A guy is walking along a beach when he stubs his toe on a golden lamp...

..chuckling to himself he picks it up and gives it a rub. Fwoosh, out pops this enormous genie.

"I am the Genie of the Lamp!" he booms, "I will grant you a single wish for releasing me!"

"Wow! I know exactly what I'd like to wish for," exclaims our hero. "I've always wanted to visit Di...

What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?


Have you heard of the Tic-Tac-Toe Beetle?

It has an X-O-skeleton.

What did the chromosome say to his sister when she slammed the door on his toe

Ow my-toe-sis!

I really don't like toe amputees

I'm lack toes intolerant

A man loses his toe in an unfortunate accident and calls 911.

They rush him to the hospital, where he is brought to the operating room for surgical reattachment.

He wakes up some hours later in the recovery room and sees the doctor waiting at the foot of his bed, looking uncomfortable.

“Doctor? How’d it go?” he asked.

“Well... I have good ...

What did the cell say to his sibling when she stepped on his toe?


What do you call a guy with a rubber toe....

Courtesy of my 8 year old daughter.

Which Mexican got plastic surgery on its toe?


The purpose of the small toe in your feet

Is really to find if all your furnitures are in their proper places.

I dropped my knife and cut off a toe

After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in.

Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.

Me: Tell me the bad news first doc.

Doctor: The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe.

Me: No way. Whats the good news?

Doctor: The good news is the ...

My Girlfriend was born without her pinky toe and the sight of her foot makes me physically ill.

My therapist says I'm lack toes intolerant.

My Dad dropped his beer bottle on his foot and broke his toe

I told him a long time ago he should have switched to light beer

If a ring for a toe is a toe ring...

Then shouldn't a ring for a finger be a *fingering*

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Oedipus stubs his toe

"Ow! Fucking hell that hurt!" He exclaims

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

Oedipus stubs his toe.

He exclaims “ME!” but he meant to say “Motherf*****!”

Guy takes a girl home after a second date. He tells her that she reminds him of his little toe. “Ahhh is it because I am small and cute?” she asks..

Nope, if I have any more to drink there is a very real chance I’m going to bang you on the coffee table.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I met this sexy girl in a club tonight and told her she reminded me of my little toe. Giggling, she asked, "Why?! Is it because I'm small and cute!?"

"No..." I said. "It's because later, I'm gonna bang you hard on my coffee table."

What did the Frequently Asked Question say when it stubbed it's toe?


TIFU by accidentally ramming my toe against a cigarette urn while trying to throw my cigarette away.

Oops, wrong stub.

My new girlfriend dumped me when she found out I was missing a toe

Apparently she's lactose intolerant.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Cutting your toe off with an axe

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the difference between the little toe on my left foot and my sex life?

Everything wants to bang my little toe

Something just bit my toe.

No biggie...

My biology teacher stubbed his toe today and screamed..


I stubbed my toe and got scolded by my parents for yelling “What the duck”

They were angry that I used fowl language

Man went to see a wise doctor about his toe

As his little toe on his right foot is turning purple. The doctor examine it and then took a sip of his tea and said: "I have over 50 years of experience as a doctor yet I've never seen a case as severe as yours. We must remove your toe immediately before it spreads to the rest of your foot." So the...

My wife bought me a ridiculously expensive wig which covered me from head to toe! Wtf, I mean... I had to return it...

... simply far too much toupee.

I sold my foot that had the Tic-Tac toe today...

I heard collectors pay more for items in mint condition.

When god created man

Gods assistant: Is it done?

God: Hmm, add a little toe to his foot.

Gods assistant: Why?

God: For furniture.

Gods assistant: Furniture?

God: Believe me it'll be funny

My girlfriend reminds me of my pinky toe

She's small, cute, and will probably end up getting banged on my coffee table tonight

Next time I hit the club, I'm coloring myself head to toe with a permanent marker, and that's all I'll wear.

Because every girl's crazy 'bout a Sharpie-dressed man.

I hate it when I stub my toe while rapping


I felt a toe brush against me whilst I was out swimming in the lake

I thought 'something must be afoot'

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to toe...

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."
The man gro...

Girl, imma treat you like I treat my pinky toe

I'm going to bang you on all the furniture all night long

I just clipped the worst ingrown toe-nail...

It was a feet.

Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets?

So they don't wake up the sleeping pills.

What do you call a picture of a prosthetic big toe?

A faux toe photo.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the cell brother say to his cell sister when she stepped on his toe?


Baby, you're like my big toe...

I'm gonna bang you on every piece of furniture in my house.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

toe curl

A virgin is finally getting his groove on with a willing young lady for the first time. Afterwards he's got a few questions about the experience and has to ask, What's the deal with your toes curling up every time I put my dick in you. Well she responded, you were so eager to get it on you didn't gi...

What do you call bread with your toe jam spread all over it?


Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet?

Because she didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!

What did Voldemort say when stubbed his toe trying to enter Hogwarts?

"Dumb 'ol door!"

Don't believe everything you hear

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Cowra.

He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator r...

How many birds can play tic-tac-toe?


A man walks into a psychiatrist's office covered head to toe in cellophane.

The psychiatrist says, "Sir, I can clearly see you're nuts."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I stubbed my toe while visiting my parents. "Mother fucker!"

My dad pops up, "Hey! We agreed that you'll stop calling me that and I'll stop calling you 'cunt squatter.'"

Why do elephants paint their toe nails red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

You've never seen an elephant in a cherry tree?

They're pretty good at it.

What did the scientist say when he stubbed his toe?

Flourine Uranium Carbon Potassium.

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