UPJOKE
halfsecondthirdcameonlytwicetimeonetookfourthwhilethreebeforefiveanother

First Half Jokes

Our soccer team is not too good. In the game today, the opposing team hit the bar twice in the first half.

They could have at least waited till the end of the game to celebrate.

My dad said he'd delete my computer games if I didn't finish mowing the lawn. I did the first half pretty quickly...

but now I'm losing Steam.

They had us in the first half not gonna lie

My phone was at low battery so i had to plug it in right next to someone. The guy next to me was playing flappy bird really loud and it kept beeping. I kept telling him to stop and he ignored me. I got so mad i unplugged his device and it fell silent. Anyway that was the last time i was allowed in a...

They had us in the first half not gonna lie.

I was drinking at a bar so i took the bus home. That may not seem like a big deal to you but i've never driven a bus before...

Boss asked me to swap the first half of the brochure with the second.

I was like, sure bro.

If you had told me back on NYE all the sh*t that’d happen in the first half of 2020...

I would’ve said, “Don’t July.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can you imagine getting 72 virgin when you go to heaven?

The first half-dozen or so will be nice, but after that, I'm going to want a pro.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob had finally made it

to the last round of the "$64,000 Question" show. The night before the big question, he told the host that he desired a question on American History.

The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the be...

The animals were bored.

Finally the lion had an idea. He tells the other animals how he's seen the humans play a game called American football. He proceeded to tell them how it's played and explained its rules. This got them excited.

They chose their teams and went out to an open field. The lion's team received, and...

i have a girlfriend, that have a great personality

she always forgive me when she was wrong

nah just kidding, the joke is in the first half of the title

I read a book called anticlimactic...

the first half was good.

A farmer and his new bride

A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.

The farmer said, "That's once."

A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.

The farmer said, "That's twice."

After a litt...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mathematician and an engineer...

A mathematician and an engineer are placed in a room with a beautiful woman, with big breasts. They are told that they are allowed to walk towards her, but may only cross half the room at a time. First half, then half of that half, and so on.

The mathematician is shaking his head.

"We'...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.