Learning to read Braille with my index finger hasn't been easy so far

In fact, it's been a pretty bumpy ride

I’ve never understood when someone sticks out their index finger

What’s the point?

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A man is depressed because he was born with half an index finger...

Everyone made fun of him in school and called him Half Finger. Depressed and tired of all the taunting, he decides to commit suicide. He finds the tallest building in his city.

As he’s about to jump, he looks down at the street and sees a man with no arms vigorously dancing. He says to himsel...

I just accidentally superglued my thumb and index finger together and at first, I started to panic. But then I remembered...

That it’s always going to be okay...

My friend just told me this long and winding story about how he lost the tip of his index finger in an accident.

It was a bit pointless.

Listening to Metal music quietly is like being a guy with no index fingers...

...Pointless.

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Mr. Dickson had a habit of asking daft questions to his pupils.

One day, he asked his 4th graders if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole.



Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers.



Kids came back the next day. No one knew the answer.



"Look," said Mr. Dickson...

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First day of Med School

It is the first day of medical school, and the doctor in charge of the new class has all the new students gather in the main lecture hall for the orientation. Taking his place in front of the group, he starts his speech.

"In order to succeed in the world of medicine, you must first master two...

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The art of Veterinary Medicine

A classroom full of first year Veterinary students were participating in their first day of anatomy class. For the lecture, the professor begins by unveiling a dead cow under a white sheet laying on an operating table.

The professor tells the class "In Veterinary Medicine, there are two quali...

A white scientist is studying a tribe in Africa

A white scientist is studying an African tribe.

One day, the tribe leaders wife has a white son.

The tribe leader approaches the scientist soon after.

"Well, we both know what happened here. No one else could have done it. You slept with my wife, I have to kill you." The tribe l...

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First day at medical school..

It was the first day at medical school and all the students gathered around a corpse in a lab next to the professor.

The professor says, "There are two important lessons every person wanting to be a doctor should learn. The first lesson is that you should never feel disgusted about the human ...

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Peking duck

A man walks into a restaurant and orders Peking duck. He says, “I’m very particular so make sure it’s from Peking.”

About 20 minutes later the waiter returns and places a beautiful, succulent, roasted duck on his table. The man smiles, sticks his index finger in the air, twirls it around seve...

An Italian man is waiting for a bus...

A creature of habit, he does so at the same time every day, except on Sundays - that's the Lord's day.

Every day he waits for the bus he is joined by a French man, and every day the French man sniffs his middle and index fingers saying "Fifi".

*sniff* "Fifi" *sniff* "Fifi" *sniff* "Fif...

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A pathologist is teaching her class how to do autopsies

The students are taken to the morgue and once in there they are shown the corpse of a dead man. The cadaver is bloated and old, several traumatic wounds are visible, its skin is pale and dried and the faint smell of chemicals and rot emanates from him.

"To become a good pathologist you need t...

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"The first thing you should know about working in a mortuary," the teacher said as he removed his latex glove and inserted a finger right up the ass of the body on the table, "You can't be squeamish." He then stuck his finger in his mouth.

The students grimaced as he motioned for them to line up and do the same. 

When the last student had stuck their finger- right up to the knuckle, the teacher insisted- and stuck the finger in their mouth, the teacher said- "The second thing you should know about working in a mortuary is atten...

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Three American colonels are in the US about to retire and they are offered an economic compensation...

..which consists of multiplying 100,000 dollars by the distance in inches they have between two parts of their body that they choose.

Colonel McDowell chooses this distance to be from his toe to the edge of his longest hair on his head and the result is 72 inches, so that means he gets $7,20...

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The teacher asks how you put 2 holes in 1 hole.

Nobody knows the answer so she puts her index finger and thumb together and places it over her nose.

Little Johnny then asks the teacher "How do you put 6 holes in 1 hole?"

She says she doesn't know.

He says "You put a recorder up your pussy!"

The teacher, surprised by th...

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An medical forensics professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students.

Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class. “There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear.” Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse's anus, withdrew it, then licked his finger. “Now you must do the same,” he told the class. A...

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A Teacher asks the students..

‟Is it possible to insert 2 holes through one hole?”

Nobody is able to answer

Teacher: ‟You guys are so stupid. Go and ask your parents and come back tomorrow with an answer.”

The next day too, nobody is able to answer the question.

Teacher: ‟Well, it seems your parents a...

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A man at the zoo is watching the Gorillas

A big silverback is right up to the edge of the cage, and the man goes over to it.

He scratches his head and, to his surprise, the gorilla does the same. The man sees this and then scratches his armpit. Again the gorilla does the same. The man beats his chest, and again, the gorilla does ...

A chemistry professor was taking the first class for a new batch of students who just joined the college.

So, he made all of them stand infront of a table that had a beaker with some liquid in it.

"Observation is very crucial in Chemistry.. the more you observe, the better you can learn", he said as he dipped his left index finger into the beaker containing the liquid.

After 15 seconds, he...

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Four nuns are killed in a car accident and find themselves outside the gates of heaven.

God greets them at the gates and informs them that as they have devoted their life to his service, they get an automatic pass into heaven.

He does require however, for them to confess if they have ever touched a man on the penis before they enter.

All of the nuns start giggling. God a...

Two explorers discover two adjacent islands, both inhabited by indigenous tribes...

They want to be the first to contact these tribes, learn their language, and report their findings as soon as possible. To help speed things up, they decide to split up to an island each, learn the languages of each tribe, and meet back up later to discuss findings.

After a couple weeks, one ...

Wandering through the hot desert, a youthful looking man comes upon a tent. Intrigued, he ventures inside...

...there before him lies a table with three upright cups. Behind the table, grinning ear to ear, is the proprietor.

“Welcome! Welcome!”, the proprietor says. “Care to play? Only five shekels. Keep track of which cup has the bean under it and win double.”

Unmoved, the man replies, “Cert...

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So there's this pathologist who's just walked into the morgue with his medical students

They walk over to a cadaver that's just arrived that morning.

"Please observe the following" he says. He takes his index finger and shoves it up the anus of the cadaver, pulls it out and sucks on his finger. "Now you all try" he says as each student puts their index finger up the anus and li...

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A large group of first year medical school students filed into a lab...

...during their first week, for the first meeting of their gross anatomy class where they would be examining human cadavers. The professor walked to the front of the room, and addressed the students:


"The most important quality you will need as a physician is unfazability. Nothing can '...

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Anatomy class...

A anatomy teacher teaches his students during an autopsy... he says:

“There are two main traits, a good surgeon must have... first is, nothing can disgust him!”

He proceeds to stick his finger in the corpses asshole, pulls it out and sucks on it... Half the students start throwing up....

How do Italians become rockers?

They stick out their index finger and pinky.

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A trucker is driving his regular route from St Louis to New Orleans

He’s passing through Arkansas and it’s raining buckets outside. The trucker pulls over at a small gas station in the middle of nowhere, deciding to take a short break and wait for the rain to pass. He heads inside and is greeted by the store clerk. The clerk is a dirty looking man in his mid fifties...

"When out of ammunition, just hold your hand as if you were holding a gun, and say 'bang bang'"

It was just before a critical offensive, and the troops were being issued their weapons. Lenski was last in line, and they handed out the last rifle to the man in front of him. Furious, Lenski shouted, “Hey, what about my gun?”
“Listen, bud,” advised the munitions officer, “just keep your hands o...

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The Desert, a Camel, and Chapped Lips

A man is trekking across the Arabian desert with a guide and his camel.



After some time walking through the blistering heat and blowing sand, the man began to notice his lips were getting chapped. Not to be deterred, the man pushed forward, wetting his own lips with his tongue. As t...

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One day the pope wakes up with an erection

Damnit, must have been a side effect from the Holy Viagra. It won't go away, but he has a parade to go to that morning! So he steps onto his Holy Balcony, slips out of his Holy Pyjamas, and does what most people do when they have an erection they want to get rid of.

That's masturbate, by the ...

Jesus: I can turn water into wine. Professor X: That's a neat party trick and all but it surely can't be useful in batt-

Guards: *Fall down dead*.
Jesus: *blows on his index finger as if it were a gun barrel* People are made of 90% water

Are you my Dad?

A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, “Are you my dad?”. The doctor says, “No, I am your doctor!”. With that, the baby p...

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I had sex for the first time.

I had been with this girl for a while, and things were getting hot. One time she asked me if I brought protection, which I did. I explained that I didnt know how to use it. She showed me how to put it on using her index finger. After we shut off the lights, I fumbled around, but managed to get it on...

Roman Bois

Two romans went to a bar, one roman raised his index finger and middle finger to the waiter. When the waiter arrived with two beers, the two romans were mad and went out the bar. One guy told the waiter, "Boi, you are dumb."

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Something elsewhere on reddit reminded me of this old joke. - - - Four nuns are tragically killed in a car accident.

Upon arriving at the Pearly Gates they find Saint Peter awaiting them.

He greets them politely saying, “My dear sisters in Christ, before I can allow anyone to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, I must ask each a question.”

Continuing, as he smiles down at them, “I must emphasize, being tru...

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Sir Arthur and the case of brief case identity

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab in Paris..!
.
Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked,
.
"Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?"

Doyle was flabbergasted.....

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One day the pope decided to throw all the Jews out of Rome...

He made an announcement to the Jewish community: "Send me your smartest scholar to convince me why I should let the Jewish people stay and I may reconsider my stance." The Roman Jewish community sent Rabbi Moshe, a 78 year old Hebrew school teacher and, according to everyone but himself, the smartes...

Man goes to doctor and says:”Everywhere on my body hurts! Am I dying?”

Doctor says:”Can you point to where it hurts and show me?”
Man points at head: “Ow! Points at shoulder:”Ow!” Points at knee:”Ow!” Points at belly:”Ow!”
Doctor examines him and says:”Nope you’re not dying, you just have a broken index finger.”

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Man got pulled over for speeding

A man was late for work and was pulled over by a cop hiding at the end of a bridge. The cop asked "Where you
going in such a hurry?" The man tells the cop that he is just heading to work. "What do you do?" the cop asked. "I'm a rectum stretcher" he replied. "What on earth does a rectum stretcher...

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Priest

A bunch of highschool students was about to get blessings from their local priest.

The priest asked the first girl "have you ever touched a penis?" The girl answered that she had indeed touched one with her index finger, the priest asked the girl to wash her finger in the holy water after whi...

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A group of students were in a morgue...

A group of students were in a morgue. They were eager to learn more from their professor. He stood at the front of the class right next to a fresh corpse.

He turned to the class and said
“The first rule of my class is to be totally devoted to the class. I need you to each do exactly as I...

A doctor was addressing his first year med students on their first day working with cadavers...

The doctor at the head of the class told them, "In order to make sure you all have the right stuff to become medical doctors, please do exactly as I do".

.

The doctor then made an incision into the abdomen on the body before him and waited until all of the students had done the same. ...

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The Duck Hunter

Duck hunting season had just opened and Fred traveled to Canada for his yearly hunting trip. On his first day out on the lake he was pretty successful and bagged 3 beautiful water fowls.

On his way back to his cabin for lunch he is stopped by the Game Ranger on his boat. The ranger takes a p...

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A Postman is waiting in line for the ATM

A postman is waiting in line to use the ATM, a tall man was standing in front of him.

The Postman takes off his glove, presses his index finger in the mans ear and loudly says "BOOP"

The man turns around, stares down the postman, and turns back around.

The postman did it again, ...

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A different kind of doctor

A man was speeding down the local highway, far over the limit as he crossed a bridge. The cop that was hidden to the side raced after him and immediately pulled him over. He walks up to the car window and begins to question the man.

"Where are you headed in such a hurry?" the cop asks

...

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Out of paper

A man took a crap in a gas station and then realized there was no toilet paper. There was a hole in the wall and a sign above it that read: "When you go to the bathroom, wipe yourself with your index finger, stick it through this hole and it will be thoroughly cleaned." The man did exactly what t...

So the army is forced to cut the pensions of some of their veterans...

In order to repay the veterans for their service they bring in three veterans. They tell the three that they will be reimbursed in money, in that each one can choose two points of their body, and the distance between the two will be how much money they receive.
Anyway, the first man goes and says...

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The surgeon and his class of trainees

A surgeon is taking a class of trainees to see a cadaver for the first time, He tells them that it's really important that they familiarize themselves with the corpse, so he says "Do exactly as I do."

He then sticks his finger into the dead guys anus , pulls it out and sucks on it.

The...

A man went to his doctor...

Man: When i press here it hurts, when i press a little bit higher up it hurts and if i press on my leg it also hurts.

Doctor: Looks like you broke your index finger.

A ladiesman and his friend were in a club...

The friend asked him if he could show him on of his tricks. The ladiesman smiled and pointed to a girl across the dancefloor and moved his index finger to let her to he wanted her to come near him

The lady got close and asked him "what's up". The ladiesman look her right in the eyes and told ...

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A Bus Full of Nuns Crashes...

(long) and they all die. In Heaven, they're all lined up outside the pearly gates while St. Peter checks each on in. "When you took your vows, you vowed that you were married to Christ and no other," says St. Peter. "Because of this, I need to ask you if you've ever had physical contact with a pe...

Father in delivery room

A woman is all ready to give birth to her first baby. The doctor, obstetrician, and nurses are all waiting for the birth. The doc checks for any signs of progress and suddenly he feels something moving, pulls back his hand and this little head pops out, sees the doc and asks him, "Are you my daddy?"...

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4 nuns trying to get into heaven

4 nuns die in a car accident and are standing in line at the gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them "You must confess your greatest sin and be granted absolution in order to get into heaven. "

The first nun in line holds up her index finger and says "I must confess, I once touched a man's pen...

Oh Jessica...

A fatal stabbing left a man bleeding to death just outside of an apartment complex, alone. As he started to lose consciousness, the man began writing the name of his killer, Jeffrey, his next door neighbor. The name was left incomplete, as he'd succumbed just after almost finishing the first "F"....

A touching moment with Santa...

Little Johnny climbs onto Santa's lap at the department store.

Santa says, "I'll bet I know what you want for Christmas."

And with his index finger he taps the boy on the nose with every letter he spells, "T-O-Y-S."

The little boy answers, "No, I have enough toys."

Sa...

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A scholar and the village drunkard gets into a friendly competition of who's smarter...

The people gather at the field outside of the village waiting for the showdown to take place.

The scholar says, "The rules are simple, we both will communicate each other without using words. Once one person cannot interpret the other, he loses."

The two met in face to face while othe...

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Medical Students

A group of first year medicals students are attending their first class. An eccentric looking lecturer walk in and says: "An important thing in medicine, is not to be fazed by what seems disgusting to the general public. Allow me to demonstrate" The lecturer brings a cadaver into the lecture theatre...

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A doctor presents some medical students with a cadaver

A doctor presents some medical students with a corpse. He tells them 'It is important to be comfortable with the cadaver'.

He briefly inserts his finger into the naked corpse's anus. He then licks his finger. He instructs the students to do the same. One by one they reluctantly do the same....

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Science professor

It is the new school year, and the science class sits down. The professor walks in with a dead body on a stretcher. The whole class screams and cringes at the sight of the body.

The professor says, "Calm down class. Now, in this class you will be doing many things that may provoke feelings of...

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A medical Doctor is teaching, and everyone is around a corpse, ready for their first lesson.

"Welcome, class. OK, since this is your first lesson, I have to tell you: The 2 most important things to be a good doctor are: *Dedication* and *Observation*."

Doctor then proceeds to unveil the corpse, a big, fat woman who got shot in the head.

"This is *Dedication*". The doctor proc...

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New medical students

A group of doctors in training and their teacher are standing in a circle in the lab around a cadaver. The teacher tells his students:

"it's very important that you feel completely at ease with the corpse", so he puts his finger up the ass of the corpse, takes it out and licks it. "Your turn...

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A field guide to corpses

there was a professor at a school that taught morticians how to do their thing during an autopsy. The professor had a pretty slack bunch of students this time and decided to give them a test while they were around the corpse they had to practice on. he told them that to tell in the field how long a ...

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The Silent Debate

Note: This is a joke best told in person by somebody who's not afraid to go all out with gesticulations and accents.

The silent debate was a yearly event that was the Super Bowl of the intellectual world. It was watched live by tens of thousands, and broadcast on countless major networks. Fo...

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First day of med school

It's the first day of med school and a teacher takes the students to a morgue. "Lesson 1: it's very important that you get used to the human body and are completely at ease with all manner of things." So he takes his finger and shoves it up a corpse's butt and pulls it out. He then puts his finger i...

A teacher asks his students

Teacher- Is it possible to insert two holes in a hole? ;)

Students- No sir... :/

Teacher:- Think about it today and tell me tomorrow, you may take help of your parents. :)

Next day, no student could come up with an answer.

Teacher- Oh! even your parents couldn't help y...

A brunette, A redhead, and A blonde....

Enter an elevator and spot something on the floor.

The brunette immediately says "Eww, that's sperm".

The redhead, touches it with her index finger and rubs it with her thumb together and says "Yup, definitely sperm".

The blonde, touches it, rubs it between her fingers and taste...

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A coroner is giving his students a lecture.

There is a pale corpse laying face down on the table. He tells his students, "In this line of work, you need to be very hands-on, and very observant of everything around you."
The coroner then sticks his finger in the corpses butt-hole, then licks his finger. He tells the students to do the same...

A police officer pulls a man over for driving all over the road...

...and discovers the man has clearly been drinking.

Officer: "You'll have to come with me for a breathalyzer test, sir."

Man: "I'm afraid I can't do that officer, I'm ams-- *hic* alths-- I'm asthmatic. I could have an episode."

O: "I see. In that case, I'll need to take you dow...

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