A guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm worried about my vision! I'm seeing spots in front of my eyes."

The doctor asks, "Have you seen an opthalmologist yet?"

The guy says, "No, just the spots."

The year 2020 is going to be filled with so many puns about perfect vision ...

... I can't wait to see them all.

Right enough of these “2020 vision” jokes

I don’t want to make a spectacle of myself

If I could have a superpower, it would be x-ray vision.

If I have one fault, it's never seeing things through.

Why did the man with poor vision pour baked beans into his eyes?

Heinz-sight is 20/20.

New year in a few hours. Now finally we won't have these stupid 20/20 vision jokes anymore...

But hey! I can't say for sure, I don't have 2020 vision!



Edit: Happy New Year Reddit

If I got a dollar for every 2020 vision joke I‘ve read today, I’d still be poor.

I don‘t sort by new.

What did the Australian say to the bug with great vision?

Good eye, mite

If I had a dollar for every report a 2020 vision joke received in the past few weeks

I'd have enough money to pay for LASIK to fix my vision. Thankfully, I won't need to, as I'll have 2020 vision come Wednesday.

In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside.

“Will I die?” she asks.

God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”

With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She ...

I hate when people ask me what I’ll be doing in one year, come on guys I don’t have 2020 vision.

I’m sorry but I had to

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Experts believe that having too much sex can cause double vision

Does Does
anyone anyone
believe believe
that that
crap? crap?

Two marvel characters that lost their vision

1. Daredevil

2. Scarlet Witch

I had a vision about next year...

It was pretty clear

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a sniper with bad vision, and a constipated owl?

One shoots but can't hit. The other hoots but can't shit

A man was getting surgery to treat his bad vision

Man: are you sure this is going to work?

Doctor: you'll see.

Got prescribed a new medicine for a minor condition a few weeks ago and the last few days every time I walk by an area with dirt or grass I zoom in a worm. Like (almost) every time--I don't know if it's some kind of weird worm bloom in my area or if I'm developing some kind of super vision

Should have read the side effects of the new medicine... it can cause bird vision.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You have 10 birds in the tree if one gets shot how many left?

Here the programmer version


You have 10 birds in a tree. You shot one. How many are left?

There is a programmer version for this question:

One day, when the teacher wanted to test the students' IQ in class, he asked a boy, "There are 10 birds in a tree. You shot one. How man...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Does having a penis sticking out of your forehead improve your vision?

Depends how big your balls are.

To wear or not to wear single vision glasses

As a long time vision glasses user I just love it when people try to uplift my spirit saying :
"-OMG, you look so much better without wearing your glasses!...
To which I started to reply :
-Why thank you, indeed, you're looking so much better as well when I'm not wearing them "

Had to drive my girlfriend to the optometrist because she was having issues with her vision

Turns out she was seeing other people

I can accurately predict all the major events happening next year...

I have 20/20 vision.

Happy holidays folks.

A man with chronic vision problems...

A man with chronic vision problems appeared to have his visual health declining quickly. He'd go to visit doctor after doctor, who had been prescribing him stronger and stronger prescription glasses. However, the degeneration of his vision was making him approach blindness, and he finally cracked an...

What was Stevie Wonder and Emperor Palpatine's favorite thing about dreaming.

Visions of the dark side

Mark Zuckerberg published “a privacy-focused vision” for Facebook today.

Oh wait, it’s not April 1.

I realised at the last minute that i forgot my protective goggles at the nuclear test facility this morning. My line manager saved my vision and shielded me from the intense light!

He's my super visor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke I made up that's funny only when you look back at it.

This guy shows up to his optometrist and says "I have a weird problem",



The Optometrists replies, "What seems to be the trouble?"



The guys says, "Everything's blurry. My vision is horrible!"



"That's pretty common", the Optometrist replies. "We can certai...

A man who had recently lost his vision was charged with slander...

They said he was making blind accusations.

People keep saying this is the last year to make the “I don’t have 2020 vision” jokes when asked about next year

On New Years of 2021 when asked how my last year was, I’ll say *I’m not sure, I don’t have 2020 vision* the joke will live on

Little John

Little John will have visits in her home. So, the mother tell him:
-"Little John, this night we will receive visits. Please, whatever it happens you don't do nothing and try not to talk. She is my boss and bring her son who don't have any ears!!!"

LJ- "don't worry old lady!"

M-"WHAT...

Classic Joke with a twist

On dec 31 I am going to say “People ask me what I am going to do in one minute but I don’t have 2020 vision” then on Jan 1 I am going to say “hindsight 2020 that joke was garbage “

Have you ever been attacked by a German Shepherd dog while having a white stick shoved up your backpassage?

Post that 2020 vision joke one more time..

Dr. Geezer

An old geezer got bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put up a sign that said “Dr. Geezer’s clinic: Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1000.”

Dr. Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a ...

Instead of singing Auld Lang Syne this New Year's

We should all sing "I Can See Clearly Now."

Because everyone will have 2020 vision.

Did you hear about the guy who could see a week into the future?

He's got 2020 vision!

Jack slammed the door and threw his clubs down.

“What’s wrong?” asked his wife.

Jack replied, “I still have a perfect swing at 80 years old, but my eyes are so bad I can’t see where the ball went!”

“Oh dear, but you love to golf. Take Arnold next time.”

“Arnold is 102!”

“Yes, but he has 20/20 vision.”

Jack reluc...

A bespectacled man heads in for a job interview

The interview is going very well, as he is nailing all the questions.

The interviewer eventually asks him "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

The man, very prepared for this common question says: "Well, I see myself still working at this company having received a number of promoti...

How come you can’t work?

Because I have a vision problem, I just don’t see myself working.

My friend asked me, "where do you see yourself tomorrow?"

"I see myself being surrounded with my loved ones and friends, reflecting on the memories I've been with them and how grateful I am to have them in my life. I will feel sadness for the people that I have lost along the way, but joy that I have met them and that they made me who I am today. I see mys...

Me at interview

Interviewer: Where do you se yourself in 32 days

Me: I dont know I dont have 2020 vision

[shaking a magic 8-ball]

"Will my vision ever get better?"

**coconut:**

My mother asked if I knew what I was gonna do next year.

I told her that I didn't have any clue due to the debilitating state of my eyesight. Ever since I was four years old, I have had severe astigmatism and the diametric measurement of my foveal avalascular zone. When I was seventeen, I was told of the very real possibility of being blind and the age of...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just spent £500 on a fortune teller, and all she told me was that she had a vision of me masturbating.

I think she saw me coming.

What did -i call 1 making fun of his vision?

4 i's.

At what elevation is your vision the best

See level

What do you call a doe with perfect vision?

A good eyed deer.

Tonight a friend of mine asked me where do I see myself next year.

And I said, "I don't know bud, I don't have 2020 vision.

Guy: *rubs lamp*

Genie: \*appears\*

Genie: You have one wish

Guy: I wish I had the ability to switch between normal vision and vision that allows me to see all the people who want to have s\*\* with me

Genie: Congratulations, you now have the ability to close your eyes

My New year resolution is to have better eyesight

I am aiming for 2020 vision.

Carrots may improve your vision,

But alcohol doubles it.

They say carrots are good for your health.

But booze can double your vision.

My eye doctor just told me my eyesight is so perfect I can see into next year!

He called it “2020 Vision.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The baby without ears.

Little Johnny’s neighbor had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny’s family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny’s dad had a talk with him and explained that the ba...

My New Years resolution for 2020 took me awhile to focus on but I think I’ve got it.

Clear vision

My wife had laser eye surgery last week

Turns out her vision was initially worse than we knew. But it’s 20/20 now and she’s looking forward to staying friends.

Finally got round to booking my laser eye surgery for the 1st January

Can't wait to have 2020 vision.

Why are potatoes better than your vision than carrots?

Because they start their life in an eye.

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