A man got hired as a freight train conductor. He wasn't very good and was responsible for significant losses of cargo, but he kept covering it up.

At one point he murdered another man who knew what was happening, and soon he started killing more threats to his position as conductor.

But a few years passed, and the conductor's murder record was discovered. Given the severity of his crimes, he was sentenced to death by electric chair....

Did you hear about the Midwestern dairy farmers? Apparently they've begun a new trend of covering their cows' teets with fabric because they felt like their heifers were indecent.

It's Being Called An Udder Shame.

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm...

He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he...

Despite CDC guidelines, there's no reason to worry about people not covering their noses with their masks.

They're mouth-breathers anyway.

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I absolutely love and admire the unintellignt, overweight, yellowish-orange skinned man with the bad combover covering his baldness who has had his finger on the nuclear button all these years...

Wait... I was talking about Homer Simpson, who did you think I meant?

My spinster aunt thinks that statues of Jesus on the crucifix in only a loincloth is too revealing, so she has started covering them in appropriate clothing.

...aparently, she's a cross-dresser now.

A man walks into a bar with a talking dog

He tells the bartender “my dog can talk!”

The bartender says “Oh yeah? Let’s hear him!”

He asks the dog “what is on top of a house?”

The dog says “roof!”

The bartender is not buying it, so the guy says “what is the outer covering of a tree called?”

The dog says “ba...

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What do you call a woman wearing nothing but whipped cream covering her private parts?

Chantilly clad.

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This is as good a day as any to post this old one...

An older catholic priest is sweeping up between the pews after mass when a very attractive scantily clad young woman rushes into the church. She is visibly upset as she runs up to the priest, holding her face in her hands and sobbing.

Although the priest noticed her ample physique and skim...

A man was walking home one night.

A young man was walking home one night. The street was pitch black. As he passed the gates of a small cemetery, he felt as if he was being followed. Suddenly, he heard a bump behind him. Afraid to look back, he increased his pace.

Bump, bump, bump.

The bumping behind him continued, ge...

Wearing a mask without it covering your nose, is like wearing a condom but poking a hole in the top.

Sure, it’s on, but sooner or later something bad will happen because of it.

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One day a man and woman were in their bedroom making love.

All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the lady parted her legs, the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a ...

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Two morticians alternated in sharing the responsibility of covering the night shift.

One early morning about 3:00 am, a body was brought into the
mortuary, and the mortician began work. When he had unclothed the corpse,
he noticed a cork in the anus. Removing it, the strains of "Hello, Dolly,
well, hello, Dolly...!" were plainly heard being sung. He put the cork
back, an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My anatomy class is currently covering the skeletal system and my professor is being unreasonable with the amount of material we need to know so I made an office hour appointment to speak with him.

You can bet your ass I have a bone to pick with him.

So, Richard Feynman applies for a job...

Interviewer: Now comes the part of the interview where we ask a question to test your creative thinking ability. Don’t think too hard about it, just apply everyday common sense, and describe your reasoning process.

Here’s the question: Why are manhole covers round?

Feynman: They’re not...

Looking back on 10 years of marriage

Wanted to save this story for one of my favorite subs.

When I first met my wife we went on our first date and I was pretty nervous. I wanted to take her somewhere different to break the monotonous “first date” vibe of coffee or drinks so we decided to go to a local apiary to help transpla...

A man is lying on a nudist beach wearing only a hat covering his crotch

When all of a sudden a woman passes by who remarks, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a gentleman, you would lift and tip your hat to a lady."
He replies, "If you were even the teensiest bit of a woman, the hat would lift by itself."

A Sensitive Guy (NSFW-ish)

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.


They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the ...

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There's some soldiers in Vietnam.And they've been pinned down in their trench for days. ( Dark Joke )

Finally one guy says,"Fuck this I really have to pee guys. Lay down covering fire, i'll run into the bushes.When I'm done I'll give a signal and you can give me covering fire while i run back."

So they lay down fire, and he runs off into the jungle.

But he's gone for a good half an hou...

If the government is covering up knowledge of aliens,

they are doing a better job of it than they do at anything else.

A Young Boy Goes to His Father, Covering His Ears

He says, "Dad, I've got a problem." The dad asks, "What's wrong?" His son winces and says, "It's my hearing, Dad. Everything I hear hurts my ears." The dad looks his son in the eyes and says, "Son, all sound hertz."

I accidentally wore a red shirt to Target.

tldr, I'm covering for Gary this weekend.

I've slept with my hands covering my neck to ward off vampires since I was a child

and you know what? It works.

The Cleveland Browns are covering the playing field in cardboard for Sunday's game.

Because they always play better on paper.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you see someone wearing a mask below their nose, don't worry about it.

They're a fucking mouth breather anyway, covering their nose won't add any more protection.

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