Acting Jokes - 61 Hilarious Acting Jokes

My teenage daughter is really acting odd..

She can’t even

My girlfriend shouted at me, “You’re always acting like a detective. I want to split up!" Eyes growing wide, I replied...

"Great idea! We can cover more ground that way!"

My wife is threatening to kick me out of the house because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor.

Girls, if your man starts acting weird while sexting;

Send him a picture of a naked grandma, then send him a picture of your boobs. He just needs turning off and back on again.

I was auditioning for a play today, and the director yelled at me. He said my acting reminded him of a female reproductive organ! Needless to say I stormed off…

But after I thought about it, I went back. I had to apologize for ovary acting.

My wife asked me to stop acting like a flamingo

I had to put my foot down.

Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government?

Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?

I said to my kid, “Someone just told me that you’re acting like an owl.”

My son: Who?

Me: Exactly.

My teacher told me to stop acting like a know-it-all.

So I decided to give ignorance a try.

What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?

Don’t worry about him. He’s just a product of our times.

I love Rock's acting in all his movies, I wonder where he got his acting skills from...

Oh he was in WWE.

Why was the bread acting clingy?

Because it kneaded attention

My teen daughter is acting really odd.

She can’t even. It’s causing a family divide. We’ve got to figure it out before our problems multiply.

My pet iguana is acting weird

I think I have a reptile dysfunction

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My annul glaucoma is acting up again

Because I can’t see my ass going to work tomorrow

After Arnold Schwarzenegger quit the acting world, he should have started a pest control service

He is an ex-Terminator, after all.

Why was the tree afraid of acting?

He was afraid he’d dialogue.

I’m banned for life from acting in our production of Romeo and Juliet, just because I misunderstood the stage directions.

It said, [Enter Juliet from the rear]

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I tried acting in porn movies but

I only had small parts.

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Brother’s acting all high and mighty now that he has COVID

Thinks his shit don’t stink

Based on Lebron's acting skills, I suspect Space Jam 2...

Will be a flop.

I heard Arnold Schwarzenegger retired from acting but he still keeps busy.

He's working as an exterminator.

(Hi u/govschwarzenegger!)

The Supreme Court has been making some rash decisions lately…

One could almost say they’ve been acting Ruth-lessly.

My girlfriend says she is having the worst period ever.

I respond with “Are you sure you’re not ovary-acting?”

My ananas is acting weird...

it's gone completely bananas...

I think I want to take up acting...

Does anyone know of a local soccer league I could join?

A Young Jewish boy kept acting up at school..

One day, the school calls his father and says, "Your son keeps acting up in class, and his behaviour is unacceptable. We'd reccomend placement in another school."

So the father talks to his son and decides he's gonna send him to a private school.

A week later, the private school calls ...

How did Kim Kardashian explain to her daughter the reason why Kanye is acting this way?

“North, my relationship with West has gone totally South.”

Nintendo has explicitly banned Chris Pratt from using method acting for the Mario movie

They have warned him that eating shrooms on set is both unprofessional and illegal.

Two Helium atoms were acting funny

HeHe

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Keepers at a zoo realized that a lone female gorilla that was recently brought in for habitation was badly in heat.

Because of this the gorilla was acting very amorous with the keepers every time they tried to feed her. So they figured if she just had sex that she might calm down.

It was then they approached a rather dumb janitor and asked him if he'd like to have sex with the gorilla for $500.

The ...

My allergies are acting up and...

The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.

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Mickey Mouse was in divorce court and the judge was looking over his file. Judge: So, Mickey it says here you want to divorce your wife because she’s been acting crazy?

Mickey: No, haha I said she’s fucking Goofy

Scientist recently linked a disease to women acting like a Karen.

It's mad cow disease.

Why did the Kool-Aid man stop acting on Broadway?

He always broke the fourth wall.

Whats the difference between the mafia and an acting troupe?

When the Mafia says break a leg, they mean someone elses

I was once a Disneyland costume worker for a day because I took method acting "way too far."

I was told a little late that I needed to wear pants inside and outside the Donald Duck costume.

Chris Rock deserves an Oscar

for acting.... like an adult.

Why was Fozzie Bear acting so aggressively?

Muppet rabies.

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Is finding out that your spouse sucked hundreds of dicks before they were married a big deal?

Or is my wife just overreacting?

if Newton heard someone suggest his corpse could move without an external force acting upon it...

...he would roll over in his grave.

Why was the goose acting so silly?

He was on quack!

Asia Argento quitting acting

to become projectionist

What do you say to a Lady who's acting up while on her period?

Please stop Ovary-acting

An Italian guy is out picking up women in Rome. While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive-looking blonde.

They go back to his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while, he climaxes. Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So… you finish?”

After a short pause, she replies, “No.”

Surprised, but pleasantly, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her, ...

On our first date, I couldn't figure out why my wife was acting like a fish.

Turns out she was just being Koi.

Why did the sailor quit his acting career?

Because he wasn’t landing any good roles.

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Why was the Mad Hatter acting a little queer?

He had a hare up his ass.

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My girlfriend said she was tired of me acting like a detective and told me that we should split up

I said "Good idea we'll cover more ground that way"

She also got pissed at me and said that I ruined her birthday which I have no idea how I didn't even know it was her birthday

I heard these two jokes when I was a kid and they've always made me laugh, I know they are kind of old b...

I have so many insecurities but from now im going to start acting like a plant.

Get to the root problems

What do doctors say when they see a patient acting like a monster?

"It's morphine time!"

Jewish mothers, right?

The year is 2028 and the United States has elected the first woman as well as the first Jewish president, Sarah Goldstein.
She calls up her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says, "So, Mom, I assume you'll be coming to my inauguration?"
"I don't think so. It's a ten-hour drive, your fa...

Ricardo Montalban struggled to find acting roles after "Star Trek 2."

Nobody wanted to hire an ex-Khan.

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Emma Watson decided to quit acting to become a professional gambler. She entered her first craps tournament full of optimism.

At the start of the first round, Emma started undressing. "Why are you undressing?" asked one of her opponents. "I like to play craps completely in the nude," replied Emma.

As soon as Emma had removed the last shred of clothing, she made her bet. Then the dice were rolled. Emma watched as the...

Arnold Schwarzenegger and his friends are acting in a short film about classical pianists and musicians

.

One of friends says, "I'll play Beethoven."

Another says, "I'll be Mozart."

-

In the end, Arnold says, "I'll be Bach."

why were the merpeople acting funny

they legalized seaweed

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Just took an acting class....

Now I'm qualified to be a soccer player

Paddy had not done any acting in a long time

Paddy had not done any acting in a long time, and was thrilled have been given an opportunity in a local production. The director said to him, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose, delicately, with just...

A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband: “My husband is acting so weird.

He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!”

Psychiatrist: “Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.“

My friend has recently started collecting acting equipment.

Props to him.

Did you hear about the acting role Nicolas Cage turned down?

Neither has he

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