Did you know Mortal Kombat was based on an old Scandinavian song?

A Finnish hymn.

Did you hear that Crash Test Dummies wrote a musical based on The Human Centipede?

It’s called "Mmf Hff Fm Hhmff Fhuhr Hmfhmf."

Based on Lebron's acting skills, I suspect Space Jam 2...

Will be a flop.

Netflix is making a show about a shrub, based on a Twitter account. Some people are excited, but I'm not sure...

It seems like a corporate plant.

On the behalf of Ron Swanson, the USA decides to choose their next president based on a race

Joe Biden and Donald Trump try to run in the race to try and be president again but ultimately lost to Usain Bolt who also competed.

When interviewed on why he should be president, Usain explained "Because I run better than the government."

Did you know that the consistency of a woman's menstrual fluid is varies greatly based on her diet?

It's a viscous cycle.

Two aliens are flying near earth~

The first one says, "The dominant life form here have developed satellite based nuclear weapons."

The second one says, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first one says, "I don't think so, they have it aimed at themselves."

The spread of the Coronavirus is based on two factors

1. How dense the population is
2. How dense the population is

What do you call a joke that is based on cobalt, radon, and yttrium?

CoRnY

They say you can predict the next president based off bumper stickers.

According to my research the president should have been that one honor student.

Mikhail Kalashnikov visits the United States (based on true story)

For the first time, the legendary father of the AK-47 visits the United States. On his first day there he goes to a shooting range and meets up with Eugene Stoner, the father of America's M16. They discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each of their creations to which Eugene Says:

"My ...

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True facts....

\*\*\*\*True Facts\*\*\*\*

1. IN the 1400s, a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb, hence we have 'the rule of thumb'.

2. Many years ago, in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only, Ladies Fo...

I have to give a talk in college next week, on the history and manufacture of petroleum-based lubricants, so I've spent all day in the local library.

They have an excellent non-friction section.

A St. Patrick's day joke based on my Irish ancestry

One evening an Irish man walks out of a bar ...

>!That's the whole joke, the joke being two fold: an Irish man wouldn't leave a bar in the evening at all, and when an Irish man leaves a bar, he doesn't 'walk' out; he either staggers or is carried out!<

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Two economists are walking in the woods...

Two economists are walking in the woods when they encounter a rotting deer carcass.


One economist turns to the other and says, "I bet you $4000 you won't sniff that carcass."

The other economist isn't going to turn down $4000 so he leans over and sniffs it. Then he turns to the fi...

An anti-vaxxer got a call from the Doctor.

The doctor said "Your test results are in and I'm afraid it's not good news."

"Nonsense," replied the anti-vaxxer. "I don't trust your pharmaceutical industry. My entire life I relied on homeopathic remedies instead of medication, and the only diagnosis I accept is based on my horoscope."
...

Ronald Reagan asks a mathematician: "What is two plus two?"

The mathematician replies "Four, Mr President."

Unsatisfied, Reagan asks a statistician. "What is two plus two?"

The statistician says "Based on our research, most people think it's between 3.8 and 4.3."

Still unsatisfied, Reagan asks an economist: "What is two plus two?"
...

A reporter is interviewing a wealthy investor and asks what the secrets were to his success. “Well, I’ll tell you one of the best financial decisions I made was based on stock advice I got from a shoe shiner”

“I figured if my shoe shiner is giving out stock tips, it’s probably right to get out of the market”

So I've been thinkin of opening a christian based Fromagerie,

I even picked out a logo. Jesus Cheesus. Our Grate Lord and Savior

What do you call a forum based around toe injuries?

A stubbreddit

A man went to the doctor...

He said, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"

The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks."

"I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has...

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I'm starting a new premium subscription service that will distribute sexual content based on Japanese demons.

It shall be called Oni Fans.

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Cancer!

Karen: Doctor, I've not been feeling well lately

Doctor: Well, I've looked at your lab reports and I'm afraid I have some bad news...

Karen: Don't give me this lab nonsense, you bureaucratic paper pusher! I don't believe Western medicine anyways! I've been following homeopathic medicin...

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Sherlock Holmes Looks at the Night Sky

Sherlock Holmes and Watson are laying in their sleeping bags looking up at the midsummer sky. Sherlock turns to Watson and asks, "Watson, what do you see?"


"Stars and the moon, dear Holmes," he says.


"What does it mean?" Sherlock asks.


"Well," says Watson. "It ...

What do vegan black holes say?

"I'm on a strictly planet based diet"

Did you see the latest fashion trend is adhesive based dresses and suits?

From what I heard they’re a bit tacky.

I'm a physicist and I went to a baseball game the other day....A foul ball got hit my way.... As the baseball came toward me, I was trying to work out how long it would take to reach me, based on its arc and velocity...

And then it hit me.

If you adjust your posture based on someone's recommendation,

Do you stand corrected?

My wife said she’d buy her next phone based on how bright the display is...

... but I think that’s just nit-picking

Never purchase jewelry based off of a photograph

It makes you look 2D pendant

A girl added me and sent me a picture of herself

She looked so much like someone who would judge me based of my appearance so i blocked her.
Cut toxic people out of your life because you deserve better (:

What do you call a pork based subscription service?

OnlyHams

A lame joke I made up based on an existing joke. Sorry if it's bad.

One day Sean joined a quiz team.

He and his teammates studied really hard for a quiz competition.

On the night of the quiz competition, in the last round, Sean and his team was 1 point behind first place.

However, they had one more question that if answered correctly, would awar...

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An inspector goes to a prison’s death row.

The warden tells him, “We punish our inmates humanely based on what crime they committed. Instead of the death penalty, we amputate the body part they committed the crime with.”

The inspector thinks this is a good idea, as it teaches the inmate a lifelong lesson. He sees someone without his r...

In light of the recent debates on whether Splash Mountain should remain the same or be remodeled after "The Princess and the Frog", let me give you some hints on which Disney movie I think it should be based on.

1. It's far from the most popular Disney film, but it definitely isn't without its fans.
2. It is notable for taking place in the Americas and featuring a mostly non-white cast.
3. One of the main characters of the movie is a selfish and lazy teenage prince who likes to party.
4. This princ...

You know, just based on my “relationship resume,” on paper, I’m a great catch!

In practice, however, I’m more catch and release.

An atheist decides he was to be Jewish...

An atheist is inspired by the Jewish philosophy and approach to religion, how it's built around questioning and responding with more and deeper questions. He's not sold on the God stuff, but decides he can look past that if it means getting to engage with a thoughtful, inquisitive community.

...

3 men enter heaven together

Upon entering, they are greeted by god. God tells them that they will receive a vehicle, however the quality and value of the vehicle will vary based on how frequently they cheated on their wife. So the first man says “I never cheated once in my life” god inspects him and finds this out to be true. ...

Two Philosophers and a YouTuber Meet in the Dead of Night to Discuss their Darkest Secrets

They begin by releasing their darkest secrets in exchange for more secrets. After each of them let out their darkest secrets, the YouTuber asks for a break.

The philosophers tell him that he can take a break, so the YouTuber wanders off while the philosophers remain at the table. With just th...

Did you know that the first ever musicians were also mathematicians?

Their music was based off log-rhythms

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My piss just registered 14 on the pH scale

No wonder I'm so based.

My doctor says that each cigarette I smoke takes 9 minutes off of my life.

Based on that math, I should've died in 1987.

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I have location-based constipation.

Can’t have shit in Detroit.

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I'm writing an anime based on a character with lymphedema of the nutsack

It's called 'Dragging Balls eh?"

TIFU my IT job interview when I was asked to give an example of role-based security.

Apparently, six ply toilet paper was not the correct answer.

Did you hear about the prison that grouped its inmates based on if they were dominant or submissive?

They had the place sorted top to bottom.

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Three men die and are sent to Hell. Satan punishes them based on their sins

They must all spend 80 years locked in a room with their guilty pleasures in life.
The alchoholic will have all the booze he can drink. The sex addict will have countless beautiful, horny women. And the pot head will have all the weed he can smoke.
The three men face their punishments happil...

Did you hear that they're making a Broadway production based off the dictionary?

It's a play on words.

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