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What does 90 year old pussy taste like?

Depends.

What do you call a caviar taste test?

An Eggs-amination!

Did you hear the story about the guy who couldn’t see, hear, smell, feel, or taste?

It made no sense.

Companies are bragging about making plants taste like meat....

...Cows have been doing that forever.

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My wife asked me whats her clitoris taste like

I said its a hard question, cant really put my finger on it

Which tastes better, sheep's milk or cow's milk?

My stepmother's.

non-alcoholic beer tastes like...

... licking your sister. Tastes right but something is wrong

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They say pineapple juice makes your cum taste better.

But for me, it just ruins the pineapple juice.

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[NSFW] Gordon Ramsey: "F***ing hell, this tastes like someone shat on a piece of meat and then served it raw. What the f*** are you thinking asking me to eat this?"

"Gordon, if you don't want to give me oral sex, just say so. Don't make a production out of it." - His wife.

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Bad taste

Girlfriend told me she wanted something long, hard and full of cum for her birthday. So I gave her one of my old socks from under the bed

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If it looks like shit, smells like shit, and taste like shit...

You have gone too far to identify!

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What does oral sex taste like to senior citizens?

Depends

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A man walks into a bar...

...he approaches the barman and asks for a whiskey and coke.

"Take this apple."

"I don't want an apple. I want a JD and coke."

"Trust me, try the apple."

The man takes a bite, and exclaims "Christ! This tastes like Jack Daniels!"

"Yup. Turn it around."

"Wow!...

I tried to make a joke about someone who can't see, hear, taste, smell, or feel anything.

I realized it was senseless.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could taste Jill's candy.

Jack got a shock with a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name was Randy.

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Masturbation is a touchy subject...

...whereas oral sex is a matter of taste.

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Scientist walks into bar with an apple...

He sits down and the bartender says, "what's the apple for?" Scientist says "I made this apple taste like a screwdriver. Here, try it."
The bartender grabs it and takes a bite. "Woah! Tastes like vodka!"
"Turn it around," the scientist says. The bartender turns it around and takes another bite...

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I can never go back

A mature woman goes to the doctor and asks his
help to revive her man's sex drive.

"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.

"Not a chance" says Mrs. Murphy.

"He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."

"No problem" replies the doctor. "Drop it into his coff...

I got invited to a bad taste halloween party. I was going to go as a suicide victim.

But decided to go as Jeffrey Epstein instead.

What do you call a gremlin addicted to the taste of blood?

A hemogoblin

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I caught my sister masturbating with a carrot.

I was going to eat that later but it will only taste like a carrot now

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Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.

Wisdom is knowing that tomato doesn't belong in a fruit salad.

Charisma is convincing people to eat the fruit salad anyway.

Constitution is not barfing when your fruit salad tastes of tomato.

Dexterity is hiding your fruit salad in the potted plant.

Strength is smacking t...

Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer

One turns to the other and asks, "\*does this taste funny to you?\*"

The other responds, "\*no.\*"

What does breast milk taste like?

Umami.

Why do moon rocks taste better than earth rocks?

Because they're meteor.

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What is the difference between Bud Light and a woman’s clitoris?

The clit only tastes like piss for a second.

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You know what elderly pussy tastes like?

Eh... Depends

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Vagina flavor lollipop

A street vendor was shouting "Vagina flavor lollipops, get your vagina flavor lollipops here!"

A man approaches and says "This can't be real, but I'll have one please" the man licks it.
"Uugh.. This taste like shit!"

"Turn it around" says the vendor

So a couple of farmers are standing around talking. One goes you know, "I had a bull who just wouldn't breed anything, so I took him to the vet and she gave me some pills to give to him. Well he bred all of my cows and jumped the fence and bred all of the neighbors cows!"

The other farmer looked at him and asked what kind of pills they were and the first one responds, "I don't know, but they kinda taste like mint."

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A man is driving when he notices a new bar has opened up

He decides he could use a drink, so he walks in and takes a seat at the bar. He is greeted by the bartender who promptly asks him what he would like to drink. “I’ll take a... I’ll do a Crown and 7-Up,” the man says. The bartender nods his head in acknowledgement, does a quick search under the counte...

Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake

It just takes more commitment

A taste of Russian humor

Ivan had worked at the wheelbarrow factory for as long as anyone could remember, and the day of his retirement had finally arrived. He was well respected and even liked by all his coworkers, and his boss wanted to give him his last farewell at the end of his last day while he was walking out, so he...

A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey

When the barman serves it up, he takes it out to the bench in front of the bar to drink it.

As he's enjoying his drink, a nun walks by, and glares at him sourly. "How can you pollute your soul with the Devil's drink like that?" she asks.

The man shrugs. "It's not the Devil, it's just w...

Medical advances these days are absolutely crazy. They've found ways to activate taste buds in people who were born without the sense. Surprisingly most people don't like it at first.

Its an acquired taste.

They say yoghurts have tastes from around the world.

Because they're well cultured

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Trying to outcheat the quack

### A quack posted a sign on his place which said "Can treat all kinds of illneses for $100. If I can't, I'll pay you $100"

A guy tried his luck and went inside.


Guy: hey doc, my sense of taste is messed up


Quack: Okay. Let me get the medicine from the second shelf a...

A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.

He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,
"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.

It would taste better if you bought one...

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A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist, Linda, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.

Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably.

The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So one of the ladies approached Linda very discreetly about the problem, and told her to m...

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I went to the doctor...

I went to see the doctor the other day. Turns out my new doctor is a drop dead gorgeous brunette.

I was embarrassed but she said “don’t worry, I’m a professional - I’ve seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll check it out.”

I said “my wife thinks my dick tastes funny.”

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A man with a lisp went on a blind date to a heavy metal concert

Paul had been ridiculed all his life for having a lisp. As a kid, he was bullied in school. As an adult, he caught coworkers making fun of him when they thought he couldn't hear. He would even notice cashiers trying to stifle their laughter. No woman would ever go out with him, and he felt resigned ...

Being racist is like saying you don't like red skittles

They may be a different colour but they still taste about the same

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My wife said my stew was too salty, was far too watery and left her with a strange metallic after taste.

Bitch... I put my blood, sweat and tears into that dish.

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Classic Joke for your taste

The first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. ...

I accidentally drank from a co-workers coffee cup. It tasted horrible.

It was not my cup of tea.

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A priest hooks a huge fish

A priest hooks a huge fish

Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!".

"Hey, mind your language!" says the priest.

Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a Fucker fish".<...

How can you tell an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer apart?

By the taste.

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At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.

The drunk tried it and said, “It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acc...

Why don’t foot fetishists ever win anything?

Because they like the taste of defeat.

Why did the cannibal throw the disabled kid in a tub of hot water

Coz vegetables taste better when they’re boiled

What element tastes the best?

Tungsten.

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If ass tasted like cookies, would you be willing to eat ass?

Maybe, but you’d never be able to look the same way again at Cookie Monster.

A nom nom nom nom.

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My Wife's vagina tastes like a tropical fruit.

She'll let any mango in there.

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A man walks into a bar

The man sits at the bar and orders 9 glasses of scotch
-That's a lot of scotch,are you celebrating something,sir?" asks the bartender

-It was my first blowjob. anwsers the man

-Oh,congratulations! So 9 glasses of scotch?"

-Yeah,this should help me get rid of the taste...

What does pure gold taste like?

Crunchy. Because it is comprised of 24 carrots.

Today my coffee tasted cruddy.

So I came up to the waitress by me and said, “excuse me, but my coffee tastes like mud.”

“It should!” She replied. “It’s fresh ground.”

What did the Swiss man do after working 35 years as a Pepsi taste tester?

Peeecolaaa

I gave my Ex a taste of her own medicine.

My ex's car broke down and she called to ask for help.
I went out and took a look at and left without telling her what was wrong.

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A bloke walks into a bar and

Orders six shots of Jager.
Barman asks "Are you celebrating something?"
Bloke says " Yeah my first blowjob!"
Barman says "Here I'll buy you one"
Bloke says "Nah that's ok, if six won't get rid of the taste nothing will!"

Why does Edam have such a unique taste?

Because it's made backwards

What does baby wookie taste like?

A little chewie.

Is it true that cannibals won’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

No, because clowns are inhuman and it doesn’t count as cannibalisim.

 However, if a clown eats another clown - that is clownibalisim.

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Man plops down at the bar and

orders 12 dry martinis.

"Big occassion?" asks the bartender.

"First blowjob" says the man.

"and if 12 martinis can't get the taste out of my mouth nothing will."

Your taste buds change every month. Want proof? Follow these steps.

1. Take a piece of bread or a fruit of your choice.

2. Take a bite of said food.

3. Wait a month.

4. Take another bite of that *same* piece of food.

If all goes correctly, you should have tasted something different.

I edited my pig's genes to make it taste better

you might even say the bacon is CRISPR

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I've been told that my dick tastes like bacon...

But for me, the real story there is that my dog can talk.

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3 boys are lost in a forest and find a cabin

They knock on the cabin’s door and an old man answers. The kids ask the old man if they can stay there for the night and the old man says “Why of course you can. There’s one rule though. Do not open this closet” the old man points to a door. “If you do there will be consequences!”

The kids, ...

Apparently many cannibals agree that people that have been in multiple shipwrecks taste better.

You could say that they prefer seasoned survivors.

I always wondered why gun barrels tasted salty

Until I realized I'm always crying when I put one in my mouth

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Women close to Elon have said his semen taste kind of like BBQ.

They describe it as a “salty musk skeet”.

What's red and tastes like blue food coloring?

Red food coloring.

"You don't need to know what makes this burger taste so good"

- said an anonymous sauce.

How to Sell a Toothbrush

The top toothbrush salesman at the company was asked by his boss how he managed to sell so many brushes.

He replied “It’s easy” and he pulled out his card table, setting his display of brushes on top.

He told his boss, I lay the brushes out like this, and then I put out some potato chi...

Roses are red, the sky is pink

This water tastes funny
Nice to meet you I live in flint

Why do people not like clownfish?

Because they taste funny.

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My dicks like a pickle

Its bumpy

Has a sour taste

And my niece always takes it out of the burger

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

They taste funny

Dad joke a la meatball

I was recently out with some friends at a buffet restaurant.

I ate this Swedish meatball and said, "This tastes more Norwegian to me."

My friend replied immediately, "How could you possibly know that?"

I replied, "I was going to tell you, but you didn't let me Finnish!"

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And for my next trick, I will dissapear

Fuck you pear, you taste like shit

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How do you like THEM apples

A guy sits down at the bar, and asks for a Rum & Coke

The bartender plops an apple in front of him.

"But I wanted a drink"

The bartender says "Just try it."

The guy bites into the apple, and says "Wow, this tastes just like rum!"

"Turn it around," says the bart...

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I was served what I thought was horse meat but I'm not sure about it

It tastes like ass.

Client: Waiter, please come taste my soup.

Waiter: Is there anything wrong with it sir? Want me to take it back to the chef?

Client: No, I just want you to taste my soup.

Waiter: But there's no spoon on the table.

Client: Exactly!

What’s 7 and a half inches long, white, and tastes funny?

An expired Zero bar.

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A Man says to his wife, get ready, you me and the dog are going fishing.

Wife says I don't want to go. Man gives her 3 choices. Fishing, Blow job or take it up the arse. Wife picks blow job. After sucking for a while she say, your cock taste like shit. He says I know, the dog didn't want to go fishing either.

Why did the farmer's coffee taste like dirt?

Because it was ground that morning.

What do you call something that looks like pasta, and tastes like pasta, but isn't pasta?

An impasta.

What does incest taste like?

Oooh mammy

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The worse things taste, the better they are for you.

Ever tried vaccines? They taste like shit.

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What did the vampire say after drinking the donkey's blood?

Tastes like ass.

I can't believe people don't eat the crust like wtf it's part of the food, it's fantastic!

Even if it doesn't taste the same as the rest of the watermelon

A man goes to a bar

This bar has a different bartender depending on which type of drink you prefer.

The man asks a waiter near the door if he could get a quick tour. It's quite busy so each bartender has a line of people already waiting.

The waiter points to the first bartender and says, "This is the line...

What did the person with horrible music taste say to the person who stole their coin?

Hey can I have my nickelback?

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

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A man invented a cookie

A man involved a cookie that tasted like pussy. He took the cookie to his buddy to get him to try it. The friend took one bite of it, and spit it out.

The friend yelled, "this cookie tastes like shit." The man calmly says, "then flip it over."

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