The 93+ Best Memory Jokes

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory.

Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

A man and his family walk into a bar. Inside of the bar, the man's youngest child sees a Native American sitting under a sign stating "World's longest memory".

The child walks up to sign and decides to test if this sign is true.

The child asks, "What did you have for breakfast 30 years ago?"

The Native American states, "eggs."

The child states that the native could have just made that up, and then later leaves the bar.

Years lat...

So a 1024MB Memory Card walks into a bar...

The Memory Card spots a piano, sits down at it and starts playing some incredible music.

After a number of songs, mostly original, the Memory Card gets up and the bar goes wild with cheers and applause.

The bar owner was incredibly impressed and runs up to the Memory Card and says, "Bu...

My computer keeps screaming at me that it's run out of memory

But it's all bark and no byte

Do you know what I hate most about memory loss?

I forgot

How many people with short-term memory loss does it take to...

I'm sorry, where was I?

Everyone has a photographic memory.

Some people just don’t have film.

Are people born with a photographic memory....

....or does it take time to develop ?

My favourite childhood memory was making sandcastles with my grandfather.

Until my mother hid his urn away from me.

Credit. Sandi Toksvig

My favourite childhood memory with my grandad is when i was building a sand castle with him...

...until my mom took the urn back.

My kids and grandkids are constantly telling me that I have a terrible memory, and I’m fed up!

If this keeps up, there’ll be no eggs under the tree this Xmas!

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It's true that carrots are great for memory.

Buddy of mine shoved one up my ass 15 years ago and I still remember it to this day.

In memory of recently passed Benedict XVI

WW2. Young german soldier captures pole. At the moment he aiming to shoot him lightning crack the sky and they hear God's voice:
- Don't shoot him, he is a future Pope
- Wow what about me?
- Ok, fine, you too

My exceptional memory allows me to memorize a sequence of more than a million numbers

1, 2, 3, 4, 5...

There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting…

He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."

"What I want ...

One of my happiest memory is when I won the science fair in highschool.

I mixed charcoal, saltpetre and sulfur and blew away the competition

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I've read that excessive sex causes memory loss:

It was in the British Medical Journal in May last year, page 12, paragraph 3. A nice sunny day I was reading in the park ...

I have a photographic memory...

I need to take a photograph to remember anything.

If alcohol can damage your short term memory…

…Imagine the damage alcohol can do

An Old Couple has Memory Problems

They both continually struggle with short term memory issues, forgetting their keys, glasses and everything else you could possibly imagine!

One day they went to the doctors to ask him what they could do. He told them that one of the best things they can do is write everything down. Not only ...

I'm having memory problems, I can only remember things from about two years ago.

Hindsight is 2020.

I have the memory of an elephant

When I was six, my parents took me to the zoo. There I saw an elephant.

I’ve met a fairy once and it granted me a choice; to have a big p*nis or a good memory…

I don’t remember what did i choose though

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Memory problems

My dad’s getting old. He has trouble remembering where he left his keys, sometimes stumbles over finding words.

But weirdly he can remember in graphic detail every dump he’s ever taken.

He has a crap memory.

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Having too much sex can cause memory loss.

I read it on page 14 in a medical journal on the 14th November 2019 at 3.19pm

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The Memory Man

An Englishman was touring the USA on holiday and stopped in a remote bar in the mountains of Nevada. He was chatting to the barman when he spotted an old Indian sitting in the corner. He had tribal gear on, long white plaits, wrinkled face. “Who’s he?” asked the man.
“That’s the Memory Man.” sa...

Everybody picks on me because apparently my “memory is so bad”

But I cannot remember the last time I forgot something.

A man awakes to find himself lying by a lonely country road with no memory of who he is and how he got there. Then a genie appears...

"What is your third wish, master?" the Genie says.

Confused, the man feebly asks, "My wish?", "Who are you, and why can't I remember anything?"

"I am your genie," the Genie replies. "You are here because your second wish was to forget who you were and be taken far away from everything ...

A man goes to prison for robbery.

After getting sorted, processed, and settled, it's lights out and he gets ready to sleep. After a few minutes he hears someone yell out "Forty Six!" and the whole cell block erupts in laughter. A few more moments pass and someone else calls out "Sixteen!" and again, the whole cell block starts laugh...

What is 1 advantage of having poor memory?

You find all jokes on r/jokes funny.

A Chinese doctor can't find a job in an America, so he opens his own clinic...

Six months later, a lawyer walks by the clinic and notices there's a sign outside that says "TREATMENT COST $20, IF WE CAN'T CURE YOU GET $100 BACK."
The lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic. The doctor comes right up to him as he enters.

Doctor: "W...

I bought an avocado to boost my memory

but I forgot where did I put it

A tourist decides to visit a Native American Chief who is famous for his perfect memory.

"Okay, Chief..." says the tourist,

"Let's test that memory of yours. What did you eat for breakfast on May 9th, 1972?"

The Chief thinks for a moment, and responds "Eggs."

The tourist replies, "Wow, that's incredible! You really do have a perfect memory." and leaves.

...

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When I was a kid a genie asked me if I would rather have a long penis or a long memory

I forget what I chose.

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Remember: Having sex on regular basis helps keep your memory alive

Remember: Having sex on regular basis helps keep your memory alive

I wish you all a great 2017.

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Do you know that too much sex can cause memory loss?

I read it in one book on page 37, on the 8th line, it was 16:23, Monday, January 4, 2016.

Whats the worst part about having bad memory?

I'll tell u when I remember

An 85-year-old grandfather was rushed to the hospital with no memory and brain damage.

The doctor asked him a series of questions:
“Do you know where you are?”
“I’m at Rex Hospital.”

“What city are you in?”
“Raleigh.”

“Do you know who I am?”
“Dr. Hamilton.”

the old grandfather then turned to the nurse and said, “I hope he doesn’t ask me any more...

What do they call it when engineers get older and start losing their memory?

Dimensiona.

I'll show myself out....

Memory

A tourist was introduced to a Native American Indian in New Mexico who was said to have a perfect memory. Skeptical, the tourist asked, "What did you have for breakfast on September 10, 1943? " The Indian answered, "Eggs. " The man scoffed, "Everyone eats eggs for breakfast. He's a phony. "Thirteen ...

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A genie popped out of a bottle I found on the beach and offered me a choice between perfect memory and a massive dick.

I don't remember what I chose.

My wife said, “Let’s honour his memory by watching a two hour documentary on Meatloaf.’

I said, “I’ll do anything for love, but I can’t do that.”

I read an article that says "Smoking causes memory loss"

That's like saying smoking causes memory loss.

Having a tough week..

bought a memory foam mattress last week, now its blackmailing me.

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Having too much sex can cause memory loss!

Oh and also, I can't remember if I told you guys this but having too much sex can actually lead to memory loss!

A man went to visit his elderly parents

He asked his father "How have you been lately?"

The father said "Well, we found a great new restaurant! But I can't remember the name of it- my memory's just not what it used to be. What's the name of that flower, with the thorns, can be red or white or pink..."

"A Rose?" the son sug...

"The strengths I bring to this job? Excellent numeracy, a perfect memory,

and a fourth one... ugh, what was it?"

They say weed affects memory

If that’s true, why do I never forget to buy weed?

That's my wife

So, two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around a mall like they're in a real-life game of Mario Kart.

They collide, and the old guy turns to the young guy and says, 'Sorry about that, I'm just trying to find my wife. I'm getting up there in age, and my memory ain't what ...

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This is the dirty joke my 85yo grandad told to our whole family by memory

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the sam...

Quiz

Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?" "274" was his reply.

The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday", replies the second man.

The doctor says to the third ma...

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
Not a chance,” says the husband,
“it is 3 o’clock in the morning! He slams the door and returns to bed. Who was that?” asked his wife.
Just some drunk guy asking for a push,”...

Calendar Memory

I learned a trick that allows me to tell you the day of the week of any day since 1700. Ever since I’ve learned it, girls can’t get enough of me. I get all the dates.

Alcohol can cause memory loss.

But, it can also cause memory loss.

Scientific Quacks say that water has memory...

If that is true than the water that was in my toilet must have severe PTSD.

From a 30 year old memory of a joke someone's grandfather told.

Brad's first year away at university was a lot of partying and paying for his friend's. He quickly runs out of money. His father would not be pleased with his wastefulness, so Brad sends him a message stating he has a professor that can teach his father's dog how to read and write for a bargain pric...

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My friend told me excessive masturbation can lead to memory loss.

It’s the sixth time he’s told me.

My dad suffers from short term memory loss...

I hope it doesn't run in the family because my dad has it too.

I have the memory of an elephant.

I saw an elephant.

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Did you know people who put concrete in their ass get memory loss?

I dont remember where i read that though

Swedish Computer Terms

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Okay I'm going to reach back in my memory here and pull out an old Buddy Hackett jokes. If you've never heard of him before I'd suggest that you look him up on YouTube. He was in a few movies. The one I remember was was it's a mad mad mad mad world. I might have missed a mad or two on the title.

So I'm walking down the street one day. Minding my own business. When down the middle of the street. To Hurst came by. One following the other. Behind that, there was a man with the biggest dog I've ever seen in my life. And behind that it was like 97 guys, all with their wallet in their hand. So be...

i went to a support group for short term memory loss

the host said: "good evening, you're probably all wondering why you just walked into this room"

How much memory does it take to store a joke ?

One Gigglebyte.

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I once was told that having a large penis has the side effect of affecting your short term memory

So did I tell you that I was told that having a large penis has the side effect of affecting your short term memory?

Before I was born god gave me 2 options: A good memory or a big phallus.

I don't remember my choice

Why do women have better memory than men?

Extra Mammary!!

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An interview with an old man .

An 80 years old man had an interview with the local TV channel and they told him : old man can you tell us about a happy memory from your youth ?

Old man : one time my donkey got lost and all the village went out to search for and when we found it we were so happy we all fucked it .

J...

Memory foam underwear

I bought some shoes with memory foam insoles. I was so excited about them! I told my wife I can’t wait to wear them, they have memory foam! I want memory foam underwear! She said “your underwear shouldn’t remember anything.”

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"Your happiest memory.."

A TV crew is shooting a documentary in a rural and mountainous area and they decide to interview oldest man in the village. The reporter asks him: "John, please explain to our viewers at home what your happiest memory is, as a man who has lived in this remote village all his life...

"Well, th...

My memory ain't what it used to be.

It bothers me sometimes, but the rest of the time I forget about it.

So I bought a memory foam pillow second-hand

Got it for a good price, all was good until I laid down and it said "who the f@#k are you?"

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Maybe more of a curse than a joke

I read some words from an anonomous author on the internet about 20 years ago. No context, just a single line that has haunted me ever since.

>!Nobody likes ketchup precum.!<

That's my gift to you. My guard is soon over. May these words forever live in your memory until you one d...

The earliest memory I have is going with my dad to get prescription glasses.

Life before that is a blur.

I am in the hospital because my cousin’s brother swallowed a 16gb memory card and he is singing all songs in it

Were hoping it doesn't reach video folder...

Studies have shown that smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

Next thing you know they'll be saying smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

Abraham asked Issac to upgrade his home computer

Issac reviewed the system and stated "Forgive me, Father but the system just doesn't seem to have enough memory."

and Abraham said "My son, God will provide the RAM."

A man goes to the doctor to report a serious memory loss problem

Man: Doctor, I have a serious memory loss problem

Doctor: Hmm.. and since when did you have this problem?

Man: What problem?

I bought almonds some time back to make my memory sharp.

I never remembered to eat them.

Why do women have flowers on the front of their underwear?

It's in loving memory of all the faces buried there.

I used to punch my memory foam pillow whenever I got mad.

Eventually it learned my moves.

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I once got the opportunity to choose between a big dick and a better memory

Of course i chose better memory, why would I need another son?

Do you know what the hardest thing about having a 10 second memory is?

I don't know, but do you know what the hardest thing about having a 10 second memory is?

The Boy who Speaks in Coffee

There was once an Italian boy who was born to a pair of baristas. Unfortunately, he was born with a mental defect which meant that his vocabulary would be formed very early, and would be highly associative. As his parents worked around the clock to support their new son, his vocabulary quickly becam...

A Doctor claims to treat patients with 100% Results otherwise he will give 100$

A man walks inside the clinic and says **"Doctor, I have lost my taste buds. I can't feel the taste of anything."** The Doctor replies **"Don't worry. I will give you a syrup and you wil regain your taste buds. Nurse, pls give him the blue bottle."** The man drinks the content of the blue bottle and...

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Did you all know that cucumbers help with your memory?

The last jail I was at a guy got one shoved up his ass and i am never gonna forget that!

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A genie once told me I could get an amazing memory and a small dick, or a huge dick and awful memory.

And I remember exactly what I chose.

Did you know that a very good memory is often a sign of an excellent lover?

I read that on February 11, 2017 in the New England Journal of Behavioral studies issue 2016-Q3.

I bought one of those memory foam pillows the other day...

... Uh, I forgot what I was going to say about that.

An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.

He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's clinic.
Get your treatment for $500. If not cured, get back $1,000."

Doctor Young (who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans
about medicine) thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000
so he went to Dr. Geeze...

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Boy with Phenomenal Memory

A host enters the circus and announces:

"Now a boy with a phenomenal memory will enter the arena."

A boy enters the stage, drinks a bucket of water and leaves.

The audience begins to scream and express their displeasure.

Then again the host comes out and says: "And no...

What phrase is 5 words long, makes you a part of a secretly hated society, is as infective as a virus and stays in your memory forever, but is only mentioned on occasion?

“I just lost the game”

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