UPJOKE
try outexperimentationtestlaboratoryexperimentaltrialtestingideahypothesisresearchassayconfoundinginvestigatetrial and errorscientist

Experiment Jokes

A mathematician And an engineer decided to take part in an experiment.

They were both put in a room and at the other end was a naked woman on a bed. The experimenter said that every 30 seconds they could travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician stormed off, calling it pointless. The engineer was still in. The mathematician said “Don’...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tribal Experiment!

A blonde couple was watching a documentary on the TV Channel about an African tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long. When a male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and a weight is attached to the other end. After a while, the weight stretches the length of the penis to...

For an experiment, my son as been wearing a different Manchester United top for two weeks. So far he's been spat at, verbally abused, and punched...

God knows what will happen to him when he leaves the house.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As an experiment, I combined some Viagra with penis enlarging pills and dissolved them in some eye drops.

It made me take a long, hard look at myself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of scientists once conducted an experiment on cockroaches.

They asked a cockroach to run and it ran. Then they removed a leg and asked it to run and it did but with much less efficiency. Then they removed another leg and asked it to run and it did it with even lesser efficiency. When they cut another one, the cockroach could barely move but it tried nonethe...

Have you heard about Pavlov's experiment?

Doesn't ring a bell.

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

For an experiment, a chemistry teacher takes out a $20 bill and put it's in a bottle of ethanol. He then ask his students if it will dissolve.

*A student raise his hand to answer.*

Student: No it won't dissolve sir.

Teacher: Really good! Now can you explain to the rest of the class why?

Student: You're so cheap, there's no way you would've sacrificed that $20.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my wife that as an experiment, we should abstain from sexual pleasure.

"Okay," she replied. "So that means I'll have to sleep with you again."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife asked me whether I experimented with sex and drugs when I was in high school.

I said, “Yes, but I was part of the control group.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not to brag, but we did a lot experiments with drugs, sex, and alcohol when I was in college.

Unfortunately I was part of the control group.

The worm experiment

In front of her 4th grade class a teacher takes 4 glasses and fills them up with brandy, wine, beer and water. Then she puts a worm inside each one and let them sit for the night.

The day after she shows to the students each glass and, without any suprise, all worm but the one in the water ar...

Scientists, as an experiment, take two groups of people.

The first is a hundred men and one woman, the second, a hundred women and one man. Each group is put on an uninhabited island, and left alone.

A month later, the scientists check how the societies developed.

Island one:

The woman is sitting on a throne, proud as a queen. The men...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Social experiment

Social researchers from Oxford devised an experiment to place three men from diverse cultures on an otherwise deserted island. They decided on one man from France, one from Germany, and one from Japan.

The German was told he is in charge of shelter, the Frenchman was put in charge of meals, a...

Schrödinger's Russian soldier is a famous physics thought experiment,

which presents a paradox in which a Russian in Ukraine is somehow simultaneously both alive and dead.

I was kidnapped by mad scientist who experimented on me, replacing my limbs with animal ones.

If I ever see him again I'll tear him apart with my bear hands.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rabbit is captured and taken to a medical laboratory to be used for experiments . . .

There, he befriends a rabbit who was born and raised in the lab. One day, he notices that the researchers didn't latch his cage properly and he decides to make a break for it. He tells the lab rabbit how great it is on the outside and convinces him to come along.

First, the wild rabbit take...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The scientific experiment

Three international urologists were arguing amongst themselves as to why the head of a man’s penis is larger in circumference than the shaft.

At the end, they decided to go back to their respective countries and perform sexual scientific experimentation, and then share their written conclusi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A chemist runs a top secret experiment on the 83rd chemical on the periodic table.

Suddenly, a nosy colleague sneaks up to the chemist and asks, "Whatcha working on? Can I have some of that? What are you doing? Will you tell me? Pleeease!"

The chemist replies, "It's none of your bismuth!"

My son is taking part in a social experiment where he has to wear a t-shirt saying "GO VEGAN" for 2 weeks and see how people react.

So far, he has been punched, spit on and a bottle thrown at him!

I'm curious to see what happens when he goes outside.

My girlfriend said we should experiment more in the bedroom

This morning we synthesised a new protein chain

A cloning experiment gone wrong

A laboratory, hidden from public knowledge, secretly worked on the cloning of humans. Of course, human cloning being illegal, their staff was limited to a select few that had both the credentials and the disregard for rules that was considered essential to be a successful researcher at the facility....

I never knew XI was raised as an American experiment...

But I've seen Stranger Things.

What's the difference between a geologist and Dwayne Johnson conducting an experiment?

One is a rock scientist. The other is The Rock, scientist.



(This is so dumb. I apologize in advance to anyone who reads this.)

Social experiment…

I punched a white guy and got arrested for assault. When they let me out I punched a black guy and got arrested… for impersonating a police officer.

Experiment 1 :

take a white male pigeon, tell it to fly, it flies away

Experiment 2 :

take a white male pigeon, remove its beak, tell it to fly, it flies away

Experiment 3 :

take a white male pigeon, remove its wings, tell it to fly, it doesn...

As part of an urban planning experiment, a group of stoners are tasked with designing a small American city...

They decide that there should be both a Denny's and a good Denny's.

My son and I did a science experiment for the end of the school year. We attempted to weigh a rainbow.

It turns out, it was pretty light.

Farming experiment

A poultry farmer walks into a bar and orders a white wine spritzer. "Hey Bob," the bartender says. "How's your chicken cross-breeding experiment going this week?" "Pretty good," the farmer replies. "I crossed a chicken with a duck. Now I have a chicken that lays down."

I ran the double slit experiment a dozen times with two of Schrodinger's cats.

Now my lab is full of interfering kittens..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bar Experiment

One night a guy and some of his friends went to a bar. The guy saw a very sexy woman all by herself. His friends told him to go talk to her. What's the worst that could happen? As he approached the woman he said, "Hi my name is Jeff" with a big smile. Out of nowhere, the woman yelled out, "NO I WON'...

A teacher does a classroom experiment

The teacher has three jars, one filled with alcohol, one filled with cigarette smoke, and one filled with soil.
The teacher puts a few worms in each jar and says to the students “we’ll see which jar is thriving tomorrow.”
The next day the worms in the jars with the alcohol and cigarette smoke ...

A dumb scientist is experimenting on a fly...

He pulls one leg off and says 'Fly, walk'. The fly walks.

He pulls the second leg off and says 'Fly, walk'. Again, the fly walks.

He continues until he gets to the last leg. Pulling it off, he says 'Fly, walk'. The fly does not walk. He repeats the command, but the fly does not shift ...

A redditor was conducting a scientific experiment...

...on a grasshopper. He placed the grasshopper on a white sheet of paper and with a magnifying glass observed as he gave the command to jump. Hearing the command, the grasshopper jumped. He writes down his observations: "1.When given the command to jump, the grasshopper jumps." Then he cuts the wing...

Day 19 of the experiment...

"Day 19 of the experiment, I have successfully conditioned my master to give me food,smile,and write in his book every time I drool." - Pavlov's Dog

Experimenting on a frog

----Experiment log #1938----

Removed the front legs of a frog and asked it to jump. The frog jumped.

Conclusion: when you remove the front legs of a frog, it can still jump.

___________________________________________

Removed the back legs of a frog. Asked it to jump. The...

My son is doing a social experiment for school

For a week he will be wearing an "I love liberals!" hat everywhere he goes and record the reactions he observes from people he meets. So far he has been cussed at, spit at, yelled at, slapped twice and even had a bottle thrown at him. Its really quite awful, im not sure whats going to happen to hi...

Three Doors Experiment

Three men volunteered for the Three Doors Experiment. To survive you must get past each door. Behind door one, 8 hours in a tiger pit. Behind door two, 8 hours with 50 of the most beautiful and ravenous women in the world. And Behind door three, all the wine a man could drink in a lifetime.

...

A mathematician and an engineer agree to a psychological experiment.

The mathematician is put in a chair in a large empty room and a
beautiful naked woman is placed on a bed at the other end of the room.

The psychologist explains, "You are to remain in your chair. Every five minutes, I will move your chair to a position halfway between its current location...

A Joke Experiment

A guy walks into a bar…


That is the first line of the joke experiment. I’m curious to see if the r/jokes community can work together to craft the Perfect Joke. I don’t know if this has been done before, but I’m sure if it’s a bad idea it will be ignored (or downvoted into oblivion) anyway...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man did an experiment on how long can you dive before opening your parachute

When he was 5 meters of the ground he said "fuck it, i can easily survive a couple meter fall"

The experiment ran away, sir.

Which one?

Witch 1.

That's what I asked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Five monkeys - an experiment

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana.

As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the monkeys with cold water. After a while, another monk...

A science experiment.

In a science class, 3 worms were placed into 3 separate jars.

The first worm was put into a jar of whisky.

The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day, these were the results:

The first worm in w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I shoved a battery up my ass for an experiment

The results where shocking

what does Schrodinger's 101th experiment looks like?

1 not 1

Scientists planned to verify if Schroedingers thought experiment prevails on Mars

but sadly Curiosity killed the cat, rendering the experiment futile.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An interesting experiment

There was this specially talented musician, he could play almost any instrument, conduct an entire orchestra and compose like anyone else.

So, a couple scientists were very interested in finding how his brain works.

The musician agreed with a bizarre experiment, he would let the scient...

A beautiful young psychologist conducted an experiment

She asked 2 men, a mathemetician and an engineer to disrobe and stand on one side of the room. She then undressed and stood on the other side.

She told them to come half the distance towards her. Each man took eight steps forward. Amunute later, she again told them to come half the distance ...

My wife said she wants to experiment more in the bedroom

Unfortunately, it looks likeI'm in the control group.

(thought of this during science class) A DJ conducts a science experiment with acids during his concert

Unfortunately, it all went wrong when he dropped the base

A scientist is looking to conduct an experiment using dolphins

He goes to the pet store and asks the clerk if they have any dolphins

The clerk responds “We don’t have any dolphins, but would a whale work?”

The scientist responds “No thank you, that defeats the porpoise”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Alien experiment

So these 2 aliens get orders to go to this new planet earth and abduct a human for studying. The aliens, not knowing what a human looks like, happen to land at a gas station.

Alien A walks up to the gas pump and shrugs and says, " human surrender and come with us" the gas pump doesn't do any...

My college age son decided to wear a Trump 2020 shirt as a social experiment here in California.

So far he’s been yelled at, punched, kicked and spit on, & he hasn’t even left the house yet.....

A scientist is doing experiments on an ant

He puts the ant on the table and says:
- Walk, ant, walk!
The ant walks to the other side of the table
The man writes in his notepad:
"The ant with 6 legs walks"

He then, proceeds to take one leg off the insect, and repeats the same process
- Walk, ant, walk!
The ant walks...

Old experiment

#You are now breathing and blinking manually.

#also you are aware of your tongue now.

Let me know if this worked

You enter the high school lab and see an experiment. How will you know which class is it?

**If it’s green and wiggles, it’s biology.**

**If it stinks, it’s chemistry.**

**If it doesn’t work, it’s physics.**

God does an experiment with US Marines...

One lofty Sunday God looks down and sees a boat of six Marines paddling in the ocean, chanting; ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR...United States Marine Corps.

Impressed by their focus and intensity he ponders; "What would happen if I removed half their brain powers" and does so. "ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR...Unit...

I did a social experiment on campus

I was having a bad day one week so I decided to try something at my college. I stood in the middle of campus and held up a sign that read "hug me" in hopes that maybe somebody would come around and cheer me up. I waited for 10-20 minutes and then people started walking up. I got so many hugs and it...

What is the similarity between me and an experiment involving a biased coin with two tails?

The probability of getting a head is zero.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a sex-addicted chemist’s favorite experiment?

Making a hormone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

i was excited when i was asked to participate in experiment about regular sex and its effects on mental health

being in control group definitely make me depressed

A guy sees a sign that says, "Volunteers needed for medical experiment. $500 fee!"

So he goes in and they tell him they need humans to mate with gorillas. The guy thinks about it for a second, then says, "I'll do it under three conditions: 1) No one can find out that I did this. 2) If there are any offspring, they should be treated humanely. 3) I'm gonna need some time to come up ...

Did you hear about this CRAZY experiment done by SCIENTISTS?

A man suffered from headaches, he went in for treatment.

Scientists removed the right half of his brain, and asked him to count to ten. The man counted, "two, four, six, eight, ten."

Then they removed the left half, and again asked the man to count to ten. The main counted, "one, three...

What did the Pie scientist use for their experiment?

A peach tree dish.

A group of scientists conducted an interesting experiment on frogs.

They wanted to see how cutting off the legs of frogs would affect them.

In one of the experiments, a scientist told the frog to jump. It didn't.

The scientists concluded that cutting off the legs of frogs would make them deaf.

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.

Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:

1. A Bi...

My son joined an experiment at school, where they would see what the reaction was on wearing a “go vegan” shirt for 2 weeks. So far he has been beaten, spitted on and yelled at.

I wonder what will happen if he goes outside of our house.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Redditor got bored and decided to try an experiment...

There was a case of Coca Cola in the corner of the basement, next to a case of store-brand Cola. He decided to test the effects of each on the ants that infested the basement. He spilled a small puddle of each on the floor and watched as the ants crowded around the sugary liquids. At some point the ...

A mother was teaching his child about the side-effects of alcohol.

She gets two short glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.

She says "I want you to see this."

She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.

She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately.

She then says, feeling that she has made ...

In Schrodinger's time, was it considered ethical to use live cats in physics experiments?

Well -- it was and it wasn't.

The FBI are doing an experiment to test the level of people's patriotism ...

They get three married couples and separate them, placing the men in one room and the women in another. They ask the men if they would shoot their wives for their country and all agree they would. They hand the first guy a gun and tell him to go and shoot his wife. Guy walks in the room with his wif...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scientific experiment (Russian joke, translated)

Three scientists decided to see what will happen if they plug elephant's ass and feed him heavily for 1 month. After first two weeks however they realised that it might be kinda dangerous to pull the plug out so they trained a lab monkey to do it. A month have passed and it was time to see the resul...

A scientist preforms an experiment on a frog...

First, he puts the frog in a box. Once the frog is in the box, the Scientist claps . The frog, startled, jumps out of the box. The scientist then catches the frog and puts it back in the box.

Next, he removes one leg from the frog, and claps again. The frog, startled, jumps out of the box. Th...

A scientist is doing an experiment on a frog

He put the frog on the ground and told it to jump. The frog jumped.

So the scientist cut off one of the frog's legs. The scientist told the frog to jump, the frog jumped.

The scientist cut off another leg. He told the frog to jump. Frog jumped again.

The scientist cut off one mo...

the fowled experiment

scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the wind...

A Psych Professor was conducting an experiment with a Psych Student...

There was half of a glass of water sitting on a small table. They would have the subjects of the experiment (other students from the University) come in and describe what they see. Depending on the students’ answers, they would determine their personality type.

The first student comes in and ...

A scientist is conducting an experiment to determine whether frogs can follow simple commands.

A scientist is conducting an experiment to determine whether frogs can follow simple commands. He begins with a healthy, four-legged frog, and says, “Jump, frog, jump!”

Right on command, the frog jumps.

He then cuts off one of the frog’s legs says “Jump, frog, jump!”, the frog still ju...

Did you hear about the science experiment where they successfully transferred human DNA into a dog?

They say the scientist spent too much time in the lab.

I spilled all of my peroxynitrite in the middle of an experiment

I was like : " ONOO^- "

"Professor, what organic compound do you need for the experiment, Amine or Benzene?"

- Ether is fine

Experiment made by Russian scientist Vazilikyev Karaazuruvsky reveals shocking information

Nobody reads Russian names

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a group of students recently did an experiment with results that showed zucchinis can actually improve your memory...

That’s great and all but I just feel sorry for the guy who had to get a zucchini shoved up his ass because he’s never gonna forget it.

They find two 5-year olds, an optimist and a pessimist, and decide to do an experiment

They put the pessimist in a room full of the latest toys and gadgets, and tell him he can do whatever he wants. Then they close the door. They put the optimist in a room full of horse manure and tell him he has to stay there. Then they close the door.

After an hour they open the door on the p...

Why was a physicist unable to do the double slit experiment?

His wife didn't want a threesome.

A scientist is performing experiments on a frog

He starts by placing the frog at a starting line and shouts "Jump" after measuring how far the frog leapt he records in his journal "A frog with 4 legs jumps 6 feet"


He then cuts off one of the frogs legs, places it back at the starting line then once again shouts "Jump". After measuring...

Not many people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother that an evil scientist used to experiment on.

His name was FrankEinstein

I took a class recently on the history of food preservation.

In the early days, metal containers were the cheapest and easiest to make, so almost all food was stored in cans. Tin was a particularly soft and easy to mold/shape, and didn’t rust like other options, so most preserved food cans were made of tin.

Things went great for a while, with some food...

Ranchers in Colorado are conducting a crucial experiment on the environmental sustainability of using hemp as a feed source for cattle.

The steaks have never been higher.

An Experiment Was Done on a Frog

An experiment was done on a frog.

One limb was cut off from the frog.

"Jump," said the scientist. And frog leaped across the table.

"One limb gone: the frog was still able to jump," the scientist wrote on his paper.

Then he cut off another limb.
"Jump," he commande...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of scientists was doing an experiment involving the bacteria in feces. They asked for donations of fecal matter from the public...

...but nobody gave a crap

My girlfriend said she wanted to experiment more in the bedroom...

I don't know why she got so mad when I put my baking soda and vinegar volcano next to the nightstand.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.