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Known Jokes

“69” is now known as “96”.

Thanks to inflation the cost of eating out has gone way up.

We should've known communism would fail.

There were a lot of red flags.

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There's a little-known legend about Attila the Hun...

The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests. He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with him on every campaign.


But his snake lost its a...

The woman says to her husband: "If i had known you were so poor, i wouldn't have married you."

Husband: "But I told you that you were the most valuable thing in my life."

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What is a profession that begins with “P”, is often criticised, and is known for fucking people and taking their money?

Politician.

The three most well-known spy agencies are the CIA, KGB, and MI5.

The rest are good.

Although Steve Irwin was known as the crocodile hunter

....he will always have soft spot in his heart for stingrays

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It's a well-known fact that Hitler...

It's a well-known fact that Hitler often consulted astrologists and people involved in the occult to get direction while Germany fought in World War II.

One day he decided to thank his chief astrologer and called him into his office to say, "we've done really well in the war and I'm grateful...

9 months from now there will be a baby boom. 13 years later will give rise to the next generation, known as

Quarenteens.

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base ...

People really should have known what was going to happen with Communism

There were so many red flags

What is Chipotle most known for?

- A. Steak Bowls
- B. Delicious Tacos
- C. Chips
- D. Burritos
- E. Coli

A man is about to walk into a bar known for having lots of beautiful women, when a bouncer stops him at the door.

The bouncer says, "We have a dress policy where ties are mandatory for men, and you are just wearing a shirt that's open at the collar. So sorry, I can't let you in."

So the man returns to his vehicle, to see if he has a tie anywhere. Sadly, he doesn't, but while looking, he notices a set o...

At the office, I am known as "The Computer".

Not because I am smart. But if you leave me unattended for 30 minutes, I go to sleep.

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Since thongs are also known as butt floss

Does that mean they prevent anal cavities?

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It's a little known fact that most vacuums are gay

They're always coming out of the closet

Little known fact: Billy Joel's song "Piano Man"

Is about a man who was bitten by a radioactive piano.

Before Chris Brown did a concert with them, they were just known as "The Peas".

And now they are The ......... Peas

Little known fact, cowboys don’t roll joints...

They tumble weed...

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Little known fact...

The first time whale semen was studied by a marine biologist was actually at the request of one particular sperm cell. The following conversation took place.

Sperm: I just want to be taken seriously. I think that reproductive cells are an easy target for crude humor made by the mindless immat...

Not only is King Charles formerly known as Prince...

He also spent about 9 months in Queen.

Why are audiologists known to be reasonable?

They have sound judgement

David Hasselhoff told his agent that he wants to be known as Hoff from now on.

Agent: Sure David. No hassle.

I have a friend who works as security at a well-known lingerie store.

He prefers to say he's part of the Victoria Secret Service.

A little known fact...

Before the crowbar was invented, most crows drank at home.

Fastest E in the world is known as..

Quick E

Those hedge funds should have known they'd lose money by shorting GME.

As for us Gamestop customers, we fully expect to sell something for $20 and have to spend $500 when we want to buy it back.

My girlfriend from college was obsessed with trying to find the largest known prime number.

I wonder what she’s up to now.

It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child

Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki

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Archeologists have just discovered the oldest known tampon.

They just dont know what period it's from.

A cannibal top chef is mostly known for..

his secret handshake.

It's a well known fact that humorists are more intelligent than the run of the mill average joe on the street. It's also a well known fact that it's not always a good idea to flaunt those extra smarts.

One day, the royal court was lounging around in a bored state. Without thinking, the jester suddenly voiced an opinion, "You know, there are times when the apology for an offense is worse than the original action."

The king immediately glowers and says, "If you can't prove that, Jester, I thi...

As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."

"Until the pressure got to him."

Little known fact-

Captain Hook bought his hook from a second hand store.

If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags," and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," then...

what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

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Dave is a well known, respected hunter, known to be the best in the state.

One night, he is sitting in a bar with some friends, and an out of state hunter stops in the bar.
He overhears Dave’s friends talking about how he’s the best and says, “there is no way he is the best hunter in the state!”

So Dave bets him that he can not look and guess what an animal was ...

It is a known fact that light travels faster than sound.

That's why everyone seems bright until they speak.

A Little Known Fact About the Works of J.R.R Tolkien

For his Eleventy-first birthday, instead of fireworks, Bilbo initially asked Gandalf if he could bring the band that plays Dream Police to perform a concert at the party.

This enraged Gandalf however, as Bilbo Baggins took him for some conjurer of Cheap Trick.

A cop is patrolling near midnight in a well-known spot.

He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.

The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.

Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a buxom young woman in the rear seat, knitting.

Puzzl...

A big, burly man visited his pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.

"Madam,” he said in a broken voice "I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father of the family is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pay...

What was King Tut known as in the wild west?

Rootin' Tutankhamun

Students at M.I.T. recently developed a new contender for the blackest material known to man...

Scientists attempted to demonstrate it in public, but it was immediately shot by the police.

Don't know if this is known but I wanted to share

The wife said: "hey I'm gonna be back in 2 hours max"

Husband: "are you cheating on me?"

Wife: "what?"

Husband: "say what you just said"

Wife: "I'm gonna be back in 2 hours max"

Husband: "Exactly, my name is John"

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What is the best-known sex position in the Harry Potter universe?

Dobby style.

I’m known as The Sandwich

Because I like meat in between my buns

My local barber got arrested for selling cocaine. This surprised me, since I have been a customer of him for years now, and i'd never known...

...that he was a barber.

A medieval king was hunting in Africa. He killed a lion, an elephant, and a hippopotamus, and awarded the skins to his three squires back home in his kingdom. Thus, the three squires became known as the Lion Squire, the Elephant Squire, and the Hippo Squire.

As the years passed, the Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire became very jealous of the Hippo Squire because they wanted the hippo skin too. So, they hatched a plan to assassinate the Hippo Squire and divide the hippo skin between them equally.

Now the Lion Squire had eight sons, and the Elep...

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Well known fact.

95% of reddit users are sad lonely wankers....

The other 5% are liars.......

The rapper 50 Cent is known by many names

For instance, in Russia they call him 1352 Ruble

**Edit:** Make that 1459 Ruble

Did you know that there was a corvette known for exploding?

It was the C4

June 1st should always be known as the Norman Osborn Day

Because it marks the end of May.

The 94th Oscars now known as the...

Oscar De La Hoya's.

Have you heard 69ing will now officially be known as 96ing?

Due to inflation, eating out has gone up.

"Forget everything you have ever known!..."

In hindsight not a great opener for my speech at the annual Alzheimer's and Dementia conference.

A little known rule is that all employees of IKEA have to stand in a line in the meeting room before every shift.

Assembly is required.

It's a little known fact that bears believe in astrology...

It's called The Kodiak.

One of their pickup lines is "Hey honey... what's ursine?"

I have recently become known among friends and neighbors for being ruthless....



Stupid description for someone whose wife is named Ruth and who has filed for divorce.

At work, I'm known as "Mr. Compromise."

That's not my first choice of a nickname, but I'm okay with it.

What is 50 cent known as in Zimbabwe?

Eighty million dollars

I recently bought into a chain of restaurants well-known for their beef dishes

I'm now a major steak holder in the business

I was in Warwick (also known as Shakespeares county)

I went into a little boutique bookshop and asked for a book on Shakespeare

The sales assistant smugly asked "which one"

I looked at her and said "William obviously "

How your body reacts to a previously known microorganism?

It microwaves.

It's well known that men can read maps better than women.

But that's because only men can convince themselves an inch is the same thing as 100 miles.

A photographer from a well known international magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park.

When the photographer arrived, he realize that the smoke was so thick, it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything at ground level.

He requested permission to hire a plane and take photos from the air.

Arriving at the airport, he saw a plane warming ...

What is Quentin Tarantino most known for?

Feeture Films

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The infamous crime mafia, known only as The Four Seasons, awaited their next job.

The boss stood before them.

"Winter," he began. "I need you to stay *cool* in the face of pressure. *Ice* in your veins," he said, patting his shoulder.

"Now, Summer," he continued. "If the *heat* becomes too much for Winter, use that *fiery* temper of yours to make sure the cops reme...

Why is The Salvation Army the best known charity?

The others just don't ring a bell.

A little-known risk with blood transfusions . . .

A wealthy Arab Sheikh was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood, in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out.

Finally a Scotsman was located wh...

A small town lawyer called his first witness to the stand in a trial, a 80 year old woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Singh, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Kulkarni. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not kn...

Why are conservatives known as rednecks?

They don’t use sunscreen because the bottle says to apply liberally.

I should have known Trump supporters online were Russians.

Their English is too good.

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A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.

You need to be a complete dick.

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A 'down and out' sees a sign in the window of a well known Jazz Bar saying 'pianist wanted'

So he decides to go inside and enquire. The owner takes one look and is immediately put off by the man's dishevelled appearance as his bar is pretty high brow. The man says 'please, give me a chance, before my life took a turn for the worst I was a pretty successful Jazz pianist'.

'Okay' says...

Three mathematicians have known each other for years.

An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician, they decide to go bow hunting one season. While on the trail, they spot their first buck. The physicist run some calculations, decides that air resistance is negligible, and aims accordingly. His arrow falls short by 20 feet. The engineer runs some more ...

Little known fact, Moses had a motorcycle

It literally says so in the Bible:

"And lo, the roar of Moses' Triumph was heard throughout Israel"

The most punctual guy I’ve ever known was named Justin.

No matter where he went or what time he showed up, he was always Justin Time.

A known criminal walks into a restaurant

A known criminal walks into a restaurant on a cold Sunday morning.
The owner immediately calls the cops on the criminal.
While he is being dragged out by the cops he asks the owner "is this how you treat your customers, are cops the only thing on the menu"

The owner replied with just ...

A little-known college basketball rule is that players are not allowed to own more than five pet chickens.

They will be ejected from a game if they have more than five personal fowls.

Lesser known Knights of the Round Table

“I was the knight no one expected to see on the battlefield.” - Sir Prize

“I shall see you around.” - Sir Cumference

“We shall fight on land or sea.” - Sir Fenturf

“I was the knight who was afraid to fight.” - Sir Render

“I was the unbelievable knight.” - Sir Real

...

Little known fact: Jesus was most probably a student.

* He still lived with his parents
* Long, uncut hair
* And if he did something for once, it was a miracle.

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Oxford University researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like partic...

Hermit crabs have been known to have symbiotic relationships with sea anemones.

The crabs let the anemones ride around on their shells and will even share food with them.

It's a prime example of keepng your friends close and your anemones closer.

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A zoo in CA has a rare gorilla. The last known female of that particular species.

Turns out a zoo in Tokyo has a male version of the gorilla. They decide to ship the male gorilla from Japan to the US to mate and save the species. The American zoo keepers start to worry because their female gorilla has never had sex before. The decision is made they need to warm her up to help wit...

A well-known American actor is walking through the centre of Newcastle upon Tyne.

Suddenly, a member of the public stops him, and says, "I recognise you from somewhere, are you famous?"

The actor answered, "As a matter of fact, I am. I played Commodus in the movie 'Gladiator.'"

Astonished, the Geordie replied "Are you Joaquin?"

To which Joaquin said "Yes, but...

I've known Paul for years

He's always been such a nice guy. In middle school, our teachers would always ask if he finished his homework. Paul would hold up his homework and say yes. During lunch, kids would always ask if they could sit with him, and Paul would say yes. A kid would ask if he's trade his pudding cup for an app...

In America police dogs are known as K9...

In China they are E10.

Little known fact about William Tell

We all know William Tell for his archery skills, but did you know he was also an avid bowler? His whole family bowled actually, and there was even a league in his area. At the time Joining a team was a difficult , daunting task, but by some fortune he and several relatives made the same team. Unfort...

There was a less known James Bond

He used to shoot down Q's ideas for new gadgets, saying they were a waste of good taxpayer's money.

He was known as the savings Bond.

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The most toxic substances known to mankind.

1. Arsenic
2. Cyanide
3. Polonium
4. Mercury
5. The League of Legends community

Why is Wolfenstein known as THE first person shooter?

Because in the games before it, you only shot monsters.

The wise spice trader was known for his sage advice

He was less sought after for his oregano guidance, his thyme tips, and his rosemary consultations.

Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer has a little known brother.

Randolf the brown nosed reindeer,

he can run as fast as Rudolf, he just can't stop as quick.

Have you heard of the ancient Amazonian tribe known as the Fugawi?

The average height of each adult was about 4ft, and they lived in an area with tall grass that would reach up to 6ft. They were know for jumping up and down in the grass fields announcing "We're the Fugawi! We're the Fugawi!"

Funny country-name pun (it’s of a small little-known country so don’t worry)

So there’s his country between France and Spain. It’s so tiny, it’s Andorra-ble.

The O'Leary brothers, Shamus and Liam, were known for their drinking.

One day they fancied a pint or two, but didn’t have a lot of money. Between them, they could only come up with $3.

Liam said, “Hang on, I have an idea.” He went next door to the butcher’s shop, and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said, “Are you crazy? Now we don’t have any mone...

A little known fact about Jim Jones is that he was an aspiring boxer

He quit the sport after taking out 900 people with one punch

The squirrels of Buckingham Palace. (The elusive thing known as a new joke)

A solider was standing guard at Buckingham Palace when his commanding officer came storming over.

‘JONES! Did I see you flinch?’

‘Yes Sir!’

‘Why did you flinch Jones?’

‘Well you see Sir, a squirrel come running out of tha’ tree over there, ran across the field, ran up m...

The lesser-known fourth Wise Man brought baby Jesus the gift of protein powder.

It was a whey in a manger.

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A Husband has become well-known for how well his marriage is going..

It had been almost 50 years, and not a single fight, nor disagreement had ever occurred between the two. One day, a friend finally confronted him to share his secret of success.

"Well, my friend.. it all goes back to our beautiful wedding. After the ceremony, we promised to ride horses into t...

Wife: i'd have stayed single if i'd known how poor you were

Husband: And it was not for lack of warning, cause i always said "You're all i have"

There's a little-known, but foolproof defense against sharks.

Sharks will only attack you if you're wet.

It's a little known fact that William Shakespeare and Lord Byron died on the same day.

When they met Saint Peter at the pearly gates, he said, "We are honored to receive two incredibly distinguished poets on the same day! Unfortunately we don't have room for both of you to enter today, so we're going to have to have a little contest. I'm going to say a word, and both of you have to ma...

Little known fact: Medusa was actually incredibly attractive...

Every guy who saw her got hard as a rock immediately.

Generation Z is best known for being hard-working

...within the Minecraft community.

What’s the smallest unit of time in the known universe?

The interval between the traffic light changing to green and the taxi driver behind you honking his horn.

I've been known to give sage advice from time-to-time.

Though I do get funny looks for talking to herbs.

What state is best known for dog accessories?

Collar-ado

It's known as PMS.

I call it ovary-acting.

The Goldberg Brothers - Are well known as the Inventors of the automobile Air Conditioner.

Here's a little known fact for automotive buffs, or just to dazzle your friends. The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. 


The four brothers ...

A man was known for throwing elaborate costume parties. [Long]

A successful lawyer and bachelor, he had a large home on the countryside where, once a year, he would welcome hundreds of guests to a gorgeous masquerade ball complete with a live band and exquisite catering. He would send out fancy invitations, and patrons would only be allowed into his party if th...

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