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All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.

After all, its not like Donald Trump could write a book.

Edit: alot of people moaning in the comments "this is a stupid joke, Trump did actually write some books so this makes no sense!?".

Look at the sub you are in, some of these posts you'll see will just be jokes. If you are the sn...

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Potential vs reality

An 8 year old son asks his father
"what is the difference between Potential and Reality"
father turns to his wife
"would you sleep with George .W. Bush for $I million ?

Wife"of course i will never waste that opportunity"
father turns to his daughter
"would you sleep with Brad p...

The difference between theory & reality.

A boy was given a essay to write about the difference between theory and reality.

Struggling to come up with a explanation he asked his dad who said to him that he could lend a hand with this one.

The father told him "go find your mother and ask her if she would sleep with the window c...

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It took a lot of balls for my friend to join the new reality tv show called “Embarrassing Bodies”.

Three, to be exact.

Humans are scared of hippos because they're violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year, when in reality, people kill way more people per year...

...so that’s just being hippocritical...

What do you get when you cross a human being with a horrendous reality?

Suffering. You get suffering.

This isn't a joke, if you procreate you are gambling with someone else's wellbeing .

It doesn't matter how happy you may be, immense suffering exists.

Procreation inherently imposes a possibility of it occuring to the offspring, and it's beyond you...

In an alternate reality, bears speak and coexist with humans.

A prominent electrician (who happened to be a bear) employed several humans for various positions within his company. Some were in customer service, handling the phones. Others were on-site technicians who drove around town from job to job. One human, Mike, was hired to do two different jobs inside ...

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Dr. Mike had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't.

The guilt and sense of betrayal were overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Mike, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of your patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just le...

Doctors treating President Trump for COVID-19 at Walter Reed Army Hospital in Bethesda, Maryland,report that he is delusional, combative, argumentative, and seems to have lost touch with reality.

It's nice to see that Mr. Trump is feeling like his old self.

My fortune cookie said my dreams would become reality

Great...



So, I'll be in my underwear at school, late for a class I can't find, and my teeth will fall out.

Thanks, fortune cookie.

I call my wife Bambi, she thinks it's because she is cute with big brown eyes.

But in reality I just hope someone shoots her mother with a hunting rifle.

The difference between fiction and reality?

Fiction has to make sense.

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Porn videos does not reflect reality

It gives a warped perception of how quickly the plumber will come to your house.

A young blonde fears that her boyfriend is seeing another girl... One day, the girl is visiting her boyfriend's apartment for lunch and stumbles across another woman's discarded garments on his bedroom floor.

After sitting coolly through the meal, avoiding eye contact, she quietly excuses herself without explanation. She is incredibly hurt, and on her way home finds herself in a local gun shop, purchasing a handgun. The next day she awakens with renewed vengeance for her lover's betrayal. She dresses and...

This guy had a magic door

This guy had a magic door in his house. Whenever he wanted he could open the door and step into a magic world where he was the only human in. Since he was alone in this magic world he was like the king and he could do whatever he wanted to. There was no wife to throw chores at him, no kids nagging a...

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Explain the difference between theory and relativity

Little Johnny's teacher gives the class a homework assignment, "Explain the difference between a theory and reality." Little Johnny goes home and is so stumped he asks his sisters ages 21 and 16 for help, and they can't come up with anything either. He then tries asking his father. The father thinks...

What would you call a reality show where Sirius Black adopted the Weasley children?

Orange is the new Black... 🙃

What is the difference between Russia and reality?

Trump had connections with Russia.

TIL of a reality show where the goal is to do as much drugs as possible without dying or getting caught.

It's called the Tour de France.

Normally I hate those trashy, fake, rigged reality TV shows...

But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway.

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Microsoft had the Holo-lens, Google had Google Glass..

Apple missed the opportunity to create augmented reality glasses and call them iBrowse

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Some people think sperm just magically travels to the penis when in reality there's a whole duct to transport them...

It might not seem like it, but there's a vas deferens between the two.

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Don't let someone's opinion of you become your reality

Asshole

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They say curiosity killed the cat... But in reality it just grabbed your attention

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange ...

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I call my dick reality

It’s often disappointing

What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

Reality.

I had a dream that there was a dessert food made with sugar, cornstarch, and cocoa. In case any of you want to make it a reality...

I’m just pudding it out there.

There is a new reality show where flat earthers try to travel to the edge of the world.

Unfortunately the finale is not a cliff hanger.

Reality TV..

I REALISED my 10 year old nephew had been watching too many reality TV shows the day we attended a relative’s wedding.

As the four bridesmaids walked down the aisle toward the front of the church, he turned to me and asked, “Is this where the groom decides which one he wants to marry?”

Happy Chris Columbus Day! Say what you want about the guy but in reality....

We wouldn't have the first two Harry Potter movies without him.

In an alternate reality where fences are females and posts are male...

A teenage post teases that his friend is taking another post to prom. The friend says, "Hey! I take a fence to that!"

A lot of people think Michael Jackson's Pronouns were He/Him, but in reality,

Michael's preferred prounouns were He/He

An elderly couple was celebrating their 50th anniversary.

It was a beautiful thing to see.

Amid the jolly celebrations, the old man leaned closer to his wife and softly whispered, "Dear, we have been married for 50 years now, and I want to assure you that these past 50 years were the happiest time of my life. But there's one thing that has always be...

Reality Check

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table.

“Do you know her?” the wife asks.

“Yes,” the husband says. “She’s my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorc...

If there was a reality show about flat-earthers trying to find the edge of the world

The ending would be a cliffhanger.

Why did the Software Engineer reality TV show get cancelled?

People thought it seemed too scripted.

“Dad” says son, “what’s the difference between theory and reality”?

“I’ll explain” says Dad. “MOTHER! Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?”

“Yes I would” says mother, giggling.

“DAUGHTER! Would you sleep with Harry Styles for a million bucks?”

“Yes I would” she says, blushing.

“There you go son” says Dad. “Theoretically we ...

What does reality and an MMORPG have in common?

You never get invited to a party

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So I've decided to take 2 of my loves and smash them together. The Beastie Boys and Virtual Reality...

You'll be able to experience some of the illest rhymes in VR!

And I'll call it Beastiality!!!

[OC] Why aren’t pirates into virtual reality?

They prefer AR.

(I’ll show myself out.)

Augmented reality portal?

In my time we called that a church.

Did you hear about the reality show based on 9/11?

No? I'm not surprised, the pilot crashed.

Someone once told that there’s little difference between the male and female reproductive systems. But in reality...

There’s a vas deferens.

Where do Egyptians go when they don't want to face reality

De-nile River

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An American, a German, a Canadian, and a Jew are sent to a deserted island as part of a reality show.

They are told to bring one item each.

1. The American brings a smartphone

2. The German brings a book.
3. The Canadian brings a laptop
4. The Jew brings a blow up doll.

One year later, the Jew has a smartphone, a book, and a laptop.

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School is like Porn

It has nothing to do with reality and students are getting fucked.

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Apple is releasing a new Virtual-reality headset specifically for VR porn.

They are calling it:The iFap

What do odd numbers and reality TV stars in common?

They literally can't even

A Gamers perspective of Reality.

Great graphics, terrible gameplay.

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NSFW Western v Eastern medicine

A GI had caught a venereal disease while serving in overseas. His penis had become infected, red, and smelly.
The GI went to a doctor and he told him that amputation is the only option to cure it. Disillusioned the GI had a second opinion and was told again that amputation was the only option. <...

What is the difference between reality and fantasy?

In fantasy, if you're exposed to radiation, you become spider-man. In reality if your exposed to radiation, you get visited by spider-man

I thought of an idea for a new reality TV show...

It's about a group of Middle Easter Islamic terrorists that are entering their 40s. They stop buying an excessive amount of guns and explosives and instead start purchasing luxery cars and motorcycles. I call the show Midlife ISIS.

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What is Hitler's favorite reality show?

The Amazing Race

The Different Son

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.

The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our 10th child never quite looked like the rest of our childre...

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I was walking by the lake when suddenly a frog started speaking to me...

'hello' said they frog 'in reality I am a beautiful princess that is under a curse'

'let me guess, I have to kiss you to turn you back'

'I am afraid my curse is far more advanced, in order to break it, you have to let me give you a blowjob'

so reluctantly I agreed, and after a w...

A communist Jew, an old hag who tries to be hip, a manic reality tv star, a bible thumper, a robot and an old man from Ohio who forgot to take his meds walk into a bar....

Pick one to be your next president

Mario was sick of jumping around all day

He felt like he should be more politically involved. A few weeks ago, his friend Toad helped him set up a TV (mostly for watching trashy reality shows), but Mario became obsessed with US news networks. CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, you name it. He had heard before of American democracy, and found it prefera...

Reality

“You know how it is in life. One door closes – that means another door opens…”

“Yeah, very nice, but you either fix that or I’m expecting a serious discount on that car !!!!

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If a cable news pundit, a reality TV personality, a political spin doctor, and a serial entrepreneur are all locked in a room together, who would be the first to realize they're of shit?

The room.

A store for wisdom

Dr. Who was traveling through time and space, when he came upon a cache of the universe's best wise sayings. He loaded them into the Tardis and decided to set up a shop on a nice little corner just outside of reality to sell the sayings to the great thinkers and writers of all time. He advertised hi...

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A doctor has sex with one of his patients

He feels guilty all day and no matter how hard he tries he just cant get it out of his mind. This feeling of guilt and sense of betrayal was so overwhelming that he couldn't even go to sleep.

Finally he heard a reassuring voice inside his own head. It told him "Don't worry about it. These th...

Reality!

11:30- I will go to bed soon.

03:30- Why am i on wikipedia reading about advanced nuclear theory.

Whenever I get into a joke war, I make a pun about reality TV stars

It’s my Trump card

Two Aliens come to our Planet

They are greeted by armed forces. They inform us that our inferior weapons don't stand a chance against them. The only way they will let us go is if we can make them laugh. However, they have seen all jokes there are on the internet and only a new original joke will work on them. Humanity gathers th...

Whats the name of that old reality show where they go fishing and catch a bunch of crabs?

Oh, right.

Jersey Shore...I miss that show.

I hate it when people confuse reality with metaphors...

It makes my head literally explode!

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