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This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This is the dirty joke my 85yo grandad told to our whole family by memory

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same...

What do you call a show about two cokeheads with short term memory loss?

Whose Line Is It Anyway?

An old couple noticed that their memory had been deteriorating...

They went to the doctor’s office to check out the issue. The doctor suggested that they write down what they wanted to remember on sticky notes.

Later, when they got home, the wife asked her husband for a bowl of cereal. The husband said, “Right on it, darling!”

The wife asked, “Shoul...

I used to work as a coast guard. There's one rescue mission that sticks in my memory.

A ship carrying a huge haul of industrial strength glue got into trouble just off the coast where I was stationed.

The weather was the worst I'd seen it, and one of the containers of glue had fallen from height and smashed into the hull, covering a number of the crew members in glue and knoc...

Memory foam pillows are the worst.

As soon as I lay down on them, I start remembering all the things I messed up during the day.

If smoking Marijuana causes short term memory loss,

what does smoking Marijuana do?

Memory Test

Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?"

The man thought for a moment and answered, "274."

The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is thre...

One good thing about getting old and losing memory.

I can hide my own Easter eggs.

Stay away from the marijuanas it can cause memory loss

Or even worse, memory loss.

Memory problems are no joke

Because you forget the punchline

My earliest childhood memory is going to the eye doctor when I was 8.

Life before that is a blur.

Wanna hear a joke from someone with short term memory loss?

“Yeah”

“Yeah, what?”

“The joke”

“What joke”

What kind of jokes do people with short-term memory loss tell?

What kind of jokes do people with short-term memory loss tell?

If everyone had the memory of a goldfish.

I forgot where I was going with this.....

I have the memory of an elephant.

I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.

A Chinese Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens his own clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.
Lawyer: 'I have lost my sense of taste.'
Chinese: 'Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth.'
Lawyer: 'Ugh. this is kerosene.'
Chinese: 'Congrats, your s...

Memory Problems

An old husband and his wife were sitting in a doctor’s office to get help for their failing memory. “Maybe you should each do something special for for the other and then talk about it. That way, it will help cement it better in your minds.” The old couple thanked the doctor and went home.

Wh...

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God gave me a choice to have a big dick or a good memory

I dont remember which one I picked

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Remember, regular sex keeps the mind active and the memory in tip-top condition.

I wish everyone a happy 2016!

I’m known for two things, my incredible memory

... and I forgot the other thing.

I have a memory from before I was even born....

I remember I went to the park with my dad, then went home with my mom.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In memory of the late George Carlin

Catholics hate abortions.

Catholics hate homosexuals.

But who has less abortions than homosexuals?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When I was born I had 2 choices. One was having a perfect Memory and the other was to have a huge penis.

Unfortunately I can't remember which one I chose.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was given a choice to be born with either a huge penis or a strong memory

I forgot which choice I made

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When I was 10, a genie gave me two choices: either your dick grows to be massive, or you will have an amazing memory for the rest of your life.

And for the life of me, I can't remember what I chose...

-My memory is so bad

\*How bad is it?

\-How bad is what?

I have the memory of a wooly mammoth

It's like an elephant's, but a little fuzzy

as my long term memory has improved, my short term memory has gotten worse.

as my long term memory has improved, my short term memory has gotten worse.

My friend said he had a really good memory. I didn’t believe him and told him to prove it.

He told me about a time when he was 6 and wanted an N64 for christmas. On christmas morning he found an N64 and 3 games under the tree and was overjoyed.

I guess I was wrong. It was a pretty good memory.

I just invented a memory loss pill!

I think...

I think I got my terrible memory from my dad

It makes sense, considering he completely forgot to be there for me.

Patient: Doctor, I need your help! I've lost my memory!

Doctor : When did it happen?

Patient : When did what happen?

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory.

Just one byte. And then everything crashed

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] If you woke up in the forest, naked, with a sore ass and no memory of the night before, would you tell anyone?

No???

Wanna go camping?

"Dad, what's it like having perfect memory?" The boy asked."

"I don't remember."

A motherboard went on a date with a processor

- they didn't read each other's BIOS and found out out they weren't compatible so they just got drunk.

As the night progressed they tried to figure out a way to make it work. Finally the processor convinced the motherboard to come back to his place and see what would happen.

But then...

A man went to the doctor complaining about memory loss.

\-And when did this start? Asked the doctor.

\-When did what start? Replied the man.

9/10 people have bad memory

But 9/11 people never forget.

An Elephant's Memory

While on holiday in Kenya and walking through the bush a man comes across an elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seems distressed so the man approaches very carefully. He gets down on one knee and inspects the bottom of the elephant's foot only to find a large thorn deeply...

How much memory does it take to store a joke?

1 Gigglebyte.

I bought a book about improving memory

When I put it on my bookshelf, I saw three same books there.

An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories.

so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association. A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him. "What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbor. "Oh, ummmm, let's see,"...

Women have such a great memory

They remember things that never happened

My ex girlfriend recently claimed she had a great memory

She was definitely lying because it didn't take her long to forget me

An elderly couple started losing their memory.

They went to the doctor together to look into it. “Your memory loss is pretty bad. I’ll give you some medication for now, but in the meantime I suggest to start writing things down when you need to remember them”.

The couple reluctantly took the medication and went home, refusing to accept th...

Indian Memory man

Once a man was traveling through the west on vacation, when he saw a sign that said, "Meet the Indian Who Never Forgets, Next Exit". Well, being curious, the man stops at the attraction to see the Indian. He asks the man, "What did you have for breakfast on June 9, 1978?" The Indian replies "Eggs!"<...

I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB

That was a trip down memory lane

When I was drinking my coffee, I heard on the radio that caffeine causes memory loss.

Yeah, right. Next time, they're probably gonna say that caffeine causes memory loss.

Research has shown that smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

Next thing you know they'll be saying smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

I have the memory of a goldfish

And a Nobel prize for inventing the device that could extract it.

Memory

A tourist was introduced to an Indian in New Mexico, who was said to have a perfect memory. Skeptically, the tourist asked, "What did you have for breakfast on September 10, 1943?"

The Indian answered, "Eggs."

The man scoffed, "Everyone eats eggs for breakfast. He's a phony. "

T...

Favorite highschool memory

Leaving

I may not have a good memory

But at least I make up for it by having a good memory

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

People say smoking weed affects the memory.

Well that's a load of shit, I never forget to smoke.

“We’ve divided the population as you’ve requested, Mr. President,” announced the assistant from the doorway, “so we’re just waiting on your final approval for the memory wipe.”

“Wipe the memory of groups 1-8,” replied the president, “leave group 9 alone but wipe group 10 too.”

“Sir? You want us to wipe groups 1 through 8 and then 10, but not 9? Group 9 refers to... children born between 1990 and 1999, why should they be left with their memories?”

The presiden...

We, men, do have good memory..

A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen.

She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and she became so worried that she cal...

My mum suffers with short term memory loss

Hope it doesn't run in the family because my mums got it too

I wish I had photographic memory

but it never developed

In memory of my father, who died of blood loss because sadly no one could figure out his blood type.

As I stood beside him it was incredibly moving to hear him repeat, over and over, these inspirational last words: "Be positive, son! Be positive!"

Father, I don't know if you can hear me, but if you do, just know I will always remember to be positive.

Yo mama's so fat

when she sat on a memory foam it forgot

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Today an old lady with strange powers asked if I wanted great memory or a massive penis

I just wish I remembered which one I chose.

I have really bad memory

I'm never buying computer parts from Walmart again

R/Jokes is like a memory test

I try to guess if I remember the punchline from earlier, before I open the details.

My memory is so bad,

I plan my own surprise parties.

My memory foam mattress broke yesterday...

It has amnesia

My mom suffers from short-term memory loss

I hope it's nothing genetic because I'm worried since my mom suffers from short-term memory loss

What's your favourite childhood memory?

Not paying bills.

I have a Photographic memory

Unfortunately it's digital and it didn't come with a memory card.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I met a fairy today. She gave me the choice between a huge penis or a great memory...

I can’t remember what happened next though.

Claims that cloud storage is the future of smartphone memory issues

Sounds good, but I have no data to back it up.

A young boy named Tommy sees a man at the mall who claims to have a perfect memory

Tommy asks him, “What did you have for breakfast ten years ago today?”

The man replies, “eggs.”

Thinking that the man was full of it, the boy walked away unimpressed. The boy grew up, got married to a lovely girl named Jane and had two little boys, Marvin and Jacob. Tommy became a succ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An angel once offered me either a big penis or long lasting memory.

I don't quite remember what I answered.

I have very poor memory

That's the last time I buy computer parts from that store

Vince McMahon opened a fitness center in the memory of Randy Savage.

The Slim Gym

The memory clinic

1st man: how is that memory clinic you’ve been going to?

2nd man: they said when you can’t remember something, describe it and whoever you’re talking to will help you recall.

1st man: what’s the name of this clinic?

2nd man: what do you call that flower that has thorns and is re...

I accidentally washed my cameras memory card.

Thankfully it still works but now all my images are watermarked.

When I was a kid I used to think I had a photographic memory.

All of my memories were blurred and cut off at the neck.

It was an amateur photographic memory.

What's a Canadian's favorite unit of computer memory?

The Tim-byte.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man and a woman are talking on a bench.

The man says, "One day a genie asked me, 'do you want a bigger penis or a better memory?'"
The woman replies, "What did you choose?"
The man says, " I can't remember."

I woke up in the Police station this morning with no memory of the previous night.

I really need to stop drinking on duty.

The best part of having a bad memory...

is that your conscience is clear