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Emotional Jokes

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I'm emotionally constipated.

I haven't given a shit in days.

A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the da...

The last wedding I was at was very emotional.

Everybody was crying, the Bride and Groom, the whole reception, the priest..

Even the massive cake was in tiers..

My neighbor got a diagnosis from a psychiatrist and decided to get an Emotional Support Animal.

His choice? A skunk. His diagnosis? Sociopath.

I gave an emotional speech at my conjunctivitis support group the other day.

There wasn't a dry eye in the room.

Did you hear about the heart warming emotional testimony the molester gave at his trial?

Even the jury was touched.

Everyone has a film that made them emotional.

For me it was TITANIC... Because not only do you get a beautiful love story, but also... I'm was like... \*emotional\*

"Look - So many fans of the Wim Hof Method!"

It was such an emotional wedding...

Even the cake was in tiers.

How is your password like an emotional family court judge?

They're both case sensitive.

What do you call a 70 year old man trapped in the emotional state of a 14 year old girl?

Mr. President.

The day i got emotional.

I got really emotional at the petrol pump this morning
I don't know why but I just started filling up

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Emotional Party

Myself and my friend went to a fancy dress party. You needed to dress as an emotion. We went to the supermarket and I got a pear and put my dick in it while he got some custard and did the same. When we got to the fancy dress party the host was appalled and said we had completely missed the point. ...

I was at an emotional wedding, the cake was in tiers.

Forgive me... but I needed a bad cake joke.. I mean I needed a cake joke bad.

I was just telling my friend about an emotional time buying a car...

It was a Saab story

My emotional support animal is a chicken.

A four piece..........with a biscuit

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My girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me on the grounds that I'm an "emotionally stunted, unfeeling, uncaring piece of shit".

I don't know how I feel about this.

The airlines are stopping passengers from bringing most emotional support animals on flights. Today, they told me my support duck could not board the plane. I need it to help me cope with anxiety.

It's a quack down.

I get really emotional whenever I see escalators...

Last time I was on one, I found it moving.

Dear people, don't carry your emotional baggage with you

Use your grief-case

I found out today that I have an identical twin brother. I got very emotional when we finally met.

I was beside myself.

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My girlfriend yelled at me being secretive and emotionally unavailable

I then politely excused myself from the conversation and went to the basement to go work on my project.

I don't know what she was talking about.

I joined an emotional support group for people without pets...

But they kicked me out for talking about my felines.

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Emotional party

Haven’t seen this one posted before; apologies if I missed it. I heard this at least 30 years ago.
——
Sarah throws a fancy dress party with the theme “emotions”.

Her friend Alice turns up in bright colours and glitter. “I’m happy!” she announces, and Sarah lets her in.

Meg turns...

I drove into a petrol station today. As I parked I began to feel so emotional.....

I started filling up.

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As a preteen, all I wanted was a girlfriend with big tits. When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits,

but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

Wh...

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Psychiatry students were in their Emotional Extremes class.

“Let’s set some parameters,” the professor said. “What’s the opposite of joy?” he asked one student.



“Sadness,” he replied.



“The opposite of depression?” he asked
another student.



“Elation,” he replied.



“The opposite of woe?” the prof as...

An emotionally unstable man walks into a 7-11

He browses the candy section and decides to buy a Snickers bar. His total is $1.29. He pays with a $20 bill and tells the cashier to keep whatever is leftover.

"Are you sure?" The cashier says.

"I don't like change." the man replies.

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Two guys are invited to a costume party, where the theme is ‘Come as an emotional state’.

They arrive at the party and ring the bell. The host comes out and sees they are completely naked, one with his dick inside a hollowed out pear, and the other with his dick dipped into a bowl of yellow goop.

“Oh my god! What are you supposed to be?” she asks.

The first guy replies “Wel...

Never tell an angry emotional person to calm down.

That will only enrage them more.

Say, "what can we do to make you feel heard?"

Say, "How can we bring you a sense of justice here?"

Say, "Where do you want me to dump the body?"

I spent months planning my wedding, and on the big day everyone was really emotional...

Even the cake was in tiers.

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