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Memory Jokes

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory.

Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
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A man and his family walk into a bar. Inside of the bar, the man's youngest child sees a Native American sitting under a sign stating "World's longest memory".

The child walks up to sign and decides to test if this sign is true.

The child asks, "What did you have for breakfast 30 years ago?"

The Native American states, "eggs."

The child states that the native could have just made that up, and then later leaves the bar.

Years lat...
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So a 1024MB Memory Card walks into a bar...

The Memory Card spots a piano, sits down at it and starts playing some incredible music.

After a number of songs, mostly original, the Memory Card gets up and the bar goes wild with cheers and applause.

The bar owner was incredibly impressed and runs up to the Memory Card and says, "Bu...
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I have the memory of an elephant.

I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.
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My favourite childhood memory was making sandcastles with my grandfather.

Until my mother hid his urn away from me.

Credit. Sandi Toksvig
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A man wakes up hungover, with no memory of coming home.

He realizes he's fully clothed in bed. He sees one of the lamps on a bedside table is broken, and he smells like he was sick on himself. He sits up and sees muddy tracks leading to his bed.

The man groans and holds his head, knowing he's going to be in big trouble with his wife. She then e...
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A dirty joke told by 85yo grandpa to the whole family by memory

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at...

If smoking marijuana causes short-term memory loss,

what does smoking marijuana do?
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Are people born with a photographic memory....

....or does it take time to develop ?
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Do you know that too much sex can cause memory loss?

I read it in one book on page 37, on the 8th line, it was 16:23, Monday, January 4, 2016.

A tourist decides to visit a Native American Chief who is famous for his perfect memory.

"Okay, Chief..." says the tourist,

"Let's test that memory of yours. What did you eat for breakfast on May 9th, 1972?"

The Chief thinks for a moment, and responds "Eggs."

The tourist replies, "Wow, that's incredible! You really do have a perfect memory." and leaves.

...
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I've read that excessive sex causes memory loss:

It was in the British Medical Journal in May last year, page 12, paragraph 3. A nice sunny day I was reading in the park ...

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Did you know that too much sex can cause memory loss?

I read that in a medical journal on page 64, at 2:34pm on Friday 15th of August, 2021.

My favourite childhood memory with my grandad is when i was building a sand castle with him...

...until my mom took the urn back.
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My mum suffers with short term memory loss

Hope it doesn't run in the family because my mums got it too
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Me: Doctor, I've been having trouble with my memory, I keep forgetting things

Doctor: Okay, how long has this been going on for?

Me: How long's what been going on for?
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The Longest Memory in the World

One day, a young man takes a trip out West and comes across a little Native American village. He decides, what the heck, he'll stop and look around. One of the Native women, seeing that he's not from around, tells the man he should visit the Chief, who she says has the longest and best memory in the...
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What's a computers worst memory??

Terrorbytes!
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I attribute my loss of memory to both age, and smoking marijuana.

Or maybe a combination of all three?
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A genie gave me a choice: a longer memory or a longer penis...

I forget which one I chose

I’m trying to get a photographic memory

But its still developing.
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Navajo Memory Man

Bob the scouser goes on a driving tour of the US, and on his travels comes across a Navajo reservation advertising "The world famous memory man - ask any question and he will know the answer"

Bob goes up to the edge of the canyon and finds a tribal elder sitting cross legged watching the suns...
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From a 30 year old memory of a joke someone's grandfather told.

Brad's first year away at university was a lot of partying and paying for his friend's. He quickly runs out of money. His father would not be pleased with his wastefulness, so Brad sends him a message stating he has a professor that can teach his father's dog how to read and write for a bargain pric...
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Do you know what I hate most about memory loss?

I forgot
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An 85-year-old grandfather was rushed to the hospital with no memory and brain damage.

The doctor asked him a series of questions:
“Do you know where you are?”
“I’m at Rex Hospital.”

“What city are you in?”
“Raleigh.”

“Do you know who I am?”
“Dr. Hamilton.”

the old grandfather then turned to the nurse and said, “I hope he doesn’t ask me any more...
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I’ve met a fairy once and it granted me a choice; to have a big p*nis or a good memory…

I don’t remember what did i choose though
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Studies have shown that smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

Next thing you know they'll be saying smoking weed causes short term memory loss.
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I told my doctor I was having problems with my memory...

He made me pay in advance. .
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Man, my memory is not what it used to be. I was trying to remember the Roman Numerals for 51, 6 and 500.

Boy, I am LIVID
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I recently became very angry as a result of misplacing my memory foam mattress.

I had lost my Tempur.
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Remember: Having sex on regular basis helps keep your memory alive

Remember: Having sex on regular basis helps keep your memory alive

I wish you all a great 2017.

Memory

A tourist was introduced to a Native American Indian in New Mexico who was said to have a perfect memory. Skeptical, the tourist asked, "What did you have for breakfast on September 10, 1943? " The Indian answered, "Eggs. " The man scoffed, "Everyone eats eggs for breakfast. He's a phony. "Thirteen ...
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It's true that carrots are great for memory.

Buddy of mine shoved one up my ass 15 years ago and I still remember it to this day.

My computer keeps screaming at me that it's run out of memory

But it's all bark and no byte
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I have a photographic memory...

I need to take a photograph to remember anything.
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Having too much sex can cause memory loss!

Oh and also, I can't remember if I told you guys this but having too much sex can actually lead to memory loss!

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Having sex on regular basis keeps your memory strong and healthy.

Happy New Year 2016 everyone.

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Memory trick

Two very elderly couples bump into each other in the street, Jack says " hi there George, how are you?" George says " Great! we've just been to that new memory clinic, they teach you how to remember things using word association, it's really good" Jack asks " really? what's the name of the clinic?" ...

My wife said, “Let’s honour his memory by watching a two hour documentary on Meatloaf.’

I said, “I’ll do anything for love, but I can’t do that.”
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I bought an avocado to boost my memory

but I forgot where did I put it
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I have the memory of an elephant.

I saw an elephant.
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Memory problems

My dad’s getting old. He has trouble remembering where he left his keys, sometimes stumbles over finding words.

But weirdly he can remember in graphic detail every dump he’s ever taken.

He has a crap memory.

How many people with short-term memory loss does it take to...

I'm sorry, where was I?
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My exceptional memory allows me to memorize a sequence of more than a million numbers

1, 2, 3, 4, 5...
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The Memory Man

An Englishman was touring the USA on holiday and stopped in a remote bar in the mountains of Nevada. He was chatting to the barman when he spotted an old Indian sitting in the corner. He had tribal gear on, long white plaits, wrinkled face. “Who’s he?” asked the man.
“That’s the Memory Man.” sa...

One of my happiest memory is when I won the science fair in highschool.

I mixed charcoal, saltpetre and sulfur and blew away the competition
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A man awakes to find himself lying by a lonely country road with no memory of who he is and how he got there. Then a genie appears...

"What is your third wish, master?" the Genie says.

Confused, the man feebly asks, "My wish?", "Who are you, and why can't I remember anything?"

"I am your genie," the Genie replies. "You are here because your second wish was to forget who you were and be taken far away from everything ...
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Whats the worst part about having bad memory?

I'll tell u when I remember
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I'm having memory problems, I can only remember things from about two years ago.

Hindsight is 2020.
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What do they call it when engineers get older and start losing their memory?

Dimensiona.

I'll show myself out....
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My friend told me excessive masturbation can lead to memory loss.

It’s the sixth time he’s told me.

What is 1 advantage of having poor memory?

You find all jokes on r/jokes funny.
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In memory of recently passed Benedict XVI

WW2. Young german soldier captures pole. At the moment he aiming to shoot him lightning crack the sky and they hear God's voice:
- Don't shoot him, he is a future Pope
- Wow what about me?
- Ok, fine, you too
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Everybody picks on me because apparently my “memory is so bad”

But I cannot remember the last time I forgot something.
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An Old Couple has Memory Problems

They both continually struggle with short term memory issues, forgetting their keys, glasses and everything else you could possibly imagine!

One day they went to the doctors to ask him what they could do. He told them that one of the best things they can do is write everything down. Not only ...
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What do you call an iPhone 6S that ran out memory space.

Successful
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They say weed affects memory

If that’s true, why do I never forget to buy weed?
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Memory Problems.

A few old couples used to get together to talk about life and to have a good time.

One day one of the men, Harry, started talking about this fantastic restaurant he went to the other night with his wife.

“Really?”,

one of the men said, what’s it called? After thinking for a few ...
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Scientific Quacks say that water has memory...

If that is true than the water that was in my toilet must have severe PTSD.
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Alcohol can cause memory loss.

But, it can also cause memory loss.
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I went for a walk through Memory Lane today.

I found some boxes in my closet. In it were old family relics. My great-great grandfather's World War One helmet was the first thing I saw. There was also my grandmother's surgical gear when she was a nurse in the local hospital, and countless heirlooms I can't possibly list all of which.

The...
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A genie popped out of a bottle I found on the beach and offered me a choice between perfect memory and a massive dick.

I don't remember what I chose.

An elderly couple see a doctor about how to deal with their short term memory loss.

The doctor says to help them remember certain things they should write it down on a piece of paper. One night the couple is watching TV, when the husband starts walking to the kitchen. His wife asks "Can you bring me some strawberries?"

"Sure."

"Aren't you going to write it down so you...
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Did you know people who put concrete in their ass get memory loss?

I dont remember where i read that though

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I once was told that having a large penis has the side effect of affecting your short term memory

So did I tell you that I was told that having a large penis has the side effect of affecting your short term memory?

"The strengths I bring to this job? Excellent numeracy, a perfect memory,

and a fourth one... ugh, what was it?"
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Calendar Memory

I learned a trick that allows me to tell you the day of the week of any day since 1700. Ever since I’ve learned it, girls can’t get enough of me. I get all the dates.
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My mom told me when I was born, God asked me to pick between having good memory and being a moron.

I don't remember which one i picked
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An old couple talks to their doctor about their memory loss. The doctor suggests that they write things down so they don't forget.

One day, both of them are sitting on the couch when Grandma asks for a bowl of ice cream.

"Coming right up," Gramps says, slowly getting onto his feet and heading towards the kitchen.

"Aren't you going to write that down?"

"Write that down? Of course not. I can remember a bowl o...
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Memory foam underwear

I bought some shoes with memory foam insoles. I was so excited about them! I told my wife I can’t wait to wear them, they have memory foam! I want memory foam underwear! She said “your underwear shouldn’t remember anything.”
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"Your happiest memory.."

A TV crew is shooting a documentary in a rural and mountainous area and they decide to interview oldest man in the village. The reporter asks him: "John, please explain to our viewers at home what your happiest memory is, as a man who has lived in this remote village all his life...

"Well, th...

My memory ain't what it used to be.

It bothers me sometimes, but the rest of the time I forget about it.
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i went to a support group for short term memory loss

the host said: "good evening, you're probably all wondering why you just walked into this room"
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I bought almonds some time back to make my memory sharp.

I never remembered to eat them.
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So I bought a memory foam pillow second-hand

Got it for a good price, all was good until I laid down and it said "who the f@#k are you?"
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How much memory does it take to store a joke?

1 Gigglebyte.
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Before I was born god gave me 2 options: A good memory or a big phallus.

I don't remember my choice
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The earliest memory I have is going with my dad to get prescription glasses.

Life before that is a blur.
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Why do women have better memory than men?

Extra Mammary!!
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A man meets a Native American with flawless memory...

When he meets this Native American Chief he notices he is older than most.
He asks the Chief many questions, and the Chief replies flawlessly to each one.

Then he thinks of a random date and asks the Chief, "What did you eat on October 18, 1987?" The Chief replies "Eggs".

He leaves ...
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I am in the hospital because my cousin’s brother swallowed a 16gb memory card and he is singing all songs in it

Were hoping it doesn't reach video folder...
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Okay I'm going to reach back in my memory here and pull out an old Buddy Hackett jokes. If you've never heard of him before I'd suggest that you look him up on YouTube. He was in a few movies. The one I remember was was it's a mad mad mad mad world. I might have missed a mad or two on the title.

So I'm walking down the street one day. Minding my own business. When down the middle of the street. To Hurst came by. One following the other. Behind that, there was a man with the biggest dog I've ever seen in my life. And behind that it was like 97 guys, all with their wallet in their hand. So be...

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time.

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pro...
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R/Jokes is like a memory test

I try to guess if I remember the punchline from earlier, before I open the details.
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I've got a horrible memory.

I couldn't remember what onomatopoeia or metaphor meant and then BAM it hit me like lighting. It was like the time I remembered similes and realized I am dumb as a box of rocks.
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My computer told me it needed to free up some memory.

So I told it to forget it said that.
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A man goes to the doctor to report a serious memory loss problem

Man: Doctor, I have a serious memory loss problem

Doctor: Hmm.. and since when did you have this problem?

Man: What problem?
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Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?

In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
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Psychiatrist: "How long have you had short-term memory loss?"

Patient: "As long as I can remember."
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A genie once told me I could get an amazing memory and a small dick, or a huge dick and awful memory.

And I remember exactly what I chose.

What phrase is 5 words long, makes you a part of a secretly hated society, is as infective as a virus and stays in your memory forever, but is only mentioned on occasion?

“I just lost the game”
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TIL Smoking cannabis and drinking codeine infused solutions causes temporary memory loss and identity confusion among young lyrical artists.

That's why new rappers are always asking "What's my motherfucking name, y'all!"

I used to punch my memory foam pillow whenever I got mad.

Eventually it learned my moves.
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Do you know what the hardest thing about having a 10 second memory is?

I don't know, but do you know what the hardest thing about having a 10 second memory is?
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I once got the opportunity to choose between a big dick and a better memory

Of course i chose better memory, why would I need another son?

Did you know that a very good memory is often a sign of an excellent lover?

I read that on February 11, 2017 in the New England Journal of Behavioral studies issue 2016-Q3.
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Did you all know that cucumbers help with your memory?

The last jail I was at a guy got one shoved up his ass and i am never gonna forget that!

When I was younger, I was given a choice: a good memory or a long dong.

I can't remember which I chose.
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“We’ve divided the population as you’ve requested, Mr. President,” announced the assistant from the doorway, “so we’re just waiting on your final approval for the memory wipe.”

“Wipe the memory of groups 1-8,” replied the president, “leave group 9 alone but wipe group 10 too.”

“Sir? You want us to wipe groups 1 through 8 and then 10, but not 9? Group 9 refers to... children born between 1990 and 1999, why should they be left with their memories?”

The presiden...
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Fun fact: Having friends gives you memory loss.

I read this in a textbook on page 53 at 4:37 PM on Friday May 12, 2006
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God asked Ron Jeremy if he wanted a big dick or a good memory

I asked him which one he chose and he said I forgot.

I have a really good book on how to improve your memory.

I just can't seem to remember where I put it.
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A Chinese doctor cant find a job in a hospital in America, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside that reads "GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100."

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 14 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."

Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."

Chinese: "Congrats, yo...
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The memory loss joke

This is a joke that ive heard a few times before but I don't think many found out about it:



Brother: Sorry about your memory loss. Hope you get it back."

Sister: "Eh, I'll forget about it."
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Boy with Phenomenal Memory

A host enters the circus and announces:

"Now a boy with a phenomenal memory will enter the arena."

A boy enters the stage, drinks a bucket of water and leaves.

The audience begins to scream and express their displeasure.

Then again the host comes out and says: "And no...

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So a group of students recently did an experiment with results that showed zucchinis can actually improve your memory...

That’s great and all but I just feel sorry for the guy who had to get a zucchini shoved up his ass because he’s never gonna forget it.

“Doctor, I’m losing my memory,” a man said.

“What do you suggest I do?”
He answered, “Pay in advance!”
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There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting…

He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."

"What I want ...
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