China has been the most important country for American schools.

Because they invented both paper and gunpowder.

The guy who invented USB died...

At the funeral they had to do a 180 with his coffin to get it in the hole.

When the guy who invented the USB flash drive dies,

they are going to put his coffin in the ground, lift it back up and turn it over, then put it back into the ground.

Did you know toothpaste was invented in the southern states?

otherwise it’d be called teethpaste.

To the guy who invented the number zero

Thanks for nothing

Whoever invented the shovel is a genius

It was a groundbreaking invention

The man that invented auto correct

should burn in hello.

Did you know the toothbrush was invented in Mississippi?

Because if it were invented anywhere else it would be a teethbrush.

I believe autocorrect was invented by history's most famous scientist.

Albeit Einstein would disagree.

Who invented King Arthur's round table?

Sir Cumference

The man who invented auto-correct has died.

His funfair is on sundial at moon

Did you hear about the woman who invented the knock knock joke?

She won the no-bell prize!
(Courtesy of my new Alexa!)

I recently invented a golf ball that automatically goes in the hole if it’s within 6 inches of it.

Warning: Do not put the ball in your back pocket.

A Russian Doctor invented circumcision

Dr Ivan Karchakokov

I once met the man that invented windowsills

What a ledge

Everything was great until gravity was invented.

Things went downhill after that.

The original "You won't last 5 minutes playing this game" was invented in

Guantanamo Bay.

They've invented a new version of rugby where only people who wear glasses can play it.

It's a non-contact sport.

I dreamt that I invented a new color last night

Turns out it was just a pigment of my imagination

The first clock was just invented.

It’s about time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just watched a drama movie based on the true story of how tampons were invented.

It was one of those period pieces but it had a good flow.

I invented a glass coffin.

Will it catch on? Remains to be seen.

What did everyone say when the shovel was invented?

Wow that's a groundbreaking idea!

A scientist invented a new machine that could detect lies

So he called three women to test it. A brunette, a redhead and a blonde.

First he asked the brunette to say something. She said,“i think i can eat 12 burgers with an empty stomach”. The machine beeped. “ okay, maybe 8”. The machine was quiet.

Next he asked the redhead to test it. She...

The guy who invented predictive text died last night.

**His funfair is next monkey.**

I've got a meeting with the guy that invented the progress bar during the era of dialup internet. He's going to be here in 2 hours and 13 minutes.

Edit: Apparently he's stuck in traffic and he's going to be here in 6 hours 54 minutes.

Edit2: He's making better progress than thought, he will be here in 12 minutes.

Edit3: Apparently it will now take him 5 days

To the guy who invented negative numbers

We owe you one.

I invented a drink today called ‘the Shutter Island Iced Tea’.

It’s the same as a Long Island Iced Tea, but it has a twist at the end.

Teacher: “Who do you think invented dancing, children?”

Little Johnny: “My guess is a big Irish family with just one bathroom.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I invented a new sex position " The G.R.R.Martin"

I give her the best foreplay and when she's ready to finish it's all just a slap in her face.

I applaud Samuel Miller, the man who invented the jackhammer.

He had a groundbreaking idea.

I invented a small fan that fits in your ear.

It’s mind-blowing.

The man who invented toaster settings has died

He'll be cremated at 6.

I invented a new type of car...

Me: "I invented a new car. It's powered by silence!"


My friend: "Wow, this is going to revolutionize the industry!"


Me: "Yeah, it goes without saying."

When the person who invented the USB drive dies...

They’ll lower his coffin into the grave, realize they put it in the wrong way and have to do it again.

I've just invented a dating app for chickens, its not my regular job..

Its to make hens meet

The guy who invented the USB died the other day

When the coffin was lowered they realized that it was the other way around, so they took it up, turned it and inserted it correctly

In 1872 the Welsh invented the condom, using a sheep's lower intestine.

In 1873, the British refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the sheep first.

I invented the sandal for one legged people.

It was a flop.

“Hey Dad, who invented the haircut?”

“I don’t know, but I’m sure it was some barberian.”

The man who invented autocorrect has died today

Restaurant in piece.

Whoever invented the knock-knock joke

should get a no bell prize.

I just invented corduroy pillows

My friends tell me I’m stupid but I think they will make headlines worldwide

Whoever invented the typewriter...

Must have made a prototypewriter

Who invented the first airplane that wouldn’t fly?

The Wrong Brothers

Once mankind invented Incognito mode

The rest is not in history.

There was an old scientist who invented an anti-Alzheimer’s vaccine.

Unfortunately, he forgot the formula.

You know how I know Al Gore invented the Internet?

The whole thing runs on algorithms

DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman

Does it work if the whole joke is in the title?

My dad literally told me this one last week: 'Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?

## They say he made a mint.

Whoever invented auto-correct,

can go to hello.

I invented a new word

Plagiarism

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've just invented the Penis Watch.

I'd better rush to get it patented before someone else does.

The cock is ticking

New types of sliced loaf aren't invented, or discovered...

They're bread.

A few years ago I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.

It was a flop.

If Steve jobs invented mac, did he also invent cheese?

(an actual original joke)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ancient greeks invented sex

Romans added women to it.

A person invented a new computer and called his friend to check it out...

Person:- this computer can think like a human

Friend :- how?

Person :- whenever it does something wrong, he blames it on other computers.

The man that invented human cloning has died .

The mourners will probably be beside themselves at the funeral.

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.


Henry was curious and invited them into his office.


...

Thank God to the man who invented Venetian Blinds

Or it would be curtains for all of us

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How was the donut invented?

Let’s just say there was a very horny baker...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that the condom was invented by the Turks?

They used the intestines of sheep around their penis when having sex.

And did you know that years later, the Brits were the ones who improved the condom by removing the sheep?

How was copper wire invented?

Two mennonites fighting over a penny

The one who invented clothing

.....is also the first to feel shy

The French recently invented a tank with 13 separate gears, but only 1 of which drives the tank forward.

Just in case the enemy attacks from behind.

Apple is developing a product—invented by Bart Simpson—that cleans your vehicle.

The iCaroomba

I just invented a new soup.

Its alphabet soup mixed with laxative. I call it Letter Rip.

I just invented a new drinking game!

Every time one of my family mentions “It’s ruining your life” I take a shot.

The man who invented the television remote control passed away today

They found him at home between the couch cushions.

Not many people realize that Afrin Nasal Spray was acually invented in Africa.

Probably a good thing it wasn't invented in Europe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man who invented spell check died today.

May he rust in piss

Now that Laundry Folding Machine has been invented

Theres no used getting married.

The person who invented the USB drive is going to be lowered into his grave,

Then lifted back up, flipped over, and layed in again.

They just invented a mobile computing device that also plays guitar

The "Eric Claptop"

One of the Monty Python team has invented an unmanned aircraft that does sky-writing that’s spelled the same backwards as forwards...

It’s a Palin drone...

Did you know the guy who invented autocorrect is an atheist?

He's going to he'll

I've invented a new chemical compound consisting of sixteen Sodium atoms

I've named it "Batman."

The first joke I invented all on my own (age ~5-6)

Why don't pirates like playing cards?

There's always someone walking across the deck.

Did you hear the one about the guy who invented revolving doors? [oc]

It was a revolutionary way to enter buildings!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While everyone is arguing over whether it's called a snow blower or a snow thrower, I invented a way to turn a dishwasher into snow removal device.

...
I bought my wife a snow shovel.

Whoever invented door knockers

Probably won a Nobel prize

I invented a new game similar to rock paper scissors.

You have 3 cards with a color on one side and white on the other.

You and your opponent choose a card, show it face down (white part), and simultaneously switch it to know the winner.

Every player has 3 cards of 3 different colors, representing some natural elements: Blue, Red and Bro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A chemist has invented a laughing gas that's also a laxative...

It was mostly for shits and giggles

Years ago, I invented an aviation fuel made of water,

but it never took off.

The man who invented the cough drop passed away last week

He decided not to have a coffin at his funeral

I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’...

But he hesitated...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man invented the tampon.

Let that soak in.

My girlfriend is happy the metric system was invented

Otherwise I’d have never meter.

Although, if I ever felt it wasn’t working out, I’d break up with her immediately. I would never liter on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you here about the guy who invented a dildo for people with high IQs?

I haven't tried it but all the reviews say its ingenius.

I invented a diet. It's called the lowercase diet. Don't eat foods with capital letters.

Works best if you're German!

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