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Head Nurse Jokes

How can you tell the head nurse in a hospital?

She’s got the dirtiest knees

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A doctor is making his rounds around the hospital and stops to talk to the head nurse.

The nurse says, "By the way, Doctor, do you know there's a thermometer behind your ear?"

"Great," said the doctor. "Some asshole has my pen."

What do you call the Imodium the head nurse at Hogwarts gives you?

Defense Against the Dark Farts

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The head nurse asked the Doctor to sign a form.

He pulls out what he thinks is a pen and tries to sign the form.
Doctor ,says the nurse...what are you doing??? that's a rectal thermometer?
Oh shit, he says... some assholes got my pen.

What do you call the nurse who’s knees are always dirty when she leaves the doctors private office?

Head nurse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A proctologist loses his watch:

A proctologist loses his watch, but can't figure out which patient he lost it in. His head nurse tells him to call his recent patients in for a re-examination.

After the 4th patient shows up, the nurse turns to the doctor and says "it's him. He's got your watch."

The proctologist says ...

Four Men are waiting outside the maternity ward...

The ward was extremely busy, so all the husbands were asked to wait in the waiting area. A short time later, the head nurse comes out, walks up to the first guy, and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”

“That’s so weird!" answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”
<...

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out....

In the hospital, I asked the charge nurse for a phone charger - she was very offended.

Don't even get me started on the reaction from the head nurse.

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What do we do with this baby?

There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him.

Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong. The head...

Importance

A bigshot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. S...

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The administrator of a hospital is getting a tour of the new wing.

They walk into a room and see a man masturbating furiously.

"What's the meaning of this!?" thunders the administrator.

The head nurse explains "This man has a serious prostate condition, sir. it is very important that he ejaculates 6 times a day."

"Oh - so sorry, excuse us!" sa...

Honest Mistake.

One night the heating in a hospital ward was accidentally turned off and as a result a few patients suffered hypothermia and ended up in intensive care. The next day..........

Head Nurse: Why did no one realise that the patients were freezing?, the people in the ward were old and infirm, they...

A man is being examined by his doctor.

He hears a voice down the hall, yelling.
"Polio! Diphtheria! Measles! Chicken pox!"
Alarmed, he asks his doctor what's going on.
"Don't worry," the doctor says. "That's just our head nurse. She likes to call the shots around here."

A woman gets home from the hospital.

She is walking slowly into the house so her husband asks if she is okay. " NO! my knees hurt and my jaw is sore." Her husband looks at her and says " I hate to say I told you so, but I told you not to take the job as Head nurse."

Cynthia Wong is giving birth at her local hospital...

...that her and her husband Vincent helped to build with their generous donations over the past few years. After a brief hello with his new mom, the newborn boy is taken off to the maternity ward.

After a while, the dad takes a stroll over to the ward to see his new son through the glass, but...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grandma and granddaughter

A grandma from a unnamed county was talking to her granddaughter about the insane progress made in the medicine field:

"When I was 20 years old the doctor, the head nurse, the doctor on duty, the emergency doctor, the paramedic and his asistant, the cleaning staff and even the doorman from th...

Two guys in a insane asylum...

There are two guys in an insane asylum,one is name John and the other is name Matt. John was going for a swim in the pool and begins to drown and Matt jumps in to save him. Matt gets John out of the water and the orderlies take John back to his room. Later that day the head nurse comes up to Matt an...

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