So a 1024MB Memory Card walks into a bar...

The Memory Card spots a piano, sits down at it and starts playing some incredible music.

After a number of songs, mostly original, the Memory Card gets up and the bar goes wild with cheers and applause.

The bar owner was incredibly impressed and runs up to the Memory Card and says, "Bu...

My dad suffers from short term memory loss...

I hope it doesn't run in the family because my dad has it too.

I have a photographic memory.

But its a Polaroid instant camera from the 80's.

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"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014 at 10:37 am.

What phrase is 5 words long, makes you a part of a secretly hated society, is as infective as a virus and stays in your memory forever, but is only mentioned on occasion?

“I just lost the game”

I am in the hospital my younger brother swallowed a 16GB memory card and he is singing all songs in it.

I just pray it doesn't reach the video folder.

Short term memory loss

A doctor told his patient, “There’s good news and bad news. The bad news is, you have partial short-term memory loss.”

The patient said, “Oh no, Doctor. What’s the bad news?”

What do you call it when swine lose their memory?

Hamnesia!

A man and his family walk into a bar. Inside of the bar, the man's youngest child sees a Native American sitting under a sign stating "World's longest memory".

The child walks up to sign and decides to test if this sign is true.

The child asks, "What did you have for breakfast 30 years ago?"

The Native American states, "eggs."

The child states that the native could have just made that up, and then later leaves the bar.

Years lat...

A computer program required 8 bits of memory

A computer program required 8 bits of memory but the programmer mistakenly allocated space for a 64 bit integer instead

They then tried to rectify the issue by declaring a second 64 bit integer but this didn't have the desired effect

Two longs don't make a byte

[Help]

I have a patient today who has been in the hospital for over a week. They have no short term memory but they are super sweet, and all they want are some good jokes. Just looking for some simple non dirty jokes that I can share with them today.

Thanks in advance!

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Cucumber is very good for the memory,

15 years ago my uncle put one in my ass and I still remember it.

I’ve finally gone and bought some memory foam inserts for my slippers.

No more forgetting why I walked in to the kitchen.

One good thing about getting old and losing memory.

I can hide my own Easter eggs.

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When I was born I was given a choice; Big Dick or Good Memory

I don’t remember what I picked

An old couple started thinking they had memory problems.

They went to the doctor and he said both of their brains seemed fine but he suggested that they take notes whenever they need to remember something. One night they were watching tv. The husband got up to go get ice cream. “Can you get me one too?” The wife asked. “Okay.” Said the husband.”Shouldn’t ...

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This is the dirty joke my 85yo grandad told to our whole family by memory

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same...

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When I was 13 a genie offered me either a great memory or a huge penis

Can't remember what I picked

What do we want? - Better memory!!

When do we want it? - Want what??

Not only is my short term memory horrible..

But so is my short term memory

Did you hear about the mafia Don with memory problems?

He kept making people offers he couldn't remember.

Drinking can cause memory loss.

Or even worse, memory loss.

The best thing about having a bad memory is you can never remember why you're sad.

It's a little sad to be honest.

I was gonna make a joke about memory loss

I think

I dedicate this in loving memory of all those dads who never quit

And a quick disclaimer that smoking is injurious to health...

Shout out to my dad who went to get a pack of cigarettes and never returned

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Chronic masturbation can cause memory attacks and loss of ire.

Or something like that, why don't you go fuck yourself?

When I was younger, I was given the decision to either be really popular or have a good memory.

To be honest, I forgot which one I chose.

My earliest memory of my mother is playing hide and seek with her, I would be sat peering out of the oven window and she would say...

"Your getting warmer"...

An old couple noticed that their memory had been deteriorating...

They went to the doctor’s office to check out the issue. The doctor suggested that they write down what they wanted to remember on sticky notes.

Later, when they got home, the wife asked her husband for a bowl of cereal. The husband said, “Right on it, darling!”

The wife asked, “Shoul...

I have the memory of an elephant.

I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.

What do you call a show about two cokeheads with short term memory loss?

Whose Line Is It Anyway?

Had my first Wookie burger in memory of Peter Mayhew today

It was a bit chewie

What's the name of that addictive thing that affects my short-term memory? I use it all the time, but can't remember what's it's called...

*Googles* ... "Oh yeah! The internet!"

An elderly man and his wife are losing their memory

An elderly man and his wife are losing their memory. Fearful that they may be developing early signs of dementia, Alzheimers, or the like, they speed off to their doctor. The doctor gives them a thorough examination and says, "Honestly, you are both in great shape and should take pride in your physi...

Memory Test

Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?"

The man thought for a moment and answered, "274."

The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is thre...

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Why do people with small dicks have a bad memory

I forgot

Memory foam pillows are the worst.

As soon as I lay down on them, I start remembering all the things I messed up during the day.

A Chinese Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens his own clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.
Lawyer: 'I have lost my sense of taste.'
Chinese: 'Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth.'
Lawyer: 'Ugh. this is kerosene.'
Chinese: 'Congrats, your s...

I used to work as a coast guard. There's one rescue mission that sticks in my memory.

A ship carrying a huge haul of industrial strength glue got into trouble just off the coast where I was stationed.

The weather was the worst I'd seen it, and one of the containers of glue had fallen from height and smashed into the hull, covering a number of the crew members in glue and knoc...

A motherboard went on a date with a processor

- they didn't read each other's BIOS and found out out they weren't compatible so they just got drunk.

As the night progressed they tried to figure out a way to make it work. Finally the processor convinced the motherboard to come back to his place and see what would happen.

But then...

Welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.

*If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.*

*If You have Ocd, Push The numbers 1, 2, 3, 7*

*If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.*

*If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.*

*If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what ...

I recently told my mom that I have a very bad memory.

Or did I?

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Remember, regular sex keeps the mind active and the memory in tip-top condition.

I wish everyone a happy 2016!

Memory is the second thing to go

Don't ask me the first, I forgot

(Reworded a bit but got this from a teacher)

If everyone had the memory of a goldfish.

I forgot where I was going with this.....

I have a memory from before I was even born....

I remember I went to the park with my dad, then went home with my mom.

What kind of jokes do people with short-term memory loss tell?

What kind of jokes do people with short-term memory loss tell?

I have the memory of a wooly mammoth

It's like an elephant's, but a little fuzzy

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In memory of the late George Carlin

Catholics hate abortions.

Catholics hate homosexuals.

But who has less abortions than homosexuals?

I’m known for two things, my incredible memory

... and I forgot the other thing.

My earliest childhood memory is going to the eye doctor when I was 8.

Life before that is a blur.

Memory Problems

An old husband and his wife were sitting in a doctor’s office to get help for their failing memory. “Maybe you should each do something special for for the other and then talk about it. That way, it will help cement it better in your minds.” The old couple thanked the doctor and went home.

Wh...

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When I was 10, a genie gave me two choices: either your dick grows to be massive, or you will have an amazing memory for the rest of your life.

And for the life of me, I can't remember what I chose...

as my long term memory has improved, my short term memory has gotten worse.

as my long term memory has improved, my short term memory has gotten worse.

My Memory is like a Goldfish.

Like a Goldfish, all my memories start with water in front of my eyes.
Just some aqueous humor for you guys.

An Elephant's Memory

While on holiday in Kenya and walking through the bush a man comes across an elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seems distressed so the man approaches very carefully. He gets down on one knee and inspects the bottom of the elephant's foot only to find a large thorn deeply...

Memory problems are no joke

Because you forget the punchline

Patient: Doctor, I need your help! I've lost my memory!

Doctor : When did it happen?

Patient : When did what happen?

I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB

That was a trip down memory lane

I think I got my terrible memory from my dad

It makes sense, considering he completely forgot to be there for me.

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[NSFW] If you woke up in the forest, naked, with a sore ass and no memory of the night before, would you tell anyone?

No???

Wanna go camping?

Women have such a great memory

They remember things that never happened

How much memory does it take to store a joke?

1 Gigglebyte.

An elderly couple started losing their memory.

They went to the doctor together to look into it. “Your memory loss is pretty bad. I’ll give you some medication for now, but in the meantime I suggest to start writing things down when you need to remember them”.

The couple reluctantly took the medication and went home, refusing to accept th...

When I was drinking my coffee, I heard on the radio that caffeine causes memory loss.

Yeah, right. Next time, they're probably gonna say that caffeine causes memory loss.

Studies have shown that smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

Next thing you know they'll be saying smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

A man went to the doctor complaining about memory loss.

\-And when did this start? Asked the doctor.

\-When did what start? Replied the man.

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory.

Just one byte. And then everything crashed

"Dad, what's it like having perfect memory?" The boy asked."

"I don't remember."

In memory of my father, who died of blood loss because sadly no one could figure out his blood type.

As I stood beside him it was incredibly moving to hear him repeat, over and over, these inspirational last words: "Be positive, son! Be positive!"

Father, I don't know if you can hear me, but if you do, just know I will always remember to be positive.

My friend said he had a really good memory. I didn’t believe him and told him to prove it.

He told me about a time when he was 6 and wanted an N64 for christmas. On christmas morning he found an N64 and 3 games under the tree and was overjoyed.

I guess I was wrong. It was a pretty good memory.

9/10 people have bad memory

But 9/11 people never forget.

I bought a book about improving memory

When I put it on my bookshelf, I saw three same books there.

Indian Memory man

Once a man was traveling through the west on vacation, when he saw a sign that said, "Meet the Indian Who Never Forgets, Next Exit". Well, being curious, the man stops at the attraction to see the Indian. He asks the man, "What did you have for breakfast on June 9, 1978?" The Indian replies "Eggs!"<...

An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories.

so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association. A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him. "What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbor. "Oh, ummmm, let's see,"...

“We’ve divided the population as you’ve requested, Mr. President,” announced the assistant from the doorway, “so we’re just waiting on your final approval for the memory wipe.”

“Wipe the memory of groups 1-8,” replied the president, “leave group 9 alone but wipe group 10 too.”

“Sir? You want us to wipe groups 1 through 8 and then 10, but not 9? Group 9 refers to... children born between 1990 and 1999, why should they be left with their memories?”

The presiden...

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Today an old lady with strange powers asked if I wanted great memory or a massive penis

I just wish I remembered which one I chose.

We, men, do have good memory..

A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen.

She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and she became so worried that she cal...

Favorite highschool memory

Leaving

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People say smoking weed affects the memory.

Well that's a load of shit, I never forget to smoke.

My ex girlfriend recently claimed she had a great memory

She was definitely lying because it didn't take her long to forget me

Yo mama's so fat

when she sat on a memory foam it forgot

Memory

A tourist was introduced to an Indian in New Mexico, who was said to have a perfect memory. Skeptically, the tourist asked, "What did you have for breakfast on September 10, 1943?"

The Indian answered, "Eggs."

The man scoffed, "Everyone eats eggs for breakfast. He's a phony. "

T...

I may not have a good memory

But at least I make up for it by having a good memory

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