The day i got emotional.

I got really emotional at the petrol pump this morning
I don't know why but I just started filling up

I was at an emotional wedding, the cake was in tiers.

Forgive me... but I needed a bad cake joke.. I mean I needed a cake joke bad.

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I have emotional constipation

Haven't given a crap in days.

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer play golf.

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer are out playing a round of golf. Partway through their game, they realize that the group in front is taking forever to move through the course. Frustrated, they ask the groundskeeper what's going on. The groundskeeper, visibly emotional, says:

"Well, I'm af...

I was just telling my friend about an emotional time buying a car...

It was a Saab story

My emotional support animal is a chicken.

A four piece..........with a biscuit

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My girlfriend yelled at me being secretive and emotionally unavailable

I then politely excused myself from the conversation and went to the basement to go work on my project.

I don't know what she was talking about.

I was at an emotional wedding,

the cake was in tiers.

I just told my suitcases we aren't going on vacation this year

Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage

The airlines are stopping passengers from bringing most emotional support animals on flights. Today, they told me my support duck could not board the plane. I need it to help me cope with anxiety.

It's a quack down.

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When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I ...

I get really emotional whenever I see escalators...

Last time I was on one, I found it moving.

Larry goes to the doctor.

The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes...

Dear people, don't carry your emotional baggage with you

Use your grief-case

I found out today that I have an identical twin brother. I got very emotional when we finally met.

I was beside myself.

If you cry when you cut an onion, here's a tip:

**Don't get emotionally attached.**

I joined an emotional support group for people without pets...

But they kicked me out for talking about my felines.

I was forced into a difficult situation and I needed a scape goat.

It turns out that keeping an emotional support goat on the fire escape is not such a good idea.

The misuse of users' Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress.

He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.

Do you like rollercoasters?

Cause I'm an emotional one.

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Two guys are invited to a costume party, where the theme is ‘Come as an emotional state’.

They arrive at the party and ring the bell. The host comes out and sees they are completely naked, one with his dick inside a hollowed out pear, and the other with his dick dipped into a bowl of yellow goop.

“Oh my god! What are you supposed to be?” she asks.

The first guy replies “Wel...

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Not having sex tonight

One evening last week,my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well,the passion starts to heat up,and she eventually says,‘I don‘t feel like it,I just want you to hold me.‘

I said,‘WHAT??!! What was that?!‘

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear.... <...

Never tell an angry emotional person to calm down.

That will only enrage them more.

Say, "what can we do to make you feel heard?"

Say, "How can we bring you a sense of justice here?"

Say, "Where do you want me to dump the body?"

What do you call a 70 year old man trapped in the emotional state of a 14 year old girl?

Mr. President.

My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

I always have trouble with emotional attachments.

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Psychiatry students were in their Emotional Extremes class.

“Let’s set some parameters,” the professor said. “What’s the opposite of joy?” he asked one student.



“Sadness,” he replied.



“The opposite of depression?” he asked
another student.



“Elation,” he replied.



“The opposite of woe?” the prof as...

This social situation during Covid has been really hard on me emotionally.

Everyone has been so distant.

A dad came to meet his son at his job and gets all emotional

Dad: I can't believe you're all grown up now. It's like just yesterday when you used to sit with that stupid computer game thingy all day

Son: Dad, I still work as a VFX designer

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I’m emotionally constipated...

I haven’t given a shit in days.

I spent months planning my wedding, and on the big day everyone was really emotional...

Even the cake was in tiers.

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Emotional party

Haven’t seen this one posted before; apologies if I missed it. I heard this at least 30 years ago.
——
Sarah throws a fancy dress party with the theme “emotions”.

Her friend Alice turns up in bright colours and glitter. “I’m happy!” she announces, and Sarah lets her in.

Meg turns...

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Peter confesses to his friend that he had sex with his sister in law.

" Well it was in the evening" says Peter " I dropped by my sister in law's to say hello. Suddenly it started to rain. I hadn't brought an umbrella then. Neither did she have one to lend. The rain was pouring and then it happened."

His friend responds" Well if it has happened only once, maybe...

REQUEST: Looking for those story jokes where you get the listener emotionally attached/involved before revealing knockout punchlines, to cheer up quarantined family friends

You know the ones I mean, guys. Let’s have it!

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What do you call a sexually ambiguous camera with emotional issues?

A bi-polaroid.

My nanny once told me of an emotionally distant but insecure yogi who fell ill and subsequently developed bad breath.

It was a super callous fragile mystic down with halitosis.

The Undertaker

So this woman goes to the undertaker to make arrangements for her husbands funeral. She says "Look, I've got some special requests for the service. First off,I want an open casket, so that people can pay their final respects, and secondly I want my husband buried in a blue suit." The undertaker s...

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If emotional scars were visible...

Porn would be disgusting

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My girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me on the grounds that I'm an "emotionally stunted, unfeeling, uncaring piece of shit".

I don't know how I feel about this.

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I dated an emotionally-inhibited woman who tried to become a phone sex worker

She had a lot of hangups.

An emotionally unstable man walks into a 7-11

He browses the candy section and decides to buy a Snickers bar. His total is $1.29. He pays with a $20 bill and tells the cashier to keep whatever is leftover.

"Are you sure?" The cashier says.

"I don't like change." the man replies.

Why are exclamation points always so emotional?

Because they are always on their period.

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After a long emotional struggle, my three feet tall uncle finally announced that he is gay.

I’m glad that he decided to come out of the cabinet.

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Just had a meeting with a emotionally unstable dung beetle yesterday

Said he had too much shit to deal with

Peggy Johnson was suing her neighbor, Dave, for harassment after he kept calling her "pig."

The two were fighting over their backyard borders, and so Dave took up to calling her a "pig." Peggy took him to court and sued him for harassment. The judge wanted to settle this immediately and issued an order for Dave to stop calling Peggy a "pig."

"Dave, I'm giving you a chance to walk aw...

The emotional story of a dog's death:

Heartworming

A woman is deciding between three suitors which one to be with. She says to the three men, "we are still young and inexperienced, go out there and travel around the world, we'll see when you come back."

So the first guy goes to Europe and tours the different countries there.

The second guy goes to Europe, then Asia, then Africa, then Australia and basically goes everywhere.

The third guy doesn't go anywhere.

6 months later they all meet up and the first guy says, "I went to all...

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A man walks into a bar he's never visited before, and settles down to order a drink.

Before long, he notices someone sitting in the corner - a man who appears normal in every regard except that his head is a gigantic orange. Curious, the newcomer asks the bartender "What's up with the guy in the corner? The one with the-" but the bartender interrupts and says "Honestly, your best be...

Why is Six afraid of Seven

Because Seven is emotionally distant and always chases after numbers like Eight and Nine instead of looking back and seeing that the perfect number was behind the whole entire time... Six

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An ex-girlfriend once told me I only had two emotional states - anger and apathy.

At first, I was really pissed off. But then I was like - meh, who cares?

Why was the 100 year old lady with dementia so emotional?

She was centi-mental.

When asked if they were emotionally disgruntled by Trump's wall, Mexicans responded..

'Meh, we'll get over it.

What do you call an overly emotional tree with a speech impediment?

Twee

A lot of people cry when they cut onions.

The trick is not to form an emotional bond.

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I'm practicing emotional abstinence

I haven't given a fuck in years

Most people don't enjoy puns. Wordplay almost feels like an emotional knife stab to them. But at least they appreciate my humour when I get home

It just goes to show you, the only good pun is a dad pun

The most difficult, complex, confusing, controversial, enraging, emotional, and thought provoking question of the 21st century....

Are you male or female?

What do you call an emotional train?

A self-steam engine.

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Found a surprisingly emotional pornographic film today.

It was a real tear jerker!

Just read an emotional story of a woman who overcame incredible odds to make french onion soup

Stirring stuff

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