The 53+ Best Acting Jokes

I was auditioning for a play today, and the director yelled at me. He said my acting reminded him of a female reproductive organ! Needless to say I stormed off…

But after I thought about it, I went back. I had to apologize for ovary acting.

My girlfriend shouted at me, “You’re always acting like a detective. I want to split up!" Eyes growing wide, I replied...

"Great idea! We can cover more ground that way!"

My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor.

My girlfriend says she is having the worst period ever.

I respond with “Are you sure you’re not ovary-acting?”

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Girls, if your man starts acting weird while sexting;

Send him a picture of a naked grandma, then send him a picture of your boobs. He just needs turning off and back on again.

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A priest and a nun are driving home from a seminary...

... when their car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. It's getting late and so they have to spend the night at an inn. The priest says "I don't think the Lord will mind us sharing a room Sister, I'll take the couch, you can have the bed." She agrees and they go to bed. Later in the middle of the ...

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Mickey Mouse was in divorce court and the judge was looking over his file. Judge: So, Mickey it says here you want to divorce your wife because she’s been acting crazy?

Mickey: No, haha I said she’s fucking Goofy

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My Japanese carp recently got a new aquarium, but they're hiding in rocks and not coming out so much.

They're acting a bit koi.

After Arnold Schwarzenegger quit the acting world, he should have started a pest control service

He is an ex-Terminator, after all.

Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government?

Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?

Why was the bread acting clingy?

Because it kneaded attention

In a bus

*Maam please tell your son to stop imitate me.

**Harry dear, stop acting like an a idiot.

When my wife told me she'd leave me if I didn't stop acting like a flamingo,

I had to put my foot down.

How did Kim Kardashian explain to her daughter the reason why Kanye is acting this way?

“North, my relationship with West has gone totally South.”

My teenage daughter is really acting odd..

She can’t even

Job Fair I

I got a job at a company that makes fire hydrants, but I had to give it up. There was no place to park.

Then I went to work for a company at prints calendars. But I knew from the start that my days were numbered.

So I went to work for a moving company. They told me to vacate the premis...

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There was an angry ape

Ever since it lost his mate, he has been mean, throwing feces, and acting aggressive toward staff and visitors.

Into this, a young apprentice zookeeper was thrown. For some reason, George the ape was taken by him. Maybe it was his thick beard.

So the man was waiting for his boss in ...

Four rabbis are having a debate

Four rabbis are debating scripture out in the garden, and one of them notices he's continuously outvoted by the other three even though he's absolutely certain he's right. At a certain point, his frustration gets the best of him and he stands up, raises his hands and and says "My Lord, you must know...

My pet iguana is acting weird

I think I have a reptile dysfunction

My teen daughter is acting really odd.

She can’t even. It’s causing a family divide. We’ve got to figure it out before our problems multiply.

I’m banned for life from acting in our production of Romeo and Juliet, just because I misunderstood the stage directions.

It said, [Enter Juliet from the rear]

Based on Lebron's acting skills, I suspect Space Jam 2...

Will be a flop.

I was once a Disneyland costume worker for a day because I took method acting "way too far."

I was told a little late that I needed to wear pants inside and outside the Donald Duck costume.

I love Rock's acting in all his movies, I wonder where he got his acting skills from...

Oh he was in WWE.

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First day working at the nuthouse.

A guy starts his first day at his new job in the local mental institution. The boss tells him his first day all he has to do is check on 4 patients, and write down how they are doing. He walks to the first patient's room and opens the door. The patient is pretending to play football. He then asks th...

So I got cut off at this really fancy bar the other day

The Bartender kept telling me “Dude! This is communion. You can’t be acting like that here”

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My annul glaucoma is acting up again

Because I can’t see my ass going to work tomorrow

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Brother’s acting all high and mighty now that he has COVID

Thinks his shit don’t stink

Nintendo has explicitly banned Chris Pratt from using method acting for the Mario movie

They have warned him that eating shrooms on set is both unprofessional and illegal.

Mother's Trick.

John and Mike are 2 roomates. One day John's mother visited them for a day.
While they were all eating dinner, the Mother was looking at the two boys and how they were acting. It didn't help that Mike was extremely handsome, which made the mother wondering if there was something more between t...

The Supreme Court has been making some rash decisions lately…

One could almost say they’ve been acting Ruth-lessly.

What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?

Don’t worry about him. He’s just a product of our times.

On our first date, I couldn't figure out why my wife was acting like a fish.

Turns out she was just being Koi.

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Emma Watson decided to quit acting to become a professional gambler. She entered her first craps tournament full of optimism.

At the start of the first round, Emma started undressing. "Why are you undressing?" asked one of her opponents. "I like to play craps completely in the nude," replied Emma.

As soon as Emma had removed the last shred of clothing, she made her bet. Then the dice were rolled. Emma watched as the...

My first job was as a sign spinner for a peep-show. I was supposed to stand on the corner and attract attention by spinning a sign or acting crazy...

...whatever it took to keep the customers cummin'.

I have so many insecurities but from now im going to start acting like a plant.

Get to the root problems

Why was the tree afraid of acting?

He was afraid he’d dialogue.

Chris Rock deserves an Oscar

for acting.... like an adult.

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My girlfriend said she was tired of me acting like a detective and told me that we should split up

I said "Good idea we'll cover more ground that way"

She also got pissed at me and said that I ruined her birthday which I have no idea how I didn't even know it was her birthday

I heard these two jokes when I was a kid and they've always made me laugh, I know they are kind of old b...

Arnold Schwarzenegger and his friends are acting in a short film about classical pianists and musicians

.

One of friends says, "I'll play Beethoven."

Another says, "I'll be Mozart."

-

In the end, Arnold says, "I'll be Bach."

Scientist recently linked a disease to women acting like a Karen.

It's mad cow disease.

Why did the Kool-Aid man stop acting on Broadway?

He always broke the fourth wall.

A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband: “My husband is acting so weird.

He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!”

Psychiatrist: “Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.“

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A man went to the store to buy some raisins...

When he got there, he asked a cashier, "What aisle are the..."

"...raisins in?" she asked.

"How... how did you know?"

"I am a psychic. I can read minds."

"Really? Well then, what am I..."

"Thinking now? You're thinking about what I might look like naked."

"Y...

My ananas is acting weird...

it's gone completely bananas...

Whats the difference between the mafia and an acting troupe?

When the Mafia says break a leg, they mean someone elses

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In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room…

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him, "Charlie, what are you doing?" Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.
The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just a...

A Young Jewish boy kept acting up at school..

One day, the school calls his father and says, "Your son keeps acting up in class, and his behaviour is unacceptable. We'd reccomend placement in another school."

So the father talks to his son and decides he's gonna send him to a private school.

A week later, the private school calls ...

if Newton heard someone suggest his corpse could move without an external force acting upon it...

...he would roll over in his grave.

I'm sick and tired of these 18 yr old with attitude.

Everywhere I go they strut around acting like they rent the place.

I think I want to take up acting...

Does anyone know of a local soccer league I could join?

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A lady walks into a car dealership and browses around. Suddenly she spots the most perfect, beautiful car and walks over to inspect it.

As she bends forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she anxiously looks around to see if anyone has noticed and hopes a salesperson doesn't pop up right now. As she turns back, there standing next to her, is a salesman.

With a pl...

What do doctors say when they see a patient acting like a monster?

"It's morphine time!"

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