An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs.

The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."

"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.

He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."

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What do pornstars and dentist have in common?

They both work in peoples mouths

My dentist told me "This might hurt a little bit. Are you ready?"

I said "Yes, I'm ready."

He said "I'm sleeping with your wife."

A lady goes to the dentist...

... he looks in her mouth and says "that tooth needs to come out".

She says "oh no I'd rather have a baby than have a tooth pulled!!"

He says "ok but make up your mind I need to adjust the chair"

My dentist was voted "Dentist Of The Year"....

He didn't get a trophy, they just gave him a little plaque.

How do dentists pay for their lawyers?

Retainers

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After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Mark remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide.The dentist ...

Dentist always dumb questions like “when’s the last time you flossed?”

Like bro you were there wtf

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I went to see a dentist.

After examining my mouth: "There's something wrong with your taste bud."


"What is it?" I asked.

He said, "Well, for a first, those shoes are fucking hideous."

What is it called when a dentist makes a mistake?

Accidental

I used to date a dentist.

She had the whitest teeth I ever came across.

Why did the apple pie go to the dentist?

Because it needed a filling!

The house I live in used to be owned by one of the worlds most famous dentists

To commemorate this there is no Plaque

What’s the best time of day to see the dentist?

Tooth hurty

What would we call a stone carving dedicated to the dentists of the world?

Mount Brushmore

My Dentist asked me when’s the last time I flossed

Me: Oh don’t you remember? You were there!

Why do dentists never lie

Because the tooth always comes out

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A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled The dentist pulls out the novocaine freezing needle to inject the man. “No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.

“I can’t do the gas thing – the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!”

The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.

“No,” the patient says, “I am fine with pills.”...

Why do liberals hate dentists?

Because dentists make teeth straight and white.

a graphic designer, an astrophysicist, a dentist and an electrician walk into a bar

it was queen and they were playing their first gig

What do dentists call their x-rays?

Tooth pics!

Dentist: "This is going to hurt a bit. Ready?"

Me, shutting my eyes, dreading this moment: "Yes, ready."

Dentist: "That will be $700 please."

A guy walks into a dentist’s office ,

And says, “I think I’m a moth.”

The dentist replies “You shouldn’t be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist…”

The guys replies, “I am seeing a psychiatrist.”

The dentist says, “Well then what are you doing here?”

And the guy says, “Your light was on.”

What did the dentist say to his girlfriend?

"You have the nicest teeth I've ever come across"

I went to a new Dentist to get some dental work done.

He said he's going to put me under and I'll feel a small prick in my mouth.

This experience left a bad taste in my mouth.

What does mike Tyson wear to the dentist?

A teeth hurt

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I finally got to go to the dentist for the first time since the pandemic started…

The doctor was shocked at how clean my teeth were but said my breath smelled like shit and he couldn’t figure out why.

He asked if I’d been brushing regularly and I said yes.

He asked if I flossed regularly and I said as much as I normally do.

He asked if I changed my diet an...

After earning his DDS; a dentist went and opened up his own practice.

He became widely known for his amazing skills, and was highly praised + recommended by every patient he ever had. One year; he was nominated for (and won) a prestigious medical award. Inscribed upon its ornate surface was his name and the specific honor: “Global Recognition of Outstanding Surgical S...

What's a dentist's favorite subject?

Calculus.

What is a dentist's favourite time?

The Restoration

My dentist gives me a new toothbrush every check up which is nice because I save them for when a lady stays the night.

So far I have about a dozen of them saved up.

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Husband & Wife Negotiating the “Nudge”

Husband and Wife are laying in bed. The husband rolls over and gives his wife the nudge. She says, not tonight honey. No sex tonight. I have a gynecologist appointment in the morning. I will make it up to you.
The husband agrees and rolls back over. A few minutes pass and the husband roll...

What time does the Asian dentist schedule their appointments?

She doesn't: the office staff schedule them on her behalf at different times throughout the day.

The dentist asks, "What kind of filling do you want?"

The child answers, "Chocolate!"

The dentist

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Went and had a cavity fixed this morning," the guy tells the bartender. "But it wasn't my usual dentist. Just some guy filling in."

While on the run from the cops, Peter hid in a dentist's office.

Seeing that the dentist left for a break, he quickly donned the uniform to avoid getting caught. Soon after, a man entered the office for his appointment. Peter knew nothing about dentistry but he was in too deep to bail.

The client said, "I have a problem with my cavity."

Peter, tryi...

Joke told by my 8 years old niece: At what time do most people go to the dentist?

Tooth hurty

When my dentist reminded me about my husband’s sensitive gag reflex, we laughed and laughed and laughed about it for a while, but then it hit me....

We have different dentists...

My dentist was cleaning my teeth and told me to open up more.

I told him I hadn’t seen my father in three years.

What do you call a bad dentist?

And Awfuldontist

My dentist asked me how long it had been since I flossed

I said “you should know that, you were there”.

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A joke from my grandfather who was a dentist for 40 years

How do you know that the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?

Because everywhere else it would be a teethbrush.

The local dentist received an award for being the best dentist in town. Know what they gave him?

A little plaque.

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A man with a bad toothache visits his dentist

The dentist tells him that he has a cavity that is severely infected and that he will need to get the tooth pulled.

The man says that he will think about it and goes back home. He tells his wife that he doesn’t want to undertake the dental procedure until after the holidays and that he will ...

What's something a dentist can say but a gynecologist cannot?

I'm a dentist.


EDIT: Do not read the comments they are not very appropriate.

EDIT 2: Okay people seem to be making a different type of joke to my prompt so I've decided to attach an alternate version: >!I'm not a gynecologist.!<

EDIT 3: This post wouldn't have had to b...

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My grandad sent me this

Enjoy the fun & the pun.



Q: Can February March?

A: No. But April May!



Q: Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalised?

A: Reports say it was due to too many strokes!



Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter?

A: I better ...

A dentist looks into a patient's mouth and says, "That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen. That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen."

"I heard you the first time," says the patient. "You didn't need to say it the second time."

"I didn't," says the dentist. "That was my echo."

A dentist graduated from Hogwarts...

He’s now known as the “Wizard of Aahhhs”

My dentist told me to open up

I told him I often have trouble putting people's words into context.

He said he can tell.

How did the dentist become a brain surgeon?

The drill slipped.

I was at the dentist the other day

Dentist: this is going to hurt a little

Me: it’s ok i’m ready

Dentist: i’ve been sleeping with your mom

A woman walked into the dentist's clinic very nervously and said, "I'm scared. I'd rather have a baby than get a tooth pulled out."

"Fine with me," said the dentist, "but I'll have to adjust the chair."

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My wife said, “My gynecologist said I can’t have sex for six weeks”

I asked her….


“What did your dentist say?”

My dentist removed the wrong tooth.

It was accidental.

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A man invites some of his fetish club over for breakfast....

They are catching up on life and swapping stories about work, their grandkids’ birthdays, their recent stock market fortunes, and so on, when the subject of what they’re most proud of comes up.


Gerald, a 35 year old dentist, proudly exclaims, “Of everyone here, I by far, have the larges...

What is the difference between a philosopher and a dentist?

A dentist helps you solve *molar* dilemmas

Dentist: "You need a crown."

Me:”Finally, someone who understands me."

Why did the queen go to the dentist?

She had severe gingivitis.

I fell in love with a Dentist, she broke up with me.

Now my heart has a cavity no one can fill.

My dentist told me I'm right on the brink of having tooth decay

He said the situation was precarious.

A local dentist was arrested recently for dealing drugs, came as a huge surprise for me ...

I’d been going to him for 6 years and never knew he was a dentist

What did the Dentist say when he was being prosecuted in court?

YOU CANT HANDLE THE TOOTH!!!!!!

Why did the dentist give his patient another shot of anesthesia?

He wanted to get her number.

I've been to the dentist a few times before,

so I know the drill.

What will the Monster eat after the Dentist pulled out his teeth?

The Dentist

I went to the dentist and they said I need a crown,

I thought "recognition at last"

My dentist said my teeth were stained and then asked me "Do you smoke or drink coffee?"

I said ... "I drink it"

Why’d the iPad go to the dentist

Cuz it had a blue tooth.

Why does TSA like to hire dentists as supervisors?

They are already experts in performing cavity searches.

I hold my boyfriend and my dentist to the same standard...

They're not allowed to ask me open ended questions when they're in my mouth.

What time of day makes dentists the most money?

When it's 2:30.

My Tounge during a dentist appointment is a lot like my life: I have no clue what to do with it

Original Joke

What will the dentist give you for $1?

Buck teeth!

Three guys just met and they have a conversation about different sorts of paste

The first guy says: "I know everything about tomato paste, because I own an Italian restaurant."

The second guy says: "I know everything about toothpaste, because I am a dentist."

The third guy says: "I know everything about copy-paste, because I visit /r/jokes."

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9 out of 10 dentists agree...

That the one other dentist is shit at their job.

Why did the British Dentist regret giving the entitled man a crown

The patient started acting like a tyrant

Dentist warns his patient, “This might be a bit painful.”

Patient: “That’s OK, I’ll handle it.”


The dentist sighs, “For a while now, I’ve been having an affair with your wife.”

Fergus goes to the dentist and asks about the cost of a tooth extraction.

$85 for an extraction sir," was the dentists reply.

"Och huv ye nay got unythin cheaper," replies the Scotsman getting agitated.

"But that's the normal charge for an extraction sir," replied the dentist.

"What aboot if ye didnae use uny anaesthetic?" asked Fergus hopefully. <...

Did you know , Vatican gives a special place of work to pope's dentist

It's called The Listerine Chapel

Patient: My wisdom tooth hurt very much!

Dentist: well, they did prepare for decades.

I took my father to the dentist.

My father is very old and frail, so he needs help when he leaves the house. The other day, I had to take him to the dentist.

Due to Covid-19 protocols, every person who went into the building had to have a temperature check. There was a lady and her mother in front of us, and when checked, t...

The practical pick up line

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He notices a lovely woman sitting alone a few bar stools down, and as the evening goes on, he catches her eye and smiles at her a few times. Amazingly, she gets up, moves down the bar and joins him. "Every time you smile at me, it makes me want to invite you...

How do dentists practice what they do?

They run drills!

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A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him,

He says, "that tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."

The man grabs the dentist's arm, "no way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"

So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas."

The man replies, "abs...

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Once a month, I have a woman in my mouth.

Hands, latex, sometimes metal, I have no preference. In fact, I even sometimes let men do it to me too, either one works. They use me for an hour or so, putting their shit in my mouth, and complaining about my tongue technique, until they finally just finish, and send me on my way. I have to admit, ...

An old lady goes to a dentist, lies on his table, drops her panties and stretches her legs

The dentist says “I’m not a gynecologist.” She says “I know, I need my husband’s teeth back.”

Did you know mythological creatures have their own dentist's office?

It's true, I saw it today and they were suuuuuuper busy! The waiting room was packed, and every time the orderly would come out to call in another patient, the half-man-half-horse would get all excited; "is it my turn now? oh, pick me, pick me!" and all that jazz. Of course, every time it was actual...

Be kind to your dentist.

He has fillings too.

My dentist mocked me today, saying that even though he's much older than me, he has healthier teeth.

I said it must be because he has the better dentist.

A man, crying in pain, complains to the dentist “It feels like my left jaw is possessed by the devil!”

“Oh! Then eat right and exorcise”

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What did the Nazi dentist say on reddit?

Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

One day, a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.



"Eighty dollars," the dentist says.
"That's a ridiculous amount," the man says.
"Isn't there a cheaper way?"
"Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an anesthetic, I can knock the price down to $60."
"That's still too expensive," the man says.
"Okay," says the de...

Dentist : "open wide"

My wife with her reflex : "i am tired and sleepy"

I told my kids I was gonna take them to that place with the Ferris wheel and cotton candy, but instead I took them to the dentist

They said it wasn’t fair

Santa goes to the dentist...

... complaining about his dentures wearing out.


"It seems like they're corroding, doc! What am I doing wrong?"


The dentist looked concerned. "Have there been any changes to your diet?"


"As a matter of fact," said Santa, "Mrs Claus has started making a wonderful holla...

Husband and wife are in bed and the husband starts in on the foreplay.

She stops him and says even though she wants to, she can't tonight. Why not asks the husband. Cause I have an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow and I want to be nice and fresh.

Alright says the husband. He sits there for a moment and then says.

Well you ain't going to the den...

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A dentist is terrified of women

A dentist's father raised his son alone since his wife had cheated on him. He always told his son to avoid women like the plague.

One day, a beautiful woman is shown in to the dentist's exam room. She is quite flirtatious with the dentist and makes no secret of the fact that she's interested....

What is a dentists favorite number?

2th

So there was an N2O leak in the dentist's office....

I had to hold the urge to not say "What's that funny smell?"

Dentist time!

Me: “Hi I’d like to book an appointment please, my filling has fallen out and I’m in a lot of pain.”

Dentist: “Iet’s see what we can do...... 2.30?”

Me. “Yes! Very much so. That’s why I’m ringing!”

What do you call a dentist who’s just had a minor car accident?

Dent-ist

A dentist meets a handsome man at the park.

He asks for her number, and she gives it to him.

Later in the afternoon, he calls her and asks her out to dinner, she accepts.

When they sit down at the table to eat, they both take their masks off, he gives out a huge smile.

She gets up and says, “It’s not going to work.”

So I’m at the dentist yesterday...

So I’m at the dentist yesterday, the dentist has a needle deep in my gums. As he’s concentrating, he casually says, “how are fat chicks and bricks alike?” I was like “au-ha-oa-iea” (his hand still in my mouth) He goes “welp, sooner or later their gonna get laid by a Mexican.”

True story.

I got thrown out of the dentist's surgery for dancing.

I mean, he's the one who asked me to floss...

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old woman, was nervous

So he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves:

“Do you know how they make these gloves?” He asked.

“No, I don't.” She replied.

“Well.” He spoofed. “There's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in...

Why did the king go to the dentist?

To get his teeth crowned.

I've been a dentist for ten years.

This is the first time I'm getting a cavity search at the airport.

I have the worst dentist in the world.

He even got a little plaque to prove it.

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A man wanted to try 69 with his girlfriend

Right in the middle the man realizes he has a dentist appointment. So he pops up and heads to the bathroom. He brushes his teeth 3 times. He uses mouth wash twice and flosses once for good measure.

He gets to the dentist office just in time and his dentist calls him in. Dentist says open wid...

What’s a perverted dentists favourite part of an appointment?

The cavity search

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A guy goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted. She pulled out a large syringe to give an anesthetic shot.

"No way, no needles! I hate needles!" the man exclaimed.
So she started to hook up the nitrous oxide tank, and the man said, "I can't do the gas thing. Just the thought of having a mask on my face suffocates me!"
The dentist then asked the patient if he had any objections to taking a pill....

I’ve been watching this Anime about dentists.

But it’s been getting boring. I’m a little tired of the filler episodes.

An old lady went to visit her dentist.

When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs.

The dentist said, "Excuse me, but I'm not a gynecologist."

"I know," said the old lady. "I want you to take my husband's teeth out.”

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Why are you putting your sexy lingerie? It's just a dentist appointment after all.

\- Yeah, but what if he is a pervert?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

my dentist is also a stripper

she can't stop flashing her teeths

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