UPJOKE
awhileonewithanothersameasonlyonmakingwellbutmadetoandtaking

For A While Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while . . .

A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while. Eventually he returns home and he is now a Christian. The man finds this to be odd and mentions it to his friend.

The friend listens, thinks for a moment and says, "That's odd. I sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy hadn't gotten any action for a while so he decides to visit a local brothel

"What would you like tonight?” his entertainer asked him.
"Well, I'm not really sure, what do you recommend?” he replied.
"I could give you the best hand job you've ever had, if you don't believe me just look out the window... do you see that Mercedes? I bought that with the money I made just ...

I've been dating this homeless chick for a while now and it's starting to get serious.

She asked me to move out with her.

When my dentist reminded me about my wife’s sensitive gag reflex, we laughed and laughed about it for a while...

Then I remembered...................me and my wife have different dentists…

For a while, the magician Houdini used a trap door for every show he did.

It was..just a stage he was going through.

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.....

...in a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
* The bouncer is a blonde girl.
* I'm a 6...

I was a taxi driver for a while, but recently I got fired.

Apparently they didn't like it when I went the extra mile during my job.

Don't buy something you won't need for a while

I had some money to burn and looked around for something to buy. I almost bought a coffin. But then I thought, that's the last thing I need.

I've been seeing a psychiatrist for a while now.

Even though I know he's not really there.

old timey classic i haven’t seen on here for a while

when is a door not a door?

when it’s a jar

I’m trying to organize a Hide and Seek tournament for a while, but it is not easy.

Good players are hard to find.

I took up origami for a while,

but I gave it up because it was too much paperwork.

i was addicted to soap for a while...

i'm clean now

I dated a robot for a while, but we broke up.

She was just too high maintenance.

When the demon baby appeared I ignored it for a while.

But eventually I had to address the hell infant in the room

We've been practicing social distancing for a while now;

I think we're ready for the real deal.

I was cryogenically frozen for a while, then somebody woke me up early.

I really lost my cool.

I’ve had this anorexic girlfriend for a while

Actually I’ve been seeing less and less of her.

I tried going vegan for a while...

It didn’t take long for me to realise it was a missed steak

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very religious man had been getting high phone bills for a while

One month his bill was 2 times his normal amount.

The next, it was 3x

On the fourth month, he got home to an unusual scenery: his parrot was on the phone talking about sex with someone.

The man becomes livid with the situation, and checks the bills only to find out that his pa...

My back has been hurting for a while now...

But I don't mind, it's spine.

I've stopped using duolingo for a while now

And my German skills are going from bath to sausage

if you put a man in a place where the temperature is -273.15°C for a while, will he be alright?

Yeah, he will be 0K.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday....

But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “Fuck it, soldier on!”

If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while.

They're normally around 90 degrees.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once dated a biker chick for a while

It got quite annoying as once a month she would jump on her menstrual cycle and run me the fuck over!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brother was dating a Japanese woman for a while but was dumped today.

You could say that he was disoriented

I've been out of work for a while but have just got a job at a factory making periscopes.

Things are looking up.

[OC] My mother has been tracking this mosquito for a while...

When it finally landed, she smacked it and exclaimed, “HA!


GOTCHA YOU MOTHERSUCKER!”

It was late at night and the salesman had been driving for a while

The rain was as heavy as his eyelids and, as he nodded off and lost control. The car swerved left, then right before crashing upside down into a ditch.

The guy came round, the water in the ditch lapping round his head, he pulled himself loose, feeling the blood running down his head. He stagg...

a bear walks into a bar and orders a burger then pauses for a while and says a large soda aswell

the bartender says why the long paws

I have been considering overdosing on dopamine for a while now

At least that way, I know I would die a happy man

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you deny pooping after being in the bathroom for a while...

I'm going to assume you're full of shit.

So, a dude hits on a girl he had a crush on for a while.

Him: Damn, girl! Are you New York City??
Her: Lol, no. Why?
Him: Cos you're looking very NYC today.

After Dating for a month:

Him: Damn, girl! Are you a newspaper?
Her: Uh, lemme guess, you think I'm the storehouse of knowledge?
Him: Nah, there's a new issue with ya every d...

After contemplating the idea for a while, I decided to turn myself into the police.

It was fun while it lasted pulling people over and taking their drugs and stuff, until I got busted for impersonation.

Brought a girl home from a bar last night and after we went down on each other for a while I slipped on a condom. Suddenly, she looked me dead in the eyes and demanded either forty more minutes of foreplay, or that I drop down and give her 100 pushups. When I asked why she said

"The idea is to provide you with a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking different holes."

A joke that has been circulating around for a while...

Two blood cells fell in love, but it was all in vein.

A few years ago I started a journal of different rocks I've found in the wilderness. For a while I was stuck with 68 entries, until I finally found number 69...

**Gneiss!**

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to a cabin in the woods to get away for a while...

He hears a knock on the door after just barely unloading. A burly bearded man was outside.

Neighbor: Just wanted to welcome you to the woods and invite you over for a drink later.

City guy: Sure sounds great

Neighbor: There will be a lot of music

City guy: Sounds like fun...

One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every time someone tells me they've been constipated for a while...

I assume they're full of shit.

So, full disclosure: There's this lady across the street whom I've been into for a while now.

I just started talking to her and I gotta say...

Lawn distance relationships aren't that bad.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A friend of mine told me she worked as a prostitue for a while...

I asked her if she'd ever been picked up by the fuzz. She hadn't, but she said she'd once been swung round by the tits.

A store manager heard his clerk tell a customer, “No, ma’am, we haven’t had any for a while, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.”

Horrified, the manager came running over to the customer and said, “Of course we’ll have some soon. We placed an order last week.” Then the manager drew the clerk aside. “Never,” he snarled, “Never, never, never say we’re out of anything- say we’ve got it on order and it’s coming. Now, what was it s...

A blonde joke you probably haven't heard for a while ...

Hillary Clinton

So one night I was drinking at the pub for a while and decided it was time to head home

I had too much to drink so I had to walk home. It started raining on my way so I decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery to get home faster.

It was really dark and eventually I found myself fallen into an open grave, I tried to climb out but the wall was wet and slippery, and kept bre...

I’ve been in the BDSM scene for a while. Recently, I developed feelings for a girl that wanted me to control her. She was amazing...

She was definitely a r/subifellfor

I've had a weak back for a while now doc

Doctor: when did you first start experiencing pain?

Me: about a week back.

This is the last time I have to be a slave to an alarm clock for a while.

I mean, it will be a whole other decade before I have to do it again

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sat on my hand for a while, then masturbated with it. It was pure gold.

Thank you, kind stranger.

I’ve been meaning to try bukkake for a while, and it’s really fun.

My whole family came.

I tried being a barber for a while but I just couldn't cut it.

Bonus joke:

Had to buy a stepladder the other day, I never knew my real ladder.

Looks like I'm going away for a while without internet access

tell my wifi love her.

Businesses are starting to open up. In fact, the LEGO store is open now, but I recommend staying away for a while.

People will be lined up for blocks.

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. The man watched the game in astonishment for a while.

“I can hardly believe my eyes!” he said. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.”

“He’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five.”

If you’ve been on reddit for a while you know theres a serious side, and a fun side to the site.

Both of which you shouldn’t take seriously

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two friends who haven't met for a while...

... bump into each other on the street. Edit: They are both male, which is relevant.

Friend A says: "Hey, good to see you again! How's life?" Friend B: "Ah, pretty good, I've found a job at an accountant firm. And yourself?" - "You know what, I've opened a brothel!" - "Cool! How much do you c...

What do you call a joke that has been internet obsolete for a while?

The Game.

Why does everyone always brag that they are “going to go unplugged for a while”

Wireless devices were invented decades ago.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've been single for a while now and I'm staring to realize something.

They blur out A lot of Asian porn.

For a while I was a hot dog vendor. One time this guy walked up to me and asked me to make him one with everything.

So I pulled out my gun and shot him in the face.

I proposed to the girl I've been seeing for a while. She was freaking out and apparently she wanted to make things official.

I'm now signing some papers with the police.

There are two guys sitting in a bar, and one is complaining that he hasn't had any for a while.

The other man, sympathizes, and tells him of a 'place' he can go to get some relief. He also recommends "Stella" for his new friend.

'Stella?' the desperate one asks.
'
Trust me,' the other guy says. 'Stella gives the best blow-job
on the planet. The amazing thing is, half-way throug...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A tattoo artist went to a coffee place and ordered coffee but forgot his wallet...

so he tells the woman at the counter that he can't pay for it. The woman gets angry at first and then asks "What can we do about this situation?" The tattoo artist says "Well I can give you a tattoo for free instead and we can call it even". The woman thinks for a while, reluctantly agrees to it and...

[rugby] Looks like Australia was in trouble there for a while...

But in the end they got off Scot-free.

Joe and Tom had been at the bar for a while...

…when Joe said he'd give Tom $20 if he'd take one sip out of a large spittoon at the end of the bar.

Tom: "No way, man. That's disgusting!"
Joe: "What if I offered you $50, then would you do it? Just one sip??"
Tom: "Uh. No. Even for $50, that's just too gross!"
Joe: "Well…what if I...

I've been seeing this girl for a while, but I had to drop her

Someone stole my pair of binoculars

For a while now, I always wondered how my parents passed the time in the 80’s and 90’s without social media

I asked my 32 other siblings and they’ve got no idea either.

What did the lasagna say to the pizza after having an affair for a while?

We have to stop, I think Spaghetti sauce!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a brothel

John: I've been coming here for a while and it's becoming a bit routine. Have you got something different to try?

Madame: Well we do have a girl with a glass eye...she takes it out a let's you fuck her in the eye socket

John: OMG that's crazy, I'll have to give it a try

15 mi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) I have a sexual fetish for intellectual breakthroughs

I struggled for a while, but then I came to a realization

I dated a dwarf for a while until she broke up with me, it tore me apart emotionally

I was nuts over her.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.