Grandmas Jokes

Jane & Arlene are outside the nursing home, having a smoke. A storm blows in and starts sprinkling. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end and puts it over her cigarette and continues smoking.



Arlene: What the hell is that?

Jane: It's a condom. This way my cigarette don'... read more

Granddad and grandson are sitting on the front porch, when granddad lights up a cigar, the grandson asks if he can have one as well and the granddad says ‘can your dick touch your ass?’ The grandson says ‘no’ so granddad replies ‘there’s your answer’ granddad then has a sip of whiskey and grandson a... read more

To see if they get married.

I was waiting on a table of a big family. 7 of them, three kids, mom and dad, and grandma and grandpa. Grandma was your typical OLD OLD OLD grandma. In a wheelchair with a blanket over her legs, looked like one of those apple dolls, spoke in a whisper.

She sees my tattoos, grabs me with her b... read more

My grandma used to always say,

"Boy, never hate people for the things they can't change...
hate them for the things they can change, like their stupid personality, their shitty opinions or their inferior religions."

At least that's what I think she said, I never listened to the st... read more

A couple days ago at my grandmas nursing home they had entertainment night and decided to bring out a hypnotist. He takes out is gold watch and starts to sway in back and forth "watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch." Sure enough all the seniors snap into that trans like state. All of a ... read more