One time my math professor asked everyone in class to write a complex number on their forehead

You could probably imagine the expressions on our faces.

My wife got stung by a bee on her forehead.

We were digging in the garden. Now she is at the ER. Her face is swollen, bruised, and she almost died.

Luckily I had been close enough to her to hit the bee with my shovel.

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After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.

As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.

The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth w...

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My sister passed out drunk and I thought it would be funny to draw a penis on her forehead. It took longer than I expected.

I'm not very good at tracing.

I just got punched by my friend for trying to kiss his new baby on the forehead.

Apparently, I have to wait for the baby to be born first.

Sources report that after holding office for just two years, President Trump has already developed significant forehead wrinkles.

Talk about making national headlines!

Forehead wrinkles.

They're making headlines.

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A man wakes up to find a big red dot in the middle of his forehead...

and he goes to the doctor to get it checked out.

The doctor said "Oh yes, I've seen this before. You're going grow a penis where that dot is, right in the middle of your forehead."

The man was dumbfounded. "You mean I'm going to have to wake up every day, look in the mirror, and see ...

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel stuck to his forehead and orders a drink...

The bartender passes the drink and says "So what's up with the paper towel?"

The pirate replies "Yaaaar! There be a Bounty on me head!"

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A man and his wife were sharing their very first wedding anniversary... (NSFW)

The wife says "Honey, I'll do anything you want for you tonight"

Husband replies "Nice! How about a 69er!"

"I can't, I'm on my period!"

"I don't give a fuck!"

"Well" she says, "if you don't care then I certainly don't, let's do it."

So they are going at it for a bi...

A man walks into a pub, sits down, asks for a beer, wipes his sweaty forehead, and says, "T.G.I.F.!"

The woman at the other end of the bar smiles at him, shakes her head, and replies, "S.P.I.T."

The man's puzzled, so he makes eye contact with her, and very clearly enunciates "T.G.I.F." The woman equally clearly enunciates "S.P.I.T."

"Lady, what the hell's that supposed to mean? I don...

My friend was putting lipstick on her forehead

She said she was trying to make-up her mind

So my buddy thought it'd be a good idea to get an inspirational tattoo on his forehead...

Boy, was his face read.

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Bob goes to the doctor with a bump on his forehead.

He says to the doctor, "I got this red lump. What do you think?"
The doc runs a few tests and comes back looking flabbergasted.
"Bob this is incredible..."
"What is it?! Am I going to be okay?"
"It's like a ufo. I've only ever read about it but you never actually see one, this is amazin...

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What's worse then passing out at a party and getting a penis drawn on your forehead?

Finding out that they traced it....

I met a man with a nose on his forehead the other day...

He said it gave him a heightened sense of smell.

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A man wakes up with a red dot on his forehead.

A man wakes up to discover he has a red dot on his forehead. Unphased at first, he simply tries to scrub it off in the shower. After he finishes his morning routine he looks in the mirror and sees that not only is it still there, but it has even gotten bigger. The man calls out of work and decides h...

A man with a frog growing on his forehead visits the doctor.

A man with a frog growing out of his forehead visits the doctor. Doctor stares at him. "My God. I've never seen anything like it. How did that start?"
The frog replies: "Well actually it just started with a small boil in my ass".

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A father has three daughters, Petal, Butterfly and Breezeblock...

...one day, Petal skips over to her Dad and asks,"Daddy, why am I called Petal?" He lifts her onto his lap, and explains, "Well darling, when you were born, and as I held you in my arms, a petal floated down gently onto your forehead, so we decided to name you Petal."

Butterfly overhears this...

I bought my wife a mood ring.

Found out if she's in a good mood it turns green.

If she's in a bad mood it leaves big red circles on my forehead.

​

A man is driving down the road at midnight and his car breaks down near a mental hospital.

He didn’t know what to do because he knew nothing about fixing cars. A mental patient who was watering some flowers saw the scene and walks towards the man. The man seeing the mental patient coming his way, gets scared and stays quiet in the car. The madman tells the man..-“Good night my friend. Do...

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Alien sex

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stockmarket, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subjec...

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Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft...

...The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. T...

“Leroy, sit down!”

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids... "WOW," the social worker exclaims, "Are they ALL YOURS???" "Yep they are all mine," the flustered mumma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy. All the children rush to find seats.
...

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An old redneck goes to the doctor

He's been feeling unwell since a while, and moonshine doesn't help.
The doc examines him, then gives him a prescription for suppositories.
"Have 3 of those a day, and come back next week to see how it goes! " he says.
A week later, the old redneck comes back and complains he feels eve...

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A girl wants to go see a movie with her friends, but she doesn't have a ride.

So she goes to her dad and asks to borrow the car for the night. He says, "Sure, you can borrow the car, buy first you have to give me a blowjob." She whines and cries, but he doesn't budge.

Eventually, she relents and agrees to the task. She gives his dick an initial lick and says, "Ew! Dad...

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(NSFW) A Genie gives a man only one wish

A man was walking along a beach one evening, when all of a sudden a Genie popped up in front of him. "Hey mate how you doing?" said the Genie. The man was speechless. "Okay let's cut to the chase. You get one wish. None of this three wish bullshit. Only one. What do you want?"

The man thought...

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My family was coming over for dinner.

So I went to get a chicken out of the freezer when my husband walked up and scared me i turned and knocked him out with a chicken to the forehead.
.
.
.
I guess you could say he got cold-cocked

Thorbeaux and Dreaux

I heard this somewhere else but really wanted to share

Thor and Dreaux were out one day under the hot summer sun digging a Ditch around an apple orchard, for their boss John. After a few hours of making the ditch, deaux turns to Thor and asks :
"Hey Thor, why are we here diggin a ditch and...

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Penis study

For whatever reason, Saudi Arabia decided to fund a study to find out why the penis had the shape it does. Specifically the larger head at the end. After a significant investment and several months, Saudi Arabia conclude that it was to enhance the mans pleasure.

Due to ongoing tensions, Canad...

After Quasimodo died, Notre Dame Cathedral needed a replacement bell ringer, and after several fruitless months a strange little man approaches one of the priests...

"I'd like the bell ringer job if it's still available." says the man. Confused, the priest says "Of course, but I'm afraid there might be some confusion. I can't help but notice that you don't have any arms, so ringing the bells would be quite impossible." The little man smiles and says "I come from...

Farmer Joe was in an accident with a truck.

After putting up with nagging injuries for a couple of weeks, he decided to take the driver to court. During the trial, the driver's lawyer questioned Farmer Joe sharply, "Didn't you say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?"

Farmer Joe replied, "Well I'll tell you what happened at the ac...

I finally got the attention of my crush

But... I’m not sure if I still want that date...

Like really she overreacted like she’s one of the crazy ones! She even called the police. I just asked for her number and brought her a cup of her favorite coffee!

I mean I would LOVE for someone to wake me up with coffee, a kiss to my f...

There were 3 brothers...

... Their names were: Snowflake, Raindrop and Brick. One day Snowflake asked:
— Mom, why is my name Snowflake?-
— Because when we were going out of the hospital were you were born a snowflake fell on your forehead-

The next day Raindrop asked the same thing:
— Why my name is Raindrop...

There once were two sisters: one named Petal, the other named Fridge.

One day, as the entire family was relaxing in a field on a nice summer day, Petal asks her parents: “Mommy? Daddy? Why did you name me Petal?”

Her parents replied: “Because, darling Petal, on the day you were born, a beautiful red rose petal was whisked into the air, flew softly in the wine, ...

A man walks into a bar,

He walks away mostly unharmed except for a medium sized bruise on his forehead.

Do you know why so many Italian people are named Tony?

Years ago they were shipping a bunch of them into America and they stamped on their foreheads To:NY.

Two witches were arguing about who was the better witch

One rainy day inside the coven HQ, Meredith and Wendy were arguing about who was the better witch.

"I'm the superior spellcaster", boasted Meredith. She raised her wand into the air, and conjured up a small cloud. It snowed over Wendy's head, dropping hailstones the size of marbles.

"...

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I tried to be romantic and gave my wife a certificate for our anniversary

I wrote that she can have great sex anyway she wants it.
She jumped up kissed me on the forehead and said she’ll be back in a couple of hours.

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A fancy restaurant is hiring a new pianist

A guy called John comes in and says "Hi there, I'm here about the pianist position."

The manager replies "That's fantastic, do you mind sitting at the piano and showing me what you can do?"

So John sits at the piano and starts to play one of the most beautiful songs the manager has ev...

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Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, “I’m so pissed off!”

“What happened?” asked the bartender politely.

“See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her goddamned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window an...

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Alan Titchmarsh told this joke at my graduation

A wife and husband lived in a house with a horrible garden.

Every day the wife would stare out her kitchen window at the garden and sigh. She wanted water features and flower beds put in, and a paved area to eat alfresco on.

Every day she would turn to her husband and say ‘darling pl...

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Two Friends were out drinking in a bar for their weekly drinking session.

Their names are Brad and Josh. They have been drinking at the same bar on the same day of the week every single week for 4 years now and the bartenders usually just close the bar and leave the doors unlocked for them to leave when they want to.

Brad lives in a bungalow just across the street ...

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A guy walks into a bar with a monkey

A guy walks into a bar with a monkey and has a seat.

The bartender asks, "What're ya having?" but before the man can answer, the monkey jumps on the bar and scatters food and drinks everywhere before hopping over to the pool table and swallowing a cue ball whole.

"Sorry man, he hasn't ...

Okay, so uh... This happened yesterday.

So I went to a pet store with a friend (he has a snake) and he just went to the cashier(we both know her-- her name is Hunnmi and she's this sweet Asian lady. We call her Hun for short.) and asked "Hey there you got any bunnies? I wanna feed 'em to my pet snake"
The cashier looked shocked and as...

Here's an oldie but a goldie. Worth the read!

Two men were going on a lengthy trip on horseback. Every night they would stay in an inn and set out the next morning. After the first night however, they couldn't tell who's horse was who's. They debated for almost 10 minutes when one guy said, "OH! I remember. I shaved my horse's tail. See, this o...

After a brief, bloodless gunfight,

Prickly Bob and his Saddlesore Gang have managed to capture Dan Hollings, Deputy of Tombstone. Prickly Bob, not wanting a murder warrant on his head, has decided to let the desert take care of his latest problem with the law.

Now, I won't lie to you. Alone and buried up to his chin in red des...

A blonde goes into the doctor's office

"What's wrong?," asks the doctor.

"Something serious," she answered. "I hurt all over."

"Show me"

The blond patient puts her finger against her thigh. "Ouch, it hurts here." She places her finger on the middle of her foot indicating pain."Ouch! and here." She moves her finger to...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man goes to his doctor

And asks him about a spot on his forehead. The doctor looks shocked and says: “I’m sorry to tell you this but in a week that spot will be a full grown penis.” The patient asks him to remove it. The doctor says “it’s attached to your brain. If I remove it you’ll die!” The patient says “so you’re tel...

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A rear-engine car argued with a Tank.

-What kind if an idiot has their heart in their ass?

The rear-engine car replied:

-At least i don't have a Dick on my forehead.

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An Old GF of Mine

I used to date a girl a while back who was a huge fan of St. Louis. Unfortunately, she was also dyslexic. When the Rams came to town, I picked her up to go to the game and she had "ORGASM!" painted across her forehead.

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An old man stands in the middle of a snowstorm...

...the man was standing there for a little under ten minutes, and the snow is up to his ankles. A dog sled passes by him.

"Need a lift?" Asks the sled driver?

"No." The old man replies. "God will save me."

"If you say so." The driver mushes on.

After hour, the snow is no...

So there’s this rich dying vampire who tells his three sons that he’ll give one one of them his fortune.

The three of them decide to have a blood sucking contest to decide who gets the fortune.

On the first night, the oldest brother goes out. He comes back with blood dripping down his chin. His brothers ask him how he did it and he points to a dead man. “See that guy over there? I drank all of h...

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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 6 had a crush on 7 ever since middle school, but couldnt build up the courage to ask her out. His friends 8 and 9 pushed him to ask her out to prom, and she said yes. They fell in love and got married, 6 got a job as an electrician and 7 played as the house wife. They had 2 beautiful twin gi...

Sarah, John and Dan are training to be FBI agents.

They eventually reach the final test in the FBI's training program.

The test was this: One person was given a gun and sent inside a room; the door shut behind them and that person's spouse would be tied to a chair inside the room. The person was then told to kill their spouse.

John goe...

A mother was sitting with her three children, when one had a question.

A mother was sitting with her 2 girls and 1 boy. The first girl turns to her mother, and asks, with a soft, sweet voice and a smile, "Mom, why is my name violet?".

Her mother answers, "Well, dear when I was in hospital with you your father brought me a bouquet of violets, and when I was tryin...

An Englishman, Scotsman and Donald Trump are in the Sahara desert (see, I’ve changed it so it’s current)...

The Englishman is carrying an umbrella, the Scot is holding a cucumber and Trump is carrying a car door.
A Bedouin approaches and asks why the Englishman has an umbrella in the desert. The man replies. “Well, when it gets really hot, I put up my brolly and I can keep cool in the shade.”
The Be...

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A guy enters the Doctor's office

With a frog on his forehead.

The doctor looks at the guy amazed and says:
"What happened to you?"

The frog looks at the doctor worried and says:
"I have no clue doctor, I woke up this morning and this guy was stuck to my butt"

A father and his three young daughters sat down to have dinner.

A few minutes into the meal, the oldest daughter looked up and asked the father, "Dad, why was I named Rose?"

"Because when you were born, a rose drifted down out of nowhere and landed on your forehead," he answered.

Intrigued, the middle daughter then asked, "Then why was I named Lily...

A child asks why their name is...

A mother and father are going through baby photos with their three children when the first child looks up to his mother and asks...

"Momma, why did you call me Sand?"

And the mother replies, "Well, we named you Sand because when you were born a grain of sand landed on your forehead"...

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A man goes to confession to tell the priest he used a terrible word.

The priest asks him what happened.

The man says he was playing golf and hit a beautiful drive, but it sliced into the woods.

The priest asks, “is that when you said the bad word,” and the man says , “no Father, the ball hit a tree and ricocheted out of the woods but went into a sand tr...

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A man was crossing the countryside in his car.

He had already been on the road for some time and he had a good way still to go when his motor hiccuped and died, and refused to start again.

The man popped the hood open and spent a few moments just cursing about the situation and trying to fix the engine, but he was no mechanic, so it seeme...

Goodnight Mom, goodnight dad.

A father was tucking his youngest daughter to bed one night after he finished reading her daily bedtime story. Just as he finally kissed her on the forehead, she said - "Goodnight Mom, goodnight Dad, goodbye forever Grandpappy"

The father was a little disturbed by the last part but shook it o...

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One day, a Mother Superior was attending to some matters just outside the main doors of her convent. She noticed that the Seven Dwarves had huddled some distance from her...

... and, as they argued amongst themselves, they kept throwing looks her way. After some time, one of them separated from the group to approach her. It was Doc.

“Good morning, Mother Sister. I mean Mother Superior. Really sorry to bother you, but could you help us settle an argument?”

...

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Back and Forth In and Out Yeah Baby!!!

right. . . a little to the left. . . she could feel the sweat on her

forehead . . . between her breasts . . . and trickling down the small of

her back . . . she was getting near the end.

He was in ecstasy . . . with a huge smile on his face as his wife

moved . . . forward...

A joke my grandfather told me

As you may know, many small churches in England have bell towers. Well, the bellringer for one such church, upon reaching retirement age, quit his position, leaving a job opening. Unfortunately, the demand for such a job was low and the bellringer position remained empty for several weeks. Eventuall...

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The US, England and Ireland are presented with a question. Why is the head of the penis larger than the shaft?

The US funds a study for 6 months at $20 million, and concludes it is to give the man more pleasure during sex.

The British, not to be outdone by the Yankees, spend 3 months and half the money, and concludes it's to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

The Irish, not to be outdone ...

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A masked guy comes into a bank with a gun.

He presses it against the teller's forehead and demands money.
The lady behind the counter says "sir, i think you messed up, this isn't just any bank, we don't deal in money. We keep semen. This is a sperm bank."

"Oh yeah??!" says the robber...
"Why don't you take a vial and chug it the...

my wife had a tantrum while we was playing scramble,

She threw a G at me,

then a N

followed by a B

and lastly the A hit me in the forehead.

I thought to my self thats bang out of order.

An angry baby was born in the delivery room.

He was fuming, looking around the room and angrily pointed at the first man he saw and asked, "Hey you, are you my father?!" The man responded, "No, I'm your doctor."


The angry baby then pointed at another man and asked, "Hey you, are you my father?!" The man responded, "No, I'm the nurse...

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An old Russian man is at his dying wife's bedside.

The doctor on visit to their apartment looks her over and says, "I'm so sorry, but the only way to save your wife is to have anal sex with her."

"I can't do it," says the man, "I'm a loyal Communist and have dutifully served my country. I fought the entire war and earned many medals. Hell, I ...

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A man is sitting on his favorite bench in the park, watching kids play and couples stroll by hand in hand, all in all a nice morning.

After a while, he notices two men in the distance, each carrying a shovel. The first one digs a big hole, goes six feet forward, and digs the next. The second one waits about two minutes, and fills the holes again behind his buddy.

This goes on until they have dug and filled ten holes, after ...

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NSFW A Trip to the Dentist

A man takes his girlfriend to his house to have some alone time. A few minutes into the Netflix and chill, things start to heat up. The man and his girlfriend start off with a little foreplay but it quickly escalates to a lot of 69.
After they finish their business the man tells his girlfriend t...

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There once was a girl with no arms and no legs crying on a beach...

One day, an old man came in his fancy convertible and noticed the girl crying on the beach. He parks his car next to her and gets out, asking why she is crying.

"Sir, I'm crying because I've never been kissed before," explains the girl.

So, the man picks her up and plants her a big kis...

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A young monk arrives at the monastery

He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church, by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are
copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone m...

So I was walking down the street one day, when an oddly dressed man caught my attention.

He was wearing a long, white, clinical robe and shouting at nearly everybody that came within his proximity. Having foolishly stopped out of curiosity he approached me. “Global Warming is having a drastic effect on the globes axis!”, he yelped. “The rotation of the Earth is speeding up dramatically,...

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At the regular Sunday morning service

Rev Roberto announced that he was planning to leave for a larger church that would pay him more.

There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave, because he is so popular. Colin, who owns several car dealerships stands up and proclaims, "If Rev Roberto stays, I will provid...

A Jewish bookie was at the races playing the ponies and losing his shirt.

He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.

Lo and behold, that horse - a long shot - won the race.

Next race, as the horses lined up, the Priest stepped onto the track.

Sure enough, he blessed one of the ...

The difference between Canadian and American men...

Back during WWII, an American GI met a Canadian soldier fighting along side him. The two fought together throughout the war and both made it home safely.

After the war, the two returned to their respective homes and decided to marry their respective sweethearts. The two became such good fri...

A Belgian supporter walks into a bar in France.

"Ouch" he says, while rubbing his forehead.

He then proceeds to walk to the nearest pub for a refreshment where he calls over the barman and orders a regular coke with ice.

The barman looks up and replies: "I'm sorry sir, we've run out of regular coke, but if you'd like I have one zer...

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A man walks into a bar in Manchester

He orders a drink and sits down on a barstool. He notices a large, clear, plastic box on a shelf behind the bar with £20 notes stuffed into it.

He asks the barmaid “Ey love, what’s that box there for?”. She replies “Ah, that’s the 3 part pub challenge!”

Intrigued, the man asks her to ...

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Magic Dildo

Disclaimer: Yes, I know this is a repost. I haven't seen it on here in a while and it's my favorite joke so just enjoy it.

A husband had to leave his wife for 3 months while he attended business in Africa. To prevent her loneliness and to lower the temptations of her being unfaithful he went...

A woman and her finger

A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”

The doctor replied, “Show me.”

So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again...

Yo mama so fugly

Tears climb up her forehead and down the back of her head.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The curse of the forest

One guy goes out in the forest hunting. He spots a peculiar looking deer and shoots at it mortally wounding it . As the deer draws his last breath, a shaman comes out running of the woods and starts yelling at the guy that the deer was a very special deer and that he'd been cursed now by the spirits...

Dad why did you name me rose?

Child 1: "Dad why did you name me rose?"

Dad: "Because when you were born a little rose petal fell on your forehead, it was such a beautiful moment."

Child 2: "And why did you name me Lily?"

Dad: "Because when you were born a little Lily fluttered onto your forehead"

Chi...

A mother was putting her 3 children to sleep...

A mother was putting her 3 children to sleep.

As she kisses his first-born, he asks:
"Mom, why I am called Snowy?"
To that, she replied:
"Well, that's because when you were born, some snow fell on your forehead"

After she kisses his second son, he asks:
"Mom, why I am calle...

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A golf joke

A man walks off the golf course and into the country club's bar. His forehead is cut, and there's blood all over his face and shirt. The bartender says,"What in the world happened to you?" The guy says, "Just set me up a double Scotch." So the bartender gives him his drink and asks again happened to...

A Brazillian Classic

There was a family with three kids. One day, the eldest kid, Dropey, came up to his mom and asked:

“Mommy, why am I called Dropey?”

“It’s because when you were born, a drop of water fell onto your forehead!”

“Oh, okay!”

Then Flowey, the middle kid, got kinda curious, and ...

"Why did you name me Lily?"

"Father," said Lily, "why did you name me Lily?" Lily's father smiled, "On the day you were born, a gentle breeze carried a lily through the window, and it gently fell onto your forehead, and so we named you Lily." Lily smiled at her father, and went back to playing.
On that same day, Lily's sist...

A new life form is discovered on a nearby planet

It's a huge humanoid figure, almost 200 feet tall while seated. It's just sitting there. The rise and fall of the creature's chest is evident, but it doesn't seem to do anything else.

Scientists come from all over to investigate this strange being. They become more and more frustrated at...

I saw a man at the grocery store flinging slices of American cheese into the air.

He then started chugging cartons of milk right off the shelf.

After that he started smashing containers of yogurt open on his forehead.

It was shocking. All I could think was “how dare he!”

A guy sits next to a blind man in a bar.

"have you always been blind" he asked.
"oh no, i had a really bad fever one day. It was so bad that you could cook eggs on my forehead."
"So the fever made you go blind?"
"no the eggs went into my eyes."

A man with no arms is in need of a job...

He lacks experience in the service industry but his missing arms severely limit his ability to perform manual labour. Everyday he goes out looking for work and everyday he comes back dejected.

One morning—while flipping through the classifieds with his toes—he comes across the following ad,...

A blonde walks into a bar...

...and gets a nasty cut on her forehead.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[nsfw] You missed a spot

One morning, a couple woke up horny so they decided to 69. The husband forgot he had a dentist appointment, so he ran to brush his teeth and use mouth wash. He felt super fresh and confident as he sat down in the exam chair. As the dentist leans in to do his work, he shoots back and asks the patien...

Guy dies in a car crash...

...and goes up to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter looks his name up in his book and shakes his head.

"What's that mean?" the guy says.

"You gotta go down," Saint Peter says.

The guy gets put on an elevator and takes the ride down to hell. When the doors open, he sees a large, oval...

A kid goes to ask his mom...

A mother with 3 children has one of them come up to her and ask

"Mom, why am I nicknamed little dropplet?"

"Well you see son, the day you were born a little drop fell right on your forehead! So thats why."

Little droplet walks out of the room, happy. His brother, little feather,...

I was on a first date last night.

We were at a bar and when i looked at her i couldn't believe how beautiful she was. I started to go weak at the knees and sweat all over my forehead.

It was only then i realised, that i drugged the wrong drink.

A blonde prostitute is working the corner with her friends...

... when a prospective client walks up to her.

"H-how much?" the man asks. The blonde whispers the price in his ear, and he quickly agrees.

As they're walking away, her fellow prostitutes call out: "Aren't you forgetting something?"

The man turns back nervously, then feels for h...

So this guy is doing his groceries

when suddenly the manager comes up to him and says: "congratulations, You are our 100th customer! Today, your groceries will be completely free of charge!" He then decides to spend the money he just saved at a computer store. He hardly entered the store or the manager runs up to him and yells: "cong...

A doctor has just helped deliver a baby.

As soon as the baby is in his arms, the baby looks him in the eyes and clearly says, "Are you my daddy?" Stunned by this, the doctor answers, "No, I'm not!"

In amazement, the doctor holds the baby up for the nurse to see whereupon the baby asks the nurse, "Are you my daddy?" Wide-eyed, the nu...

My first time...

He was much older than me, and very experienced it seemed.
I was afraid.
“Lie down”, he said, “and open up”.
I did what he said, even though I didn’t want to.
Then he put it in.
“Please, no!” I wanted to say, but couldn’t, cause suddenly he had his whole hand in my mouth.
It ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday"

Adam was talking to his friend at a bar. He said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck." His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying that she can have 60 minutes of...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Not fucked yet.

Once upon a time there was a young man hiking through the woods. As he was gaily skipping through a path he suddenly started to hear footsteps approaching. The footsteps came closer until the trees finally disclosed a group of twenty natives with spears carrying a fat man and his fat kid on a throne...

There were 3 siblings...

The first kid, Rose, comes to their mom:

Mommy, why my name is Rose?

Mom: Because when you were born, a little rose landed in your forehead...

The second one, Plumy:

And why my name is Plumy, mommy?

Mom: Because when you were born a lil plume landed in your forehea...