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In class we learned that last names were determined by what your ancestors did

So I always made sure I kept my distance from my teacher Mr Dickinson

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Student 1: My name is Tom Archer because my ancestors were making bows and arrows.

Student 2: My name is Sam Baker because my forefathers were bakers.

Student 3: My name is John Dickinson, and I hate this game.

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Today I learned that your surname denotes your ancestor's occupation like Baker, Mason, or Potter

Someone definitely has to explain why our surname is Dickinson.

What do you call your ancestors if they were siblings?

Incestors

People who constantly brag about their ancestors are like potatoes

The only good thing about them is underground.

There are no ancestors in Alabama

Only insestors

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The say your last name speaks to your ancestor’s trade or status or of their nature. I put some stock in that so that’s why...

I never let my son play with the Dickinson family next door.

I tried ayahuasca and saw my ancestors

My grandfather beat me with his belt because i did drugs

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What do you call traveling back in time and having sex with your ancestor?

Ancest.

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Many surnames come from the job people's ancestors used to have. For example, the Smith family were related to a smith, the Baker family were related to a baker and then there's the Dickinson family...

Who were related to people from Alabama.

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TIL - Last names came from our ancestors occupations

I feel really sorry for the Dickenson's.........

I feel sorry for Neymar's ancestors after today's loss

They must be rolling in their graves.


Not mine but felt it had to be shared.

I wonder how long our ancestors managed to live with no shelter...

before they caved

They say that a person's surname is named after whatever their ancestors did to make a living

I feel sorry for the guy who's dad was the first person to be called "Dickinson"

What do you call one of our ancestors who wavers home drunk?

Meanderthal

One of my ancestors invented the glove

Well, he had a hand in it

A little girl asks her father where people came from.

He explained about Adam and Eve and they were our original ancestors and they had babies and that's where we came from.

Later that day the girl asked her Mom who explained that their ancestors were monkeys and apes and humans evolved from the monkeys. "So, our relatives are monkeys?" "That's...

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Last Names.

It's commonly known that a lot of last names originate from an ancestor's profession, or what they were known for, hundreds of years ago.
If your last name is Smith, it's likely one of your ancestors was a blacksmith.
If your last name is Cooper, they may have been a cooper, who were known...

I decided to make a website so rednecks can find out and track who their ancestors were...

I named it Incestry

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A distressed woman visits a healer.

“Please, you have to help me. Every day when my husband comes home from work, he beats the shit out of me. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

The healer says: “You see, in every man’s soul there is a lot of rage and violence. But as he grows older and wiser, he will learn to control his anger....

Did you ever wonder...

how many animals our ancestors had to sit on before they learned that horses were the most capable?

Story of death.

A man was planning to set sail to Arabia in a chilly winter. His wife pleaded with him not to go as she had dreamt an impending doom on his journey. He, being stubborn, still boarded the ship. At the departing moment, his wife gave him a magic pen which she had inherited from her ancestors, a pen th...

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Rihanna: Whips and chains excite me.

Her Ancestors: Dude, what the fuck?

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year..

..British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, a team of American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20 fe...

Listen now to the story of the two brothers Hing and Ming

Listen now to the story of the two brothers Hing and Ming. Each was devoted to the search for ultimate wisdom, but they differed greatly on how it was to be found. One day their pet chicken fell ill, began to molt, and soon lost all of its feathers! The brothers decided that this would be an ideal t...

A descendant of a pharaoh

A descendant of a pharaoh learned he was going to die and called his pastor, his doctor and his lawyer to his room. He told the three that he wanted to be buried in the style of his ancestors and to be buried with some of his wealth. He hands them each an envelope and says “In this envelope is $30,...

I got fired from PC World today.

A guy came in the store and asked me what was the best thing for finding your ancestors.


“Probably a shovel” was not the right answer.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Israeli are having lunch...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Israeli are having lunch. They get to talking about which civilization was the most technologically advanced.

The Englishman proclaims, "Surely England was the most technologically advanced nation. Why, our archaeologists dug 1,000 meters into the earth un...

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A Jew meets the Pope

A Jew applied for an audience with the Pope. After insistently waiting for three days and refusing to budge before an audience with the pontiff, he was finally granted one...

'Your Holiness, I come from a long line of cooks', said the Jew.

'That's very nice', said the Pope. 'What can I...

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An Arab boy moves to Ireland

... On his first day of school his teacher asks, "What is your name?"

"My name is Mohammed" the boy replies.

"You live in Ireland now, Your new name is Mike" says the teacher.

The boy smiles and has a good time in his classes.

After school the boy returns home and is gree...

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A white, black, and Mexican are in hell...

A black man, a white man, and a Mexican die and are sent to Hell. The Devil looks at them and says "You can choose any shield of your choice, and if you survive 3 lashes from my whip you can go to Heaven."

The Mexican says "I want a shield of diamond." It breaks on the first lash and he doesn...

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A Dwarf, a Human, and an Elf are walking down a trail.

A Dwarf, a Human, and an Elf are walking down a trail beside a stream when they stop to piss. Afterwards the human takes out some soap and cleans his hands "cleanliness is next to godliness," he says to the others. The elf takes some leaves off a nearby tree and wipes his hands with them "we elves h...

The curious monk

A monk in an ancient monastery is doing his daily work, transcribing and recopying the ancient scrolls and scriptures of his tradition that his predecessors wrote, which they copied from their ancestors texts and so on....

The curious monk begins to wonder if in the endless sequence of copyin...

I Asked My Black Friend If He Wanted to Go on a Cruise with me.

He said that his ancestors made that same mistake and that he's not falling for it.

A Black guy and an Asian guy are standing next to a pond.

A Black guy and an Asian guy are standing next to a pond. The Asian guy says, "This pond is Magical, if you skip a stone across it, you will hear the names of your ancestors." So the Asian guy picks up a stone and skips it, the stone makes a sound with each splash, "CHING-CHANG-CHONG." The black guy...

Compilation of short "jokes"

☐ There should be TL;DRs on Terms and Conditions

☐ I never click the top Google result if it's an advert even if it's exactly what I want

☐ The amount of battery left on my phone is proportional to how hard I've been working that day

☐ Smart watches should be able to delete your...

A Frenchman, a German, and an American were regulars at a bar

One day, the Frenchman decides that he is going to prove how much smarter the French are than Germans or Americans. So he goes digging in his backyard and finds traces of copper wiring 15ft deep. He smugly claims, "Ha! 300 years ago, my ancestors had a working telephone system!"

The German, n...

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I just adore this one from Arthur Koestler.

Under the reign of the second emperor of the Ming Dynasty there lived an executioner by the name of Wang Lun. He was a master of his art and his fame spread through all of the provinces of the Empire. There were many executions in those days, and sometimes as many as fifteen or twenty men to be behe...

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Visiting ireland

So an american decides he want to visit ireland to see where his ancestors came from. He goes to visit dublin but he gets tired of it rather quickly because he wants to see the rural ireland so he grabs a map and goes to the smallest town he can find. When he arrives he is blown away by the beautifu...

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Here, a joke, that you will find. Find it funny? Well you decide. (Long Asian.. Joke, It's okay guys, I'm asian so I can write it)

So there's a White guy, a Black guy, and an Asian Guy.
They were all on a tv show with one woman. The catch of this show was to bring a women to tears, by bringing out her emotions. The White guy bought her a caramel latte from StarBucks, thinking such gifts would make this girl get on her knees ...

An Italian, an Egyptian and a Greek...

...were fighting over whose ancestors had the most advanced civilization.

The Romans were the most advanced said the Italian. And I'm going to prove it to you. Here's a photograph
from a recent excavation site under the Colloseum. What do you see?

The Egyptian and the Greek after st...

It just all depends on how you look at some things...

Judy Wallman, a professional genealogy researcher in southern California , was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that Congressman Harry Reid's great-great uncle, Remus Reid, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. Both Judy and Harry Reid ...

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Topical Jokes for April

(didn't post the last batch, so here's all of the recent ones)

4/28
Los Angeles police are looking for a vandal that spraypainted a police horse. The horse didn’t get a good look at the suspect because it was dark, and because the horse has no idea that it’s a cop.

Billionaire Richa...

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A Les Mis Joke (from r/Lesmiserables Joke by u/shepy66

Ok, so there were these two guys at a high school, a really weird, lame, goth kid from France, and a really popular rich kid named John. Nobody actually new the French kid's name, but he was strange enough for people to make up their own. Creep, Emo, Lame-ass, Weirdo, and plenty of other (and much w...

In the past

Russian scientists dug 1000 mtr deep and found a copper wire.
They concluded:
“1000 yrs back our ancestors were using copper cable technology”..

American scientists dug 2000 mtr deep and found optic fibre.
They concluded:
“2000 yrs back our ancestors were using optic fibre technol...

Told by my brother, punchline gets me everytime

Three men are adventuring through the Amazon jungle, searching for treasure. One day, as they were hacking through brush they are ambushed and captured by a fierce tribe. One of the warriors acts as the translator, and tells the three men what the leader of the tribe is planning for them. "You have ...