Cheek Jokes - 57 Hilarious Cheek Jokes

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What did one cheek say to the other cheek?

If we get together we can put a stop to this .

What do you call a mosquito sitting on your wife's cheek?

A golden opportunity

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$1 joke from homeless man on Santa Monica pier- "What did 1 cheek say to the other cheek"

" Together We can stop this "

An old cowboy walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut and he tells the barber he can’t get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he’s finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he’s had in years.

But he wanted to know what would have happened if ...

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I drew a picture of a single cheek...

Everyone said it looked half-assed

A farmer had three daughters

And they all three had dates planned for this evening. The farmer got his shotgun out to clean as well for added intimidation for the gentlemen callers.
At 5PM there was a knock on the door, so the farmer answered it with his shotgun in tow.

A young man was standing in the stoop, and said,...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The brunette thinks "I bet that di...

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A man walks into a GP's office with a fork stuck in his cheek.

'Help me, doctor!' he says in a desperate voice.

'I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do for you,' says the doctor while putting on his coat. 'My shift ends at 5 p.m. and it's already five past.'

'But doctor, please, there must be something you can do!', cries the man.

'No, sorry...

When the young husband reached home from the office he found his wife in tears.

"Oh, John," she sobbed on his shoulder. "I had baked a lovely cake and put it out on the back porch for the frosting to dry and the dog ate it!"

"Well, don't cry about it, sweetheart," he consoled, patting the pretty flushed cheek. "I know a man who will give us another dog."

...

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I'm self conscious about my hairless cheeks...

I embarrassed

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Why did the stripper get a large "W" tattooed on each 'cheek'?

Every time she does a somersault, it says: "WOW, MOM, WOW!"

We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.

Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.

A couple are having dinner at a nice restaurant. A lovely young woman walks up to the table, kisses the man on the cheek, and says, "See you later, sweetie" before walking away. The wife is livid.

"Who the hell was that, and what did she mean about seeing you later?"

"That's just my mistress, Laura."

"You have a mistress, and she has the nerve to walk up to us in public? This is unforgivable. I want a divorce."

"Honey, she means nothing to me. Just a bit of harmless fun. ...

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is -cheeks one word?

Or are you supposed to spread them apart?

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How did Cleopatra know her cheeks would get along?

They had a Tutankhamun.

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I'm thinking of tattooing an X on each cheek.

That way I can have hot cross buns year round.

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a nun and a young woman are sitting in a train compartment

The train drives into a tunnel, the lights in the compartment have gone out, it is pitch black. Suddenly a loud SMACK! is heard, and when the train is back out of the tunnel, the Frenchman is in pain, holding his red cheek.

The Nun thinks: "He must have groped the young woman and she slapped ...

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I wedged a philosophy book between my cheeks

Now I have a wisecrack in any situation

When you swim in the creek and an eel bites your cheek

that's a moray!

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My wife had some tattoos done on the cheeks of her .

She said to the tattooist I would like a butterfly on each cheek.

Tattooist says, sorry I can't do butterflies, I can do Bee's though.

So my wife said okay they are nice as well. She came home, dropped her pants turned round and got on all fours to show me.

I said "who the ...

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Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her !"
...

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A married man keeps telling his wife "Honey, you have such a beautiful "

Every person in the town agrees that she does have a very beautiful . The man's birthday is coming up so she decides to take a trip to the tattoo parlor and get the words "Beautiful " tattooed on her .

She walks in and tells the tattoo artist he husband thinks she has a beautiful b...

How did Helen Keller burn her cheek?

She mistook the iron for a telephone.

How did she burn the other cheek?
They called back.

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My wife told me this in the car the other day. Thought you might enjoy!

Wife: I can't believe they're still together after all that .

Me: Who?

Wife: My cheeks.

Husband and wife are shopping...

A Husband and Wife went shopping together just before Christmas. The wife quickly noticed that her husband was missing and because they had a lot to do she called him on his cell phone.
After the husband picked up the phone his wife said " Where are you, you know we have lots to do!"
He sa...

A kid with a swollen cheek walks into a hospital

A doctor rushes to it: "You Ok lad? What happened?"
"Well... There was this bee... and... it landed on my cheek and... and..."
"Did it sting you?"
"No, daddy killed it with a shovel"

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The whale on my doorstep

5 years ago on this very night, I found a jar of whale on my doorstep. It was beaten and injured, it needed my help. I nursed it back to health and raised it like my own son.
Today it finally graduated from university and I was just so proud.
It looked at me and said
"Thank you, for...

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A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed...

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While cooking the Thanksgiving dinner, a fire broke out which burned Jill's right cheek.

In the hospital, the doctor said, "Harold, we cannot recover back your wife's cheek to its original condition but we can put new skin on it and it'll look just the same."

The thing was, the type of skin required to put over the burnt cheek was available only in Harold's buttocks. He complied,...

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I was born with a rare condition ,, I only had one bum cheek . Anyway i recently had an operation to correct the problem. I can't thank the surgeons enough.

They made a complete of it.

BB King's wife had a B tattooed on each of her cheeks for his birthday

She dropped her , turned around and bent over. "Surprise", she said. BB looked at her and asked "Who's Bob?"

The Human Centipede wasn't that bad really..

...most of it was tongue in cheek.

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I recently got a new tattoo on my cheeks

It’s a squirrel reaching under to grab my nuts

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Finally got my first tattoo. A “P” on my left cheek and a “P” on the right

It really pops when I bend over

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My girlfriend won't let me spank her during foreplay, so I glued her cheeks together...

Well, if you can't beat them, join them.

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100% of people surveyed say they prefer their right cheek.

I guess that means the other one is always left behind.

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
'What's the matter,...

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks...

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.

"No" replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!"

"How'd that happen?"

"The cork fell out!" said the Irishma...

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I️ had a pimple on my right cheek

Popping it was a real pain in the .

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Last night, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club....

One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a £10 note. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the £10 note and stuck it to his bum cheek!

Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a £20 note. She called the guy back , licks the £20 note, and sticks...

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Did you hear about the guy who lost his right cheek, right testicle, and his right hand?

He's not doing all right.

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Why did the cheeks split up?

Too much between them

A woman looks out her window at her neighbor leaving for work, who puts a kiss on his wife's cheek.

So, as her husband is leaving, she points to the husband kissing his wife, and says, "Why don't you do that?" He says, "Why? I barely know her!"

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I accidentally glued my girlfriend's cheeks together.

She hasn't talked to me in three days , but I can feel the shitstorm coming. ..

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Why did God give us four cheeks?

He made an of the first two.

My dating coach told me I should in my cheeks to look more attractive.

It didn’t work and ended up giving me a wedgie.

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Did you hear about the guy who smacked Dwayne Johnson on his cheeks?

He hit Rock bottom

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So there's this guy who drives with his cheeks.

Obviously if you drive with your , you're gonna get into an accident sooner or later, right? Well one fateful day, he did, and in the process, he fucked up the other guy's car so bad it couldn't be fixed. When he gets out of his car, he says,

"Oh no! I !"

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Why are your cheeks split up vertically?

If it were horizontally, running down the stairs would sound like someone clapping their hands.

Want to clap some alien cheeks?

The Border Patrol is hiring.

A lot of people don’t understand the humor in the movie The Human Centipede…

I thought it was pretty obvious that most of the movie was tounge in cheek

When I drink, I always end up with rosy cheeks,

I wake up in the flower bed at the end of my garden the next day

Two prawns….

Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day. The first one was called Justin and the second one was called Kristian. They were continually being chased and threatened by the sharks that inhabited the area.

Eventually Justin had had enough. He said to Kristian, "I'm fed up with being a ...

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after surgery

A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked ...
“How long will it be before I am able to have a normal life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, and a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye, which alarmed th...

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If you slap a christian the ...

Would she turn the other cheek?

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Saturn and Neptune are the cheeks of the solar system

Uranus is between them

Stalin visits a Young Pioneer camp.

He's inspecting the children who are all standing in uniforms in a straight line. He pulls one boy out of line.

"What is your name, boy?" asks Stalin.

"My name is Vovochka Karpov" answers the boy.

"So, tell me, Vovochka, who is your mother?"

"My mother is the Great Soviet...

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