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Knowledge Jokes

Knowledge!!!

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
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Knowledge is like underwear, you need to have it but you don't need to show it

but people always want to be the superman
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Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.

Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
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Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK.

It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet...
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A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"

Her friend asked, "What's the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."
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My poor knowledge of Greek mythology...

...has always been my Achilles' elbow.
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Knowledge is Power

They always say knowledge is power, but I'm pretty sure I can beat up Stephen Hawking.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Local knowledge

A cocky young lad applied for a forklift job at a local firm based in his home town.
A migrant worker applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.
When the results we...

How does knowledge get spread around an Army base?

It goes from being Private Information to General Information
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Dear Dad, $chool i$ great. I’m making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying hard. I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on

Dear Son,
I kNOw astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, Dad
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If the government is covering up knowledge of aliens,

they are doing a better job of it than they do at anything else.
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Know-it-alls think themselves a fountain of knowledge. In truth they are an oil spill of knowledge...

Unwelcome and hard to get rid of.
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Knowledge is knowing that pineapples are not a type of apple

Wisdom is knowing not to put them on pizza.
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TIL the people most knowledgeable about something

Are not the people that work in that industry, but their customers who have done a little online reading. /s
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If you have semi good knowledge of science this might be funny to you.

Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein and Blaise Pascal were playing hide and seek. Albert was seeking, Newton and Pascal were hiding. When Albert goes out to seek he finds Isaac outside where he has drawn a square around himself. Albert asks Newton "What kind of hiding place is that Newton?" and Newton rep...
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Seven wise men, with knowledge so fine, made something special of their design.

The first was a butcher, all full of wit. With some meat and a knife, he made a small slit.

The second, a blacksmith, quite strong and quite bold, hit the slit with a hammer and made a hole.

The third was a tailor, quite tall and quite thin. With a piece of red ribbon, he lined it with...
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What’s the best way to check Reddit’s knowledge of dad jokes?

A Pop quiz
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How good is your knowledge of Demodicidae?

Jeff: Do you want to hear a demo, dex?



Dex: Eye Mite.
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Why don’t we pronounce k in knowledge

We haven’t acknowledged it yet

I’ll walk myself out
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

general knowledge quiz

Teacher: "Good morning children, each Thursday we're going to have a general knowledge quiz.

The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday."

Wee Jock (a typical Scottish wag) thinks, "Ya dancer. Ah'm pure dead brilliant at ...

An old man, a schoolboy, a lawyer, a doctor, and a community service worker are all on a plane with only four parachutes when...

The pilot of the plane has a stroke and passes away. As the plane plummets its passengers to death the five members of the aircraft argue over who deserve to have the four bags containing the parachutes.

Social Worker: I deserve to live because I protect vulnerable children and support famili...
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What do you call an assassin with a massive amount of general human knowledge?

John Wickipedia
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I really need to upgrade my knowledge about a particular herb.

It's about thyme.
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The limit to my knowledge of the French language, is knowing the word for 'egg'

That's an oeuf
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The Geography of a Woman:

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile, and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like the USA. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain. Very hot, r...
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What do you call it when the goddess of knowledge as no friends?

Pal-less Athena
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Knowledge is knowing that Frankenstein is not the monster

SparkNotes is knowing that Frankenstein *is* the monster.
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My medical knowledge and Spanish is pretty much the same.

Just enough to start a conversation that ends with me getting a rare disease.
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"Knowledge is a weapon" said Terry Goodkind

which is why the cops can shoot you for holding a book
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A Greek philosopher’s lecture on knowledge was really confusing and frustrating.

Episteme off.
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When I said you were a suppository of knowledge

I meant you were great at talking out your ass
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Blind Pilots

Two men dressed in pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle of the aircraft. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.


Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit the door closes, and th...

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Apparently nazis have a skewed knowledge of world history

Ask any of them how ww2 went and they say it was all reich.

What do you call a fish who is very knowledgeable and enthusiastic about an activity, subject, or pastime?

An aficionado!
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In Greek mythology, Chiron was known for his knowledge and skill with medicine

One could even call him the Centaur for Disease Control.

He was a big believer in herd immunity.
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My poor knowledge of Mexican food has always been my chilaquiles heel.

You didn't even have to click through to get the punchline.
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My boss fired me because of my lack of knowledge in regards to the workplace.

After a few hours I finally found the exit.
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I was going to write a book about my knowledge of tea..

But i decided against it since it would only be a Novel Tea.
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Once Prince Philip went to China. That time most of the Chinese had poor knowledge in English.

One of the Chinese ministers welcomed Prince Philip. A written copy of probable welcome conversation was given to the minister. What was written there?

Minister: Welcome to China.

Philip: Thank you.

Minister: How are you?

Philip: Good. You?

Minister: Me too.
...
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An old joke from my childhood that is sadly relevant again.

**Bert and Ernie had worked together as radio hosts for twenty years.**

They traded jokes, played pop music and generally made people's lives a touch brighter as they trundled to work.

In one of the breaks they received a Fax. Ernie picked up the page and was in shock. Ernie silentl...
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I wanted to say something informative and knowledgeable about the electoral process,

but then realized that 48% of the people that view it might not understand and then demand I repeat it.
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How do dolphins and whales pass down and share knowledge through the generations?

Via podcasts, naturally.
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Three nuns die and arrive in heaven

Three nuns arrive in heaven. Peter is standing at the gates, and he welcomes them into heaven, but tells them before they can enter they must answer a question.

Peter comes to the first nun and asks “what was the name of the first man on earth ?”

“Oh that’s an easy one!” the nun say...
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A teacher ask his students, what would you pick between a bag of money or knowledge?

Student: The bag of money!

Teacher: No you dumbass! Don't you know that knowledge is worth more than money?

Student: Alright, so what would you pick then Sir?

Teacher: Knowledge of course!

Student: Well I guess we always want what we can't have.
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Interviewer: So what are your strengths and weaknesses. Me: I have a decent sense of humor but my General Knowledge is not so good.

Interviewer: Ok, then tell us a joke.

Me: Knock Knock.

Interviewer: Who?

Me: 2nd US President.

Interviewer: 2nd US President who?

Me: Like I said, my General knowledge isn't good.
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Despite an extensive knowledge of the inter workings of mathematics, the expert mathematician’s favorite equation was 1+2...

That horny bastard just couldn’t get enough of that three sum.

Even though I'm a nerd, I don't really embrace the notion of complete and perfect knowledge of canon, but I'll admit I was pretty embarrassed when I lost all credibility in a discussion on Chewbacca when I inadvertently spelled it with a K.

It was a Wookie mistake.
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A cheating husband decided to write a letter to his wife.

"My Dear Wife,



You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, as a 54 year-old, can no longer satisfy. I'm very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. However, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the...
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I live in knowledge that no matter what I do, there is someone who will always remember me and follow me through my entire life.

The taxman.
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A sufficiently advanced society has synthesized all human knowledge

in pill form. So an undergraduate goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist if he has history, economics, and literature. The pharmacist disappears into the back. When he returns, he has three little boxes and says

"Here, take this purple one for all of human history—from the origins all...
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I'm going to become a fortune teller, and I went to buy a crystal ball from a mystic...

The mystic said, "always cover it with a black cloth when you're not using it."

I asked, "oh because it may invoke spirits without my knowledge?" "Of course not" she said.

I asked "oh because the neighbors might see and brand me a heretic?" "Not that either" she said.

I asked...

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So a man wakes up one morning wildly late for work...

Realizing the time, he threw on some clothes and ran out the door as fast as he could. He hops in his car and speeds off, driving much faster than he should have been. During his ride, he goes beneath an overpass, where a police officer happened to be parked that day. Noticing the maniac speeding do...

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A business man is leaving his wife for a week and has concerns about her straying while away.

He visits a number of adult toy stores looking for something that will keep his wife "busy" while he's gone. After hours of searching he eventually stumbles into a Chinese Herb and Erotic Tincture shop in Chinatown. After telling the old man running the store of his dilemma, the old shopkeeper think...

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...
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Hot dog

(Half of this joke is translated from another language so i don't know if it's as good as the original when told in English)

Two foreigners come to United States for the first time.

They have very little knowledge about U.S. culture,

So they stop at a fast food place.

...
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Einstein gets on a plane.

He knows it's a long flight, so he turns to the man next to him and says,

"Its a long flight, why dont we play a game? I'll ask you a question, and if you cant answer it, you give me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I cant answer it, I give you $100."

The man agrees, so Einstein ...
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An emoloyee was asked a question by the boss…

“What do you think is the biggest problem in our company? Is it the lack of knowledge or the lack of interest?”

To which he replied: “I don’t know and to be honest, I don’t care.”
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:
'Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send three well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress unifor...

After persuading Adam and Eve to eat the Forbidden Fruit, the Serpent decides to ask God something

"Hey, God, I just ruined Adam and Eve's lives! I got them to eat the Fruit that you specifically asked them not to eat!"

"Ok."

"I gotta ask though, why did you not want to them to eat it? Why do you care if they have knowledge of Good and Evil? Is it because you want to be the only one...
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Why is r/Jokes like history?

Despite knowledge of the past, it still repeats itself.
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A man climbed a mountain in search of the legendary Monk of the Moon, said to be the wisest man to ever live...

The man explored the mountainside until he found the monk's cave. "Oh, great Monk of the Moon, what is the meaning of life?"

The monk turned around and lowered his pants. A voice came from his rear end. "One day, your life will end. What you do with that knowledge determines your life's mea...
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Two mathematicians were having dinner in a restaurant, ...

... arguing about the average mathematical knowledge of the American public. One mathematician
claimed that this average was woefully inadequate, the other maintained that
it was surprisingly high.


"I'll tell you what," said the cynic, "ask that waitress a simple math que...
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A tourist returning from an extended trip was about to cross the last river on the way to the railroad station for home

"Say, cap'n," he said, as he stepped timidly into the rickety old craft, "this boat seems very shaky; was anybody ever lost in her?"

"Not to my knowledge," replied the boatman. "There was three men drowned from her last Thursday, but we found them all the next day."
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Positive quote on living with Schizophrenia disorder

There is always someone there who cares for you without your knowledge
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Little Johnny asked his teacher a question.

"If there were two doors where one of them led to unlimited money and the second one ked ti a path guiding to knowledge, which one would you choose Mrs. P?"


Mrs. P: Obviously, the door with the knowledge.


Johnny: I would go for the door with unlimited money since one only w...
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