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Fingered Jokes

Recently I was fingered for a crime

which seems like a weird punishment

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered man sighs and lowers his arms "I am prepared, my son. I have been freed from Earthly desires and acheived inner peace. I wish for nothing more than to move on to m...

My high school crush came to my work today and I fingered her. (NSFW)

Sometimes being a mortician is awesome.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

my girlfriend just told me that she was fingered both anally and vaginally by the gynaecologist

saying "awesome" was not the right reaction

My best friend fingered my girlfriend while she was on her period

He denied it, but I caught him red-handed.

Do girls even enjoy being fingered?

Depends on if you know the difference between summoning a genie and stuffing a chicken

My wife hasn't spoken to me since I fingered her twin by mistake during a drunken dance at a wedding.

He's not happy about it either.

I fingered a fat girl last night

She said it was hurting and asked if I could take my ring off.
 
I agreed, but didn’t have the heart to tell her I wasn’t wearing a ring, it was my watch.

How to get rich

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of th...

My six fingered friend doesn't understand why everyone else is okay with only having 5 fingers.

He feels that it's an odd number.

What's the best kind of guy to get fingered by?

One with Parkinson's disease!

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