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Emotion Jokes

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Jamaican guy gets invited to an emotion themed fancy dress party (terrible joke I liked when I was younger)

People start arriving before him, first is Sally who knocks on the door dressed head to toe in blue, with tear drops inked on her face. "Ah Sally nice costume, you are clearly sadness, come on in and get yourself a drink."

Next up is Andy, who knocks on the door dressed head to toe in red, wi...

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I'm emotionally constipated.

I haven't given a shit in days.

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According to my therapist, I have extreme trouble verbalizing my emotions.

Can’t say I’m surprised.

I visited my Great-Grampa yesterday and found him in tears with emotion

When I asked what was going on, He answered:

So many years ago, I fought in World War I. At some point, I saw a German, he saw me, we both aimed at each other but he was quicker and shot first. He missed me. In shock, I just ran away, never to see him again… or so I thought.

You see, s...
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A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the da...
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Newton's third law of Emotion.

For every male action, there is a female overreaction.
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The last wedding I was at was very emotional.

Everybody was crying, the Bride and Groom, the whole reception, the priest..

Even the massive cake was in tiers..
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Why is anger the new hip emotion?

It's all the rage.
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Emotional Party

Myself and my friend went to a fancy dress party. You needed to dress as an emotion. We went to the supermarket and I got a pear and put my dick in it while he got some custard and did the same. When we got to the fancy dress party the host was appalled and said we had completely missed the point. ...

It was such an emotional wedding...

Even the cake was in tiers.
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Mixed Emotions

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of “mixed emotions”.

The husband turned to his wife and said, “Honey, that’s a bunch of crap. I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

She sa...

Regret is a useless emotion.

I wish I’d known that a long time ago.
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Emotions

Three guys are walking down the street in Manhattan when they spot a party. They knock on the door and are turned away because they don’t have costumes. As they walk away one of them spots a can of red paint in an alley, he pours it all over himself, goes back and says “I’m red, red with anger” and ...

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Emotional party

Haven’t seen this one posted before; apologies if I missed it. I heard this at least 30 years ago.
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Sarah throws a fancy dress party with the theme “emotions”.

Her friend Alice turns up in bright colours and glitter. “I’m happy!” she announces, and Sarah lets her in.

Meg turns...

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Emotion Costume Party

A lady is throwing a party where each guest shows up as their favorite emotion. A guest arrives dressed in green. "Envy!" she says, and lets him in. A lady comes dressed in red. She says, "Anger!" and lets her in. Two naked guys walk up to the front door. One guy is holding a bowl of pudding with hi...

How is your password like an emotional family court judge?

They're both case sensitive.
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A new emotion

So one Halloween a group of friends decided to throw a small costume party with the theme being you need to dress as an emotion. The party begins and everyone is enjoying themselves until they realize that Darryl hasn't shown up yet. The doorbell rings and in walks Darryl stark naked with nothing bu...

What do you call a 70 year old man trapped in the emotional state of a 14 year old girl?

Mr. President.
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Everyone has a film that made them emotional.

For me it was TITANIC... Because not only do you get a beautiful love story, but also... I'm was like... \*emotional\*

"Look - So many fans of the Wim Hof Method!"
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A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed...

I gave an emotional speech at my conjunctivitis support group the other day.

There wasn't a dry eye in the room.
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My therapist told me I can't identify my own emotions.

I'm not sure how I feel about that.

The day i got emotional.

I got really emotional at the petrol pump this morning
I don't know why but I just started filling up
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What do you call mixed emotions?

Watching your mother-in-law reverse off a cliff in your brand new car
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Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber...

He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said,"You died in your sleep Ralph."

Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead?No I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!

"St Peter said," I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken."

Ralph...

I read a book the other day about the emotion struggles of an attractive hustler walking down stairs.

The ending was pretty condescending.
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My emotional support animal is a chicken.

A four piece..........with a biscuit
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My neighbor got a diagnosis from a psychiatrist and decided to get an Emotional Support Animal.

His choice? A skunk. His diagnosis? Sociopath.
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Did you hear about the heart warming emotional testimony the molester gave at his trial?

Even the jury was touched.
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After a hour of labor, a woman gives birth to a beautiful baby boy..

Moments after taking his first breath in the real world, the baby looks at the doctor holding him and asks, "Are you my father?" The doctor responds, "No sweet child, I am not your father."

The doctor hands the baby to his mother. As she gazes into his eyes lovingly, the baby asks, "Are you m...

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Come as an emotion party

Two guys from Brooklyn attend a special party in Manhattan. It's a costume party where you are supposed to come dressed up as your emotion. So this guy is dressed in all red because he's angry. Another dude is green, with envy, etc.

So the two guys from Brooklyn walk in. One of them is comple...

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Emotions NSFW

3 dummies decide to go to a party. They arrive at the party and are promptly turned away because it’s a costume party and they are not wearing costumes. Determined to go to the party they go looking for props to make costumes. In the back alley they find a pile of painting supplies, brushes, rollers...

Facebook is like an Emotion Bank

People deposit their feelings to save, but usually gain very little interest.
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An emotionally unstable man walks into a 7-11

He browses the candy section and decides to buy a Snickers bar. His total is $1.29. He pays with a $20 bill and tells the cashier to keep whatever is leftover.

"Are you sure?" The cashier says.

"I don't like change." the man replies.
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My girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me on the grounds that I'm an "emotionally stunted, unfeeling, uncaring piece of shit".

I don't know how I feel about this.

What emotion does a tree feel every spring?

Relief
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Three Jamaican guys were invited to a fancy dress party where people had to dress up as an emotion.

The first one turns up in a dress.

Confused, the host asks, "what are you supposed to be?"

"I"m in distress, mon," he replied.

The second Jamaican guy turns up stark naked but with a teddy bear on his knob.

Even more confused, the host asks, "what are you supposed to ...

What do you call the unit that measures emotions?

A sentimetre.
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Penis jokes! A professor gives his physiology class a spot quiz...

A professor gives his physiology class a spot quiz. One question he asks is, "What part of the human anatomy expands to ten times its normal size during periods of intense emotion and excitement?" He picks a rather overdressed girl in the front row to answer it. "Miss Callahan!" The indicated girl, ...

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A psychology professor starts his lecture by telling the students:

"Today we'll learn about the three stages of human emotion: surprise, irritation, and rage."

With that, he takes his phone out of his pocket, puts it on speaker, and dials a random number.

"Hello, may I please speak to Dave?" says the professor when the other person answers.

"No...

I like my water like I like my emotions.

Bottled
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I get really emotional whenever I see escalators...

Last time I was on one, I found it moving.
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Dear people, don't carry your emotional baggage with you

Use your grief-case
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My girlfriend yelled at me being secretive and emotionally unavailable

I then politely excused myself from the conversation and went to the basement to go work on my project.

I don't know what she was talking about.

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A guy was hosting an "emotion" party for all of his friends.

In the invitation for the party he said that all of his friends should arrive in different outfits that depict different emotions.Everything was normal when some people showed up wearing green for envy, or red for anger. Suddenly two men he had never seen before strutted in completely naked except f...

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Emotion Party (rated M for mature themes)

Jim wanted to spice things up for his 25th birthday party and decided that it should be an Emotion Party. He instructed his guests to come dressed as an emotion.

The first guest to arrive was dressed in green and snarled at Jim.

"I've come as Envy!" the guest declared.

The sec...

I was at an emotional wedding, the cake was in tiers.

Forgive me... but I needed a bad cake joke.. I mean I needed a cake joke bad.
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There's a stereotype that Scottish men are bad at showing their emotions. This isn't true!

I once knew a Scot who loved his wife so much he almost told her!
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If emotional scars were visible...

Porn would be disgusting

Why do Amoung Us characters bottle up their emotions?

Because they get kicked out of the group when they vent.
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The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.

“We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.”

“Well, tell me!” the man said.

The policeman said: “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?”

Fearing the worst, Mr. Wi...
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I'm practicing emotional abstinence

I haven't given a fuck in years

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A man is hosting an emotions party.

In order to get into the party, guests had to be dressed as their favorite emotion.

As the host is getting ready for the party, he hears the doorbell.

He opens the door and sees a couple dressed all in red. The man says, "And what are you supposed to be?"

The couple replies, "...

I was just telling my friend about an emotional time buying a car...

It was a Saab story
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Psychiatry students were in their Emotional Extremes class.

“Let’s set some parameters,” the professor said. “What’s the opposite of joy?” he asked one student.



“Sadness,” he replied.



“The opposite of depression?” he asked
another student.



“Elation,” he replied.



“The opposite of woe?” the prof as...

How many Texas cops does it take to save children from an active shooter?

Still under investigation.







Edit: For those who assume I think any part of this situation is funny... [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black\_comedy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_comedy). Also who gave me a Wholesome award? That's seriously messed up.

Edit ...
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My wife told me I'm an emotional, emotional, insecure coward.

Now I feel depressed. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid she'll leave me any time.

****

Dammit, I spoiled it with the double emotional.
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Emotions Party

A guy decides to throw an emotions themed party and he invites all his friends. He sets up his apartment with snacks, including chips and soda, puts on some good emotional 80s ballads and waits for his friends to arrive.

He hears a knock-knock at the door, goes to open it and sees a person dr...

Why are exclamation points always so emotional?

Because they are always on their period.
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When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits..

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide...

Q: What kind of emotions do noses feel?

*A: Nostalgia!*
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Mickey and Minnie Mouse Are in Divorce Court

The Divorce Court Judge has just finished reviewing Mickey's petition for divorce when he says to Mickey, "Now let me get this straight, you say you want to divorce Minnie Mouse because she's crazy?".

Mickey, visibly upset and very emotional responds to the judge: "No, No, No Your Honor. I d...

This social situation during Covid has been really hard on me emotionally.

Everyone has been so distant.
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What do you call an emotional train?

A self-steam engine.
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I joined an emotional support group for people without pets...

But they kicked me out for talking about my felines.
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Heard the body paint store now has some color mixes named after emotions

Well, color me surprised!

also English is not my first language and I am really proud of that shitty joke

Trump received a conference call from his Top General in Iraq.

General: "This morning, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

Trump's face went Egg shell White. The blood left his face and to every ones amazement he collapsed on the floor.

Minutes passed and to every ones relief President Trump sat back on his chair

His staff was nothing less t...
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The emotional story of a dog's death:

Heartworming
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Why is the earth so emotionally unstable?

It’s a natural effect of being bipolar.
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I found out today that I have an identical twin brother. I got very emotional when we finally met.

I was beside myself.
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What part of the leg understands your emotions?

The empathighs.
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Found a surprisingly emotional pornographic film today.

It was a real tear jerker!

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What do you call a sexually ambiguous camera with emotional issues?

A bi-polaroid.

My girlfriend complained that I was too emotionally distant...

I said "you don't know me!"
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