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Superman is out flying and sees wonder woman naked on a rooftop with her legs wide open and moaning in delight

He thinks to himself that as he is faster than a speeding bullet he can do his business with her and fly off before she knows it. He toys with the idea and decides to go for it. He swoops down fucks her with lightning thrusts and zooms off in a flash. The whole event lasts less than a second. As soo...

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

Russell

Why do people say "break a leg" before an audition?

It's so that they'll end up in a cast.

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A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs.

She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.

Her mom calmly said, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair."

The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, "My monkey has grown hair."

Her sister smiled and sai...

What do you call a donkey with three legs?

Wonky

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A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeeez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?" The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!" "I got every word," says the parrot. "Ask me anything, I'll answer whatever you want."

"Okay," the guy says. "How can you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but si...

What do you call a girl with one leg?

Eileen

What has 6 legs, 6 eyes and 6 hands?

6 pirates

Where do you find a cow with no legs?

Right where you left it.

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What do you call a person with no arms and no legs...

At your front door? Matt.

Under a pile of leaves? Russell.

In your mailbox? Bill.

Hanging on a wall? Art.

In the middle of the ocean? Fucked. (Also Bob).

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What has eight legs, a horse's head and makes hissing noises as it moves?

Seriously... What is that thing? It suddenly appeared in the basement a week ago. Should I be concerned? Would have asked my brother for help but haven't seen him in seven days.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Why would you call him, he can't come over.


Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Last place you put him.


Where do you bring a dog with no legs?

Drag race.

I went on a few dates with this girl with one wooden leg....

But it wasn’t going well. So I broke it off.

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A girl once asked me if I was a breast or legs guy...

I told her I was more into anal and feet. Now I’m banned from KFC.

What has 20 legs and 2 teeth.

The methadone line

A baby is born with no arms or legs and no torso. In fact he is just a head. But his parents loved and adored him and cared for him all through his childhood..

When he turned 18 his dad took him down to the local pub for his first pint of beer. He took his first sip and “whoosh” his torso appeared. He took a second sip and his arms and legs appeared.

He was so excited he stood up and ran outside into the road where he was knocked over by an...

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Sex is alot like math. You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs....

And pray you don't multiply...

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If girls with big boobs work at Hooters, where do girls with one leg work at ?

IHOP

A boy asks his Uncle: "Oh Uncle! How did you break your legs?!"

The Uncle replies: *You see those stairs going downwards?*

Boy: *Yeah*

Uncle: *I didn't*

A German girl married a Spanish man

A German girl married a Spanish man & went to Spain. She can't speak Spanish. Each time she wants to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt& show her thighs to enable the seller understand her.

This went on for sometime. One day she wanted to buy banana. So She took her husband to...

What has two grey legs and two brown legs?

An elephant with diarrhea

What did one leg say to the other?

United we stand, divided we're screwed

A man came walking up to me with two peg legs, so I punched him in the face.

I’m lack toes intolerant.

A man went to the doctor...

He said, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"

The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks."

"I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has...

I had an accident and lost my one leg

And I can't stand being in a wheelchair.

A disabled man rolls into a bar with one leg and one arm...

Disabled Man: "I bought my first house today!"

Bartender: "How much did it cost?"

Disabled Man: "A lot!"

What is something with 8 eyes, 8 legs, and 8 hands?

8 pirates

My little brother told me this joke and I am so proud of him.

Edit: Look, I don't want to be one of those redditors who say 'thank's for the gold kind stranger' every time they get awarded, but after seeing this post rise I get it why they do that. For me, whose posts never g...

I invented a sandal for one legged people

It was a flop.

Met a pirate with a wooden leg called Jack.

Don't know what he named his other leg.

What do you call a deer with no legs ?

Anything you want, it can’t chase after you

What does a man wihout legs have?

Ground meat

It's a bit unsympathetic to tell actors to "break a leg"?

I mean... they're already in a cast.

A recent archeological dig has uncovered a set of 2300 year old Roman gold rings, with a small golden figure of a Tick attatched to it, missing all its legs...

Archeologists originally believed it to be simple wear and tear, until it was discovered there were no signs of soldering on the bodies of the golden ticks, indicating they were intentionally made legless. A professor on the scene theorized that these rings were a gesture of romantic interest or a p...

My grandma always told me « anything you do, should be done one leg after another »,

she never wanted to admit she just suck at hopscotch.

Just had the vaccine but she put it in my leg

Pfizer killing now

What do you call an Italian moose with one leg shorter than the others?

Moose so leany.

I told my actor friend to break a leg...

.....but, I'm not worried, he'll have a supporting cast.

What do you call a dog who doesn't have legs?

It doesn't matter what you call him he's not coming

Where do you find a leg-less turtle?

Wherever you left it!

Little Billy came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home, Billy mentioned: Dad, our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs like that?

His father, thinking quickly, said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven." "Gee Dad, that's great," said little Billy.

A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad! Dad, we almost lost Mom t...

A woman tries getting on a bus but realizes her skirt is too tight.

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.


Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the driver, she reached behind to unzip her skirt a little, thinking thi...

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I decided to do something for my community and open a shelter for 3-legged dogs

It’s called “Bitches be Trippin’”

What's the country with the highest incidence of mid-leg infection in the entire world?

Germany

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What has two legs and bleeds profusely?

Half a cat.

My rescue dog has no legs, so I named her cigarette...

and every night we go out for a drag.

What do you call someone with no arms or legs?

Whatever their name happens to be.

Where do you find a horse with no legs?

Where you left him.

Told to me today by a first grader.

What do you call a dog with no hind legs and steel balls...

Sparky!

Before the clock strikes midnight on december 31st be sure to lift your left leg

That way you will start off the new year on the right foot

Why does a milking Stool only have 3 legs?

Because the cow has the Utter

What did a dog’s hind legs say to the front legs?

Why must you always be two steps ahead.

Break a leg everyone!

I was going to say 'Happy New Year', but I tried that last time, and it it didn't go very well

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An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day, when the daughter said, "My hands are freezing cold!" The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up."

The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day, the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing cold!"

The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up."

He did and warmed his hands.

The following da...

I bought my wife a wooden leg for Christmas........

It wasn’t her main present, just a stocking filler.

Did you hear about the guy that got his left arm and left leg cut off?

Don't worry, he's all right.

I saw 8 legs of venison at the store for $200

But thought that’s two deer

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A little boy asks his dad; "What's between mom's legs?"

The father answers," Paradise."
The kid asks again,"Whats between your legs?" The father replies, "The key to paradise."
Then, the son says, "Piece of advice dad, change the lock. The neighbor has a copy."

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What kind of duck has 2 legs ?

All of them you stupid cunt

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What is difference between male and female legs?

Male legs always have the same dick between them.

What has three arms, four legs, and two elbows?

The Boston marathon finish line.

Grandpa: what has 4 legs but isn’t alive?

Little Timmy: haha it’s a chair nice try gra-

Grandpa:it’s your dog Timmy he’s dead

Nice legs..

A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

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A girl with no arms and legs is laying on the beach....

She stops a man that is walking along the water and asks: “Can I tell you something?”

The man replies: “sure”

The women says: “I’ve never been hugged before”

The man gives her a hug and starts to walk down the beach again when the women then says “I’ve also never been kissed bef...

What do you call 2 guys with no arms and no legs hanging from a window?

Curt and Rod

What do men do standing up and women do sitting down and dogs do by lifting one leg?

Shake hands, of course!

A guy comes home with flowers for his wife. She says “I guess I’ll have to spread my legs now huh?” He says “....

Why?!? Don’t you have a vase?”

What do you call a Sikh person standing on one leg?

Balan Singh.

My best friend and I were out one night when we got into a horrible accident. He lost his left arm and the doctors failed to save his left leg, so they had to amputate it.

It's okay though, he's all right.

How did the blonde break her leg while raking leaves?

She fell out of a tree.

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How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Pick him up and give him a blow job.

What key has legs and can't open a door?

A Turkey

A man visiting a farm notices a pig with only three legs.

He asks the farmer about the pig.

"Ah", says the father, "that pig, he be a mighty pig, that one. When me 'ouse got on fire that pig rushed in and dragged me and th'wife to safety. A miracle pig, he is."

"But that doesn't explain why he has three legs," said the man.

"Aye, a m...

A patient is screaming 'I lost my leg'

The doctor calmly points out 'no you haven't, see it's right there' and points to the other side of the room

What do you call a five-legged ant?

A pendant....

My grandfather was riding a horse yesterday and its leg broke. So he decided to shoot it.

Everyone else on the carousel started freaking out though.

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NSFW. During a recent run of bad luck, I saw a penis with legs chasing a vagina with legs, and thought..

it’s just one fucking thing after another.

I saw a 5 legged woman crying and I asked her why

She said she could never get shoes to match. I tried to console her so I said “at least your knickers fit like a glove”

My kid is an amputee. For xmas I got her a new prosthetic leg.

It's just a stocking filler

A man says into the phone,“Can I have two fried legs please?”

The person on the phone replies,“Sir,this is a cemetery...”
The man answered,“Did i stutter?”

I was cleaning one of my finger guns.

I accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.

What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?

No, seriously. This thing is scaring the hell out me.

I was in quite a severe accident when I was younger, it damaged my legs really bad.

I had to get a double kid knee transplant.

A Irishman is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a Preacher baptizing people in the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the Preacher...

The Preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk,

'Are you ready to find Jesus?'

The drunk shouts, ' Hicc..yes, I am.'

So the Preacher grabs...

What did 007 say about the Queens legs

God Shave the Queen

What is brown, hairy, lives in the desert, has four legs, two humps, and is full of cement?

A camel - I put in the cement just to make it harder.

I saw a guy with a prosthetic leg today.

I guess you can say he had a big iron on his hip...

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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge......

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I pr...

Sometimes I put my head in between my both my legs and lean forward...

...because that's how I roll

My son's pet frog broke his leg yesterday

He was very unhoppy...

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A man with no arms and legs was sun baking on the beach.

A gorgeous blonde was walking past him, stopped for a second with a tang of pity in her eyes.

“Have you ever had a hug?” She asked.
“No.”
So with an “aww”, she gave him a big hug.

Two minutes later, another beautiful woman was walking past the man.

“Aw look at you honey. ...

A man born without legs just became the first to undergo a 24-hour procedure to transfer his consciousness into a computer

Overnight he went from just somebody to nobody.

I met an old farmer who had a pig with a peg leg

I asked him, “Why do you have a pig with a peg leg?”

Looking very proud he responded, “Well, that’s an amazing pig. Never had such a great pig before.”

Not understanding, I asked, “Sure, but why does he have a peg leg?”

Then the old farmer said, “Well, there was this one time t...

Did you know spiders go deaf if they have no legs?

Well it’s true and here’s why.

When I was a child I had a pet a spider. It was great I even trained him to jump. ‘Jump’ I’d shout and with a boing he’d leap into the air.

Well my brother saw this and in a jealous rage he pulled the spiders legs off!

I was heartbroken. ‘Jump’ I’...

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I was recently in a car accident and had to have both my legs amputated.

After the crash pretty much everything went to shit. I started getting nightmares from the stress, I lost my job from being unable to work, even my wife left me.

Honestly it feels like I dont have a leg to stand on at the moment.

Why do cowgirls walk around bow-legged?

Because cowboys like to eat with their hats on.

the police officer said to joe, " we have found your wife cut into pieces, the arms, the legs and the torso, We are sorry for your loss."





"so no head?" joe replied

What did the flea on the right leg of Robinson Crusoe said to the flea on the left leg of Crusoe?

'Bye for now, see you on Friday.'

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