My wife told me I have a terrible sense of direction

I said, “where did that come from?"

My wife was really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction

So I packed up my stuff and right

If you lose one of your senses, your other senses get enhanced

This is why people with no sense of humor have a heightened sense of self'importance.

What do The Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in comon?

Icy dead people.

You have to admire Amish people for their great sense of self-derision. You can find tons of jokes making fun of them on Reddit...

But you never see one of them writing a disapproving comment below.

I want to know if this brazillian joke makes sense in other cultures

A woman went out and did not return home. On the next day she told her husband that she had slept at her friend's house. Not believing her, the husband called 10 of her best friends and none of them knew what he was talking about.

A man went out and did not return home. On the next day, he to...

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Gay people have no excuse to have a bad fashion sense

Like homie what were you doing in the closet that whole time

Apparently, COVID makes your sense of hearing and your logic weaker.

I mean, have you seen this year's Eurovision!?

You know how people say if you damage one sense, the others get better?

Well if that's true I hope my friend hurts his hearing.

Because then he'll get a better taste in music.

My homeboy got rear-ended on a motorcycle wearing a bright green shirt, with shiny red hair: It kind of makes sense....

It was hard to miss him

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Dr. Mike had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't.

The guilt and sense of betrayal were overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Mike, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of your patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just le...

If you lose your sense of smell due to Covid, here's a simple fix.

Just reset to olfactory settings.

What do you call a joke that makes no sense and has no effort?

A cake day post.

3 months since I had COVID and I’ve still got very little sense of taste.

Sometimes I just find myself settling down on the sofa, opening up Netflix and sticking on Friends

The only joke I know.

How does a cow introduce his wife...?

He says, "meat patty".

I am very sorry.

Edit: it makes sense that my only popular post is a dad joke. I've never received any awards before so thank you everyone, this is insane.

Also, I understand everyone is upset about the cow vs b...

I once knew a girl with a fetish for synnesthesia.

Eventually, she came to her senses.

A COVID nurse asked me ‘so sir when did you first begin to lose your sense of taste’

I replied ‘Hey! Riverdale is a good show’

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I was afraid I had Covid because I thought I lost my sense of taste.

Turns out I'm just a shitty cook.

I was going to make a joke about losing your senses due to COVID.

But I decided it was poor taste.

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"Your sign outside says 3 strippers for 4.99... We talking topless or fully nude?"

"Sir this is Dominoes pizza. They're chicken strippers."

"Ok ok, now the price makes sense... How long is each dance?"

Man who has no sense of humor...

has a serious problem.

Sad news to share: my dad just contracted COVID, and lost his sense of taste.

He's been listening to a lot of Justin Bieber.

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I lost my sense of taste and think I have COVID!!!!

Oh shit. It’s just Bud Light, I’m ok.

During a biology exam a student has to list three pros of breast milk.

He's unprepared, but starts looking for common sense answers and writes down:

- Contains all the nutrients a baby needs,

- Doesn't need heating,

But he still needs one more. And just as the time is about to run out, the student writes:

- Has great packaging.

Dog walks into a telegraph office...

Says he wants to send a message.

"Sure" says the clerk, "what's the message?"

"Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof."

Clerk says, "OK, but for the same price, there's enough room for one more 'woof'".

Dog wrinkles his brow and replies, "But that wouldn't make...

An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: "A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; we'll pay you $1,000 if we fail."

A Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.

Doctor: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Engineer: "Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Doctor: "This is Gasoline!"

Engineer: "Congratulatio...

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If you play FPS games this will make sense. Should be original.

A man goes online and finds two of his mate playing COD:Warzone with a guy he doesn't know. He asks them what his name is and he guy says proudly in a French Accent "Zey call me ze Wanker". He is a bit dubious but his friends insist he is pretty good.

So they play the battle royal mode, and W...

Dr: "I have some good news and some bad news Spiderman. The good news is that the constant tingling sensation isn't your Spidey sense warning you of some huge, impending calamity!"

"What's the bad news Doc?"

"Well son, what do you know about genital herpes?"

Americans have a terrible sense of humour

I mean, their healthcare is a joke and most of them don't even get it.

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Tried to translate a Turkish joke, hope it makes sense

Temel and his wife Fadime were at an amusement park. Fadime asked Temel if she could swing on the swing set. He refused, saying that other people would be able to see her panties. She asked him several times but Temel said no.

Minutes passed by and Temel had to use the restroom. When he got b...

I can always sense when my siblings are going to have a daughter.

I have telekineices.

My mom has a rule that no friends are allowed at our house in November because of holidays. (It makes no sense.)

But she has a friend that she decided that she'll let over in November. My mom told her "You're an exception. You can come any time in November." So I said "Very poor choice of words." and her friend started dying of laughter, but I got grounded.

My wife just accused me of having zero sense of empathy.

I have no idea how she can feel that way.

My wife and I share a sense of humour...

Coz we have to...She doesn’t have one.

Scientist: We've discovered a clump of atoms that has no sense of humor.

Me : You've got to br kidding.
Scientist : This is no laughing matter.

For my cake day, a joke I made up as a kid: Why is Aquaman such a dedicated super hero?

Because he was born with a sense of porpoise.

What do the “bad parts” of American history and common sense have in common?

They are being wiped from existence.

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Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I w...

"I think I might be coming down with COVID because I'm losing my sense of hearing."

"No, with COVID you lose your sense of smell"

"What?"

So Tod goes to a new truckers joint...

He sits down and the waiter approaches him.

Do you want to hear the daily specials sir? He asks.

"No thank you", says Todd, "let me smell your hand and I'll tell you want I'd like today".

So the waiter reluctantly proceeds to offer his hand to be smelled by this weird customer.<...

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Today a flat earther friend of mine told me the earth was as as flat as my sense of humor.

I told him his girlfriends ass would've been a better comparison.

An Old Friend........

A farmer was at a diner one day having lunch, when he noticed an old friend of his who was also dining there.

What really caught the farmer’s attention, was that his friend was wearing an earring.

The farmer knew that his old friend was a fairly conservative fellow, so he was really cu...

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What is politics?

oldie but goldie...



A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Governmen...

So my friend told me I had a really bad sense of direction the other day

I hate to admit it, but he was left

Why jokes about Finland don't make sense?

It starts with 'a finnish'

When I told my parents that I'd lost all of my senses except hearing and taste, they kicked me out

They won't support me now that they know I'm bisensual

Common sense is like AIDS.

Some are born with it while others have to get it pounded into them.

This happened on memorial day

This Monday I tried to call customer support, but it took forever to get through. Then I went to the grocery store, only one counter was open, and the line was super long. What’s happening? Suddenly I realized Monday is Memorial Day, so it’s also a half staff day, no wonder it’s understaffed everywh...

Have you ever tried drinking so much alcohol, your wife makes sense?

Me neither, but I keep trying...

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear (yes i know my sense of humour is great)

Revenge on a four-year-old child

A while ago, I invited my friend to my house for dinner. He brought along his four year old child, who made a mess of my house, and destroyed two of my expensive plates. I was so angry, but after all, I couldn't vent my anger on a young child. I had no choice but to smile and keep my composure.
<...

First, we bought toilet paper for a respiratory virus because we lack common sense.

Now, we have a nationwide coin shortage, which means we lack common cents!

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Autopsy class

An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class. 'There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear.' Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse's anus and licked ...

How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just the one, because they are very efficient and they don't have a sense of humour.

I hate my job at the morgue, nobody gets my sense of humor.

I swear I’m working with a bunch of stiffs.

Ear me now

Tonto and the Lone Ranger are out riding the planes one day looking for signs of the herd when suddenly Tonto leaps from his horse and puts his ear to the ground. "Buffalo come" he says a few moments later. "Amazing!" says the Lone Ranger, "Can you sense the herd moving Tonto?" "No" says Tonto, "...

Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don’t make sense.

Refrigerator

I’m aroused by my ability to see, hear, smell, taste, and touch

I’ve come to my senses

One day, a family from mexico moves up from Mexico city all the way to Jacksonville Florida

One day, a family from mexico moves up from Mexico city all the way to Jacksonville Florida. They settle in a small little house. The neighbors are a little skeptical, being their race and all, so they keep an eye out on their plot for a few days. To his suprise, he sees that the family is one of th...

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A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeeez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?" The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!" "I got every word," says the parrot. "Ask me anything, I'll answer whatever you want."

"Okay," the guy says. "How can you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but si...

A friend said my sense of humor was so dark...

that is was like a black hole. Not even a light pun could escape it.

A scientist was studying life extending properties through diet...

And realized he had the perfect formula for eternal life. He developed a special food formula which he fed to seagulls. Then he would feed their eggs to a pair of dolphins.

After 10 years on a diet of fortified seagull eggs, the dolphins hadn't aged a day. But there was one problem. Th...

My gf thinks I have a good sense of humor.

Until she found out this sub reddit.

How did Darth Vader know what Luke was going to get him for Father’s Day?

He sensed his presents

When I was growing up I loved watching my dad at work whenever I got the chance to go with him.

He used to work in New York City and him and the people he worked for was this big electrical company. There were all electricians. Some of the funniest people I've ever met on the planet.

The one thing about all their jokes though is that they're a little too vulgar for not exactly the most...

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.

After they got their tent set up, both men fell asleep.

A few hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger.

"Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what do you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies "I see a beautiful clear sky with millions of stars".

"What does that tell you?" Asked Tonto....

Interviewer: So what are your strengths and weaknesses. Me: I have a decent sense of humor but my General Knowledge is not so good.

Interviewer: Ok, then tell us a joke.

Me: Knock Knock.

Interviewer: Who?

Me: 2nd US President.

Interviewer: 2nd US President who?

Me: Like I said, my General knowledge isn't good.

I have read that symptoms of the Covid19 virus can include loss of smell and taste. Well I don't know about your sense of smell....

But judging by your hair and clothes I think you might've had this disease for quite some time.

My 5 year old made up a joke that I can't stop laughing at.

This joke came from my 5 year old, we have been saying knock knock jokes back and forth and he tells me his jokes that don't make sense. Today he told me this one and I don't think he realizes how funny it is. Here it is in his original wording.

*Knock knock*

Who's there?

Nobody...

Due to COVID I’ve been reading article after article forwards and backwards trying to make sense of it all.

And I have to say, I still don’t know what DIVOC is going on

My 6 year old sone impressed me today. He asked me "What is the brownist number?"

What is the brownist number?

Number 2.

He has tried for months to come up with something original. Usually, they just don't make sense, or just aren't funny. This was the first time he had an original I cracked up at.

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There once was a mathematician.

He made it his life’s goal to tackle one of the greatest unsolved calculus problems in history. For months he worked, filling blackboards with numbers and lines, to no avail.

After a year of struggling, he was ready to give up. He pulled out the bottle of wine that was *meant* to toast his s...

Why do iPhone have a great sense of humor?

Because they crack up easily.

There was this guy working at McDonald’s.

and it was his turn to cook the French fries. So he put the frozen fries in the metal basket and dipped it in the oil. You see this guy was a veteran chef and used to be able to sense when food was cooked by looking at it's color or by smelling it, he never needed a timer or a meat thermometer or an...

My dad is a lot like avatar Aang.

In the sense that he dissapeared on me when I needed him most.

A lot of people are roasting Cleaver on saying "Awoman"...

I mean, I know that "Amen" comes from Hebrew and means "so be it", and therefore "Awoman" would make no sense in Hebrew.

In Shebrew, however, it makes complete sense!!!

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All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.

After all, its not like Donald Trump could write a book.

Edit: alot of people moaning in the comments "this is a stupid joke, Trump did actually write some books so this makes no sense!?".

Look at the sub you are in, some of these posts you'll see will just be jokes. If you are the sn...

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Calling your penis life makes sense.

You can say life is hard every morning jo matter how you feel

The ending of Game of Thrones makes sense, think about it.

Arya went west, Jon went north, Drogon went east, and the show went south.

Can we come up with a brand new, never ending joke.

So let’s say one person initiates the joke by coming up with a line, the next person either continues the set up or has a punchline but the punchline must also be able to set up the next persons line, etc etc etc, can it be done? Will it be consistently funny? I think I’ve made sense but I’m not gre...

I have a very dark sense of humor

Its so dark that cops are beating it to death.

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