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Dentist Jokes

A man goes to the dentist to ask how much it would be to pull a tooth.

“$100,” said the dentist.

“Oh, that’s expensive,” said the main. “Do you have anything cheaper?”

“That’s the normal price for an extraction,” said the dentist.

The man thinks about it, “what about if you don’t use the anesthetic?”

“Well, that would be unusual, but we ...

Dentist always dumb questions like “when’s the last time you flossed?”

Like bro you were there wtf

A dentist goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Bugatti Chiron

It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $1.5M. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.

An old man on a moped, looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya got there,...

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What do dentists, historians and prostitutes have in common?

Oral history.

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What can you say to a dentist that you can also say to a prostitute?

Give me oral, B!

What did the lawyer say to the Dentist?

"Do you promise to take the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?"

Old lady at dentist's office

An old lady went to visit her dentist. When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs.


Dentist: "Excuse me, but I'm not a gynecologist."
"I know," said the old lady. "I want you to take my husband's teeth out.”

Why don’t dentists like math?

They don’t like calculus.

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the dentist and his brother

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of

actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells h...

A chef went to a dentist

He'd recently had a new plate implanted and felt some pain in the area.

Upon examination, the dentist stated "the acrylic is starting to deteriorate. Tell me, have you been eating a lot of Hollandaise sauce?"

"Yes," said the chef "it's a favorite. Is that bad?"

"Well," explain...

At the dentist.

Was at the dentist this morning and there was a BMW brochure in the waiting room for some reason so I had a leaf through it and I was surprised to learn that indicators come as standard on them.

Dentist

A man came to dentist to check his teeth. After the examination the dentist said that everything was alright, but asked the man for a favor.

\- No problem. What favor?

\- Could you please now start screaming at the top of your lungs?

\- But why? I feel no pain, and you say all i...

A man walks into the dentists office and tells the receptionist, "I feel like a moth"

She tells him "You probably want the psychologist down the street"
The man says "I know"
The receptionist asks "What did you come in for then?"
The man says "Well the light was on, why wouldn't I?"

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What does a dentist send when sexting?

A tooth pic

Patient goes to a dentist for routine checkup...

Dentist: When was the last time you flossed?

Patient: You don't remember? You were right there!

How did the dentist become a brain surgeon?

The drill slipped.

Dentists make a living from people with bad teeth.

Why would you use a toothpaste that 9/10 dentist recommend?

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I went to see a dentist.

After examining my mouth: "There's something wrong with your taste bud."


"What is it?" I asked.

He said, "Well, for a first, those shoes are fucking hideous."

The world’s best dentist and the world’s worst pastry chef walk into a bar.

Being friends of the owner, he pours them both a drink and sits them down to catch up.

“How was your birthday?” He asks the dentist.

“It was like pulling teeth” he says with a smile.

Then the owner turns to the pastry chef.

“How was your divorce?”

“It was as easy a...

Dentist: “When was the last time you flossed?”

Shaking my head. “Dude, you were there!”

Dentist and the old woman

An old woman had a toothache and had to go visit her dentist.

When she arrived, the assistant led her into one of the patients rooms, and she sat in the chair.

Shortly, the dentist came in and said “Lets take a look at what’s going on here”.

After a few moments the dentist said ...

What does the dentist of the year get?

A little plaque

Did you hear about the outlaw who became a dentist?

He robbed his patients at gum-point.

My dentist can knock you out with gas or his boat paddle.

It’s a matter of ether oar

Why do hookers make great dentists?

They’re pros at drilling, filling and billing.

What do dentists call x-rays?

Tooth Pics!

My dentist removed the wrong tooth.

It was accidental.

You know when you have a dentist appointment so you brush your teeth extra to have a clean mouth?

Well, I have a prostate exam coming up. Now I need a new toothbrush.

A close friend of a doctor, a dentist, and a lawyer dies

At the funeral, the doctor says to his two friends, “Where I come from it is traditional to honor the deceased by placing money on him to take to the grave with his burial.” So the other two agree to do this.

The doctor goes up to the coffin and after paying his last respects, places a $100 b...

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A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled The dentist pulls out the novocaine freezing needle to inject the man. “No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.

“I can’t do the gas thing – the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!”

The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.

“No,” the patient says, “I am fine with pills.”...

A bad day at the dentist is better than a bad day at the airport.

Because a search for cavities sure beats a cavity search.

Why is it OK to lie to a dentist?

Because the tooth hurts.

Patient and Dentist..

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled? Dentist: $100.00. Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work? Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like.

Instead of going to the dentist, I go to the airport

That way, I never have to pay for cavity searches.

When is the best time to go to the dentist?

tooth-hurty

Imagine America's best dentists competing against each other in fixing dental problems

We'll call the show "Top Gum"

I walked into the dentist’s and whispered, “I think I’m a moth.” The dentist shrugged, “I don’t think you should be here. You need to see a psychiatrist.” I continued, “I am seeing a psychiatrist.” Puzzled, he asked, “What are you doing here then?” I explained...

“The light was on.”

Why did the apple pie go to the dentist?

Because it needed a filling!

A nervous young woman was sitting on dentist chair " I'd rather deliver a baby than having my teeth pulled out "

Dentist " if that's the case , let me just adjust the chair to a better position"

My dentist asked me how long it had been since I flossed

I said “you should know that, you were there”.

How do dentists pay for their lawyers?

Retainers

A woman goes to a new dentist for the first time.

When she sees his name on the diploma, she thinks she must've gone to high school with this guy. Then she sees him and thinks it couldn't possibly be the same guy. This overweight, balding guy with wrinkles on his face and tobacco stains down the front of his shirt. But she sits in the big chair and...

What did the dentist say to the lady when she woke up from the anesthesia?

You have the prettiest teeth I've ever come across!

a graphic designer, an astrophysicist, a dentist and an electrician walk into a bar

it was queen and they were playing their first gig

What is a dentists favorite pet?

A canine!

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The Bad Tooth

A customer goes to the dentist for a bad tooth. He sits down in the chair and the dentist comes in with his tools and a needle.
“Ok bud, today we are going to inject a numbing agent into your gum to pull that sucker out.” says the dentist. “But I don’t like needles!” The customer replies.
Afte...

An old woman walks into a dentist's office,

Took off all her clothes and spread her legs. The dentist said "I think you have the wrong room." "you put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."

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What do pornstars and dentist have in common?

They both work in peoples mouths

Bugs Bunny goes to a medical convention

He meets a cardiologist, and says "what's up, doc?"

He meets a dentist, and says "what's up, doc?"

He meets a chiropractor, and says "what's up?"

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A husband gets into bed with his wife.

A husband gets into bed with his wife. He's feeling especially horny and starts kissing and caressing her. A couple minutes into foreplay and the wife stops her husband.

"Sorry, honey we can't do it tonight. I have an appointment with my gynecologist in the morning."

The husband rolls ...

After earning his DDS; a dentist went and opened up his own practice.

He became widely known for his amazing skills, and was highly praised + recommended by every patient he ever had. One year; he was nominated for (and won) a prestigious medical award. Inscribed upon its ornate surface was his name and the specific honor: “Global Recognition of Outstanding Surgical S...

An IT guy goes to see their dentist..

Dentist: Have you been flossing regularly?
IT Guy: Have you been changing your passwords and using unique passwords for different logins regularly?

Dentist: "This is going to hurt a bit. Ready?"

Me, shutting my eyes, dreading this moment: "Yes, ready."

Dentist: "That will be $700 please."

A lady goes to the dentist...

... he looks in her mouth and says "that tooth needs to come out".

She says "oh no I'd rather have a baby than have a tooth pulled!!"

He says "ok but make up your mind I need to adjust the chair"

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A joke from my grandfather who was a dentist for 40 years

How do you know that the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?

Because everywhere else it would be a teethbrush.

What does mike Tyson wear to the dentist?

A teeth hurt

What is it called when a dentist makes a mistake?

Accidental

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After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.
As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.
The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide....

What's something a dentist can say but a gynecologist cannot?

I'm a dentist.


EDIT: Do not read the comments they are not very appropriate.

EDIT 2: Okay people seem to be making a different type of joke to my prompt so I've decided to attach an alternate version: >!I'm not a gynecologist.!<

EDIT 3: This post wouldn't have had to b...

When my dentist reminded me about my wife’s sensitive gag reflex, we laughed and laughed about it for a while...

Then I remembered...................me and my wife have different dentists…

The dentist said "This might hurt a bit...are you ready?"

The patient said "Yes I'm ready"

The dentist said "I slept with your wife"

What’s the best time of day to see the dentist?

Tooth hurty

Joke told by my 8 years old niece: At what time do most people go to the dentist?

Tooth hurty

The house I live in used to be owned by one of the worlds most famous dentists

To commemorate this there is no Plaque

What do you call it when Russian dentists and painters unite?

The Brushin’ Federation

Why do dentists never lie

Because the tooth always comes out

What would we call a stone carving dedicated to the dentists of the world?

Mount Brushmore

What time does the Asian dentist schedule their appointments?

She doesn't: the office staff schedule them on her behalf at different times throughout the day.

“I felt nothing”

Man comes home at six and his wife gives him a peck on the cheek. Noticing his detached expression, she asks him what’s wrong. He says, “I felt nothing.” She takes a deep breath, then gives him the kiss of her life. He stares at her and repeats, “I felt nothing.” Hurt, her tears flowing freely, she ...

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I finally got to go to the dentist for the first time since the pandemic started…

The doctor was shocked at how clean my teeth were but said my breath smelled like shit and he couldn’t figure out why.

He asked if I’d been brushing regularly and I said yes.

He asked if I flossed regularly and I said as much as I normally do.

He asked if I changed my diet an...

My dentist gives me a new toothbrush every check up which is nice because I save them for when a lady stays the night.

So far I have about a dozen of them saved up.

What's a dentist's favorite subject?

Calculus.

What is a dentist's favourite time?

The Restoration

The dentist

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Went and had a cavity fixed this morning," the guy tells the bartender. "But it wasn't my usual dentist. Just some guy filling in."

A dentist looks into a patient's mouth and says, "That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen. That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen."

"I heard you the first time," says the patient. "You didn't need to say it the second time."

"I didn't," says the dentist. "That was my echo."

My dentist was cleaning my teeth and told me to open up more.

I told him I hadn’t seen my father in three years.

The dentist asks, "What kind of filling do you want?"

The child answers, "Chocolate!"

A dentist graduated from Hogwarts...

He’s now known as the “Wizard of Aahhhs”

I went to a new Dentist to get some dental work done.

He said he's going to put me under and I'll feel a small prick in my mouth.

This experience left a bad taste in my mouth.

While on the run from the cops, Peter hid in a dentist's office.

Seeing that the dentist left for a break, he quickly donned the uniform to avoid getting caught. Soon after, a man entered the office for his appointment. Peter knew nothing about dentistry but he was in too deep to bail.

The client said, "I have a problem with my cavity."

Peter, tryi...

The local dentist received an award for being the best dentist in town. Know what they gave him?

A little plaque.

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A man with a bad toothache visits his dentist

The dentist tells him that he has a cavity that is severely infected and that he will need to get the tooth pulled.

The man says that he will think about it and goes back home. He tells his wife that he doesn’t want to undertake the dental procedure until after the holidays and that he will ...

Dentist be like 'My pull put game is strong'

And then proceed to fill in the cavity

My dentist mocked me today, saying that even though he's much older than me, he has healthier teeth.

I said it must be because he has the better dentist.

Dentist: “This is going to hurt a little"

Patient: “ OK "

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

My dentist told me to open up

I told him I often have trouble putting people's words into context.

He said he can tell.

I fell in love with a Dentist, she broke up with me.

Now my heart has a cavity no one can fill.

My dentist told me I'm right on the brink of having tooth decay

He said the situation was precarious.

What do you call an elephant dentist?

A plaquey-derm

I was on a train and this woman opposite looked at me and said, "Everytime you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place...."

I asked, "Are you single?"

She replied, "No, I am a dentist."

I hold my boyfriend and my dentist to the same standard...

They're not allowed to ask me open ended questions when they're in my mouth.

Why do social justice warriors hate dentists?

Because they make teeth straight and white.

I've been to the dentist a few times before,

so I know the drill.

Dentist: "You need a crown."

Me:”Finally, someone who understands me."

What is the difference between a philosopher and a dentist?

A dentist helps you solve *molar* dilemmas

A man, crying in pain, complains to the dentist “It feels like my left jaw is possessed by the devil!”

“Oh! Then eat right and exorcise”

What will the Monster eat after the Dentist pulled out his teeth?

The Dentist

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A dentist is terrified of women

A dentist's father raised his son alone since his wife had cheated on him. He always told his son to avoid women like the plague.

One day, a beautiful woman is shown in to the dentist's exam room. She is quite flirtatious with the dentist and makes no secret of the fact that she's interested....

I told my kids I was gonna take them to that place with the Ferris wheel and cotton candy, but instead I took them to the dentist

They said it wasn’t fair

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "surely I can't look that old.".

Well . . . you'll love this story..

from a lady called Claire

"My name is Claire..
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his degree on the wall, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall , handsome, dark...

What will the dentist give you for $1?

Buck teeth!

I went to the dentist and they said I need a crown,

I thought "recognition at last"

Fergus goes to the dentist and asks about the cost of a tooth extraction.

$85 for an extraction sir," was the dentists reply.

"Och huv ye nay got unythin cheaper," replies the Scotsman getting agitated.

"But that's the normal charge for an extraction sir," replied the dentist.

"What aboot if ye didnae use uny anaesthetic?" asked Fergus hopefully. <...

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What did the Nazi dentist say on reddit?

Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

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A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him,

He says, "that tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."

The man grabs the dentist's arm, "no way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"

So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas."

The man replies, "abs...

Be kind to your dentist.

He has fillings too.

Dentist : "open wide"

My wife with her reflex : "i am tired and sleepy"

One day, a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.



"Eighty dollars," the dentist says.
"That's a ridiculous amount," the man says.
"Isn't there a cheaper way?"
"Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an anesthetic, I can knock the price down to $60."
"That's still too expensive," the man says.
"Okay," says the de...

I have the worst dentist in the world.

He even got a little plaque to prove it.

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A guy goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted. She pulled out a large syringe to give an anesthetic shot.

"No way, no needles! I hate needles!" the man exclaimed.
So she started to hook up the nitrous oxide tank, and the man said, "I can't do the gas thing. Just the thought of having a mask on my face suffocates me!"
The dentist then asked the patient if he had any objections to taking a pill....

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