My memory ain't what it used to be.

It bothers me sometimes, but the rest of the time I forget about it.

If smoking marijuana causes short-term memory loss,

Then what does smoking marijuana do?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having too much sex causes memory loss

Or at least that what page 17 figure II part B of my middle school science textbook said.

A friend of mine who suffers from long term memory loss went to an employment agency to find what work he's suited for.

Today he became chief moderator for r/jokes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having sex on regular basis keeps your memory strong and healthy.

Happy New Year 2016 everyone.

How can you tell if someone has short term memory loss ?

How can you tell if someone has short term memory loss ?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having too much sex can cause memory loss.

This was a study by Harvard students that I read on August 7, 2006 in the office of Dr. Russel at 3:20 PM

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Remember having sex on a regular basis keeps your memory alive!

Hope you all have a great Christmas and wishing you a merry 2014

I have a perfectly photogenic memory!

Everytime i think back on things, man - I look ***fantastic***!

Memory loss (Long)

A man and his wife are growing older, and the doctor tells them their memory isn't that great. He tells them they should start writing things down to remember better. At home, the wife asks for a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. She tells her husband to write it down, to which he responds that ...

An old couple talks to their doctor about their memory loss. The doctor suggests that they write things down so they don't forget.

One day, both of them are sitting on the couch when Grandma asks for a bowl of ice cream.

"Coming right up," Gramps says, slowly getting onto his feet and heading towards the kitchen.

"Aren't you going to write that down?"

"Write that down? Of course not. I can remember a bowl o...

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When I was born I was given a choice between a big dick and a good memory

I’ll never forget that moment

I have an amazing memory.

The rest are just ok I guess

My dad suffers from short term memory loss...

I hope it doesn't run in the family because my dad has it too.

I have the memory of an elephant

It was big and grey :|

I have a brilliant memory

I can't even REMEMBER the last time I forgot something

An elderly couple is arguing about which one of them has the worst memory.

An elderly couple is arguing about which one of them has the worst memory.

\- You have the worst memory - says the wife.

\- No, you forget everything all the time! - says the husband.

\- Well, test me, and I'll show you my memory is as good a new - challenges the wife.

\...

So a 1024MB Memory Card walks into a bar...

The Memory Card spots a piano, sits down at it and starts playing some incredible music.

After a number of songs, mostly original, the Memory Card gets up and the bar goes wild with cheers and applause.

The bar owner was incredibly impressed and runs up to the Memory Card and says, "Bu...

Want to hear a memory joke?

Great! Remind me in fifteen minutes and I’ll tell you.

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Cucumbers are very good for memory

15 years ago my uncle shoved one up my ass and I still remember it

Friend swallowed a 16GB memory card

I am in the hospital because my
friend swallowed a 16gb memory
card and he is singing all songs in it..
We are praying that he doesn't
reach video folder..

I went for a walk through Memory Lane today.

I found some boxes in my closet. In it were old family relics. My great-great grandfather's World War One helmet was the first thing I saw. There was also my grandmother's surgical gear when she was a nurse in the local hospital, and countless heirlooms I can't possibly list all of which.

The...

So, I ate a memory foam mattress again

I had forgotten how much better they taste than traditional mattresses.

A man and his family walk into a bar. Inside of the bar, the man's youngest child sees a Native American sitting under a sign stating "World's longest memory".

The child walks up to sign and decides to test if this sign is true.

The child asks, "What did you have for breakfast 30 years ago?"

The Native American states, "eggs."

The child states that the native could have just made that up, and then later leaves the bar.

Years lat...

Apparently smoking cannabis can affect your short term memory

Well if that’s true, what do you think smoking cannabis does?

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I met up with my two best mates and we were debating who has the best memory.

First guy says, “I can remember the first day of my First Grade class.”

Second guy says, “I can remember my first day at Nursery School!”

Now it’s my turn and I tell them, “Hell, that’s nothing. I can remember going to the senior prom with my father, and coming home with my mother.”

my wife after 25 years of marriage asked me to choose my happiest memory, a moment when we were together

I said for god’s sake woman, make up your mind, which one do you want?

What phrase is 5 words long, makes you a part of a secretly hated society, is as infective as a virus and stays in your memory forever, but is only mentioned on occasion?

“I just lost the game”

Just walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.

Well, that was a trip down memory lane.

In loving memory of my salary

Date given: November 1, 2019

Died: November 1, 2019

I have a photographic memory.

But its a Polaroid instant camera from the 80's.

A computer program required 8 bits of memory

A computer program required 8 bits of memory but the programmer mistakenly allocated space for a 64 bit integer instead

They then tried to rectify the issue by declaring a second 64 bit integer but this didn't have the desired effect

Two longs don't make a byte

Drinking can cause memory loss.

Or even worse, memory loss.

There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair,

until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting.

He said, “Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it’s completely gone now. My hair can’t be saved. But look outside at the forest. It’s such a lovely forest with so many trees, b...

Short term memory loss

A doctor told his patient, “There’s good news and bad news. The bad news is, you have partial short-term memory loss.”

The patient said, “Oh no, Doctor. What’s the bad news?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was 13 a genie offered me either a great memory or a huge penis

Can't remember what I picked

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is the dirty joke my 85yo grandad told to our whole family by memory

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same...

One good thing about getting old and losing memory.

I can hide my own Easter eggs.

I was gonna make a joke about memory loss

I think

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A travelling salesman drives through a small town he's never been to before...

He pulls up at the gas station where an old Native America man is sitting. The salesman walks up and says, "How!"

"Hello," the old Native guy says.

"What's your story?" the salesman asks.

"I have the world's greatest memory. I never forget a thing."

"Oh really?" the sales...

I feel bad for modern mattress materials.

I'm sure there are things that even memory foam would like to forget.

I have the memory of an elephant.

I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.

An old couple started thinking they had memory problems.

They went to the doctor and he said both of their brains seemed fine but he suggested that they take notes whenever they need to remember something. One night they were watching tv. The husband got up to go get ice cream. “Can you get me one too?” The wife asked. “Okay.” Said the husband.”Shouldn’t ...

I’ve finally gone and bought some memory foam inserts for my slippers.

No more forgetting why I walked in to the kitchen.

What do we want? - Better memory!!

When do we want it? - Want what??

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Why do people with small dicks have a bad memory

I forgot

Did you hear about the mafia Don with memory problems?

He kept making people offers he couldn't remember.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man’s dating hack

Out one night with his friends, a young man meets a beautiful young lady who agrees to go on a date with him the following day.

Worried he won’t remember her name, the young man uses a little memory trick to help his rememebr her name, which incidentally was Franny.

Fanny with and ‘r’,...

A man is on his dying bed, and wishes to confess something to his wife...

He says "my love, I must tell you something I've been holding in a long time..."

"Shhhh, it's okay, my love, you need to rest."

"But I have to tell you, I cannot hold it in any longer"

"It's okay, my love", she said, "you will soon be at peace and it does not matter....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chronic masturbation can cause memory attacks and loss of ire.

Or something like that, why don't you go fuck yourself?

The best thing about having a bad memory is you can never remember why you're sad.

It's a little sad to be honest.

When I was younger, I was given the decision to either be really popular or have a good memory.

To be honest, I forgot which one I chose.

An elderly man and his wife are losing their memory

An elderly man and his wife are losing their memory. Fearful that they may be developing early signs of dementia, Alzheimers, or the like, they speed off to their doctor. The doctor gives them a thorough examination and says, "Honestly, you are both in great shape and should take pride in your physi...

I dedicate this in loving memory of all those dads who never quit

And a quick disclaimer that smoking is injurious to health...

Shout out to my dad who went to get a pack of cigarettes and never returned

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Dear Tech Support...

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the flower and jewelry applications,which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 then uninstalled many other val...

I'm always waking up feeling like I'm in some stranger's room.

I never should have bought that false memory mattress.

An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things.

Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes. When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?" "Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish o...

What do you call a show about two cokeheads with short term memory loss?

Whose Line Is It Anyway?

An old couple noticed that their memory had been deteriorating...

They went to the doctor’s office to check out the issue. The doctor suggested that they write down what they wanted to remember on sticky notes.

Later, when they got home, the wife asked her husband for a bowl of cereal. The husband said, “Right on it, darling!”

The wife asked, “Shoul...

Memory Test

Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?"

The man thought for a moment and answered, "274."

The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is thre...

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.

It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

Memory foam pillows are the worst.

As soon as I lay down on them, I start remembering all the things I messed up during the day.

I recently told my mom that I have a very bad memory.

Or did I?

My earliest memory of my mother is playing hide and seek with her, I would be sat peering out of the oven window and she would say...

"Your getting warmer"...

I used to work as a coast guard. There's one rescue mission that sticks in my memory.

A ship carrying a huge haul of industrial strength glue got into trouble just off the coast where I was stationed.

The weather was the worst I'd seen it, and one of the containers of glue had fallen from height and smashed into the hull, covering a number of the crew members in glue and knoc...

What's the name of that addictive thing that affects my short-term memory? I use it all the time, but can't remember what's it's called...

*Googles* ... "Oh yeah! The internet!"

If everyone had the memory of a goldfish.

I forgot where I was going with this.....

Memory is the second thing to go

Don't ask me the first, I forgot

(Reworded a bit but got this from a teacher)

I have the memory of a wooly mammoth

It's like an elephant's, but a little fuzzy

My earliest childhood memory is going to the eye doctor when I was 8.

Life before that is a blur.

Memory problems are no joke

Because you forget the punchline

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In memory of the late George Carlin

Catholics hate abortions.

Catholics hate homosexuals.

But who has less abortions than homosexuals?

10 years ago to this day, I cut myself with a stick of RAM.

I guess you could say I have a pretty sharp memory.

An Irishman walks into a Dublin bar, orders three pints of Guinness, and drinks them down, taking a sip from one, then a sip from next, until they are gone.

He then orders three more . The bartender says, "You know,they'd be less likely to go flat if you bought them one at a time."
The man says, "yeah, I know, but I have two brothers, one in the States, one in Australia. When we went our separate ways, we promised each other that we'd all drink this ...

Studies have shown that smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

Next thing you know they'll be saying smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

I have a memory from before I was even born....

I remember I went to the park with my dad, then went home with my mom.

I’m known for two things, my incredible memory

... and I forgot the other thing.

How much memory does it take to store a joke?

1 Gigglebyte.

Life before the computer:



Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show.

A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider's home. A virus was the flu.

A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was 10, a genie gave me two choices: either your dick grows to be massive, or you will have an amazing memory for the rest of your life.

And for the life of me, I can't remember what I chose...

Memory Problems

An old husband and his wife were sitting in a doctor’s office to get help for their failing memory. “Maybe you should each do something special for for the other and then talk about it. That way, it will help cement it better in your minds.” The old couple thanked the doctor and went home.

Wh...

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