I live in knowledge that no matter what I do, there is someone who will always remember me and follow me through my entire life.

The taxman.

Knowledge is knowing than a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is knowing you shouldn’t put it a fruit salad.....

humor is doing it anyway.

A Greek philosopher’s lecture on knowledge was really confusing and frustrating.

Episteme off.

Why don’t we pronounce k in knowledge

We haven’t acknowledged it yet

I’ll walk myself out

How do dolphins and whales pass down and share knowledge through the generations?

Via podcasts, naturally.

Salary Theorem: The less you know, the more you earn (PROVEN INSIDE!!)

“Salary Theorem” states that “Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People.”

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:
1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Time is Money.

As every ...

Knowledge is knowing that Frankenstein is not the monster

SparkNotes is knowing that Frankenstein *is* the monster.

I have a degree in the design and mechanics of television controllers

I don't know what I'm going to do with this remote knowledge.

My medical knowledge and Spanish is pretty much the same.

Just enough to start a conversation that ends with me getting a rare disease.

A teacher ask his students, what would you pick between a bag of money or knowledge?

Student: The bag of money!

Teacher: No you dumbass! Don't you know that knowledge is worth more than money?

Student: Alright, so what would you pick then Sir?

Teacher: Knowledge of course!

Student: Well I guess we always want what we can't have.

Knowledge is Power

When I was young my father said to me:
"Knowledge is Power....Francis Bacon"
I understood it as "Knowledge is power, France is Bacon".
For more than a decade I wondered over the meaning of the second part and what was the surreal linkage between the two? If I said the quote to someone, "Kno...

I really need to upgrade my knowledge about a particular herb.

It's about thyme.

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my....

......Achilles elbow

In Greek mythology, Chiron was known for his knowledge and skill with medicine

One could even call him the Centaur for Disease Control.

He was a big believer in herd immunity.

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"No Jews Allowed"

A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:

'Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send...

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Guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer.

The bartender asks why he looks so glum. "I've been searching everywhere for the legendary tower of knowledge, but it doesnt seem to exist." "Legendary tower of knowledge huh", asks the bartender, "I've never heard of anything like that, what it supposed to be?" "Well, it's supposed to be like a bib...

When I said you were a suppository of knowledge

I meant you were great at talking out your ass

Knowledge is Power

They always say knowledge is power, but I'm pretty sure I can beat up Stephen Hawking.

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Despite an extensive knowledge of the inter workings of mathematics, the expert mathematician’s favorite equation was 1+2...

That horny bastard just couldn’t get enough of that three sum.

Knowledge

I swallowed a dictionary....it gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had. -credit goes to my 80 yo grandmother

"Knowledge is a weapon" said Terry Goodkind

which is why the cops can shoot you for holding a book

My boss fired me because of my lack of knowledge in regards to the workplace.

After a few hours I finally found the exit.

How to DoS someone without any tech knowledge

Steal all their shirts and shoes

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general knowledge quiz

Teacher: "Good morning children, each Thursday we're going to have a general knowledge quiz.

The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday."

Wee Jock (a typical Scottish wag) thinks, "Ya dancer. Ah'm pure dead brilliant at ...

Never stop seeking knowledge. It is how we grow as a society.

But if you do, go ahead and run for office.

Know-it-alls think themselves a fountain of knowledge. In truth they are an oil spill of knowledge...

Unwelcome and hard to get rid of.

My poor knowledge of Mexican food has always been my chilaquiles heel.

You didn't even have to click through to get the punchline.

Knowledge is knowing that papers are best written with alcohol and edited with caffeine.

Wisdom is realizing that this does not make a Jagerbomb a study tool

I was going to write a book about my knowledge of tea..

But i decided against it since it would only be a Novel Tea.

A sufficiently advanced society has synthesized all human knowledge

in pill form. So an undergraduate goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist if he has history, economics, and literature. The pharmacist disappears into the back. When he returns, he has three little boxes and says

"Here, take this purple one for all of human history—from the origins all...

One professor of mathematics noticed that his kitchen sink at his home broke down.

He called a plumber. The plumber came on the next day, sealed a few screws and everything was working as before.

The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked.

"This is one third of my monthly salary !" he yelled.

Well, a...

The Geography of a Woman

The Geography of a Woman

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is li...

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Three men, Joe, Bro, and Buddy, all lived in a small town.

One day, Joe went hunting alone, and for the next few days no one heard from him. About a week afterwards, a body was found and brought into the coroner’s office.

The coroner, after thoroughly examining the body, needed a positive identification in order to verify that the body was indeed Jo...

Three organized weaklings defeat an army of barbarians.

When asked how they did it, they responded:

"You know what they say, knowledge is power."

The people still didn't understand, so the trio explained it further:

"Well, you see, we were in formation"

Just heard this variation on an oldie!

A hat maker was trying to sell his hats on a hot summers day. After having no luck for 4 hours under the sun, he decided to take a short rest underneath a gigantic tree. He set his briefcase of hats down, took one out to cover his face, and laid down on the grass. With the shade from his hat and the...

Why 'business' people continue to earn more than people who actually work :

Time is money (time=money), and knowledge is power( knowledge=power)

we know that power is work done/time

solving,

power=work done/money

but knowledge=power

hence

we have money=work done/knowledge

which means, in the limiting case, as knowledge -&...

The Bee Joke

Once, there was a bee who lived in a very complex bee hive. All the bees residing in this hive lived very happily with their own tasks and aspirations. However, this particular bee, named Bart, was quite special. He was an incredibly intelligent bee who matured and learned far faster than his bee pe...

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So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle.

This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, ...

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A long time ago, every village used to have its own scribe.

The scribes were the only people who knew how to read and write, and were enormously respected. They were considered the heads of each village, and helped out in the daily governing.

Well, the scribe of one of the villages had grown quite old, and was too tired to help every day. He got him...

An arrogant professor boards a plane and gets a seat besides an old man.

Mid-flight, the professor decides to humiliate the old man and prove he’s intellectually superior, so he turns to him and says: “Hey, do you want to play a little game with me?” The old man looks at him and says: “Depends. What type of game?”

The professor goes on to explain the game: “Taking...

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Famous people answer the ubiquitous question, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

**TEACHER**: To get to the other side.


**PLATO**: For the greater good.


**ARISTOTLE**: It is in the nature of chickens to cross roads.


**SOCRATES**: Why do you think the chicken crossed the road?


**HIPPOCRATES**: Because of an excess of phlegm in i...

So, a dude hits on a girl he had a crush on for a while.

Him: Damn, girl! Are you New York City??
Her: Lol, no. Why?
Him: Cos you're looking very NYC today.

After Dating for a month:

Him: Damn, girl! Are you a newspaper?
Her: Uh, lemme guess, you think I'm the storehouse of knowledge?
Him: Nah, there's a new issue with ya every d...

Einstein met an Indian guy on a flight.

It was a flight, that was supposed to take about 20hrs to reach, it was a very long flight.

In the plane, Einstein was seated next to an Indian guy, who was about to have a nap.

The flight was very long, so naturally Einstein was bored.

As restless as Einstein's mind was, he ask...

Two mathematicians were having dinner in a restaurant, ...

... arguing about the average mathematical knowledge of the American public. One mathematician
claimed that this average was woefully inadequate, the other maintained that
it was surprisingly high.


"I'll tell you what," said the cynic, "ask that waitress a simple math que...

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven.

He proceeds through the Pearly Gates, and is confronted by God, in all his glory.

God - “With my everlasting knowledge, you may ask me any question, and I shall fulfill you with the answer.”

Conspiracy Theorist - “God, I have to know, who really assassinated JFK?

God - “well, t...

God and it's Presidents

God recently was looking for humble person, who in an unselfish way with great self-knowledge could help God on Earth make America great again.

Bush, Obama and Trump was invited and went for the job interview with God

God asks Bush: “What do you believe in?” Bush answers: “I believe in...

I was watching the Ted Bundy tapes on Netflix

When he was first arrested, the police departments from the different states got together in a hotel to have a conference and share knowledge with each other.


It was the world’s first Ted Talk.

A man is in hospital, in need of a heart transplant

However, the decision weighs on his mind as he knows he has lived most of his life and thinks that there may be others who need the heart more than him.

Soon, night has fell but he still has not made a definite decision on whether or not he should take the heart, and still without an answer h...

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A man goes to see a Tibetan monk with a existential question.

"I've been wondering about something... If I shave my asshole am I gay ?" asks the curious man


The enlightened monk takes some time to think and respond with his near infinite knowledge
"If you clean your house, it means that you are expecting visits."

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A man is lost in the desert...

A man is lost wandering in the desert. After pushing as hard as he could, his horse has died, and he is near to death himself, when along comes a missionary. The missionary, having come extra prepared in case he should come across a poor weary soul, has brought enough food, water, and an extra horse...

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A young native American boy visits his father, the chief of the village

After a few minutes of casual discussion, the wise chief could tell the boy was upset, so he finally asks "My son, what troubles you?"

Reluctantly, the boy answers "I... seek your knowledge, father."

Smiling proudly at his son's quest for improvement, he eagerly agrees, "Of course, my...

One day an old dog lost his way while chasing rabbits.

Soon he noticed a lion in the distance running towards him with a hungry look in his eye.

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, the dog immediately settled down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the lion was about to leap, the old dog exclaimed, "That wa...

If boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider...

and girls go to college to get more knowledge... does that mean that ladies go to hades when they have babies?... this would explain a lot about pregnancy

The longest joke of all time

It is a dark and stormy night. A man, let's call him Markus, has been driving on a treacherous mountain road, when his car breaks down. He steps out of his car and opens the hood, hoping to find the source of the problem, but to no avail. Not wanting to sleep in his car, he decides to hike up the re...

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The creation of a pussy

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,

Created a pussy to their design.

First was a butcher, with smart wit,

Using a knife,he gave it a slit,

Second was a carpenter, strong and bold,

With a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole,

Third was a tailor, tall and t...

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Once there was a boy in Alabama who loved trains.

It was his life, he’d get his dad to take him to train shows, play with them at home, read books about them in elementary school, the works. In high school he studied and kept his GPA high so he’d be able to go for his dreams: to be a train conductor. Upon graduating high school he got accepted int...

So why do you think you qualify for this interrogation position?

Me: I posses expert knowledge on this topic that allows me to always discover the truth.

Interviewer: And what is that knowledge?

Me: Look at the hips

Interviewer: Why would that help?

Me: Hips don't lie

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So a man wakes up one morning wildly late for work...

Realizing the time, he threw on some clothes and ran out the door as fast as he could. He hops in his car and speeds off, driving much faster than he should have been. During his ride, he goes beneath an overpass, where a police officer happened to be parked that day. Noticing the maniac speeding do...

My friends call me 'Curiosity'

Not because I'm always seeking knowledge, but because I kill cats.

An idiot goes walking through the woods...

After a short time, he realizes he is hopelessly lost. He gets hungry, but with no knowledge of a way to gain food, he decides to resort to cannablism. He begins to eat his arm, but soon finds he is satisfied and no longer hungry. This idiot in the woods was full of himself.

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The Physics Student

Some time ago, I received a call from a colleague who asked if I would be the referee on the grading of an
examination question. He was about to give a student a zero for her answer to a physics question, while the student
claimed she should be given a perfect score and would, if the system we...

The rapper and the artifact

A very famous artifact recovered from an old monastery had been set for auction, with the promise that the money would go to an orphanage supported by the same monastery. This artifact was one of a kind, nobody knew exactly what it was but they knew that it was incredibly rare. Very few people knew ...

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A boy walks in on his father in the shower.

"What's that?" He asks. "This is a penis, son," his father replies. "In fact," he continues, deciding to boast: "This is the world's most perfect penis." The son then leaves.

Later, the boy is playing outside with his sister when he has to pee, so he goes over to a tree and pulls down his pa...

Twitter has banned "foreign spy" as hate speech.

The acceptable term is "undocumented knowledge worker."

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A man buys a motorcycle

The salesman hands over a tube of vaseline. "If it starts raining, coat your seat with it. It will protect the leather from water damage."

The man decides to take his new motorcycle down some country roads in the middle of nowhere. Several hours from the nearest big city, his new ride breaks ...

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A Gargoyle, A Jinn, and A Dark Shaman are hanging out in a cemetery...

A gargoyle a jinn and a dark shaman are hanging out in a cemetery, close to midnight.

The shaman turns to the jinn and says,
"I bet my soul against your eternal servitude, that I can raise more corpses freshly dead within the past 10 years, than you can steal the souls of the living by gra...

Husband leaves letter for wife

My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the eveni...

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Stevie Wonder's playing an intimate gig in a little Japanese club. Before he starts he asks for any requests.

A little Japanese man at the front jumps up and down shouting "Pray a Jazz Chord! Pray a Jazz Chord!"

Impressed by the little man's knowledge of his musical history and prowess, Stevie and the band crack into a 5 minute Jazz extravaganza in F#.

As they finish the little man is stil...

A Mother superior and two novices were killed in a bus crash.

They soon found themselves at the pearly gates. St. Peter greeted all three.

"Welcome sisters, Mother superior. What a great honor to have you here." he said. Then a little more softly, he said.

"Unfortunately, we've had a few people slipping into heaven disguised as nuns. I'm afraid ...

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A woman decides to go on a photo safari in Africa. She takes her pet dachshund along for company.

One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies, and before long the little dog discovers it’s lost.

Suddenly the dog sees a hungry leopard bounding toward it. The dachshund thinks, I’m in deep trouble now!

But then it notices some bones on the ground and immediately settles down to ...

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The fastest thing in the world

Three old rednecks were sitting in their favorite bar. They'd been drinking for awhile when they started a lively debate on what the fastest thing in the world could be.

The first redneck says, "Well, I think the fastest thing in the world is thinking. 'Cause I can think 'bout a million thoug...

3 men were sentenced to death by firing.

The day of the execution came, and the firing squad leads the men to the execution grounds.

 

Now, this firing squad was rather well-known to be the most gullible group around, and it’s due to this knowledge that the first man started to hatch a cunning plan to escape.

...

Do you know why the chicken crossed the road?

I thought not. It's not a story the Cities would tell you. It's a Farmers legend. The Chicken was a Dark Lord of the Farm land, so powerful and so wise he could use the cluck to influence the midifarmians to create eggs... The Chicken had such a knowledge of the cluck that he could even keep the one...

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Businessman in Japan

So an American businessman had a trip to Japan where he was to have a meeting with Japanese company CEO.

So when he arrived to Tokyo, he decided to hire a local prostitute to blow some steam off the night before the meeting. As they were doing it, he noticed she constantly screamed ''Machigat...

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician enter a competition

The goal is to surround 10 sheeps with the minimum amount of wood to be used as fence.

The engineer goes first. Armed with the knowledge that the best perimeter to area is a circle, gathers the sheep together and build a circular fence around them.

The crowd goes crazy! That is unbeata...

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I can see the future....

A man walks into his local pub for a pint after work. After being served his drink, he turns to find a table to sit down and enjoy his pint.
There are two tables free, one near the entrance and another towards the back. He opts for the one near the entrance, sits down, and takes a nice refreshing...

[LONG] A man is trying to land his dream job of being a barber...

For months he’s been studying proper haircutting technique. He has painstakingly flipped through each page of the most rigorous hair textbooks, watched video tutorials from the best salons, and read countless articles about current hairstyles.

Finally, it was the day of his job interview. He ...

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A dirty joke my dad told me

There was a little boy named Timmy. He was too young to shower by himself so he had to shower with his Mom.

One day he was showering with his mom as usual. He noticed her boobs and realized he didn't know what they were called.

"Mommy," he asked

"What are those?" he finished, p...

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A man and his dog...

A man is walking his dog on a bridge that was close to the water, when the small pup broke lose of its leash and fell off into the slow-moving river.

The quick-thinking German tourist jumps into the freezing water without hesitation, and saves the little pooch.

"Here is ze dog, keep ...