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I went to see a dentist.

After examining my mouth: "There's something wrong with your taste bud."


"What is it?" I asked.

He said, "Well, for a first, those shoes are fucking hideous."

"I'd rather have a baby than have my teeth filled" said the young woman nervously to the dentist

"fine by me " replied the dentist " Let me just adjust the chair to a better position"

What did the dentist say to his wife on the wedding night?

Open wide, please!

What does the Dentist of the Year get?

A little plaque

Did you know , Vatican gives a special place of work to pope's dentist

It's called The Listerine Chapel

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A guy goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted. She pulled out a large syringe to give an anesthetic shot.

"No way, no needles! I hate needles!" the man exclaimed.
So she started to hook up the nitrous oxide tank, and the man said, "I can't do the gas thing. Just the thought of having a mask on my face suffocates me!"
The dentist then asked the patient if he had any objections to taking a pill....

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After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Mark remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.
As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.
The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide....

How do dentists practice what they do?

They run drills!

I went to the dentist to put all caps on my teeth...

...now I can't help but shout every time I talk.

Santa goes to the dentist...

... complaining about his dentures wearing out.


"It seems like they're corroding, doc! What am I doing wrong?"


The dentist looked concerned. "Have there been any changes to your diet?"


"As a matter of fact," said Santa, "Mrs Claus has started making a wonderful holla...

Be kind to dentists...

They have fillings too.

I hold my boyfriend and my dentist to the same standard...

They're not allowed to ask me open ended questions when they're in my mouth.

Fergus goes to the dentist and asks about the cost of a tooth extraction.

$85 for an extraction sir," was the dentists reply.

"Och huv ye nay got unythin cheaper," replies the Scotsman getting agitated.

"But that's the normal charge for an extraction sir," replied the dentist.

"What aboot if ye didnae use uny anaesthetic?" asked Fergus hopefully. <...

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A man goes to the dentist.

A man goes to the dentist. The dentist tells him he is going to remove a few teeth and will give him some gas to numb the pain. Suddenly the man exclaimed that he hates gas and won't do it. So the dentist tries a different approach. He tries an injection but again the man exclaimed that he is scared...

What do you call a dentist who’s just had a minor car accident?

Dent-ist

An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs.

The dentist said: "I think you have the wrong room!"

The old woman replied: "I'm in the right room alright..You put in my husband's teeth last week...Now you have to remove them!"

My dentist asked me how long it had been since I flossed

I said “you should know that, you were there”.

So there was an N2O leak in the dentist's office....

I had to hold the urge to not say "What's that funny smell?"

What did the dentist say looking at my teeth?

Brace yourself!!

My dentist said my teeth were stained and then asked me "Do you smoke or drink coffee?"

I said ... "I drink it"

Dentist time!

Me: “Hi I’d like to book an appointment please, my filling has fallen out and I’m in a lot of pain.”

Dentist: “Iet’s see what we can do...... 2.30?”

Me. “Yes! Very much so. That’s why I’m ringing!”

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my dentist is also a stripper

she can't stop flashing her teeths

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A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him,

He says, "that tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."

The man grabs the dentist's arm, "no way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"

So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas."

The man replies, "abs...

Why did the OREO go to the dentist?

Because he needed a filling

Dentist always dumb questions like “when’s the last time you flossed?”

Like bro you were there wtf

How did the dentist become a brain surgeon?

The drill slipped.

My dentist reminded me about my wife’s sensitive gag reflex…

*We laughed about it for a while.*

*Then I remembered me and my wife have different dentists…*

An old lady goes to a dentist, lies on his table, drops her panties and stretches her legs

The dentist says “I’m not a gynecologist.” She says “I know, I need my husband’s teeth back.”

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Why are you putting your sexy lingerie? It's just a dentist appointment after all.

\- Yeah, but what if he is a pervert?

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9 out of 10 dentists agree...

That the one other dentist is shit at their job.

A dentist meets a handsome man at the park.

He asks for her number, and she gives it to him.

Later in the afternoon, he calls her and asks her out to dinner, she accepts.

When they sit down at the table to eat, they both take their masks off, he gives out a huge smile.

She gets up and says, “It’s not going to work.”

I used to know some good dentist jokes

But I need to brush up on them

I've been a dentist for ten years.

This is the first time I'm getting a cavity search at the airport.

Why did the king go to the dentist?

To get his teeth crowned.

Why did the dentist and the manicurist get divorced?

Because they fought tooth and nail.

An old lady went to visit her dentist.

When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs.

The dentist said, "Excuse me, but I'm not a gynecologist."

"I know," said the old lady. "I want you to take my husband's teeth out.”

I don't mind going to the dentist.

My tongue hates it, though. He always gets depressed.

:)

So I’m at the dentist yesterday...

So I’m at the dentist yesterday, the dentist has a needle deep in my gums. As he’s concentrating, he casually says, “how are fat chicks and bricks alike?” I was like “au-ha-oa-iea” (his hand still in my mouth) He goes “welp, sooner or later their gonna get laid by a Mexican.”

True story.

My dentist removed the wrong tooth.

It was accidental.

My dentist has the inside of his whole building covered in posters of teeth, gums, toothbrushes etc.

God was i relieved to see that its not industry standard when I took my wife to the gynaecologist...

They arrested my neighbor dentist for dealing drugs!

I'm surprised! Being friends with him all these years I didn't know he was a dentist!

Two English gentlemen are commuters, using the Tube to the City. They get on and off at the same stations, and having done it for years they occasionally nod greetings or even exchange a “good morning.”

One of them looked really unhappy one day and the other said “I know we haven’t been introduced but if you don’t mind me saying it you do look a bit peaky.”
“My false teeth are killing me.”
“Hmmm. If you let me have a good look I may be able to help you.”
“Oh please do...”
“Give me a da...

I’ve been watching this Anime about dentists.

But it’s been getting boring. I’m a little tired of the filler episodes.

I got thrown out of the dentist's surgery for dancing.

I mean, he's the one who asked me to floss...

My dentist asked me if I brush regularly.

"Yes," I replied. "And if you don't believe me, ask our pet horse. We share a toothbrush."

A rich blonde woman from Beverly Hills was at the dentist about to get her tooth pulled.

The dentist asked, "Do you want a local anesthetic?"

She shook her head and said, "Let's not pinch pennies, doctor. I only want the best! Do you have anything imported?”

Dentist

Guy goes to the dentist, once on a chair he opens mouth and reveals that all of his teeth are gold

Dentist, confused, asks : What do you want me to do here?

Guy : Install the alarm system

My dentist said I need braces, but I needed to pay something upfront.

So I asked him "wait, do I need braces or a retainer?"

Did you know mythological creatures have their own dentist's office?

It's true, I saw it today and they were suuuuuuper busy! The waiting room was packed, and every time the orderly would come out to call in another patient, the half-man-half-horse would get all excited; "is it my turn now? oh, pick me, pick me!" and all that jazz. Of course, every time it was actual...

What’s the best time to see the dentist?

Tooth hurty

What do you call a boat full of dentists?

A tooth ferry

I asked my dentist to put in a new tooth that matched my other teeth

He put in tooth with 4 cavities.

Dentist: “This is going to hurt a little"

Patient: “ OK "

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

One day, a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.



"Eighty dollars," the dentist says.
"That's a ridiculous amount," the man says.
"Isn't there a cheaper way?"
"Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an anesthetic, I can knock the price down to $60."
"That's still too expensive," the man says.
"Okay," says the de...

The perfect time for a dentist appointment: 2:30

Why, you may ask?

Because: >!Tooth Hurty!<

What does a dentist call his x-rays?

Tooth pics

I told my kids I was gonna take them to that place with the Ferris wheel and cotton candy, but instead I took them to the dentist

They said it wasn’t fair

A guy goes into a dentist's office. The dentist says, "How can I help you?"

The guy says, "I am a moth."

The dentist says, "Excuse me?"

The guy again says, "I am a moth."

The dentist says, "I think maybe you should be seeing a psychiatrist, not a dentist."

The guy says, "I saw a psychiatrist."

The dentist says, "So what are you doing here?...

What is a dentist's favorite video game?

Enamel Crossing!

Went to the dentist today to get my cavity filled.

He asked my to leave when I bent over the chair and spread my cheeks.

I was dating a dentist.

I was really confused when she recommended Oral-B.

Why dentist don't like PHD holders ?

cause people call them doctors.

Dentist: You need a crown

Patient: Finally somebody who understands me

What did the dentist say when he had to pull a tooth?

"I'm sorry for your floss."

Dentist: "You have three cavities. Do you want to have them all filled today?"

"Woah woah, we just met, let's start with fixing my teeth, then we'll see about that"

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old woman, was nervous

So he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves:

“Do you know how they make these gloves?” He asked.

“No, I don't.” She replied.

“Well.” He spoofed. “There's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in...

Being a dentist was useful professionally.

It opened up a lot of jaws

Why was the dentist investigated by the Securities & Exchange Commission?

For incisor trading!

What is a dentists favorite number?

2th

What’s a perverted dentists favourite part of an appointment?

The cavity search

Lately I’ve been looking for love in r/dentists...

Because according to my ex, dating me is like pulling teeth

I accidentally called my gynecologist thinking it was my dentist

The person on the other end was horrified when I asked about my routine cleaning

What is a holiday destination recommended by dentists?

Fluorida

A man, crying in pain, complains to the dentist “It feels like my left jaw is possessed by the devil!”

“Oh! Then eat right and exorcise”

I was prescribed a pain killer from my dentist but I found it difficult to get the lid off...

It was called Tryopenin

Did you hear about the golfer that went to the dentist for a filling?

He got a hole in one.

Oral-B

Was sitting with my SO watching tv and an Oral-B commercial comes onto the screen. The commercial plays saying all the great things about their toothbrush, how effective it is against plaque buildup and that 9/10 dentist recommend it etc. after listening for a minute I look over at my SO and say “we...

My dentist told me to open up

I told him I often have trouble putting other people’s words into context

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A 40-year-old dentist explains to his new girlfriend why he's remained a virgin.

"My dad said there were teeth in there!"

She strips off and says "Look. No teeth."

Shocked, he replies, "No wonder with those gums!"

Why do social justice warriors hate dentists?

Because they make teeth straight and white.

I have the worst dentist in the world.

He even got a little plaque to prove it.

Why didn't the dentist like his job?

it was getting to teethious

Rusted braces...

A man returned for the third time to the dentist to get his dental braces replaced due to corrosion.

The dentist asked if he ate a highly acid diet, or was fond of citrus, etc.

The man replied that his wife made an excellent hollandaise sauce that was so good he put it on just about ev...

Most people don’t realize how similar the jobs of dentists and correction officers really are.

They both mainly consist of cavity searches.

Ugh I have a dentist appointment tomorrow

It's at 2:30

True story. I didn't notice it was funny until my gf told me

I want my dentist to know he's appreciated..

So every year I give him a little plaque.

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Oh.. those Marines!

*A Marine walks into a bar and notices a Jar on the counter top with money in it.*

**Marine**: "This is new, what's it for?"

**Bartender**: "Its for our weekly challenge"

**Marine**: "Oh I love challenges, what is it for this week?"

**Bartender**: "Oh this one is a specia...

Why was the dentist afraid of Tera?

Because terabytes

Why didn't the dentist let Jack Nicholson keep his extracted wisdom teeth?

He can't HANDLE the tooth!

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What can a swan do that a dentist can't?

Stick its bill up its ass.

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A dentist, doing his first extraction on a patient was nervous

When he got the molar out, his hand shook, he lost his grip on the instrument, and the tooth dropped into patient's throat

Dentist: Sorry, you are outside my specialty now, you should see laryngologist (throat specialist)

By the time patient went to laryngologist, tooth had worked its ...

A dentist opened an office on a boat. What was the boat's name?

The *Tooth Ferry*.

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What did the Nazi dentist say on reddit?

Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

I dated a dentist a while back,

She had the whitest teeth I ever came across.

I was in the dentist's chair.

He looked at my shoes and said, "Very nice loafers there, very nice."

"Thanks," I said.

Then he looked at my leather bag. "Love the bag, too. Very stylish, very nice."

"Thanks," I said.

He looked out the window while I rinsed my mouth out, and said, "That car is divine. I...

A man with dentures goes to the dentist.

He explains to the dentist that his dentures don't feel right anymore. The Dentists sits him down, does a brief examination and exclaims, "what in the world? Your whole partial plate is corroded and like it was eaten away by some chemical. " The Dentist asks, "are you on a weird diet or somethin...

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The only dick pic I have ever sent was to my doctor to get something checked.

But then someone told me that dentists aren't doctors.

What floor is the dentist office on?

The 2th floor

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