What do you call a primate that loves fruit?

An orangeutan

A chimpanzee, a gorilla and a baboon are communicating to each other across their zoo enclosures about which is the greatest primate...

"It's obviously me!" says the chimp. "I am most closely related to humans and can use tools!" "No, it's me!" says the gorilla. "I am the biggest of all primates and strongest!" "No, it's me!" says the baboon. "I am smaller than you apes but am the biggest monkey plus fast and cunning!"

But t...

There's a primate military-industrial complex, you know

They engage in gorilla warfare to preserve the interests of monkey business

I’ve been researching primates, specifically rhesus macaques, and learned that they aren’t “born”; they’re assembled from scratch.

They start off as rhesus pieces.

TIL a team of British biologists discovered a group of primates living near a Buddhist monastery that meditate for up to 8 hours per day.

I’m not yet sure this is an aperopriate conclusion.

In the 2001 film "The Planet of the Apes" David Warner plays a primate named Senator Sandar

which means the whole planet is probably a Banana Republic

Going to the zoo and being able to name only one primate?

That’s a gibbon

I can prove that primates don't exist...

Eight divides evenly by 2 or 4.

What is a primate's favorite candy?

A rhesus!

What do you call an attractive primate corpse in Saudi Arabia?

Haram bae

A scientific study was conducted on ants...

There was a scientific study conducted on various species of ants investigating the correlation between their heights and how their feet operate.
Shorter ants were found to have little nubs on the end of their feet that operate similarly to toes on humans and primates.
This was not seen in lar...

Some scientists believe the ability to create language was because we ate so much meat as primates.

That's why vegans can only say "i'm vegan".

A popular gorilla exhibit at a local zoo had its only resident pass away

The zoo, not having enough time and money to replace the perished primate, gave one of their employees a gorilla suit and told them to go into the exhibit and act like a gorilla. He at first disagreed, like anyone would, until they offered an enormous raise. He then of course accepted the money and...

Amazon joke

What do you call two monkeys who share a Prime account?

Primates.

Why did the monkey walk to school by himself?

He had no primates.

What do you call people who don't believe in evolution?

Primate change deniers

A zookeeper was doing his rounds one day

He had with him a rucksack and a broom. He had to inspect all the cages and make sure they were clean. First he checked on the bird sanctuary. Aside from Some droppings there were 2 dead birds on the ground. He scooped them into his rucksack and moved on.
Next, he checked the primate cages and he...

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The prostitute and the gorilla

A prostitute is standing on a corner when a gorilla walks up to her. He grunts and gestures to an alley nearby. Business has been slow lately so she figures what the heck. As soon as they have some privacy the gorilla removes the prostitute's skirt and starts performing oral sex on her.

The ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lost poodle wanders through a forest

On the first day of an African safari trip, a woman gets distracted and her poodle wanders off into a forest. As the dog trots through the forest, it realizes it is lost and starts to panic.

While the poodle frantically runs around trying to find it's way back, a lion sees it and decides to ...

Lady teasing Gorilla at the Zoo...

A man and his wife are at the zoo. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large, hairy gorilla. Noticing her, the gorilla starts bouncing around his cage. He jumps up on the bars and, holding on with one hand, grunts and pounds his chest.

The husband, finding this ...

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