A priest, a drunkard and an engineer are sentenced to death by guillotine. The executioner as the priest if he wants to be face up or down when he meets he fate. The priest says he’d like to die face up looking towards heaven...

... The blade comes down and stops just before the priest’s neck. This is seen as a sign from God and the priest is set free. The drunkard is asked the same question and responds with face up hoping he’ll be saved like the priest. The blade again stops inches from the neck and the drunkard is f...

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On his way to work, a man noticed what appeared to be a fresh turd in his path. He crouched for a closer inspection.

It *looked* like shit. He put his face up to it and sniffed. It *smelled* like shit. He rubbed some of it between his fingers. It *felt* like shit. He put his finger to his tongue. I *tasted* like shit. "That's shit, no doubt," he proclaimed. "I'm not stepping on that," and walked around it instead.

A priest, an alcoholic, and an engineer are sentenced to death.

They are to be killed by the guillotine.

First is the priest. The executioner says "You can go on the guillotine either face up or face down". The priest says "I want to die face up, looking up to the heavens". So the priest lies face up. The executioner releases the blade; the blade falls ra...

A priest, a lawyer, and an engineer, were each sentenced to death by guillotine.

The priest went first, and he says "Please. Allow me to lie facing up, so that I might face towards God as I am about to join him."

The guards allow it, and place his head through the slot.

The guard pulls the lever and the blade comes down but stops just inches short of the priest's h...

Two lawyers stranded on an island.

Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months.

The only other thing on the island was a tall coconut tree, which provided their food.

Each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree to see if he could see a rescue boat coming.

One day, the la...

A drill sergeant ran his platoon of recruits all over the camp in the hot sun with heavy packs on.

As they stood there, exhausted, he put his face up to one of the recruit's face and said, "I'll bet you're wishing I would die so you could come and urinate on my grave, aren't you?"

And the recruit says, "No, sir! When I get out of the army I'm never gonna stand in another line again!"

An aristocrat, his chef and chief engineer were set to be executed during the French Revolution

An aristocrat, his chef and chief engineer were set to be executed during the French Revolution.

The aristocrat is brought to the guillotine and said "I am not afraid of my mortality. I refuse a blindfold and I wish to be face up so I can look death straight in the eyes!"

The execution...

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It's the time of the French Revolution and they're doing their usual daily beheadings..

Today they're leading a priest, a prostitute and an engineer up to the guillotine.

They ask the priest if he wants to be face up or face down when he meets his fate. The priest says that he would like to be face up so he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the ...

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy.

The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.

So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven.

The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, ...

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An extremely attractive young blond woman goes to a massage parlor.

She explains that this will be her first massage, and she really has no idea what to expect. The masseur tells her she'll need to disrobe and lie on the table. The young woman blushes, but strips off all of her clothes, struts across the room, and lies on the massage table.

The masseur can't...

A priest, a rabbi, and an engineer get caught by a barbaric tribe...

The tribe sentences all of them to death by beheading. The priest starts praying profusely as he stares up at the sharp bladed guillotine ready to end his life. His chants get stronger and frantic as the lever is finally pulled. Miraculously, the blade stops halfway and the tribe fearful of this man...

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