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Emotional Jokes

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I'm emotionally constipated.

I haven't given a shit in days.

The last wedding I was at was very emotional.

Everybody was crying, the Bride and Groom, the whole reception, the priest..

Even the massive cake was in tiers..

A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the da...

It was such an emotional wedding...

Even the cake was in tiers.

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Jamaican guy gets invited to an emotion themed fancy dress party (terrible joke I liked when I was younger)

People start arriving before him, first is Sally who knocks on the door dressed head to toe in blue, with tear drops inked on her face. "Ah Sally nice costume, you are clearly sadness, come on in and get yourself a drink."

Next up is Andy, who knocks on the door dressed head to toe in red, wi...

Everyone has a film that made them emotional.

For me it was TITANIC... Because not only do you get a beautiful love story, but also... I'm was like... \*emotional\*

"Look - So many fans of the Wim Hof Method!"

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Emotional Party

Myself and my friend went to a fancy dress party. You needed to dress as an emotion. We went to the supermarket and I got a pear and put my dick in it while he got some custard and did the same. When we got to the fancy dress party the host was appalled and said we had completely missed the point. ...

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Emotional party

Haven’t seen this one posted before; apologies if I missed it. I heard this at least 30 years ago.
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Sarah throws a fancy dress party with the theme “emotions”.

Her friend Alice turns up in bright colours and glitter. “I’m happy!” she announces, and Sarah lets her in.

Meg turns...

What do you call a 70 year old man trapped in the emotional state of a 14 year old girl?

Mr. President.

My neighbor got a diagnosis from a psychiatrist and decided to get an Emotional Support Animal.

His choice? A skunk. His diagnosis? Sociopath.

The day i got emotional.

I got really emotional at the petrol pump this morning
I don't know why but I just started filling up

My emotional support animal is a chicken.

A four piece..........with a biscuit

How is your password like an emotional family court judge?

They're both case sensitive.

I gave an emotional speech at my conjunctivitis support group the other day.

There wasn't a dry eye in the room.

Did you hear about the heart warming emotional testimony the molester gave at his trial?

Even the jury was touched.

I get really emotional whenever I see escalators...

Last time I was on one, I found it moving.

An emotionally unstable man walks into a 7-11

He browses the candy section and decides to buy a Snickers bar. His total is $1.29. He pays with a $20 bill and tells the cashier to keep whatever is leftover.

"Are you sure?" The cashier says.

"I don't like change." the man replies.

Dear people, don't carry your emotional baggage with you

Use your grief-case

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Mickey and Minnie Mouse Are in Divorce Court

The Divorce Court Judge has just finished reviewing Mickey's petition for divorce when he says to Mickey, "Now let me get this straight, you say you want to divorce Minnie Mouse because she's crazy?".

Mickey, visibly upset and very emotional responds to the judge: "No, No, No Your Honor. I d...

I was at an emotional wedding, the cake was in tiers.

Forgive me... but I needed a bad cake joke.. I mean I needed a cake joke bad.

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If emotional scars were visible...

Porn would be disgusting

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When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits..

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide...

I was just telling my friend about an emotional time buying a car...

It was a Saab story

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Psychiatry students were in their Emotional Extremes class.

“Let’s set some parameters,” the professor said. “What’s the opposite of joy?” he asked one student.



“Sadness,” he replied.



“The opposite of depression?” he asked
another student.



“Elation,” he replied.



“The opposite of woe?” the prof as...

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I'm practicing emotional abstinence

I haven't given a fuck in years

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My girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me on the grounds that I'm an "emotionally stunted, unfeeling, uncaring piece of shit".

I don't know how I feel about this.

I joined an emotional support group for people without pets...

But they kicked me out for talking about my felines.

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My girlfriend yelled at me being secretive and emotionally unavailable

I then politely excused myself from the conversation and went to the basement to go work on my project.

I don't know what she was talking about.

Why are exclamation points always so emotional?

Because they are always on their period.

What do you call an emotional train?

A self-steam engine.

I found out today that I have an identical twin brother. I got very emotional when we finally met.

I was beside myself.

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What do you call a sexually ambiguous camera with emotional issues?

A bi-polaroid.

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Found a surprisingly emotional pornographic film today.

It was a real tear jerker!

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Emotions Party

A guy decides to throw an emotions themed party and he invites all his friends. He sets up his apartment with snacks, including chips and soda, puts on some good emotional 80s ballads and waits for his friends to arrive.

He hears a knock-knock at the door, goes to open it and sees a person dr...

The emotional story of a dog's death:

Heartworming

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Two guys are invited to a costume party, where the theme is ‘Come as an emotional state’.

They arrive at the party and ring the bell. The host comes out and sees they are completely naked, one with his dick inside a hollowed out pear, and the other with his dick dipped into a bowl of yellow goop.

“Oh my god! What are you supposed to be?” she asks.

The first guy replies “Wel...

Why was the 100 year old lady with dementia so emotional?

She was centi-mental.

The misuse of users’ Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress.

He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.

This social situation during Covid has been really hard on me emotionally.

Everyone has been so distant.

What's the most emotional computer you can buy?

A Dell.

Why is the earth so emotionally unstable?

It’s a natural effect of being bipolar.

What do you call an overly emotional tree with a speech impediment?

Twee

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