Emotion Jokes - 59 Hilarious Emotion Jokes

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I'm emotionally constipated.

I haven't given a in days.

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According to my therapist, I have extreme trouble verbalizing my emotions.

Can’t say I’m surprised.

I visited my Great-Grampa yesterday and found him in tears with emotion

When I asked what was going on, He answered:

So many years ago, I fought in World War I. At some point, I saw a German, he saw me, we both aimed at each other but he was quicker and shot first. He missed me. In shock, I just ran away, never to see him again… or so I thought.

You see, s...

A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, ! The light goes on. When I’m done, ! The light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the da...

Newton's third law of Emotion.

For every male action, there is a female overreaction.

The last wedding I was at was very emotional.

Everybody was crying, the Bride and Groom, the whole reception, the priest..

Even the massive cake was in tiers..

Why is anger the new hip emotion?

It's all the rage.

It was such an emotional wedding...

Even the cake was in tiers.

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Mixed Emotions

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of “mixed emotions”.

The husband turned to his wife and said, “Honey, that’s a bunch of . I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

She sa...

Regret is a useless emotion.

I wish I’d known that a long time ago.

How is your password like an emotional family court judge?

They're both case sensitive.

Everyone has a film that made them emotional.

For me it was TITANIC... Because not only do you get a beautiful love story, but also... I'm was like... \*emotional\*

"Look - So many fans of the Wim Hof Method!"

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A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed...

I gave an emotional speech at my conjunctivitis support group the other day.

There wasn't a dry eye in the room.

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My therapist told me I can't identify my own emotions.

I'm not sure how I feel about that.

The day i got emotional.

I got really emotional at the petrol pump this morning
I don't know why but I just started filling up

What do you call mixed emotions?

Watching your mother-in-law reverse off a cliff in your brand new car

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Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber...

He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said,"You died in your sleep Ralph."

Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead?No I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!

"St Peter said," I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken."

Ralph...

I read a book the other day about the emotion struggles of an attractive hustler walking down stairs.

The ending was pretty condescending.

What do you call a 70 year old man trapped in the emotional state of a 14 year old girl?

Mr. President.

My neighbor got a diagnosis from a psychiatrist and decided to get an Emotional Support Animal.

His choice? A skunk. His diagnosis? Sociopath.

Did you hear about the heart warming emotional testimony the molester gave at his trial?

Even the jury was touched.

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After a hour of labor, a woman gives birth to a beautiful baby boy..

Moments after taking his first breath in the real world, the baby looks at the doctor holding him and asks, "Are you my father?" The doctor responds, "No sweet child, I am not your father."

The doctor hands the baby to his mother. As she gazes into his eyes lovingly, the baby asks, "Are you m...

My emotional support animal is a chicken.

A four piece..........with a biscuit

I like my water like I like my emotions.

Bottled

Facebook is like an Emotion Bank

People deposit their feelings to save, but usually gain very little interest.

An emotionally unstable man walks into a 7-11

He browses the candy section and decides to buy a Snickers bar. His total is $1.29. He pays with a $20 bill and tells the cashier to keep whatever is leftover.

"Are you sure?" The cashier says.

"I don't like change." the man replies.

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My girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me on the grounds that I'm an "emotionally stunted, unfeeling, uncaring ".

I don't know how I feel about this.

What emotion does a tree feel every spring?

Relief

What do you call the unit that measures emotions?

A sentimetre.

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jokes! A professor gives his physiology class a spot quiz...

A professor gives his physiology class a spot quiz. One question he asks is, "What part of the human anatomy expands to ten times its normal size during periods of intense emotion and excitement?" He picks a rather overdressed girl in the front row to answer it. "Miss Callahan!" The indicated girl, ...

I get really emotional whenever I see escalators...

Last time I was on one, I found it moving.

Dear people, don't carry your emotional baggage with you

Use your grief-case

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My girlfriend yelled at me being secretive and emotionally unavailable

I then politely excused myself from the conversation and went to the basement to go work on my project.

I don't know what she was talking about.

I was at an emotional wedding, the cake was in tiers.

Forgive me... but I needed a bad cake joke.. I mean I needed a cake joke bad.

There's a stereotype that Scottish men are bad at showing their emotions. This isn't true!

I once knew a Scot who loved his wife so much he almost told her!

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If emotional scars were visible...

would be disgusting

Why do Amoung Us characters bottle up their emotions?

Because they get kicked out of the group when they vent.

The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.

“We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.”

“Well, tell me!” the man said.

The policeman said: “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?”

Fearing the worst, Mr. Wi...

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I'm practicing emotional abstinence

I haven't given a in years

I was just telling my friend about an emotional time buying a car...

It was a Saab story

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Psychiatry students were in their Emotional Extremes class.

“Let’s set some parameters,” the professor said. “What’s the opposite of joy?” he asked one student.

“Sadness,” he replied.

“The opposite of depression?” he asked
another student.

“Elation,” he replied.

“The opposite of woe?” the prof as...

My wife told me I'm an emotional, emotional, insecure coward.

Now I feel depressed. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid she'll leave me any time.

****

Dammit, I spoiled it with the double emotional.

Why are exclamation points always so emotional?

Because they are always on their period.

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When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with ..

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with , but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide...

Q: What kind of emotions do noses feel?

*A: Nostalgia!*

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Mickey and Minnie Mouse Are in Divorce Court

The Divorce Court Judge has just finished reviewing Mickey's petition for divorce when he says to Mickey, "Now let me get this straight, you say you want to divorce Minnie Mouse because she's crazy?".

Mickey, visibly upset and very emotional responds to the judge: "No, No, No Your Honor. I d...

This social situation during Covid has been really hard on me emotionally.

Everyone has been so distant.

What do you call an emotional train?

A self-steam engine.

I joined an emotional support group for people without pets...

But they kicked me out for talking about my felines.

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Heard the body paint store now has some color mixes named after emotions

Well, color me surprised!

also English is not my first language and I am really proud of that joke

The emotional story of a dog's death:

Heartworming

Why is the earth so emotionally unstable?

It’s a natural effect of being bipolar.

I found out today that I have an identical twin brother. I got very emotional when we finally met.

I was beside myself.

What part of the leg understands your emotions?

The empathighs.

How many Texas cops does it take to save children from an active shooter?

Still under investigation.

Edit: For those who assume I think any part of this situation is funny... [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black\_comedy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_comedy). Also who gave me a Wholesome award? That's seriously messed up.

Edit ...

Trump received a conference call from his Top General in Iraq.

General: "This morning, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

Trump's face went Egg shell White. The blood left his face and to every ones amazement he collapsed on the floor.

Minutes passed and to every ones relief President Trump sat back on his chair

His staff was nothing less t...

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What do you call a ambiguous camera with emotional issues?

A bi-polaroid.

My girlfriend complained that I was too emotionally distant...

I said "you don't know me!"

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