UPJOKE
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Group O Jokes

One Marine is better than...

A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune:
"One Marine is better than ten Isis fighters".

The Isis commander quickly orders 10 of best men over the dune where a gun battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, ...

A Woman Walks Into A Cafe

A woman goes to a cafe and takes a seat outside. While she's eating, she overhears a group of men at the next table.

"Look, let's go with the simple option. It's spelled W-O-O-M."

"No, I'm sure there's an R in there. W-O-O-M-R."

"I thought it was longer than that, and had a B. W...

On the the 31st of October...

A group of friends were playing with an Ouija board in the attic of one of their houses. They lit 4 candles around the board and placed their hands on the planchet.

One of them asks: "Oh spirit of the board, how will I die?"
Silence followed...

Another asks: "Oh spirit of the boar...

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A group of friends decide to get together and go on a hunting trip in Georgia to get away for a few days. The arrangements are made and a few days later they are being picked up by their guide 'Bubba' at the airport and off to the hills of Georgia they go.

Bubba decides to hold a little church call before they take off on the hunt: "Now you city boys be real careful with them thar guns and don't go shooting each other in the foot and don't shoot nothing till I tell ya its all right. Now listen up real good to this here, you see them bunch of Hound dog...

A politician visits a rural area to gain appeal for the upcoming elections

He schedules a meeting with the local leaders to discuss problems the town has been experiencing so that he could provide help and solutions.

"Governor, our town has been experiencing two big problems," says one of the leaders

The politician pounds his table, "Ok tell me what they are,...

Field Trip

A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers,
went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs ) to learn
about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but
mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children t...

So my friend sent me an invitation to this club

He said that they arranged taco Tuesday at the club. I didn't really feel up to it so I initially declined. He said it was fine but then kept inviting me every week. Every week I kept declining until I eventually gave in and agreed to come.


"Why do you want me to go so badly?"

...

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Three men are travelling home on Christmas day together

As they round a corner their car goes head on into a tree and the three men are instantly killed. All three men arrive at the pearly gates at the same time and stand in a long queue waiting to receive St Peter’s judgement. While waiting, one of the men points ahead to front of the queue after notici...

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[att. Aesop] The Miller and His Son

A MILLER and his son were driving their Ass to a neighboring fair to sell him.

They had not gone far when they met with a troop of women collected round a well, talking and laughing. "Look there," cried one of them, "did you ever see such fellows, to be trudging along the road on foot when...

A group of bulls is standing on a hillock

They graze and observe cows on the field below. The 2 year old one says "Come on guys, let's go down there and hump all of them." The 5 y/o one says "Easy there buddy. Let's go down there and hump the good looking ones." 7 y/o snorts "Look guys, if cows want it they'll come to us." Then the 10 y/o ...

what did the rabbi say to the group of mashgiachs?

O U guys!

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Welcome to the eleven 'o clock news

I am your anchor Francis FullOfFrenchPeople. In today's highlights, a group of scientists were hospitalized when a monkey they had been running tests on in a lab got violent and started throwing flaming feces at them They were said to have suffered Turd Debris Burns.

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