UPJOKE

### I know every single digit of pi!

I just don't have them in the right order.

A migit.

### Want to see all the decimal digits of Pi?

They are {0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9}, and there are no others!

### If anyone ever figured out my secret 4-digit code, I'd be screwed! They'd have my bank pin #, phone unlock code, front door lock code...

...they'd even know my birth year!

### Chuck Norris's password is the last 9 digits of pi.

Chuck Norris can divide by 0.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice

Chuck Norris can cross a vector with a scalar

Chuck Norris is so tough he can draw a circle with exactly 100 degrees.

Chuck Norris is so badass he can find value of a variable in an expansion without fac...

### The digit seven

A humorous answer to why handwritten digit 7 is commonly written stricken (I've recently read this joke in Russian and made a translation).

When Moses gathered the people at the Mount Sinai, started reading out the 10 commandments and reached the No. 7 (which reads "Thou shalt not commit ...

### finally memorized the digits og Pi up to 10 digits.

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

But sadly i dont know the order.

### Q. Why were photographs so depressing before digital cameras were invented?

A. Because they spent too much time processing the negatives.

### I won't stand for people with less than 10 digits on their feet.

I'm lack toes intolerant.

### I started memorizing the digits of pi

Then I realized it was irrational.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Who is the biggest digital hoe?

Mrs. Pac-Man because for ¢25, she’ll swallow balls until she dies.

### The first digital clock

A man is setting up the first ever digital clock, and as soon as he plugs it in, he excitedly calls to his wife, “Honey, come look at this! This technology is truly ahead of its time”

“I could’ve sworn it was only 5:30, but it says its already 12:00!”

### What's the difference between a digital camera and a sock?

The camera takes photos and the the sock takes five toes.

### What did digital clock say to Grandfather clock?

"Look Grandpa, no hands!"

### Why does Quentin Tarantino refuse to make movies with digital cinematography?

Because he's the reel deal.

### I was at the doctor, getting the digital rectal exam, and the doctor says:

"At this point of the exam it is normal to get an erection"

I said"I don't have an erection"

The doctor says "No. But I do"

### What did the male digital signal ask a female digital signal?

Do you do ANALog?

### 39 digits of pi accurately calculates the circumference of the universe to the width of a hydrogen atom

Scientists still can’t determine how much is needed for your mother though

### I can make digital art and canvas art easily.

But when it comes to paper, that's where I draw the line.

gloves

### New digital LOTR trading card JPEGs for sale!!!

Non Fungible Tolkien’s

You use NordVPN

### My doctor asked if I wanted a digital prostate exam..

He didn't mention there were no electronics involved but now I get his point

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### The rectum stretcher

Just as a car crosses over a bridge, a cop jumps out from behind a bush and signals the driver to the pull over. The cop walks over to the car window and says "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?"

The driver responds "No sir I do not, but it couldn't have been much faster than 50......

### I made this up on the spot and I'm really proud of it.

This isn't the best joke, but I'm really proud of how it came out. My sister and I are both in town visiting our parents for the first time in years. I keep dropping bad puns and my sister keeps yelling at me.

Tonight, we were telling stories from our youth, and I told her this one. She was r...

### There's nothing in the Guinness Book about digital DJs.

They don't hold any records.

### If your digital multimeter gives a bogus reading, try it again.

It's probably a Fluke.

1. CEO
2. CTO
3. COVID-19

### In 1999, in the midst of the Y2K panic, the KY Jelly company announced it was now Y2K compliant:

Known as 'Y2KY Jelly, it now allowed you to put all four digits in your date

### Have you heard of Y2K jelly?

It allows you to insert four digits into your date where you could previously only fit two.

### Superman lost all of his money on a digital currency scheme

It was his cryptonite.

### This new digital currency is bitc*in!

Sorry. Bitcoin. It’s called bitcoin

### If the combination of binary digits were called a bit

Then would the combination of ternary digits be called a tit?

### How was the first digital sound created?

Someone snapped their fingers.

a beak.ini

### Why did Slovakia move to digital banking?

because they ran out of Czechs

### I know the first 1,000,000 digits of pi..

its their order that I’m still foggy on

An Emu

### My dad always brags that his was the first profession to go completely digital.

He’s a proctologist.

### Spent some cryptocurrency to take digital possession of an image of Gandalf killing the Balrog of Morgoth...

My first non-fungible Tolkien.

### Figurative digits

When is a 2 literally a 6? When it has metaphor.

I just want a physical release.

### Why does the US military use digital camo?

They turned down the graphics for better performance

### A digital pirate lost his leg.

He now has a JPEG leg to replace it.

### Girl can I get your digits?

Jack the Ripper was a quite a pickup artist.

### A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefu...

Online

### What do you call a digital tree?

All bark and no byte

### Pandemic dating is weird. Last night I asked a girl at the grocery store for her digits ...

And she wrote down her temperature.

### I put scaffolding on my Hi-fi and steel girders on my digital radio.

Then my mom told me to stop reinforcing stereo types.

### Have you seen my digital boat?

Oh wait, its syncing.

### My digital copy of Jurassic Park became corrupted.

I guess you can say I have e-reptile dysfunction.

### Mr Peg, my Digital Photography teacher, just passed away.

Rest in peace Jay.

### In other news

Inspired by Colin Mochrie's 6:00 News on Who's Line, I tried to come up with my own.

We now return you to your 6:00 news. I'm your host, Armand Dangerous. Earlier today, a man who lost a digit to his foot after a grievous skiing accident underwent a groundbreaking surgery where he requested t...

### I got one of those digital assistant things for Christmas, but I think it's defective

It refuses to open the pod bay doors.

### I set my password to be the last 4 digits of pi.

Nobody's ever been able to crack it.

On a jpeg.

No attachments.

### My brother has been working on a belt with a built in digital clock.

Talk about a waist of time.

### I discriminate against people who lose digits on their feet to frostbite.

I guess you could say I am lactose intolerant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### So, I measured my penis with one of those digital rulers...

...Anyone know how to convert LOL into inches?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Not exactly a joke, butthe usually get a great reaction. Caution: not for use with those who lack basic math skills.

Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.

Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you hav...

### Grandma, how old are you?

"A woman never reveals her age", she replied to her young grandson.

He said "Alright, just give me the first digit"

"Six" she said.

"And the second?"

Grandma sighed. "Seven."

"And the third?"

### I was getting a prostate examination when the doctor said "just so you know, this is a digital rectal exam".

"I understand. I know what is involved", I reply.

The doctor elaborates, "Just so you know, this exam will likely cause an erection".

I consider it for a moment and say, "That's fine, I've got it under control. It should be ok".

The doctor replies, "I wasn't talking about you."

A .flac gun

### 132 is my favorite number

the sum of all 2-digit numbers one can make from 132 results in 132. 132 is the smallest number with that property.

that's cool.

But it's my favorite because the response I give to many people is 132 in binary and I communicate binary using my fingers.

### After the invention of digital watches, the Swiss were in quite a bind...

Faced with what seemed like an existential threat to their national watch manufacturers, the Swiss Government send out pamphlets to foreign and domestic watch owners, asking them to sign up if they were interested in buying mechanical watches as gifts or fashion statements. Unfortunately, no one sig...

### Got arrested today and the cops said they needed to take my fingerprints and put them on file. But when we got to the station, the sergeant said they'd run out of fingerprint ink.

I think they're trying to PIN something on me.

### Thanksgiving An old couple had been married for 50 years. Every morning (without fail) the man produced a massive fart when he got out of bed and then laughed like a madman.

Also every morning, his wife would admonish him: "One of these days you're going to fart your guts out."

It's Thanksgiving morning. The old man is sleeping in and the old lady is in the initial steps of preparing the turkey. While she has a handful of turkey innards, she gets an idea:

...

### I tried to make a clock with no battery for the digital clock competition

but it didn't count.

### A man sits next to a blonde on an airplane...

He says to the blonde, knowing he could outsmart her, “If I give you a question you cannot answer, you must pay me \$10.”

“But if you give me a question I cannot answer, I will pay you \$100.”

She agrees, and the man asks his question.

“What is the ninth digit of pi?”

She ...

### 11 was a racehorse

22 was 12

111 race

22112

(Say each digit individually)

### Think of a number between 1 and 9. Multiply it by 2, and then subtract the sum of the digits from it. Now close your eyes.

Dark, wasn’t it?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Guys, if you get a digital rectal exam, you might feel like you're going to poop or going to orgasm.

You won't know whether you're coming or going.

### Brain reduction

A man went to a doctor, and said he wanted to be able to get a job at the local Post Office, but unfortunately he was too smart.

The doctor asked him his IQ, and when he gave a three-digit reply, the doctor told him that the procedure would have to involve the removal of over half of his bra...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### A new medical student was seeing a patient in a clinic for a physical

As the student was inefficient and slow, the patient became furious and gave him a hard time. The student then said, “let me bring my preceptor so we can do your physical examination together.” The student steps out and returns with the preceptor.

Towards the end of the physical, the precepto...

### Adobe released a new digital ruler today. It's a bit short though, so they codenamed it...

Napoleon, because it's a short ruler.

### What did the serial killer say at the end of a successful first date?

Let me get them digits.

### Welcome to the Alzheimer's information support page...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### I started by running my hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. My digits glided over her breasts, touching them very lightly, then proceeded gently, caressing as it went down her side, sliding my paw over her stomach...

...and then down the other side to a point below her waist.

I continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other.

My hand ran further down the outside of her thighs.

My gentle stroking then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### By tightly securing our Nuclear Arsenal through human, digital, mechanical and chemical means, we've been able to almost completely eliminate the risk of nuclear warhead explosions due to accidents or hostile attacks, however if these past four years have taught us something ...

... it's that we also need to equip our nukes with child locks.