Amputation Jokes - 26 Hilarious Amputation Jokes

TIL amputation surgery is really expensive

it costs an arm and a leg

What do you call a bad amputation job?

A rip off!

guy went to amputation doctor

He asks doctor, how much is this going to cost? Doctor goes: an arm and a leg

Amputation

It cost me an arm and a leg

I hated the amputation ward.

Let's just say I'm never stepping foot in there again.

A patient broke out of an amputation clinic!

Don't worry, hes unarmed

Why did the arm surgeon specializing in amputations not do very well at his first job?

There wasn't much hands-on experience at his school.

How do surgeons feel when they don't know what kind of amputation to perform?

Stumped

I'm starting a discount amputation clinic.

I'm calling it Half Off For Half Off.

Best amputation jokes?

Friend has bone cancer, may be getting an arm amputated. We have run "I'd give my left arm" and "Single-handedly" puns into the ground, and we need more amputation jokes.

I thought getting a double limb amputation would be all right

But now I have nothing left.
Sleep deprived me has a very low bar for comedy.

Man can't get his leg back after amputation.

Doctor: Unfortunately, we can't give you your amputed leg back.

Me: I want it, it's my right.

I got some major amputations before getting on a plane.

I didn’t want to be armed going through TSA.

My mom recently had to have an amputation done. The doctors said I could watch, but would have to pay an outrageous fee!

Really, it would've costed an arm and a leg!

Husband send a text to his wife

Husband's text:
>Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office.
Paula brought me to the Hospital.
Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays.
Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects. Wound required 19 stitches.
I have three broken ribs, a broken arm an...

Why was the woman head over heels for an amputation doctor?

He cauterize

Did you hear about the daredevil amputation doctor?

They say he’s a real wrist-taker!

After my leg amputation I asked if I could keep my leg.

The doctor asked 'Why?' I said:''Because it's my right!'

Scientists studying frogs

Two scientists are studying how far frogs can jump. Their first step was to teach a frog to jump on command. This completed, they yelled jump, and the frog jumped 8 meters. Considering what effect each leg had, they then amputated one leg and yelled jump again. The frog jumped 6 meters. After notin...

Today I learned about Harvey E. Brown, a civil war surgeon who had so many amputations he ran out of fake legs and had to use a shovel.

It was a ground-breaking medical procedure.

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WW1 as a bar fight...

Serbia is walking across the bar with a beer in his hand. He bumps into Austria, and spills some beer on his pant leg. Austria is furious, and demands Serbia pay for an entire suit. Serbia can't afford this, so he offers to pay for the dry cleaning.

They argue, Russia tells Austria to back o...

Want to know that fastest way to lose weight?

Amputation

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The luck of the Irish.

An apology from Belfast General Hospital......

Dear Mr. Murphy.

We are pleased to inform you that the biopsy of the redness on your showed it was not cancerous.

It was lipstick.

We deeply regret the amputation....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vacation Blues

I had returned from my vacation trip to China during which I spent an evening with a most interesting young lady.
One morning about a week later I felt the most excruciating pain coming from my .

Upon inspection I discovered to my horror that my had turned blue and green.
...

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A man gets home from trip in Thailand...

and realizes his became green and it hurts badly when he touches it. So he goes to consult a doctor.
Doctor: "Hm, yeah, that's a severe illness you got there. The only way to deal with this is amputation."
The man freaks out, screaming an cursing the doctor for suggesting the unspeakabl...

A doctor unnecessarily cut off a man’s leg

It was a baloney amputation

(my own original joke!)

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