‌‌A m‌‌a‌‌n i‌‌‌‌s b‌‌ein‌‌g r‌‌elease‌‌d f‌‌ro‌‌m a‌‌‌‌ U‌‌‌‌S h‌‌ospital.

A‌‌s h‌‌‌‌e i‌‌‌‌s b‌‌ein‌‌g e‌‌scorte‌‌d o‌‌u‌‌t b‌‌‌‌y a‌‌‌‌ n‌‌urse‌‌, h‌‌‌‌e p‌‌asse‌‌s b‌‌‌‌y a‌‌‌‌ p‌‌atient’‌‌s r‌‌oo‌‌m w‌‌it‌‌h t‌‌h‌‌e d‌‌oo‌‌r o‌‌pe‌‌n a‌‌n‌‌d s‌‌ee‌‌s t‌‌ha‌‌t t‌‌h‌‌e m‌‌al‌‌e p‌‌atien‌‌t i‌‌‌‌s m‌‌asturbatin‌‌g f‌‌uriously‌‌. C‌‌onfused‌‌, h‌‌‌‌e t‌‌urn‌‌s t‌‌‌‌o t‌‌h‌...

‌‌After s‌‌ex w‌‌ith m‌‌y n‌‌ew g‌‌irlfriend l‌‌ast n‌‌ight s‌‌he s‌‌nuggled u‌‌p n‌‌ext t‌‌o m‌‌e a‌‌nd s‌‌aid, "‌‌You a‌‌re d‌‌efinitely t‌‌he b‌‌iggest I‌‌'ve e‌‌ver h‌‌ad."

Apparently "‌‌ditto" w‌‌asn't t‌‌he c‌‌orrect r‌‌esponse.

‌‌TIL i‌‌n 1‌‌974 R‌‌ussians a‌‌ccidentally b‌‌lew u‌‌p t‌‌heir o‌‌wn s‌‌ubmarine, t‌‌hinking i‌‌t w‌‌as a‌‌n e‌‌nemy

Oops, w‌‌rong s‌‌ub.

T‌‌he U‌‌S i‌‌s h‌‌aving s‌‌o m‌‌any d‌‌isasters a‌‌nd t‌‌ragedies

Y‌‌ou'd a‌‌lmost t‌‌hink i‌‌t w‌‌as b‌‌uilt o‌‌n t‌‌op o‌‌f t‌‌housands o‌‌f a‌‌ncient i‌‌ndian b‌‌urial g‌‌rounds.

‌‌I w‌‌as f‌‌ucking m‌‌y s‌‌ecretary u‌‌p t‌‌he a‌‌rse w‌‌hen m‌‌y w‌‌ife w‌‌alked i‌‌n

She s‌‌aid, "‌‌You c‌‌an't d‌‌o t‌‌his t‌‌o m‌‌e!"

I s‌‌aid, "‌‌I k‌‌now... t‌‌hat's w‌‌hy I‌‌'m d‌‌oing i‌‌t t‌‌o h‌‌er.

What contains the letters a,u, t, and s and is caused by vaccines?

Adults

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dog asks a cat : Why do u always hide when having sex ????????

Cat replies: You want people to steal my style like they stole yours?, NEVER!!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Back in the U.S.S.R.

An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the member...

U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans rowing towards Texas. The Captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts:

“Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"

One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, "Gringo, we are invading the United States of
America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800's."

The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter....

Tom f‌‌inally d‌‌ecided t‌‌o t‌‌ie t‌‌he k‌‌not w‌‌ith h‌‌is l‌‌ongtime g‌‌irlfriend. O‌‌ne e‌‌vening, a‌‌fter t‌‌he h‌‌oneymoon, h‌‌e w‌‌as c‌‌leaning o‌‌ne o‌‌f h‌‌is h‌‌ot r‌‌ods f‌‌or a‌‌n u‌‌pcoming s‌‌how.

His w‌‌ife w‌‌as s‌‌tanding t‌‌here a‌‌t t‌‌he b‌‌ench w‌‌atching h‌‌im. A‌‌fter a‌‌ l‌‌ong p‌‌eriod o‌‌f s‌‌ilence s‌‌he f‌‌inally s‌‌peaks. "‌‌Honey, I‌‌'ve j‌‌ust b‌‌een t‌‌hinking, n‌‌ow t‌‌hat w‌‌e a‌‌re m‌‌arried m‌‌aybe i‌‌t's t‌‌ime y‌‌ou q‌‌uit s‌‌pending a‌‌ll y‌‌our t‌‌ime o‌‌ut h‌‌ere i‌...

A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.

“I think it’s raining,” says the man.

“No, it’s snowing,” replies the woman.

“How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!” exclaims the man. “Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?”

“Definitely raining,” Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
<...

A u‌‌niversity s‌‌tudent w‌‌anted t‌‌o s‌‌it n‌‌ext t‌‌o o‌‌ne o‌‌f h‌‌is t‌‌eachers a‌‌t l‌‌unch.

However, t‌‌he t‌‌eacher l‌‌ooked a‌‌t t‌‌he s‌‌tudent w‌‌ith a‌‌n a‌‌rrogant f‌‌ace a‌‌nd s‌‌aid, "A s‌‌wan s‌‌han't b‌‌e f‌‌riends w‌‌ith a‌‌ p‌‌ig."

"Then I‌‌ s‌‌hall f‌‌ly o‌‌n", a‌‌nswered t‌‌he s‌‌tudent w‌‌ith a‌‌ s‌‌mile.

The t‌‌eacher w‌‌as c‌‌learly v‌‌exed b‌‌y t‌‌he c‌‌heek...

How many Nintendo fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Who knows? They’re all too busy playing with the switch.

What do u call a delivery driver who doesnt like his job

FEDup

I looked longingly into my beloved's eyes and whispered, "A, E, I, O, U...and sometimes, Y."

The priest then turned to her. "And has the bride prepared any wedding vowels?"

How many U.S. Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

Forty-five. A couple dozen to turn it to the right, a score of them to turn it to the left, and one to really, really screw it at the end.

My gf asked me if u knew what an abortion is

And I said no baby

Do y‌‌ou e‌‌ver w‌‌ake u‌‌p, k‌‌iss t‌‌he p‌‌erson s‌‌leeping b‌‌eside y‌‌ou a‌‌nd f‌‌eel g‌‌lad t‌‌hat y‌‌ou're a‌‌live?

I j‌‌ust d‌‌id a‌‌nd a‌‌pparently w‌‌ill n‌‌ot b‌‌e a‌‌llowed o‌‌n t‌‌his a‌‌irline a‌‌gain.

Whats wet on the inside and hairy on the outside, starts with a c, ends in a t and has a u and an n in it?

A coconut

I u/deadroadie am declaring my official run for presidential candidacy.

If any one can claim to be running for presidential candidacy, why not throw my name into the ring. Hell, why stop there, I fully support Cujo as my Vice President because he's such a heckin good boy!

My wife left me because I am insecure

No wait, she's back. She just went to get coffee

Scientists have discovered another deadly pathogen they are calling the Peekaboo virus.

Doctors are sending anyone with peekaboo straight to ICU.

What do u call a fat girls stalker?

A whale watcher

Three guys go to a ski lodge but there isn't enough room so they have to share a bed...

The next morning, at breakfast, the guy who slept on the right says

_"I had a dream I got a handjob last night_"

The guy who slept on the left says

_"Wierd! I had the same dream!"_

The guy who slept in the middle says

_"I dreamt I was skiing"_

So a dart player came up to me and said "Why did u put super glue on my dart? '...

I said "You can't just let it go can you"

Did u just stand there while I fell over and dropped all the laundry?

Yes I watched it all unfold

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prostitution is illegal in most of the U.S.

But if you film it and call it porn then it's alright.

Di‌‌d yo‌‌u kno‌‌w i‌‌f yo‌‌u hol‌‌d you‌‌r ea‌‌r u‌‌p to‌‌o ‌‌a stranger‌‌s leg

... yo‌‌u ca‌‌n actuall‌‌y hea‌‌r the‌‌m sa‌‌y "wha‌‌t th‌‌e fuc‌‌k ar‌‌e yo‌‌u doing?"

Girl: im breaking up with u.

guy: why?
girl: because u keep quoting Chicago lyrics.
guy: but, if u leave me now, u take away the biggest part of me 😭

In response to the American coin shortage, Canada has committed to providing the U.S. aid

They give us Nickelback

If someone was writing a book about tsunamis...

If someone was writing a book about tsunamis and they suddenly got a rush of ideas on what to call it, would that be considered a title wave?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family with a little boy is driving behind a trash truck.

Suddenly, a dildo flies out of the truck and hits the windshield.
To save her son‘s innocence, his mother goes: "Wow that was a huge bug!"
To which her son replies: "Dang, how is that bug flying with a cock that big!?"

What do you call a bulletproof Irishman?

Rick O'Shea

Is this the right place for politically incorrect jokes?

I have this great one about President Benjamin Franklin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: I'm afraid of random letters

Therapist: You are?

Me: \*screams\*

Therapist: Oh I see.

Me: \*screams louder\*

Therapist: OK! OK!

Me: \*continues to scream\*

They said a mask would be enough to go to the super market...

They lied.

Everyone else had their clothes on.

‌‌A R‌‌oman s‌‌oldier i‌‌s b‌‌ragging t‌‌o h‌‌is f‌‌riend, "‌‌You'll n‌‌ever g‌‌uess w‌‌ith h‌‌ow m‌‌any w‌‌omen I‌‌'ve s‌‌lept!"

"Mmm?"

"Nah, n‌‌ot t‌‌hat m‌‌any"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap.

"Because he used to live in a brothel," says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.

When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs.

When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laugh too.

When the dad gets home the parr...

Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don’t make sense.

Refrigerator

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident

When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are paedophile, there’s no point waiting here. Just fuck off straight to hell!"

Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away.

St. Peter call...

What do the initials D.S.A.U stand for ?

United States Dyslexic Association

While recovering from surgery in the I.C.U...

...I couldn't help feeling like someone was watching me.

What do you call a small, Muslim house of worship located in Mexico?

A mosquito.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men in a nursing home are sitting and reminiscing.

First man says, “I wish I could just go pee as easily when I was younger. It’s getting harder and harder to do so as the years pass.”

The second guy says, “I can pee just fine but I would give anything to be able to poop with no trouble. It’s getting more difficult even with fruits and veggie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL why Americans removed the letter U from the British spelling of words like humour and colour.

Because Fuck U, that's why.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Early one morning a fat kid was sitting in an airport terminal eating a giant size candy bar.

An older man strolled by and saw the boy.

He stopped abruptly and asked "Hey kid, do you think it's a good idea to be eating a giant candy bar for breakfast?"

The boy replied "I don't know, but my grandpappy lived to be 102 years old."

The old man said "I'm sure he did, but he ...

Wife hears a knock on the door...it’s the police:

Police: We regret to inform you your husband died today. It was a work accident.

Wife: Noooo! (Starts crying) whyyyyyy! Please tell me how!!

Police: unfortunately he tripped and drowned at the beer tank of the beer factory were he worked.

Wife: oh my godddd!! What a painful deat...

Did u hear the joke about the cure for covid19?

It's a riot

I like to call my weed "the Quran"

Because burning it will get you stoned.

A Republican walks up to a Democratic with a face mask and say, “do you know what I say to sheep like you?...

Whatever the Republican Party tells me too say.”

My buddy takes his date's jacket to keep warm if it's cold...

And they say shivering is dead.

How do u turn a fox into an elephant?

Marry it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An arab man goes to the U.S (translated from Arabic)

He only knew two english words, yes and no. After arriving to the state, and while wondering around the city, a gangster found him. They asked him if he wants to get beaten up. Naturally he answered “yes” and they beat the shit out of him. After they were done, they asked if he had enough. He gave i...

What do u call a female Bigfoot?

Snatchsquatch

He‌‌y girl‌‌, ar‌‌e yo‌‌u ‌‌a broke‌‌n compass?

Becaus‌‌e I’‌‌m no‌‌t reall‌‌y sur‌‌e wher‌‌e I’‌‌m goin‌‌g wit‌‌h this.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and...

What do you call a communist U-Haul?

A We-Haul.

First rule of the vegan club!

tell everybody about the vegan club!

Knock knock...

Who’s there?

Hike.

Hike who?


Warm midnight falling.
Stars shining, dancing brightly.
Peaceful all at once

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family of 5 in an Audi Quattro are driving through the south of Italy.

They stop for a ferry to Sicilia. A worker tells them to stop.

The driver says, "Why should we stop?"

The worker replies with, "You know, its illegal to have 5 people in a Quattro.

D (driver): Why?

W(worker): Quattro means 4. There are 5 of you, one will have to stay behi...

Why does the U.S have to be so goddamn special with their foot fetishes

Why can't they just have metre fetishes like everywhere else.

When u get to college u get the freshman15 - what do u call the weight u gain during quarantine?

The Covid-19

What do you call a man with one eye, two noses, and three ears?

Ugly

An American and a Canadian go skydiving

An American and a Canadian go skydiving. This is the first solo jump for the both of them. The plane lifts off and the instructor gives them their last instructions:

"When the light above the door turns green, you can jump."

The Canadian (who is a major stutterer) asks:

"w-w-w-w...

What do u give a dog that has high temperature?

Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog

A man in an interrogation room says “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.”

Cop: You are the lawyer.

Lawyer: Exactly, so where’s my present?

Teacher: do u understand the importance of a period?

8yo: yes, once my sister missed her & my mom started crying, my dad fainted & my elder brother ran away from home.

At a state dinner, both the King of the Czech lands and the King of France happened to witness a murder.

The next day, they held a joint conference to describe what they each had seen. As the King of France gave his recollection of the details of the murder, the audience gasped and clutched their handkerchiefs and at the end swooned in amazement. But when the King of the Czech lands gave his eyewitness...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My ex girlfriend used to have sex with fruit whenever she got stressed

When we broke up she went fucking bananas

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met a 14 year old girl on the internet.

She was clever, funny, flirty, and sexy. I suggested we meet up.


She turned out to be an undercover detective.


How cool is that at her age?!

What r two words u should never say to a Jehovah’s Witness?

Come in!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If a blind girl tells you your dick is the biggest she's ever felt...

She's probably pulling your leg.

‌‌Yoda i‌‌s w‌‌orking a‌‌t a‌‌ h‌‌otel a‌‌s a‌‌ c‌‌oncierge a‌‌nd a‌‌ m‌‌an w‌‌alks u‌‌p t‌‌o t‌‌he d‌‌esk

Yoda: Hello, welcome, you are.

Man: Hi, I'd like to book a triplex for the weekend.

Yoda: Sorry I am, only duplex we have.

Man: Are you sure? I really need the triplex.

Yoda: There is no tri, only du.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do jokes and U.S. Presidents have in common?

This one fucking sucks.

What gets easier to pick up the heavier it gets?

Women.

A Brazilian man in Mexico doesn't know why the U.S. deported him there.

Can you imagine Hispanic?

Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, told the President: "This morning, 3 Brazilians were killed by Covid-19."

Trump's face went egg-shell white with shock. The blood drained from his face; and, to everyone’s amazement, he collapsed on the floor.

Minutes passed, and to everyone’s relief President Trump got up shakily and then sat back on his chair.

His staff was nothing less than stunned at thi...

Barry's job was to write articles for a massive online news site run by the mafia...

He absolutely hated his job, but he had to stay because they would kill his family if he left. He had to write articles about the mafia’s crimes, and because the company had all the lawmakers bribed, they were untouchable even though they openly admitted to their crimes.





The ...

A Jewish Man, Killed in the Holocaust, Rises to Heaven. Once there, he Tells God a Holocaust Joke.

God contemplates the joke briefly before echoing out in a thunderous voice:

“THAT’S NOT FUNNY!”

The man simply shrugs:

“I guess you had to be there.”

What did Casper the ghost say while sitting through a terrible movie?

“I don’t think I can get through this!”

Germanys funniest joke according to research

A man comes to the fortune teller and sits in front of the crystal ball. "I see you have two children," says the fortune teller.

"YOU believe that!" He replies. "I am a father of three."

The fortune teller smiles and answers: "YOU believe that!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chandrasekhar’s First Day at School in America

It was the first day of school and a new student named Chandrashekhar Subrahmanyam entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American History. Who said “Give me liberty, or give me death”? She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrashekhar, who had his hand up: ...

Credit to u/Draiu

John got a job at the local prison. On his first day, he saw a large, muscular man cranking a shaft inside of his cell. He turned to one of his fellow guards and asked, “Who’s that guy?”, referring to the man cranking the shaft.

“That’s Khan Drea. He’s in here for life, but the warden decided...

Three Chinese brothers emigrated to the U.S.

They were told to change their names, Bu, Chu, and Fu, into names sounding more familiar for American ears, so Bu became Buck, Chu became Chuck, and Fu went back to China.

The spread of Corona Virus is based on 2 factors:

1. How dense the population is.

2. How dense the population is.

A Frenchman, a German, and a Russian are arguing about cars.

The Frenchman says: We use the Renault for travel inside our country, and the Peugeot when we travel outside the border.

The German says: Ach, ja! We do that too! We use the Volkswagen for travel inside our country, and the Mercedes when we go to foreign countries.

The Russian then say...

Everywhere, we call it Wii and Wii U.

But in France, they call it Yes and Yes U.

What do u call a dead body in space?

A celestial body.

My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair

Guess who came crawling back

Scientists were baffled when hundreds of stars were suddenly extinguished.

Nobody saw the meteor that slammed into Hollywood.

Which U.S. state has the smallest soft-drinks?

Minnesota.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men arrive in Heaven at the same time.

As they approach the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter appears before them.

"The rules are simple: to get into Heaven, first you have to tell me how you die. If I'm satisfied with your story, you can come in."

The first man steps forward.

"Imagine this. You come home to your sixth-floo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bi sexual Hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie watching sci-fi on wifi.

I like the way you are thinking

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.

"Yeah teach?" he replies.

"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.

Matt answer...

A group of comedians walk into a bar and take their seats at a table.

One of the comedians says, “Five!” And they all burst out laughing.

Another shouts, “Eight!” And they continue cracking up.

“Nine!” “Twelve!” Twenty two!” Soon, all of the comedians are laughing so hard it draws the attention of the bartender.

“What’s this all about? Why are yo...

Joe Biden walks into a bar and sees a pretty, young blonde chick.

He sits down next to her and says "So, do I come here often?"

/u/username goes to the grocery store....

username checks out.

Somebody stole my Microsoft office, and they're going to pay.

You have my word.

What do you call a French a**hole?

A douchebaguette

Why should u buy a WiFi enabled espresso machine?

To get the latest Java updates

I worked at the U.S.Mint because it was the only job close by

I didn't have a car, it was just the only thing that made cents at the time.

A woman said to her husband "Why don't you treat me like you did when we were first dating?"

So he took her to dinner and a movie, and dropped her off at her parent's house.

No one in Antarctica has Covid 19

It's because they are Ice-O-Lated

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend asked me "why are u making jerky during quarantine".

Because these are drying times

Whoever invented the knock knock joke should get an award.

Like no bell prize.

I'm reading a horror story in braille. Something horrible is about to happen...

I can feel it

what do u call a can opener that doesn't work

a can't opener

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to work at a restaurant, but I wasn’t a good cook. I could make some good toast though.

It was my bread and butter.

How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

What do u call a dandelion that used to be a rose?

A transplant

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I didn't realize how racist my family was until I brought my black girlfriend home for Thanksgiving dinner

My wife and kids HATED her!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist named Susan, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.

Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled.

They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, ...

When I was a kid, I made a really big sandcastle with my grandma

Unfortunately, I didn't impress anyone at the cremation...

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S.

One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.'

The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.

"Which part did yo...

Medusa must be the most beautiful woman in the world

The moment you look at her you get hard.

The best computers are made in America

They have virtually no troubleshooting.

Why Are Murders So Hard To Solve In The U.S. Deep South?

All the DNA is the same and there are no dental records...

I was really hoping Jesus would reveal God's plan for 2020 on Reddit

But all he'd do is crosspost

What do u call a blonde that dyed their hair?

Artificial Intelligence

(Some old guy at chipotle told me this lmao)

You have $500 dollars. Your friend wants to borrow $200 and your girlfriend wants $100.

What do you have left?

$500 and two left on read messages.

what do u call a strong soup?

s0uperior

Nintendo didn’t want a repeat of the disappointing sales from their Wii U.

It was clear that they needed to make a switch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend told me that a small penis isn't an issue

I still wish she didn't have one

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An interview

Interviewer: "So you must be here for the telephonic interview. What's your name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Interviewer: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Interviewer: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Interv...

Do u know the difference between a vitamin and a hormone ?

Can’t hear a vitamin

How can u tell a computer scientist is an introvert or an extrovert?

The extrovert looks at your shoes while having conversation while the introvert looks at his own shoe.

TIL there are over 20,000 battered women in the U.S. everyday...

I don't know if I can ever go back to eating them plain...

What would happen if the U.S switched to metric overnight?

There would be mass confusion.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.

While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the Colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.

He posed the question of just how much of sex was “wo...

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip off

What do I know about bonsai trees?

Very little. (Edit: wow! Silver, gold, and platinum! Thanks, anonymous Redditor(s). And six (6!) upvotes!)

Today, I saw a cop dancing while pulling over a U-Haul truck.

I think he was trying to bust a move.

What's the difference between America and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it will develop a culture

I love u

A man said, “I love you so much. I could never live without you.”
His girlfriend giggled and asked, “Is that you talking or the beer?”
He said, “It’s me talking to the beer…”

A Chinese guy in the U.S. goes to exchange his currency.

He exchanges C¥10,000 and gets US$1,500.

The next day, he exchanges another C¥10,000, but gets only US$1,499. He asks why.

The exchange clerk says, “Fluctuations.”

The Chinese guy is shocked for a moment, and yells back, “Fluctuamelicans!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They're going to have to change the name of the U.S Virgin Islands

They're about to get fucked

Corona virus is much like pasta

Invented by the Chinese.

Spread by the Italians.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.