pilot had allowed them to carry all six onboard on the same plane.
...

Jeremy Clarkson on the farm.

After a disastrous first year on the farm Jeremy Clarkson hatches a new plan and gets ten sows and a hog to make lots of piglets.
He calls the vet and asks for any help and what to look for. The old vet tells him if the hog has been successful the sows will be asleep on their backs with all for ...

I wont let the load of one small murder weigh me down...

... because I'm a mass murderer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a really old race horse today.

I called him My Face.

I don't care if he doesn't win,

I just want to hear a load of posh fuckers shouting "Come on My Face."

Two fish were in a tank. One turns to the other and says...

I can't believe the Russian navy were so incompetent as to let a ship load of these just sink down here.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Moth Walks Into a Podiatrist's Office

And the podiatrist’s office says, “What seems to be the problem, moth?”

The moth says “What’s the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t even know if Gregory Illinivich knows...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop,

Or Finding Out He Was In All Of Them

How do crustaceans bulk up?

They crab load.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest and a pretty nun ride the bus home….

The priest approaches the nun and says “excuse me sister of the cloth, I don’t suppose you would give me a blowjob?”

Shocked, the nun replies “father, I cannot, I am devoted to god and my body belongs to him and him alone”

She hurries off the bus in disgust.

The bus arrives at t...

What's the difference between the Toronto Maple Leafs and a sperm donor?

One blows leads, the other blows loads

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The doctor says, "I have this great new machine that's coming in tomorrow. You give me a urine sample and the machine will diagnose exactly what's wrong with you. Bring me a sample tomorrow and we'll run it through."

Ron thinks this is a load of crap so he decides to play a trick on the doctor. He collects urine samples from his wife, his teenage daughter, his young son, and his dog, and finally, jerks off into the vial. He takes it to the doctor and can hardly contain his smirk when the doctor pours it in the m...

What's a single spagetti between loads of macarroni?

An...

















ImPASTAr

A truck loaded with Worcestershire sauce is driving through Saskatoon, Saskatchewan when it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.

The truck then careens down the road and hits a car from Massachusetts, injuring the two otorhinolaryngologists inside.

A bystander quickly calls to report the accident on his Huawei.

The emergency operator asks the bystander, "What happened?"

"It's hard to say."
.
. ...

My wife is an economist and I am an engineer.

I was watching my wife make her breakfast one morning, and noticed that she made way too many trips to get each of the items she needed. So I said in my best engineer voice, “Hey sweetheart, why don’t you utilize the load maximization principle and carry all the items you need in one trip, thereby ...

A nun, badly in need of a restroom, walked into a local hooters. The place was hopping with music and load conversations and every once in a while, the lights would go out.

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt in cheers.

The nun walked up to the bartender and asked, “may I please use the restroom?”

The bartender replied, “OK, but I must warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.”

“Well, in ...

The Irish Stevedore

A diminutive native of Ireland applied at the wharf for work as a stevedore. He was only about five feet in height, and the foreman was dubious.

“We’re loading 300-pound anvils onto that boat, and a little chap like you couldn’t handle them,” he said. “Try me, “ answered Pat.
So the fore...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

That new program on netflix about subliminal persuasion and mind control is a load of boring shit.

Turned it off after just five seasons.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a brothel

A man walks into a brothel and the prostitute says, “You look familiar; have I seen you before”? To which he responds, “Yes! I’ve came here loads of times”.

Two ships collided. One was carrying a load of red paint, and the other a load of blue paint.

All the passengers were marooned.

A guy walks into a bar with a fully loaded AK47

He yelled 'Which one of you slept with my wife last night?'

There was pin-drop silence for 10 seconds before a guy at the back said 'Mate you're gonna need more bullets than that'

What’s the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?

A washing machine won’t follow you around for a week after you put a load in it

(Thank you for the award!)

Thanksgiving An old couple had been married for 50 years. Every morning (without fail) the man produced a massive fart when he got out of bed and then laughed like a madman.

Also every morning, his wife would admonish him: "One of these days you're going to fart your guts out."

It's Thanksgiving morning. The old man is sleeping in and the old lady is in the initial steps of preparing the turkey. While she has a handful of turkey innards, she gets an idea:

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family is driving behind a garbage truck...

The truck drives over a hump, the load is shifted and a huge pink dildo falls out, bounces on the road and straight into the windshield of the car, off the hood and into the side of the road.

Shaken, the little girl in the back says "what was that??"

Mom says "Oh, that was just a beetl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hi Lads.

Iv'e got a load of Victoria Secret Bra sets just arrived which will make a lovely Christmas present.

If you can send me a picture of your wife's tits, I'll let you know if I have any that will fit.

Merry Christmas..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian soldier is assigned to the training exercise

A Russian soldier is assigned to a squad near the front of the training exercise to replace a fallen komrat. He is warned that the training is hard with many death, and the squad members are a bit excentric, so he should just try to fit in.


He arrives to a camp of about 10 men and a cou...

I can't afford a nice t.v.

So, I just smoke a load of weed and read the dictionary.

HIGH DEFINITION.

There are loads of jokes about white sugar, but the ones about brown sugar…

demerara

I went for an audition at a talent agency today.

They asked "so what's your special talent?"

I said "I do bird impressions!"

They said "sorry, that’s not original we have had loads of them!"

I said "fair enough!!"...
and flew out the window.

“Trojan” isn’t a good name for a condom.

Didn’t the real Trojan horse burst and loads of little guys came pouring out of it?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two removal men are moving expensive vases

The old removal man is training up the young one but the young one seems a little stupid.

The old man is loading a vase into the back of the van when he hears a smash next to him. He looks over and sees a broken vase and the young man staring at a woman.

The old man says "what the hell...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard the one about the fly?

There was a fly, and he was flying about 4 inches above this stream.

Well in the stream there was this Trout, the Trout was thinking to himself, " Man, if that fly dropped down about 4 inches I could grab that little shit and have myself a nice little snack. "

Well, what the Trout di...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter . . .

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. Bu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Big Mean Steve

There's a boom town out in the desert in the old west.

One day word starts going around that Big Mean Steve's coming. All the shopkeepers start boarding up their windows and half the town starts loading up their wagons. They ask each other, "You sticking around?" "Hell no, Big Mean Steve's co...

Sean Connery had a load of books fall on his head, thanks to dodgy DIY

He has only his shelf to blame

My gaming friends told me if I posted here today I'd get loads of upvotes...

But the cake is a lie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Women should think of the Penis like they should cars. They should be able to get from A to B on a daily basis, as safe and efficiently as possible, be easy to park in the garage without using the mirrors, and come with a load of kids if needed.

That being said, it is also nice to get a big black stretch limo for her birthday to make her feel special.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As I get older many of my buddies are now getting married. As I am still single loads of people keep telling how my friends and friendships will change once they get married...

So far I disagree with this sentiment, I am still close friends with all of my buddies, even after they’ve been married for years and years.



But I can say without a doubt that my friends really do change as soon as they become Dads, they immediately become real motherfuckers!

Speeding

**Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit. A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over. The cop says to the man, "Are you aware of how fast you were going?"**


**The man replies, "Yes I am. I'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in."**
...

A woman hears a noise late at night and sees someone in her shed when she looks out the window

She calls the police and reports a prowler. They say they will send an officer to investigate. Twenty minutes later the police have not shown up and the man is now loading items he is stealing into a van parked in the driveway. She calls the police back and asks where the cops are.

The dispa...

A fully loaded tractor-trailer carrying 80,000 pounds of Tylenol skidded off an icy bridge, and ended up in the mighty Mississippi.

...Resulting in river failure.

What's big, black and loaded with aids?

A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

I know a bit early but .....,

A Little Christmas Story

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce
toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the
per-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which
stressed Santa even more...

What do you call it when you bust a load on a librarian’s face?

Book-kake

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why women make better assassins....

The CIA had an opening for an assassin.

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were three finalists: two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you...

A guy wanted to have a drink on a train and needed some ice.

A guy wanted to have a drink on a train and needed some ice. He asked the coach attendant if some ice could be arranged.

The attendant explained train didn't have a kitchen since the food that was served was prepared elsewhere and loaded onto the train before departure.

The guy was ad...

The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth.

In the piece, there’s about a 20 min long passage during which the double basses have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick drink. After slamming several beers in quick succession (...

A guy gets pulled over for speeding

The cop comes up to his car, the guy rolls his window down

The cop says “can I see your license and registration?”

The guy responds, “well the thing is officer, my registration is in my glove box. But also in my glove box is a loaded pistol that I just used to kill a woman who’s body i...

3 people are interviewing for a job at the CIA

All 3 have interviewed and performed extremely well and it's time for their final test. They arrive and see a door leading into a sound proof room.

"Enter the room, read the note card, and carry out your orders" the interviewing agent says.

The first applicant enters the room, closes t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Purina Dog Food diet

Yesterday, I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Chew-Barka, the wonder dog, at Wal-Mart and was about to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? Since I'm retired, with little to do, I told her that No, I didn't have a dog, and that...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A moth walks into a podiatriats office

The podiatrist says, "What seems to be the problem today?"

Moth says, "What seems to be the problem? Where do I begin?!

"I slave away all day at a job I hate and barely bring home enough to pay the bills. I'm going to have to get a second job just to keep the lights on. I don't even kn...

I called my friend and told him I put a load in his dishwasher

I also told him she wants him to clean his room

A man, his sheep and his Vet girlfriend…

Farmer Sam is tending to his flock and notices one of his sheep is bumping into things in a clumsy manner.

He inspects the sheep and can’t find any reasonable explanation for the sudden lack of coordination.

Fortunately, Farmer Sam has recently started dating Veronica, who happens to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very well. You won't recognise the house when you get home - because we have moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from you...

When John Kerry was running for Vice President he told Drew and Jim to load his baggage onto his plane until he got back. Then he forgot about them.

The Carey's carry on carrying on Kerry's carry-ons.

My wife was happy when I told her a put a load in the dishwasher...

Until 9 months later when Consuela's baby came out looking just like me!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard my neighbour the other night through the party wall..

Shagging for what seemed like ages. Loads of moaning, groaning, the headboard banging against the wall. It seemed to go on for hours.

It turns out it was her elderly Mom had taken a fall and was banging on the wall with her stick to attract attention.

I feel a bit guilty about the wa...

Went to the doctors the other day and said ‘ I’m having loads of trouble hearing people when they speak’

Doctor said ‘ right ok. Can you describe the symptoms?’
I said ‘yeah Marge has blue hair and homer is a fat bloke’

A very rich man is having a very big party on the hottest day of the year

The party features a full big band performance and an open bar. In order to fight the extreme heat, the party is littered with large fans running full blast, inadvertantly causing the musicians to tie the sheet music down to their music stands to prevent them from blowing away. Meanwhile, the bass s...

A bus load of Senior citizens were traveling to a casino. Halfway into the trip, a little old lady walked up to the front of the bus and told the driver they had a pervert on the bus.

The driver told her he would check it out at the Casino. So she went back to her seat and sat down. Five minutes later a second little old lady walked to the front of the bus and told the driver they had a pervert on the bus ... Since this was the second complaint in five minutes, he thought he had ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a casino with some friends

He places some bets on the roulette but can't win a single one. After all the unfortunate bets, he's about to leave but sees how one of his friends comes after him with loads of chips.

-Man, I won big time!

-I can see! -says the man- Tell me, how did you do it? I've not won...

A guy is wandering the desert, he knows death is close....

He has loads of water, but no food. None. It's been so long he can hardly remember what food looks like. The hunger pain is real. Starvation death looms over him.

As he stumbles along through the sand, the sun eroding the last of his energy he sees something in the distance. An oasis and with...

Somebody just threw a load of Omega 3 pills at me...

Don't worry though, I only suffered super fish oil injuries..

A man in the gulag

He heard about the world chess championship match ended recently, but no one there knows the result. When a load of new prisoners arrived, he asked one of them:
- Do you know the result of the world champion match?
- Yes, I lost

An armed masked man bursts into a bank yelling "EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS UP, THIS IS A ROBBERY!"

The patrons and staff, terrified, comply.


He's loading up his sack with cash when his mask slips off. He quickly pulls it back up and sees two guys who may have seen his face. He points his gun at the first.


"Did you see my face?"


"Yes"


BANG, he sh...

I'm fine..

A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.

'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor?
Paddy responded: 'Well,...

Apparently the police have been going to a load of house parties as lockdown rules are getting implemented.

Ridiculous, one rule for us and another for them.

A cattle buyer goes on his annual hunting trip

A cattle buyer and his buddy decide to go on their annual hunting trip in the wilds of Canada. They always went pretty far out from civilization to hunt moose and had to hire a small Cessna and pilot to take them out so far. Contracting a guy, they fly out and booth shoot and kill the limit, a moose...

What do you do if you put a load in the dishwasher that's too big?

Pray she makes it to the bathroom rather than drip on the bed.

Last September my wife asked me to put a load in the dishwasher.

So long story short, happy fathers day to me.

A truck loaded with Vicks Vaporub overturned on the highway

Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours

I know absolutely LOADS about the Dunning-Krueger effect

I probably know even more than Mr Dunning-Krueger himself

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bus full of Catholics and a coach load of Jews all arrive at the same church

There was mass confusion.

I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past.

It was a bit choppy.

So I've been watching Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmare clips, but one video wouldn't load

There was a problem with the server

Greatest truck driver in the world - mild nsfw

Frank was the greatest truck driver in the world, he could take that truck places that shouldn't be possible.

One night Frank, who had been driving for a solid shift, found himself on an unfamiliar stretch of road. It had been a wet day and the fog was rolling in, making it impossible to see ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar with a loaded six-shot revolver. He yells: "Which one of you bastards slept with my sister?"

One man laughs and replies: "You ain't got enough bullets!"

My mom told me to load the dish washer.

So I got her pregnant.

Two old ladies go to a baseball game with a jug of whiskey. Name the inning and number of players on the bases.

Bottom of the fifth, bags are loaded.

I always keep a loaded gun on my night stand in case there’s an intruder

That way, I can shoot myself to avoid meeting new people.

What does a man strapping down a load in his truck and this joke have in common?

You look at it and say, “That’s not going anywhere.”

I just swallowed a load of scrabble tiles

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster!

I moved her panties to the side as I dumped my huge load of white...

clothes into the washing machine.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.