UPJOKE
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A man goes to the dentist to ask how much it would be to pull a tooth.

“$100,” said the dentist.

“Oh, that’s expensive,” said the main. “Do you have anything cheaper?”

“That’s the normal price for an extraction,” said the dentist.

The man thinks about it, “what about if you don’t use the anesthetic?”

“Well, that would be unusual, but we ...

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I went to see a dentist.

After examining my mouth: "There's something wrong with your taste bud."


"What is it?" I asked.

He said, "Well, for a first, those shoes are fucking hideous."

Dentist always dumb questions like “when’s the last time you flossed?”

Like bro you were there wtf

A dentist goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Bugatti Chiron

It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $1.5M. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.

An old man on a moped, looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya got there,...

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What can you say to a dentist that you can also say to a prostitute?

Give me oral, B!

My dentist asked me how long it had been since I flossed

I said “you should know that, you were there”.

A lady goes to the dentist with a sore tooth.

The dentist looks and says "you have a bad tooth we are going to have to pull it"

The lady says "I would rather be pregnant than have a tooth pulled"

The dentist replies "Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair"

How did the dentist become a brain surgeon?

The drill slipped.

My dentist mocked me today, saying that even though he's much older than me, he has healthier teeth.

I said it must be because he has the better dentist.

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A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled The dentist pulls out the novocaine freezing needle to inject the man. “No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.

“I can’t do the gas thing – the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!”

The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.

“No,” the patient says, “I am fine with pills.”...

My dentist was voted "Dentist Of The Year"....

He didn't get a trophy, they just gave him a little plaque.

My dentist removed the wrong tooth.

It was accidental.

I just went on a date with a dentist receptionist, it went quite well

We've arranged a second date for August 24th 2024 at 7:15pm.

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the dentist and his brother

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of

actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells h...

The old couple and the dentist

An old couple goes to see the dentist. The wife says "doctor, I need you to extract a tooth but I don't want you to use any novocaine." The doctor asks "are you sure? It could be very painful." The wife assures him, "absolutely, just do it quickly and it will be fine." The doctor says "OK, which too...

A man went to the dentist to schedule getting a tooth pulled.

"I don't have a lot of money." he confessed. "Is there any way we could make the procedure cheaper?"


"I suppose for a small discount," thought the dentist, "We could reuse some of our disposable tools. It may slightly increase your risk of infection, but, theoretically, you should be fi...

What did the lawyer say to the Dentist?

"Do you promise to take the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?"

Dentist

A man came to dentist to check his teeth. After the examination the dentist said that everything was alright, but asked the man for a favor.

\- No problem. What favor?

\- Could you please now start screaming at the top of your lungs?

\- But why? I feel no pain, and you say all i...

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After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.
As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.
The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide....

My dentist reminded me of my wife's sensitive gag reflex. We laughed & laughed.

Then I remembered that my wife & I have different dentists.

"My first appointment with a new dentist!!"

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can't look that old. Well, you'll love this one....

My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his diploma, which had his full name.
<...

When is it time to go to the dentist?

2:30

The Dentist

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.

The man said to the dentist,
“Doctor, I'm in a big hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anaesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. I don't have time to wait for...

What did the dentist say when his patient told him that he's never brushed in his life?

"I'm at a floss for words."

What do dentist and police officers do when they get together?

Cavity searches

A dentist in my town just got arrested for selling drugs!

It's amazing what secrets people can keep. I've been going to him for over ten years and I never knew he was a dentist!

I referred to my dentist as an orthodontist by mistake.

It was acci*dental*.

An old lady went to visit her dentist.

When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs. The dentist said, "Excuse me, but I'm not a gynecologist." "I know," said the old lady. "I want you to take my husband's teeth out.

a graphic designer, an astrophysicist, a dentist and an electrician walk into a bar

it was queen and they were playing their first gig

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What does a dentist send when sexting?

A tooth pic

At the dentist.

Was at the dentist this morning and there was a BMW brochure in the waiting room for some reason so I had a leaf through it and I was surprised to learn that indicators come as standard on them.

What did the dentist say to his girlfriend?

"You have the nicest teeth I've ever come across"

A bad day at the dentist is better than a bad day at the airport.

Because a search for cavities sure beats a cavity search.

I dated a dentist a while back,

She had the whitest teeth I ever came across.

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A dentist is terrified of women

A dentist's father raised his son alone since his wife had cheated on him. He always told his son to avoid women like the plague.

One day, a beautiful woman is shown in to the dentist's exam room. She is quite flirtatious with the dentist and makes no secret of the fact that she's interested....

Dentist: This will hurt.

Patient: OK.

Dentist: I've been having an affair with your wife since last year.

Did you hear the joke about the dentist who loves tooth extraction?

[removed]

After earning his DDS; a dentist went and opened up his own practice.

He became widely known for his amazing skills, and was highly praised + recommended by every patient he ever had. One year; he was nominated for (and won) a prestigious medical award. Inscribed upon its ornate surface was his name and the specific honor: “Global Recognition of Outstanding Surgical S...

Did you hear about the outlaw who became a dentist?

He robbed his patients at gum-point.

Dentist and the old woman

An old woman had a toothache and had to go visit her dentist.

When she arrived, the assistant led her into one of the patients rooms, and she sat in the chair.

Shortly, the dentist came in and said “Lets take a look at what’s going on here”.

After a few moments the dentist said ...

My dentist can knock you out with gas or his boat paddle.

It’s a matter of ether oar

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A joke from my grandfather who was a dentist for 40 years

How do you know that the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?

Because everywhere else it would be a teethbrush.

A man goes to the dentist with some broken teeth...

The dentist asks the man what happened, to which the man responds saying:

"My wife cooked some chicken and roti (Indian flatbread) but the bread was very hard and stiff."

The dentist replied: "You should have told her the bread was too hard and refused to eat it"

To which the ...

So a guy goes to the dentist

He tells the dentist my left tooth hurts.
The dentist said sorry but there's no cure for that so you'll have to eat the other side. Later that day he goes to a barbecue, he gets a sausage goes to the bathroom and locks himself. His friends walk past the door and hear moaning, they ask him what's...

What's something a dentist can say but a gynecologist cannot?

I'm a dentist.


EDIT: Do not read the comments they are not very appropriate.

EDIT 2: Okay people seem to be making a different type of joke to my prompt so I've decided to attach an alternate version: >!I'm not a gynecologist.!<

EDIT 3: This post wouldn't have had to b...

A chef went to a dentist

He'd recently had a new plate implanted and felt some pain in the area.

Upon examination, the dentist stated "the acrylic is starting to deteriorate. Tell me, have you been eating a lot of Hollandaise sauce?"

"Yes," said the chef "it's a favorite. Is that bad?"

"Well," explain...

The world’s best dentist and the world’s worst pastry chef walk into a bar.

Being friends of the owner, he pours them both a drink and sits them down to catch up.

“How was your birthday?” He asks the dentist.

“It was like pulling teeth” he says with a smile.

Then the owner turns to the pastry chef.

“How was your divorce?”

“It was as easy a...

A woman with five kids went to a dentist to have a tooth removed

The woman said "Doc, I must admit i've been DREADING this. I'd just as soon have another baby before I'd have a tooth pulled!"

The dentist said "Well, make up your mind- i have to adjust the chair."

You know when you have a dentist appointment so you brush your teeth extra to have a clean mouth?

Well, I have a prostate exam coming up. Now I need a new toothbrush.

The dentist said "This might hurt a bit...are you ready?"

The patient said "Yes I'm ready"

The dentist said "I slept with your wife"

Why is it OK to lie to a dentist?

Because the tooth hurts.

Instead of going to the dentist, I go to the airport

That way, I never have to pay for cavity searches.

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A man invites some of his fetish club over for breakfast....

They are catching up on life and swapping stories about work, their grandkids’ birthdays, their recent stock market fortunes, and so on, when the subject of what they’re most proud of comes up.


Gerald, a 35 year old dentist, proudly exclaims, “Of everyone here, I by far, have the larges...

What’s the best time of day to see the dentist?

Tooth hurty

What does mike Tyson wear to the dentist?

A teeth hurt

My dentist said my teeth were stained and then asked me "Do you smoke or drink coffee?"

I said ... "I drink it"

What is it called when a dentist makes a mistake?

Accidental

Trump would be an amazing dentist

He is against anything that's not white and straight.

I phoned my dentist for an appointment time...

They said, "Two thirty?"

And I said, "yes, that's why I'm calling!"

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What do pornstars and dentist have in common?

They both work in peoples mouths

Patient and Dentist..

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled? Dentist: $100.00. Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work? Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like.

I walked into the dentist’s and whispered, “I think I’m a moth.” The dentist shrugged, “I don’t think you should be here. You need to see a psychiatrist.” I continued, “I am seeing a psychiatrist.” Puzzled, he asked, “What are you doing here then?” I explained...

“The light was on.”

A nervous young woman was sitting on dentist chair " I'd rather deliver a baby than having my teeth pulled out "

Dentist " if that's the case , let me just adjust the chair to a better position"

Dentist: "This is going to hurt a bit. Ready?"

Me, shutting my eyes, dreading this moment: "Yes, ready."

Dentist: "That will be $700 please."

An IT guy goes to see their dentist..

Dentist: Have you been flossing regularly?
IT Guy: Have you been changing your passwords and using unique passwords for different logins regularly?

A man, crying in pain, complains to the dentist “It feels like my left jaw is possessed by the devil!”

“Oh! Then eat right and exorcise”

The local dentist received an award for being the best dentist in town. Know what they gave him?

A little plaque.

A close friend of a doctor, a dentist, and a lawyer dies

At the funeral, the doctor says to his two friends, “Where I come from it is traditional to honor the deceased by placing money on him to take to the grave with his burial.” So the other two agree to do this.

The doctor goes up to the coffin and after paying his last respects, places a $100 b...

Why did the apple pie go to the dentist?

Because it needed a filling!

I was on a train and this woman opposite looked at me and said, "Everytime you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place...."

I asked, "Are you single?"

She replied, "No, I am a dentist."

What's a dentist's favorite baseball team?

The Yanks.

What time does the Asian dentist schedule their appointments?

She doesn't: the office staff schedule them on her behalf at different times throughout the day.

LPT: If your dentist has no painkillers, ask him for Helium.

It will be hilarious when you scream.

I want my dentist to know he's appreciated..

So every year I give him a little plaque.

Why do social justice warriors hate dentists?

Because they make teeth straight and white.

Joke told by my 8 years old niece: At what time do most people go to the dentist?

Tooth hurty

The dentist

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Went and had a cavity fixed this morning," the guy tells the bartender. "But it wasn't my usual dentist. Just some guy filling in."

My dentist was cleaning my teeth and told me to open up more.

I told him I hadn’t seen my father in three years.

I went to a new Dentist to get some dental work done.

He said he's going to put me under and I'll feel a small prick in my mouth.

This experience left a bad taste in my mouth.

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A man is at the dentist for a root canal.

The dentist, picking up a syringe, moved toward the patient.

“WHOAAA! What’s that for?” Asked the patient

“Well, this injection will numb the area around your tooth and keep you from feeling pain during the procedure” explained the dentist.

“No way! I am deathly afraid of needl...

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What did the Nazi dentist say on reddit?

Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

A woman goes to a new dentist for the first time.

When she sees his name on the diploma, she thinks she must've gone to high school with this guy. Then she sees him and thinks it couldn't possibly be the same guy. This overweight, balding guy with wrinkles on his face and tobacco stains down the front of his shirt. But she sits in the big chair and...

I told my kids I was gonna take them to that place with the Ferris wheel and cotton candy, but instead I took them to the dentist

They said it wasn’t fair

Dentist

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a ...

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I finally got to go to the dentist for the first time since the pandemic started…

The doctor was shocked at how clean my teeth were but said my breath smelled like shit and he couldn’t figure out why.

He asked if I’d been brushing regularly and I said yes.

He asked if I flossed regularly and I said as much as I normally do.

He asked if I changed my diet an...

I hold my boyfriend and my dentist to the same standard...

They're not allowed to ask me open ended questions when they're in my mouth.

My dentist gives me a new toothbrush every check up which is nice because I save them for when a lady stays the night.

So far I have about a dozen of them saved up.

A dentist looks into a patient's mouth and says, "That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen. That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen."

"I heard you the first time," says the patient. "You didn't need to say it the second time."

"I didn't," says the dentist. "That was my echo."

Dentist be like 'My pull put game is strong'

And then proceed to fill in the cavity

The dentist asks, "What kind of filling do you want?"

The child answers, "Chocolate!"

Why did the queen go to the dentist?

She had severe gingivitis.

Dentist: "You have three cavities. Do you want to have them all filled today?"

"Woah woah, we just met, let's start with fixing my teeth, then we'll see about that"

My dentist told me I'm right on the brink of having tooth decay

He said the situation was precarious.

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A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him,

He says, "that tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."

The man grabs the dentist's arm, "no way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"

So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas."

The man replies, "abs...

Dentist: This is gonna hurt a little. Me: Its ok. i can handle it.

Dentist: I've been sleeping with your mom.

My dentist told me to “open up”

So I told him that I often have trouble putting peoples words into context. My dentist said “I can tell”

I asked my dentist if I can have some of his laughing gas.

He said: "sure, knock yourself out."

I went to the dentist.

I sat down in the chair and he said, "Open up for me..."

"OK," I said, "my parents don't love me very much."

At school one day, Little Johnny’s teacher asks the class to use the word “contagious” in a sentence…

Cindy raises her hand. “Yes, Cindy?” She answers, “I was at the dentist’s office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious.”

“Very good, Cindy!” the teacher said, “Anyone else want to try?” Samantha raises her hand. “Yes, Sa...

Fergus goes to the dentist and asks about the cost of a tooth extraction.

$85 for an extraction sir," was the dentists reply.

"Och huv ye nay got unythin cheaper," replies the Scotsman getting agitated.

"But that's the normal charge for an extraction sir," replied the dentist.

"What aboot if ye didnae use uny anaesthetic?" asked Fergus hopefully. <...

What will the dentist give you for $1?

Buck teeth!

Dentist: "You need a crown."

Me:”Finally, someone who understands me."

I fell in love with a Dentist, she broke up with me.

Now my heart has a cavity no one can fill.

What will the Monster eat after the Dentist pulled out his teeth?

The Dentist

I have the worst dentist in the world.

He even got a little plaque to prove it.

What do you call an elephant dentist?

A plaquey-derm

The dentist said, "You need two root canals. They'll be expensive, but I'll let you pay...

..for them for $500 a month for 36 months."

I said, "Wow, those sound like car payments."

"They are."

What is the difference between a philosopher and a dentist?

A dentist helps you solve *molar* dilemmas

Why did the British Dentist regret giving the entitled man a crown

The patient started acting like a tyrant

Dentist warns his patient, “This might be a bit painful.”

Patient: “That’s OK, I’ll handle it.”


The dentist sighs, “For a while now, I’ve been having an affair with your wife.”

Be kind to your dentist.

He has fillings too.

As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife.

She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh." The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife. "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"

Dentist : "open wide"

My wife with her reflex : "i am tired and sleepy"

I accidentally called my gynecologist thinking it was my dentist

The person on the other end was horrified when I asked about my routine cleaning

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A guy goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted. She pulled out a large syringe to give an anesthetic shot.

"No way, no needles! I hate needles!" the man exclaimed.
So she started to hook up the nitrous oxide tank, and the man said, "I can't do the gas thing. Just the thought of having a mask on my face suffocates me!"
The dentist then asked the patient if he had any objections to taking a pill....

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