My wife got really mad at me because I have no sense of direction.

So i packed my stuff and right.

The Sixth Sense really shocked me.

Bruce Willis with hair?!?!

My wife and I share a sense of humor...

We have to. She doesn’t have one.

My wife has NO sense of humor

I still thought "hi 'Drowning', I'm Dad!" was hilarious.

What did Darth Vader say when he sensed Luke for the first time?

"I have a dad feeling about this."

What do the Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people.

There’s nothing like a good sense of humor.

And you have nothing like a good sense of humor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Marine returns from duty in Iraq and is immediately reassigned to a remote location in Afghanistan.

That evening he arrives at his new post; a run down mosque in the middle of nowhere.

As he switches over with the marine currently stationed there, he realises there is no bed, no clean water, no toilet, just him, his weapon and the dirt on the floor.

The next morning he wakes up to fi...

Common sense

An uneducated father with his educated son went on a camping trip. They set-up their tent and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the father woke up his son.
Father- Look up to the sky and tell me what you see.
Son- I see millions of stars.
Father- And what does that tell you?
Son- Astrono...

I told the psychologist, "Sure, my sense of chronology is fine!"

Then I knocked on his door and went into his room.

Medical advances these days are absolutely crazy. They've found ways to activate taste buds in people who were born without the sense. Surprisingly most people don't like it at first.

Its an acquired taste.

My wife always complains that I have zero sense of empathy.

I don’t understand why she feels that way.

Today I lost my sense of humour

It's not funny

My wife hated that I didn’t have a sense of direction

So I packed my stuff up and right

They say that orienteering gives you a sense of freedom.

I don’t think that is true, there are controls everywhere!







(Seeing as Americans don’t know what orienteering is I foresee this joke bombing!) :D

Sometimes it makes no sense to vaccinate your children.

For example, when they're already dead.

What do you call a well dressed lawn statue with an excellent sense of rhythm?

A metro-gnome

Some names make sense. Like "Johnson" was probably given to the son of a guy named "John". Or how someone with the family name "Smith" most likely had some Blacksmiths in the family at some point.

But when someone has the name "Dickinson." I draw the line.

It makes sense that socks are always separating

Because one of them always has to be right, so the other one left

People tell me I don’t have a sense of humor. It’s not my fault. I was born with a serious birth defect.

I was born without a humerus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You: Bastard



Me: You just did

You: I'm not going to do that

Me: This joke only makes sense if you read it backwards

Why don’t Mexican cows have a sense of humor?

Because, de yoke is always on them!

Donald Trump had a close adviser named Hope Hicks. Which makes sense -- her name suggests his campaign strategy:

Say racist things and hope hicks will vote for you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A student walked up to his psychology class's professor after class day

Student: I don't really get what happened today. Can you re-explain deductive reasoning to me?

Teacher: Alright, I'll show you an example. So you're from a farming family. Do you own a tractor

Student: Yeah I do

Teacher: Okay so from that I can tell that you own a reasonably bi...

Common sense is like dial-up internet access

It hasn’t been used in years

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.

No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while, he’d hear an internal, reassuring voice that said, “Dave, don’t worry about it. You’re not the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won’t be t...

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You look, you get a sense of it, and you look away.

AND you can look longer with sunglasses!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whenever a guy doesn’t share my sense of humor I tell them that my jokes are a lot like blowjobs.

You don’t get them

A dark sense of humor is a early sign of dementia.

A dark sense of humor is a early sign of dementia.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is OC just made it up 2 minutes ago

So a teacher starts class by talking about responsibility, and says, “As you know, we’re all human, and we all make mistakes, but...” and just then, Johnny raised his hand, and the teacher called on him.

“Actually, I’ve never made a mistake.”

“There’s no way on earth Johnny, everyone ...

All of this vegan activism just makes no sense.....

Normally they don't want no beef.

Every day I like to fill my kids' minds with a sense of wonder.

Like "I wonder who my Dad is?"

The cowboy

A lady sees a cowboy and says "are you really a cowboy?" The cowboy says "why yes mame, born and raised right here in Montana and have worked on the ranch since I was knee high to a pup."

The woman says " I've always wondered why cowboys always wear those big hats." The wide brim keeps the s...

I'm currently reading this really captivating book called "How To Improve Your Sense of Direction".

It's so good that I can't put it up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just wrote this poem

Everyone gather together

Put aside what you are doing

See this lyric, feel the weather

Take a second for the viewing.

Everyone gather together

In this house we all are one.

No discrimination, son.

Did I say a house we're in?

It's a prostitution...

A sense of humor is like food...

...you're not allowed to have it in Soviet Russia.

What would you think if one day, you woke up and didn’t have a sense of humor?

You probably wouldn’t think it was very funny.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is eating soup at a restaurant when he drops his spoon.

It was a particularly busy day, so the man thinks "Great, by the time I get another spoon, my soup will be cold." Nevertheless, he flags down his waiter and tells him that he dropped his spoon. The waiter says "Here ya go" and produces a spoon from his vest pocket. "Wow, that was convenient" the man...

Three brothers were competing to see who was able to give their elderly mother the best birthday gift

The first one bought her a mansion.
The second one bought her a Porsche.
The third one, knowing how religious their mom is, bought her a remarkable parrot. It took 18 monks 10 years to teach him how to recite the whole Bible. It’s one of a kind, it cost 20 million dollars.
After some ...

If you lose one sense your other senses are enhanced

That explains why people with no sense of humour have a heightened sense of self importance

what has four letters, is a vegetable if you take away the last, an organ if you take away the first, and gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment if you take away both

pear

A blonde came up to the librarian and yelled, "This book sucks! There's way too many characters and the story makes no sense!"

The librarian said, "So you're the one who took our phone book."

Thanks to video games, kids today have a warped sense of the word "Boss"...

Last weekend I introduced my son to my boss ...he drank a potion, then attacked her!

Kid from The Sixth Sense asked to comment on Game Of Thrones and he described it with one sentence.

"Icey dead people"

Someone asked me if I had ever noticed that I had a keen sense for being able to tell where water was underground...

I replied, "I'm well aware."

I found a way around the Chai niece sense or ship

[Not removed]

Did you hear the tagline for the new show: "6th Sense on Ice"?

Icey dead people

There’s something wrong with my sense of touch and depth perception...

But I just can’t put my finger on it.

Me: so how do you guys get around?

DUMBLEDORE: lots of ways. you can take the secret train

ME: makes sense

DUMBLEDORE: fly a broomstick

ME: fun

DUMBLEDORE: flush a toilet and get sucked down into it.

ME: waitaminute... what?

DUMBLEDORE: bus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Islamic terrorists makes no sense . Commit suicide and might get 72 virgins ?

Become a Catholic priest and get them now

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Woman gets naked in front of her husband and asks

"What turns you on the most, my pretty face, my voluptuous bust or my sexy butt???

He briefly looks her up and down and replies: "Your sense of humor."

I hate being patronised

Patronised means they speak with a sense of superiority and are condescending

My 5 year old grandson came up with this joke, and didn't even realize it was funny and made sense: Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom?

Because he was dribbling. 😊

People always tell me my rhymes don't make sense.

And they're absolutely right. Pretense.

A naturopathic doctor opens up a wellness clinic

He puts a sign outside that says 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED, GET BACK $100.' A lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.
Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."
Doctor: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth....

Who's that band?

A little bar in a small town was having a concert night and most of the town showed up. They were curious to see who in this town of everyone-knows-everyone would go up and perform.

The barman introduced up on stage a couple of highschool kids, the Little Rascals, that were going through the...

Did you hear about the successful oncologist who is always laughing?

He has a great sense of tumor.

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