My vision is like 2020

It’s terrible

I know they say 2020 vision is good...

But I haven't been able to see anyone

In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside.

“Will I die?” she asks.

God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”

With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. Since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She loo...

This year showed us that nobody had 20 20 vision

Because no one saw this coming.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To all the people with 2020 vision.

What the **fuck**?! Why didn't you tell us?

A guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm worried about my vision! I'm seeing spots in front of my eyes."

The doctor asks, "Have you seen an opthalmologist yet?"

The guy says, "No, just the spots."

Why did the man with poor vision pour baked beans into his eyes?

Heinz-sight is 20/20.

If I could have a superpower, it would be x-ray vision.

If I have one fault, it's never seeing things through.

If I got a dollar for every 2020 vision joke I‘ve read today, I’d still be poor.

I don‘t sort by new.

What do you call a Queen's vision?

Her Highness

I hate when people ask me what I’ll be doing in one year, come on guys I don’t have 2020 vision.

I’m sorry but I had to

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Experts believe that having too much sex can cause double vision

Does Does
anyone anyone
believe believe
that that
crap? crap?

In 2020 we're going to have an entire year of bad puns about vision

I can see it clearly.

Right enough of these “2020 vision” jokes

I don’t want to make a spectacle of myself

New year in a few hours. Now finally we won't have these stupid 20/20 vision jokes anymore...

But hey! I can't say for sure, I don't have 2020 vision!



Edit: Happy New Year Reddit

I had a vision about next year...

It was pretty clear

What did the Australian say to the bug with great vision?

Good eye, mite

If I had a dollar for every report a 2020 vision joke received in the past few weeks

I'd have enough money to pay for LASIK to fix my vision. Thankfully, I won't need to, as I'll have 2020 vision come Wednesday.

I went to the optician today because I keep seeing the world fall apart.

He said I have 2020 vision.

Two marvel characters that lost their vision

1. Daredevil

2. Scarlet Witch

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

No one foresaw all the crazy shit happening this year...

They lacked 2020 vision.

A man was getting surgery to treat his bad vision

Man: are you sure this is going to work?

Doctor: you'll see.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little Texas joke

A young man in Oklahoma turns 21. Excited, he tells his father, “I want to finally go to Texas.”

His father warns, “Scooter, you’re a full-grown man, now. I can’t stop you from going to Texas. But I have to warn you… **EVERYTHING IS BIG IN TEXAS!** You can’t be prepared for how absolutely hug...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a sniper with bad vision, and a constipated owl?

One shoots but can't hit. The other hoots but can't shit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

King Arthur's shortest Knight.

Once there was a man who wanted be a Knight of the Round table. He had all the qualifications, but he was under 3 feet tall. He journeyed to Camelot to gain audience with King Arthur.

When he appeared before the court, all the other knights made fun and heckled him mercilessly. He though...

[Repost] carrots may be good for your eyes....

But whiskey will double your vision.

In hindsight it’s easy to see that 2012 wouldn’t be the end of the world.

The end of the world had 2020 vision.

Next year I will have a clearer vision for my future

It's gonna be 20/20.

Had to drive my girlfriend to the optometrist because she was having issues with her vision

Turns out she was seeing other people

We all knew 2020 is going to be a horrible year

We just expected it to be filled with 2020 visions jokes, rather than a deadly virus, locust swarms and murder hornets

Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight

404 vision not found.

A man with chronic vision problems...

A man with chronic vision problems appeared to have his visual health declining quickly. He'd go to visit doctor after doctor, who had been prescribing him stronger and stronger prescription glasses. However, the degeneration of his vision was making him approach blindness, and he finally cracked an...

Why are all glasses wearers able to rip paper with just one look?

They have tearable vision.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Does having a penis sticking out of your forehead improve your vision?

Depends how big your balls are.

I realised at the last minute that i forgot my protective goggles at the nuclear test facility this morning. My line manager saved my vision and shielded me from the intense light!

He's my super visor

I asked my wife for a compliment because all I see in the mirror is a fat old man....

She said here's one, your vision is spot on.

The story of my username

It was a cold August night. The inky black harbor was quiet, almost too quiet. As a walked down the cobblestoned steps a breeze sent a chill down my back. Fog clouded my vision, but as I boarded my modest little steamer I could see so clearly in my mind, an image. I tried to rid my mind of this t...

To wear or not to wear single vision glasses

As a long time vision glasses user I just love it when people try to uplift my spirit saying :
"-OMG, you look so much better without wearing your glasses!...
To which I started to reply :
-Why thank you, indeed, you're looking so much better as well when I'm not wearing them "

At what elevation is your vision the best

See level

My na always told that a great disease would be coming

Guess she had a 2020 vision

Why couldn’t the people with great eye sight warn us about this year

They are the ones with 2020 vision after all

Mark Zuckerberg published “a privacy-focused vision” for Facebook today.

Oh wait, it’s not April 1.

What did -i call 1 making fun of his vision?

4 i's.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just spent £500 on a fortune teller, and all she told me was that she had a vision of me masturbating.

I think she saw me coming.

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You have 10 birds in the tree if one gets shot how many left?

Here the programmer version


You have 10 birds in a tree. You shot one. How many are left?

There is a programmer version for this question:

One day, when the teacher wanted to test the students' IQ in class, he asked a boy, "There are 10 birds in a tree. You shot one. How man...

I can accurately predict all the major events happening next year...

I have 20/20 vision.

Happy holidays folks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Before this year started, none of us could have predicted all this: Kobe Bryant, Australian fires, Coronavirus quarantine, Tiger King, toilet paper hoarding.

I guess none of us truly had 2020 vision after all.

What was Stevie Wonder and Emperor Palpatine's favorite thing about dreaming.

Visions of the dark side

A man who had recently lost his vision was charged with slander...

They said he was making blind accusations.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke I made up that's funny only when you look back at it.

This guy shows up to his optometrist and says "I have a weird problem",



The Optometrists replies, "What seems to be the trouble?"



The guys says, "Everything's blurry. My vision is horrible!"



"That's pretty common", the Optometrist replies. "We can certai...

Dr. Geezer

An old geezer got bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put up a sign that said “Dr. Geezer’s clinic: Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1000.”

Dr. Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a ...

People keep saying this is the last year to make the “I don’t have 2020 vision” jokes when asked about next year

On New Years of 2021 when asked how my last year was, I’ll say *I’m not sure, I don’t have 2020 vision* the joke will live on

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman uses his X-ray vision and sees Wonder Woman nude with her legs in the air

She's moaning and her hands sometimes--comfort her. Superman enjoys the view and, well,--comforts himself. He's ready to finish but figures he'll finish in Wonder Woman. He's faster than a speeding bullet, he's an alien so he can't impregnate her, and it's better to feel the sensation in a woman...

Why are potatoes better than your vision than carrots?

Because they start their life in an eye.

Little John

Little John will have visits in her home. So, the mother tell him:
-"Little John, this night we will receive visits. Please, whatever it happens you don't do nothing and try not to talk. She is my boss and bring her son who don't have any ears!!!"

LJ- "don't worry old lady!"

M-"WHAT...

What is it called when you get shot in the eye and lose your vision?

Glockoma.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman had a huge crush on Wonder Woman...

He was always to scared to tell her, fearing it would ruin their work relationship. One day, he was using his X-ray vision to watch her in her apartment. He saw her put on music and start taking her clothes off. She sat down on her bed. She was getting in the romantic mood. She was squirming around,...

A man with vision problems...

A man and his family have had a long history of problems with their eyesight, most remedied by prescription glasses. He's in his forties now when he starts to lose the overall quality of his vision and starts going to various doctors.

He gets prescribed a pair of prescription glasses and to n...

Instead of singing Auld Lang Syne this New Year's

We should all sing "I Can See Clearly Now."

Because everyone will have 2020 vision.

What did yoda tell the snowman when he found out he had tunnel vision?

All icy is you!

I legit thought of this joke when i was like 10 and im so proud i remembered it.

Have you ever been attacked by a German Shepherd dog while having a white stick shoved up your backpassage?

Post that 2020 vision joke one more time..

"Hey, Bill, what do you think of this new super-hero comic I'm working on? It's about an ant-size tangent line that has x-ray vision."

"Sounds cool, but isn't that a little derivative?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of people are in a bar, gathered around in a circle watching something peculiar

Normally I'm a pretty reserved and shy person, but I wanted to see what the fuss was all about. I go to the group of people and there's this man in the center of the circle, surrounded by his audience. He pulls out from his shirt pocket this 11 inch pianist and the little guy starts going to town. H...

Classic Joke with a twist

On dec 31 I am going to say “People ask me what I am going to do in one minute but I don’t have 2020 vision” then on Jan 1 I am going to say “hindsight 2020 that joke was garbage “

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The baby without ears.

Little Johnny’s neighbor had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny’s family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny’s dad had a talk with him and explained that the ba...

A Polish guy went to check his vision...

**Doctor asked** - *can you read any of those letters? read it for* me.

The eye test chart: C Z J W I N O S T A W C Z

**Polish guy** - *Oh god, I know that guy!!*

Me at interview

Interviewer: Where do you se yourself in 32 days

Me: I dont know I dont have 2020 vision

A bespectacled man heads in for a job interview

The interview is going very well, as he is nailing all the questions.

The interviewer eventually asks him "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

The man, very prepared for this common question says: "Well, I see myself still working at this company having received a number of promoti...

How come you can’t work?

Because I have a vision problem, I just don’t see myself working.

Jack slammed the door and threw his clubs down.

“What’s wrong?” asked his wife.

Jack replied, “I still have a perfect swing at 80 years old, but my eyes are so bad I can’t see where the ball went!”

“Oh dear, but you love to golf. Take Arnold next time.”

“Arnold is 102!”

“Yes, but he has 20/20 vision.”

Jack reluc...

My friend asked me, "where do you see yourself tomorrow?"

"I see myself being surrounded with my loved ones and friends, reflecting on the memories I've been with them and how grateful I am to have them in my life. I will feel sadness for the people that I have lost along the way, but joy that I have met them and that they made me who I am today. I see mys...

I hate when people ask how I see myself in 3 years

I don’t have 2020 vision

This is the only day you can upvote this

[shaking a magic 8-ball]

"Will my vision ever get better?"

**coconut:**

My mother asked if I knew what I was gonna do next year.

I told her that I didn't have any clue due to the debilitating state of my eyesight. Ever since I was four years old, I have had severe astigmatism and the diametric measurement of my foveal avalascular zone. When I was seventeen, I was told of the very real possibility of being blind and the age of...

I woke up this morning and thought I had tunnel vision.

Luckily it was a false alarm, the wife just fancied a 69.

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