I know every single digit of pi.

I just don’t know the order of them

If anyone ever figured out my secret 4-digit code, I'd be screwed! They'd have my bank pin #, phone unlock code, front door lock code...

...they'd even know my birth year!

I know the first 1,000,000 digits of pi..

its their order that I’m still foggy on

Want to see all the decimal digits of Pi?

They are {0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9}, and there are no others!

“How many digits of pi do you know?” - “All of them...

I just always forget the order!”

Think of a number between 1 and 9. Multiply it by 2, and then subtract the sum of the digits from it. Now close your eyes.

Dark, wasn’t it?

39 digits of pi accurately calculates the circumference of the universe to the width of a hydrogen atom

Scientists still can’t determine how much is needed for your mother though

I set my password to be the last 4 digits of pi.

Nobody's ever been able to crack it.

I've memorized all the digits in pi, I'm not sure why everyone thinks it's so hard.

0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

What was the first form of digital storage?

gloves

Girl can I get your digits?

Jack the Ripper was a quite a pickup artist.

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Not exactly a joke, butthe usually get a great reaction. Caution: not for use with those who lack basic math skills.

Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.

Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you hav...

I discriminate against people who lose digits on their feet to frostbite.

I guess you could say I am lactose intolerant.

Figurative digits

When is a 2 literally a 6? When it has metaphor.

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[Long] Anger management

Ok, this is really long but when you finished reading, you'll have a great Lige Protip.

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remem...

A man walks in through the front door after work

and his wife immediately starts smacking him, left and right across the face, cursing.

"Woah woah woah...what gives?!?" the man says.

The smacking intensifies briefly, and then she let's up.

"I picked up your coat from the dry cleaners earlier today, and found THIS in the pocke...

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Movie Quiz

Try this quick and easy test. Scroll down and do the quiz as it instructs and find out what movie is your favorite. It Really works! This amazing math quiz can likely predict which of 19 films you would enjoy the most. Don't ask me how.

\- Pick a number from 1 to 9

\- Multiply by 3
...

I heard that your mom uses her weight as her phone's pin code.

Guess that's why Apple changed it from four digits to six.

Remember proper protection this valentines day

Ensure your safeword is at least 8 characters long and has a fair mix of uppercase, lowercase and digits

The emperor penguin mates at temperatures as low as -120 degrees F.

He is a frigid midget with a rigid digit.

Actual exchange the morning of my wedding yesterday:

Photographer (to bride): scale of 1 to 10, what's your stress level at?

Bride: 8

Groom (me): WOOHOO SINGLE DIGITS

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My friends say I’m funny so I figured I’d write a joke.

So I went to a proctologist (read: butt doctor) because I’d been having some long term constipation and I figured I’d better get a prostate check to punch two holes in my club card, it was a real problem as funny as it sounds. Anyway I get there and I’m waiting in this cold room when a dude in a doc...

What is the difference between a priest and a pimple

A pimple will wait till you are 12 to come on your face

An old man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of wrinkly, dried up lemon rinds...

An old man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of wrinkly, dried up lemon rinds. He sits down and orders a beer from one hell of a beefy, muscled bartender. He takes a shakey sip from his dark, dark beer, puts it back down, and asks about the lemons as old and shriveled as he is.

"We have a ...

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[NSFW] A drunk guy staggers into a bar and orders a beer.

He goes up to the barman and shouts, "Wow! There are A LOT of hot women in here".

Filled with Dutch courage, the guy says, "I bet you 50 bucks I can go up to any hottie in here, squeeze her boobs, slap her ass and still get her number!"

The barman agrees and they put their money under ...

What do you call an Eskimo dwarf with a raging erection?

A frigid midget with a rigid digit

A foot model was on his way to a competition whilst walking through a forest...

...He passed by a lumberjack who accidentally let go of his axe and ended up dismembering one of the model's precious digits.

Thinking quickly the lumberjack bandaged up the model's foot with some nearby foliage and helped the model limp to his event.

When they got there the on site do...

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My go-to joke whenever anybody asks me to tell them a joke...

A man walks into a pet shop and sees a beautiful parrot. He asks the shop owner about it, and the owner says "Ah, that's the Wikibird. Not only can it talk, but it knows a lot of useful information. You can ask it anything you want and it will respond."

The man decides to test out the Wikibir...

A Doctor tries to con an Engineer

There was an Engineer who was unemployed for a very long time. Being unable to find any kind of work, he decided to open up a medical clinic. He put up a sign outside the clinic that said "We guarantee we can find a cure for your ailment, for the price of $500. If we fail to do so, we will compensat...

Grandma, how old are you?

"A woman never reveals her age", she replied to her young grandson.

He said "Alright, just give me the first digit"

"Six" she said.

"And the second?"

Grandma sighed. "Seven."

"And the third?"

Welcome to the Alzheimer's information support page...

...please enter your 17 digit password.

I amputated my own fingers to get a date with a cute surgeon

She finally took my digits this time!

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The Mathematician from Brooklyn

A mathematician hailing from Brooklyn, NY gets invited to the annual conference for mathematics, statistics and logic. Upon arriving, he notices that a world-renown professor is hosting what was listed as "The Unbeatable Brain-Teaser". He decides to sign up, and gets in the single-file line for a on...

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Accountants Paradise: The Theme song for "The Accountant" Starring Ben Affleck.

Accountants Paradise:

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I take a look at your finances and draw a deep deep breath.

Cos I’ve been counting and adding for all so long that even my boss thinks that my mind has gone.

But I ain’t never crossed a debit that didn’...

Hand Surgery

A man suffers a traumatic accident that requires the surgical reconstruction of both his hands. It takes multiple operations, but eventually his mangled digits resemble something human again, and he regains full use of all of his fingers. Thankful but somber, he asks the surgeon, "But doc, will I ev...

What is the scientific measurement for moistness?

Digits...

What is the difference between an Eskimo and a eunuch?

One is a frigid midget with a rigid digit, the other is a massive vassal with a passive tassel

(found this in Horace's Satires)

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