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Grandfather Clock Jokes

What's the difference between a grandfather clock and grandmother clock?

The dong.

A man takes his grandfather clock in to be repaired….

The repair person in the clock shop is an old German. The man says my grandfather clock only goes tik tik tik tik. They take the clock to the back room of the shop and tie it to a chair. The old man then lights up a cigarette, take a big drag, and blows the smoke in the clocks face. He sets the ciga...

My granddad died at exactly 3:45, and at precisely the same time his grandfather clock stopped.

"That's amazing."

"Not really. That's when it fell on top of him."

Why did Einstein only own grandfather clocks

Because time is relative

What did digital clock say to Grandfather clock?

"Look Grandpa, no hands!"

A man comes out of an antique shop with a priceless grandfather clock

As he is struggling to move the heavy object, a drunken man comes stumbling down the street. The drunken man bumps into the clock. The clock tips over, hits the ground, and breaks into pieces. The man who bought the clock says “Hey man! Why don’t you watch where the hell you’re walking!?” And the dr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Broken Grandfather Clock

A man once owned a beautiful grandfather clock (well, he probably still does, but let's put that aside for now). Now, when I saw the grandfather clock was beautiful, I mean absolutely gorgeous. The clock stood nearly 6 feet tall, made from the most splendid mahogany wood, accompanied by intricate ha...

Harvey's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day.

He loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop. In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss but has a heavy German accent asks Harvey, "Vat sims to be ze problem?"

Harvey says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go 'tick- tock-tick-tock' anymore. Now it just goes 'tick......

Who invented the Grandfather clock?

Pendulum Franklin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I recently purchased a grandfather clock.

It's like a regular clock except sometimes it forgets the time and pisses itself.

I bought a grandfather clock.

It's like a regular clock but it keeps telling you that it's lived through three wars.

I'm going into the grandfather clock business and I'm really gonna make it...

...big time!

A farmer placed a grandfather clock out in his field...

A farmer placed a grandfather clock out in his field. Every time a bird was swooping in to get some crops - the bird would catch eye of the clock instead. As the bird landed on the clock, it would die! It was a mystery - but the farmer didn't care as it worked better than a scarecrow. Pretty soon wo...

A man has just bought a grandfather clock from an antique store.

He’s carefully carrying it out of the store onto the sidewalk when all of the sudden the town drunk runs into him smashing the grandfather clock and knocking both of them down.

The man jumps up and says “why don’t you watch where you’re going!”

To which the drunk replies “why don’t you...

I'm so mad! I found out my grandfather clock is full of bugs.

I guess it's like they say, time flies.

I recently ordered a Grandfather clock online. I was surprised how small the package was when it arrived.

I really need to learn to check my spelling.

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I was arrested for putting my penis into a stranger's grandfather clock.

I'm still doing time.

I can’t bring myself to get rid of my broken grandfather clock...

It’s such a timeless piece.

What's the difference between a grandfather clock and your grandma's favourite breakfast?

The letter L

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I finally found a book where the love interest is a grandfather clock

It's about fucking time

I finally figured out what to get my girlfriend for her birthday.

It's an antique German grandfather clock with a really nice espresso finish. I already know she will love it. I caught a glimpse of her search history last week and she's been trying to find a big black clock.

Of all the Guinness world records my Dad held...

He told me the one where he ate a grandfather clock was the most time consuming.

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Clock warehouse

A kid goes walking in the woods and stumbles a upon a warehouse. He goes inside the warehouse and there are hundreds of large grandfather clocks. After walking around a little he sees a wizard and he asks the wizard what the clocks are for. The wizard tells him that each clock is assigned to a diffe...

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Grandpa gave us all a good laugh with this one tonight.

So there's this guy who just bought a grandfather clock, its an old, one of a kind piece. After the transaction was complete he hauls the thing outta there. While he was just outside of the door this drunk stumbles up and bumps into him. knocking the clock to the ground with a loud bang and a snap. ...

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