This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does sex and the U.S. Military have in common?

When you pull out at the wrong time you end up wasting 20 years and a lot of money

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. “Twenty bucks,” she says. He’s never been with a prostitute before, but he decides what the hell.

They are going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them—it’s a policeman.

“What’s going on here?” asks the officer.

“I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop, “I didn’t know.”

“Well,” said the man, ...

What’s an example of a palindrome?

Daughter: What's an example of a palindrome?

Dad: Mom.

Daughter: Ugh. Fine. Mom, what's an example of a palindrome?

Mom: Dad.

Daughter: OHMYGOD WHY WON'T YOU GUYS HELP ME

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It’s Mikes first day of prison.

He walks into his cell, and his cellmate is sitting on the edge of the bed shirtless.

“Listen, first thing you need to know is that this is going to happen. Your only choice is whether is happens with spit or without spit,” says the shirtless celly.

“Well, I don’t want this to happen ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“What’s your name, son?” a principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.”

“Do you have a stutter?” asked the principal. The student answered, “No sir, but my dad has a stutter and the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”

Barack Obama walks into a bar, but he is invisible. After attracting the bartender’s attention, the bartender says "Ok, I'll bite. Why are you invisible?"

Obama says "Well, I found a bottle on the beach and...then I rubbed it." "And then...importantly...A genie came out." "The genie said I could have...3 wishes."

For my first wish, I said "Let me say this, and this is profoundly important...I want Michelle to marry me...I love her,...and I thin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband notices his wife’s hearing is deteriorating and decides to visit her doctor for advice.

“I can’t speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age” he says to the doc.

“There’s a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing” explains the doctor. “Simply ask her a question at a distance and if she doesn’t hear you, move slightly closer and ask again...

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The man’s wife left him

Upset, he went for a drive and suddenly ran over a cop and crushed him to death.
Not knowing what else to do, he threw the cop in the trunk and drove to the cemetery.
When he got there, he came across a drunken watchman.
"Listen, if you bury this body with no questions asked, I'l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife was in bed, naked with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”

The husband lurched into the bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.

He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”

“You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wi...

Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek–a-boo accident?

To the ICU.

A man is visiting friends in Alabama and decides he’s needs a drink so he goes to a local bar

He walks in and orders a glass of wine. Everyone sitting around the bar looks up expecting to see a flamboyant yankee. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and asks “ you ain’t from around here are you?”

“No sir,” He says, “I’m from Minnesota”

“ What the hell do you do in Minnesota” the...

You have to be born in the 1940's and been a teenager in 1957 in order to get this joke

Its 1957 and Bob goes to pick up his date.
Peggy Sue's Father invites him in.

He asks Bob what they plan on doing.

Bob politely responds that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in.

Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I h...

What’s a pirates favorite element on the periodic table?

Gold. What the hell would they need argon for?

A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where’s mom and dad?"

She replied, "They're up in bed," so the little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma the same question. She replied with the same answer and the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play....

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The headmistress at my exclusive girl’s college was lecturing us on Sexual morality......

“In moments of temptation,” she said to the class, “ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?”

She got so furious when I got up and asked “How do you make it last an hour?”

If I had a nickel for every time I was called hot, I would be the U.S.A

28.7 trillion dollars in debt

What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can’t hear an enzyme. (Credit to Dorothy Parker.)

Forward, it’s heavy. Backwards, it’s not. What is it?

A ton

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What’s the difference between dildos and tofu?

I can put a dildo in my mouth without gagging.

I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger’s cat and Pavlov’s dog team up for a cross county adventure…

So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.

The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn’t sure if it was there or not.

A man’s printer started printing more and more faintly, so he called a local repair shop.

A friendly young man informed him, “Well, you could bring it in for a cleaning, but we charge $50 for that, so you might be better off just reading the manual and trying the job yourself.”

Pleasantly surprised by this candor, the man said, “Thanks, son. Does your boss know that you discourage...

My grandfathers favorite joke: what’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

The drug dealer can’t wash the crack and resell it

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It’s ok if your phone autocorrects “Fuck” to “Duck”

You’re still using Fowl Language.

“Feeling strange, Mr. Bond? That’s because I’ve laced your martini with a measles vaccine. The autism should be setting in any second now.”

“Joke’s on you, I already disassembled your doomsday device and rearranged all the parts in order of size.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between Joe Biden and Donald Trump?

Biden actually pulls out after promising to

After a few weeks of trying, my wife just told me she’s pregnant.

She has the worst stutter ever.

What’s black and doesn’t work?

Decaf coffee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scientists have discovered a food that reduces a woman’s sex drive:

Wedding cake

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.”

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.”
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I kn...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sits next to me on the train and pulls out his phone showing me a photo of his girlfriend on his background screen, and said “she’s beautiful isn’t she?”

I go “if you think she’s beautiful, you should see my wife…”

He goes “why, is she a stunner?”

I replied “no, she’s an optician”

What’s worse than a bull in a China shop?

A hedgehog in a condom factory

What is Forrest Gump’s email password?

**1Forrest1**

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said:

“Last night, we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.”

The other man said:

“What was the name of the restaurant?”

The first man thought and thought and finally said:<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with big tits?

One is a crusty bus station,
the other is a busty crustacean

Teacher: “children, what’s your biggest fear?”

Tom (5): “snakes!”

Emily (6): “lions!”

Stanley (5): “the unbelievable senselessness of life, and that we will all die a terrible death in our nightmares!”

Lilly (6): “Stanley!”

When I die, I hope it’s peacefully in my sleep, like grandpa

Not screaming in terror, like his passengers.

What’s the difference between juice and cider?

A date can’t end with you in juice.

Great news! The U.S. is now 61.7% fully vaccinated ...

... and 28.4% fully dewormed.

My friend got really mad when he caught me sniffing his sister’s underwear.

I don't know if it was because she was still wearing them or that the rest of the family was watching. Either way, the funeral got very awkward after that.

What’s the difference between a Pakistani elementary school and an Al-qaeda outpost?

I dunno man I just fly the drone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s Friday night and a young woman gets chatting with a handsome army sergeant in a bar.

After a couple of drinks she asks: “So when was the last time you slept with a real woman then?”

A little taken aback, the sergeant replies “Let’s see...that would have been about 2015”.

With that, the woman takes him home for a thoroughly enjoyable evening. Afterwards she exclaims: “W...

What’s a pirates favorite letter?

In best pirate voice “me hart will always belong to the CCCCcccc!!!”

What’s brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr. Dre

What do Polish men give their wives on their wedding day that’s long and hard?

Their last name.

What’s yellow and comes in the morning to brighten every parent’s day?

The school bus.

Did you hear of the mathematician who’s terrified of negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them

It’s a shame nothing is built in the USA anymore...

I just bought a TV & it said “Built in Antenna”.
I don’t even know where that is.

TIL a doctor who specializes in Adam’s apples is a...

guyneckologist

What do you call a rectangle that’s full of blood?

An erectangle


(Came up with this in math class lol)

What’s the best time to watch Star Trek?

8:53















(Seven of Nine)

What’s a cats favorite color?

Purrrple!


(Told by my 5yo niece.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve just discovered that the kids next door stole my credit card to pay for their Mom’s boob job

Just wait till I get my hands on them!

A couple in their 80's were having problems remembering things, so they decided to the go the doctor for a checkup.

The doctor tells them that they are physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. His wife asks, "Where are you going?" "To the kitchen for a drink," he replies. She asks, " Wil...

I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?” I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled...

“It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”

There’s no easy way to say this…

Worcestershire

What do you call a cow that you sit on but it’s super painful?

A couch.

What’s the difference between pie and cake?

π r². Cakes are round.

Happy cake day to me.

What is an astronaut’s favorite tea?

Gravitea

One time as a kid, I took my Dad’s voltmeter without his permission…

I got grounded

Yo momma’s so fat...

She slept on a memory foam mattress and it never forgot.

What’s the best way to enjoy a hotdog?

Relish it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s, long, hard, and has cum in it?

A cucumber, of course!

What’s an electrician’s favorite store?

The electrical outlet!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man buys a talking parrot, and he’s shocked to learn that the only thing the parrot does is curse.

All day, every day, it’s just a torrent of profanity.

He tries everything he can think of to make the parrot stop cursing.

He tries speaking in only kind, polite words and the parrot replies with, “Shit. Asshole. Fucker.”

He tries yelling at it. The parrot just says, “Motherfu...

What’s green and smells like pork?

Kermits fingers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My neighbor’s dog keeps going in my yard

I tell my neighbor politely a few times to keep his dog in his yard, but every evening I come out to a fresh pile.

I tell him to clean it up, but he never does, so I give him an ultimatum: “The next time your dog comes into my yard I am going to cook him.”

The next day, sure as anythin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between Jesus and vaccines?

One has the ability to prevent disease, slow down and eventually stop a global pandemic, and has saved countless millions of lives.

The other is a giant hoax, made up by evil shit bags to control the global population.

What’s the similarity between a female and a vacuum

They only suck when they are turned on

At my school there’s a rapper named MC Squared

The science teacher just calls him E

On the Sherrifs Wife’s Death Bed

On her death bed, the Sheriff's wife confesses that she cheated on him three times, but swears it was always for a good reason. He asks what happened, and she says, "Well, the first time, remember when Dr. Smith said he we couldn't afford the operation, and then he changed his mind and did it for fr...

What’s the difference between a Redditor and an egg?

An egg has been laid

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the hardest part about having sex with a clown?

Cleaning the grease paint off your back

Please tag this nsfw I forgot how to.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I suggested to my wife that maybe it’s time we asked our roommates to move out, seeing as they are obnoxiously loud and leave their shit everywhere.

After throwing her shoe at me, she told me that it’s apparently illegal to kick your kids out before they are 18.

What’s heavier, 1 lb of rocks, or 1 lb of feathers?

The feathers, because you’re carrying the weight of what you did to those birds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Aaron is in geometry class. His teacher is yelling at him because he’s wearing AirPods while the teacher is talking. In the middle of his rant, Aaron says “You’re such a square!”

The teacher says “prove it”.

English is the Devil’s language

Why is it spelled: camouflage

And not:

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The boy got his ass kicked by his bully after he followed his father’s advice.

The boy thought forsure that playing a nice tune on his violin would dissuade his bully from attacking him through the power of music.

He didn’t understand why it didn’t work, his father was a wise man. The father’s advice advice to the boy was:

“Son, sometimes you must respond to a ph...

A father’s three daughters were heading out of the house to go on dates

The first daughter said, “I’m going out with Joe, and we’re gonna see a show”

The father said, “A fine fella! Have fun my dear”

The second daughter said, “I’m going out with Pete, and we’re gonna grab a bite to eat”

“Sounds wonderful! Have fun my dear”

The third daughter ...

Hopefully it is original. If it’s not, sorry!

3 guys are lost in a particular foreign Village and now the cold night arrived. So they tried to go around houses hoping someone will take them in for the night.

First house: Guy 1– We are lost and we need a place to stay the night. Can you take us in?

Owner(looks at the 3 of them)— ...

What’s a fly’s favourite pickup line?

Is this stool taken?

It’s my cake day.. why couldn’t the Teddy Bear finish his cake?

He was already stuffed!!
Haha
Sorry it’s so cheese.

It’s so nice to meet so many anti-vaxers here

It feels like we’re a dying breed

A street near Buckingham palace is being renamed to “Prince Andrew’s Close”

It’s not honorary, it’s a warning.

I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"

"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"

My sister is taking part in a social experiment. She has to wear a “Boris is doing his best “ t-shirt for 2 weeks and see how people react. So far she’s been spit on, punched and had a bottle thrown at her!

I’m curious to see what happens when she goes outside.

A Jewish father was quite troubled by his errant son’s behavior, and went to see the rabbi about it...

“I brought him up as a Jew, spent a small fortune on his education and almost as much on his bar mitzvah. Then he calls me to tell me he has decided to become a Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?”

“Funny you should come to me,” said the rabbi. “Like you, I too brought my son up as a good...

There was a Priest doing a crossword puzzle. He asked a bishop, “ what’s another word for a women that ends in U N T?”. The bishop said, “that’s easy, it aunt”.

The priest responded, “Bishop do you by any chance happen to have an eraser?”

My son’s dyslexic, and every year at Christmas, he gets all excited and writes his little list of all the presents he wants, and then he goes and sends it off to Satan.

Well, actually I send it off to Satan because he can’t spell.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Shopping at Tiffany’s

A lady walks into Tiffany’s, looks around, spots a beautiful diamond necklace and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely at it, she unexpectedly farts.
Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little whoops and prays that a salesman wasn’...

What’s worse than a dead baby in a trashcan?

A dead baby in two trashcans!

What’s the worst brat of all?

A bratwurst.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mother and her young son were driving in their car when a dildo suddenly flies outta nowhere and hits the windshield, the mother trying to not ruin the child’s innocence says “it was just a bug sweetie, don’t worry”

The kid replies saying “How it even got of the ground with a dick that big amazes me”

I saw a book on Amazon, “How to reduce your life’s problems by 50%.”

Naturally I ordered two copies.

A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man’s car.

Both of their cars are demolished, but amazingly neither of them was hurt.
After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said, “Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but fortunately, we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in ...

I hate when people say “It’s a quarter till 9”

Just say 8:75pm like us normal people…

What’s a psychiatrists favorite kinda shoes?

Issues.

My favorite Dad joke, because it’s my cake day.

Why does a chicken coup only have two doors?



Because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan.

What starts with O, ends with N I O N S, and makes Americans cry?

Opinions

Got my stimulus check on St. Patrick’s Day

Call that luck of the IRS.

What’s Sisyphus’ least favorite band?

Rolling Stones

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

It’s okay not to know what prefix means.

It’s not the end of the word.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My buddy’s wife is pregnant with their third daughter.

When I congratulated him, he said “when I wished I was surrounded by pussy, this is not what I meant…”

A man’s wife tells him if he comes home drunk one more time she’ll divorce him.

Later that night he’s at the pub and gets so drunk that he pukes all over his shirt.

“Oh no! I’m in big trouble now. My wife said she’ll divorce me if i come home drunk again!”

His friend tells him not to worry. “Just put a twenty dollar bill in your shirt pocket, and when she sees yo...

What will they play at the queen’s funeral?

Royalty free music

What’s your favorite phone?

Mine is the galaxy note 7 that phone was the bomb

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny’s neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny’s family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny’s dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby’s m...

I asked my friend what it’s like living in China

He said, "I can't complain"

It’s no longer legal to use hash marks to count in Afghanistan

This is because of the new tally ban rule.

What’s a failed circumcision called

A Beheading

I won’t make friends with anti-vaxxer’s

I don’t want to get too attached

My wife’s dog got to where it wouldn’t listen to her.

So she took it to the vet. The vet said no wonder it won’t listen I’ve never seen that much hair in a dogs ears. He clipped some out and said goto the pharmacy and buy a bottle of nair hair remover.

Put a little on a qtip and rub back in there and that’ll take care of the problem.

So...

What’s the difference between a really strong weightlifter and a really, really, really strong weightlifter?

Repetitions.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son was excited about our Catholic church’s archeology class.

But all he saw was a bunch of old bones.

A dog lover, whose female dog was in heat, agreed to look after her neighbor’s male dog while the neighbor was on vacation.

She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

As she was drifting off to sleep late that night she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs passionately locked together.

Despite her best attempts she was unable to se...

What’s the highest rank in the popcorn army?

Colonel

What’s the difference between pink and purple?

The grip!

What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don’t know and I don’t care.

What’s the difference between a policeman and a bullet?

Atleast when a bullet kills someone. It’s fired.

A woman reports her husband’s disappearance to the police...

A woman reports her husband’s disappearance to the police. They ask her for a description, and she says, “He’s six feet, three inches tall, well-built, with thick, curly hair.”

Her friend says, “What are you talking about? Your husband is five-feet-four, bald, and has a huge belly.”

An...

My favorite “And that’s when the fight started” joke!

A drunk man comes home to his wife and stands swayingly before her. She sees that his pants are ripped, his legs are bloody and he has bruises on his knuckles. Odd though, everything above his waist seems perfectly fine.

Wife: Oh no… What’s happened to you this time?

Husband: It was no...

Barbies promote unrealistic expectations of women’s bodies.

Women’s heads are much harder to put back on in real life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For his birthday, an old man’s nephews secretly hire a call girl for him

When he answers the door she’s standing there in a slinky black dress. She says, “I’m here to give you super sex.”

After thinking for a minute the old man replies, “I guess I’ll have the soup.”

What do you call an Irish lady who’s always out on the back deck?

Patty O’Furniture

A 2020's Nightclub

Nightclubs in 2050 will have a 2020's theme night, with masks as dress-code, a maximum occupancy of 6, and a bartender behind a wall of pyrex.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you touch Dwayne Johnson’s Butt?-

You hit rock bottom.

Wife: Honey, what will you give me for our 25th anniversary? Husband: A trip to Paris. Wife: Wow! That’s wonderful! How about for our 50th?

I’ll pick you back up.

Lung cancer has done a real number on me; I don’t have long left. Doc said he’s going to get me a donor lung..

…but I’m not holding my breath.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a nut that’s really annoyed?

A pissed-achio.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between an oral and an anal thermometer?

The taste.

Everybody’s so up in arms about Covid, but I see it as progress.

Nothing else made in China has ever lasted this long.

Translated from German, I hope this works: What’s 3x3?

No

Sherlock and Watson go camping After a nice fire, roasting s'mores, and talking for a few hours, they finally crawl into their tent and go to sleep

In the middle of the night, Sherlock shakes Watson awake. "Tell me Watson" he said "What can you deduce by looking at the stars?"



Watson, slightly puzzled, said "Well, I can deduce by the number of them that the universe must be incredibly vast, and contain billions of stars. Likely...

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

A man is in bed with his wife when there’s a knock at the door.

He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:30 in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over.

Then a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the doo...

What kind of fruit is scared to go to it’s wedding?

Cantaloupe.

The FBI are raiding an alleged spy’s apartment, when they discover a hard drive labelled “KGB”.

One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, “why wouldn’t he just write 1 TB?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What makes pooping in someone’s yard not passive aggressive?

Eye contact.

What’s the deal with Furries? Haters think there’s nothing wrong with drawing cats.

But oh, when the cat becomes a femboy it’s suddenly a problem.

What’s the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?

Drunk drivers will run a red light.
Stoners will wait for the stop sign to turn green.

What are a male donkey’s pronouns?

He / haw

What advice did Obi-Wan give Luke when Luke’s marriage was falling apart?

“Use divorce, Luke”

What’s the difference between an outlaw and an in-law?

Outlaws are wanted.

This was told to me by my girlfriend’s grandma.

Once in ancient Athens a man walked into a tailor’s shop

“Eumenides?” The man asked the tailor
“Euripides?” The tailor asked the man

What’s brown, soft, and sits on a piano bench?

Beethoven’s First Movement.

It is both International Lion Day and International S'more Day.

It is both International Lion Day and International S'more Day.

So I guess you could say, we need s'more lions!

What is Super Mario’s Favorite Type of Clothing?

Denim denim denim

A man brings some flowers home to his wife. She’s so surprised by his romantic gesture that she lays back on the dining table, throws her legs in the air and spreads them.

Her husband confused looks down and goes, “What’s that for?"

His wife replies, “For the flowers of course."

He thinks for a moment and asks, “Don’t we have a vase?"

What’s the difference between Amazon and prison?

You can sit down in prison

My friends’s car had a puddle of oil dripping from its differential

I said, “looks like you blew a seal”. He wiped his mouth and said, “Naw, it’s just mayonnaise from my sandwich “

Daryl was sitting in his house when came a loud knock on his door. He went to the door and a salesman was standing there with an unfamiliar object in his hand. “What’s that?” asked Daryl. “It’s a Thermos.”

Intrigued, Daryl asked, “What does it do?”

Shifting into the sales pitch he said, “This little jewel is amazing. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”

After some discussion Daryl purchased one thinking it would really help with his lunch situation at work. The next day he arr...

What’s the last thing that happens to a tickle me Elmo before it leaves the factory

It gets test tickles

It’s so hot

I’m sweating like a Catholic priest watching the Little League World Series.

It’s my cake day and no one cares

I feel caked…pied….I mean desserted

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. “Terry?!” you say laughing, “Terry’s a girls name!” Without any hesitation, Terry pulls out a gun and shoots you dead.

You have died of dissin’ Terry :(

Why did Reddit mods take down Darwin’s theory of evolution post?

The link was missing

What do you call it when a bird moves things with it’s mind?

Pelikinesis

What’s the difference between a French kiss and an Australian kiss?

They’re the same kiss, but the Aussie one is down under.

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