Three college graduates—one in Math, one in Engineering, and one in Economics—sit for a job interview.

The question they’re all asked is “What’s 2+2?”

The Math graduate goes to the whiteboard, fills it with a proof, and concludes that, “A solution exists.”

The Engineering graduate consults his addition tables, writes some calculations down, graphs his results, and says, “3. But we’ll ma...

Three engineering students were discussing how God designed the human body.

The first one says, "God must be a mechanical engineer. Just look at the muscles and joints."

The second one says, "No, God is an electrical engineer. See all those neurons."

The third one said, "Actually, God is a civil engineer. Who else runs a toxic waste pipeline through a recreati...

Two engineering students are waiting to give their oral viva test.

The first student's turn comes, and he goes inside

Professor - Suppose you are travelling by a train, and suddenly it gets hot, what will you do?

Student- I will open the window.

Professor - Great, now suppose that the area of the window is1.5 sq.m and the volume of the compart...

A group of engineering professors are all sitting on a plane waiting to take off...

The captain comes over the intercom and announces that as a surprise, the entire plane has been designed and built by their students.

Understandably, all the engineers immediately begin panicking, desperately scrambling to get off the plane, all except for one who is still calmly sitting in h...

I recently called an old Engineering buddy of mine...

I recently called an old Engineering buddy of mine and asked what he was working on these days.
He replied that he was working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment."
I was impressed until, upon further inquiry, I learned that he was washin...

An engineering professor is ranting to his class one day

He says "I hate when engineering students call themselves 'engineers', you don't hear medical students calling themselves 'doctors', or art students calling themselves 'unemployed'

Females lag behind in math, engineering, and construction fields...

...because men have been exaggerating what constitutes six inches their whole lives.

Two engineering students were biking across campus.

One said to the other, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engi...

What do you call a genetic engineering company in Italy?

Genitalia.

Many people tried to stop my genetic engineering projects, but I wasn't discouraged.

Soon, I'll have them eating out of the hand of my palm.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Hindenburg is the greatest feat of aeronautical engineering in all of human history

Edit: Holy shit this blew up

A person with an engineering degree asks...

...how things work.

A person with a psychology degree asks why things work.

A person with an art degree asks, "would you like fries with that?"

What did the liberal arts major say to the engineering grad?

Do you want fries with that?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of Engineering professors were invited to fly in a plane.

Right after they were comfortably seated, they were informed the plane was built by their students.

All but one got off their seats and headed frantically to the exits in maniacal panic.

The one lone professor that stayed put, calmly in his seat, was asked: “Why did you stay put?”...

I've always wanted to be a train engineer. I spent 15 years in engineering school, 10 years learning about train history, and 5 years learning how to operate a train.

I really thought I would've been trained by now.

10 engineering professors board a plane

Once they are inside and the plane is a about to take off, the air hostess comes out and tells everyone that the plane has been made by the students of those teachers. Immediately 9 of the professors get up and run away from the plane while one of them stays sit, calmly reading a book.

One of...

I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers...

Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of engineering students and their teacher were given free airplane tickets to go on a holiday

Once on the plane, the captain announced that they were on the plane the students had built. Everyone freaked and rushed out of the plane, except for the teacher who stayed there with calm. When the flight attendant asked why he hadn't left, he responded " I know the abilities of my students. This...

As a German, you know what really grinds my gears?

Nothing. German engineering is flawless.

A group of engineering students and their teacher are sitting on a plane.

They are then informed that the plane that they were sitting on was the one they built and designed. The engineering students all fled the aircraft because they didn't trust their own work. However, the teacher remained seated. When asked why, he replied: " If I know these guys as well as I think I...

An Engineering Viva Exam

Students went for an Engineering Viva Exam...

The first guy goes into the class, and the Professor begins the Viva with a question. "Let's say you are traveling by train and it's getting hot. What will you do"? "Open the window", he answered.
.
Very good. The Professor continued... "...

Why is development in airplane engineering so slow?

Everyone is afraid to make a ground breaking design.

Studying engineering in school is like World War 2.

The objective is clear, there’s an obvious enemy, and everyone is fighting for the same cause.

Interviewing to get an engineering job is like Vietnam. Everybody tells you a different objective, you’re not properly equipped for the environment, and the Asians are always one step ahead.

What’s the engineering term for a one night stand?

A nut and bolt.

A lot of people aren't aware that one of the biggest condom-engineering breakthroughs actually came from a frog.

It was his idea to rib it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An engineering professor and his students are offered a free airplane ticket for an educational trip

Once they get on the plane the captain announces that the plane has in fact been built by the engineering students and that this is the first test ride.

Everyone rushes off the plane while the professor remains calm in his seat.

A flight attendant then approaches the professor and asks...

Engineering Class

My teacher tells me there are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A faculty of engineering professors are invited to board a plane

After everyone had been seated, they were all informed that the plane had been designed and built by their own students. Upon learning this information, the professors got up and began running desperately to get out of the plane, almost in panic. Only one professor stayed serene in his place. When a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of engineering professors board a plane to a conference...

After they are all seated in their row, the flight attendants announce that their students were the ones that built the plane they were sitting in. The professors jump out of their seats and run to the door in a panic. When they notice one professor stayed seated, they ask him "why are you so calm r...

Smart blonde joke

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric cha...

Three engineers are discussing God's engineering background.

The first one says, "God was clearly an electrical engineer. The human nervous system is a feat of electrical engineering genius!"

The second one says, "Absolutely not! He was a mechanical engineer. The way the muscles and bones interact are mechanically brilliant!"

The third one says,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four Engineering Professors get on a plane..

Four Engineering Professors get on a plane to go to a conference. Before take off the pilot goes up to each one of the Professors.

Pilot to Professor 1: "Hey, just so you know, your engineering students built this plane." Professor 1 quickly exits the plane.
Pilot to Professor 2: "Hey, j...

I have a fear of highly sophisticated engineering constructs

It's a case of Complex Complex Complex

A Student is in Engineering Class, when the Teacher asks What is a Machine?

Student 1: A machine is anything that reduces human effort

Teacher: Will you please elaborate?

Student 1: Anything that simplifies work, or saves time, is a machine

Teacher: What is the true definition?

Student 2: Sir, machines are any combination of bodies so connected t...

Engineering teacher gave us this one.

So a priest, a doctor, and an engineer are playing a round of golf but they are stuck behind an incredibly slow foursome. They keep waiting and finally the groundskeeper drives by and they ask him whats going on with the group ahead.

He explains that the group ahead is made up of four fir...

There are tons of girls in my software engineering class...

...just not very many of them.

I don't get why engineering students call themselves engineers when they aren't yet

I mean people in med schooling don't call themselves doctors,

law students don't call themselves lawyers,

and art students don't call themselves broke

What did Jean-Luc Picard say when Engineering offered to fix his electric sewing machine?

Make it sew!

A group of engineering proffesors got in a plane...

Before closing the doors, the flight attendants told them that the plane had been built by their own students. Scared, all of the teachers ran out of the plane, except one. The pilot came to him and asked him why he was so relaxed. The proffesor said "I know my students very well. And I'm sure that ...

Engineering at its finest

One day, a group of engineering professors are invited by their students to take a vacation on the islands of Hawaii. The professors are pleased and the next day they all enter the plane. However, just before the boarding stage is complete, the captain, who used to be a former student, makes a quick...

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Once all the engineering professors were sitting on one plane...

Before the take off an announcement came over the fanboy.
"This plane is made by your students"
Then all professors stood up, ran and went outside, but the principal was sitting.
One professor came and asked "Are you not afraid?"
The principal replied " I trust my students very well ...

Contrary to popular belief, in Engineering, you do meet tons of women...

Just not very many

I'm upset. I'm two years into engineering school and...

I haven't even started learning how to drive a train

Engineering students are always confused by women...

....why do the ones with the most streamlined bodies put up the most resistance?

I was contemplating engineering a newer, more advanced clone of my brain...

But then I realized I was getting ahead of myself.

An old engineering professor ...

An old engineering professor was welcoming the incoming class of freshman. "I've been teaching here for over 50 years and have seen some dramatic change over that time. When I started, less than 5% of the class was female, and they all looked like they were kicked in the face by a horse.

"T...

So engineering school is really hard...

I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.

A Mechanical Engineer, a Special Projects Solution Consultant, and a Software Engineering were riding in a car over a mountain pass....

....Suddenly, the brakes fail just as they crest the rise.

As they begin to plummet unchecked down the mountain, the driver begins a miraculous set of actions, feathering the body of the car against the side of the mountain as well as other vehicles, while simultaneously downshifting the eng...

A science major says "What's it made of?" An engineering major says "How is it made?" An arts major says...

"Would you like fries with that?"

A group of engineering students were discussing the nature of God.

The first student asserts that God is an electrical engineer, because of all the complex information and control signals running around in our nervous system.
The second student explains that God is a mechanical engineer, because of all the different kinds of activities that the human body can be...

May god bless German engineering, Italian cooking, and English humor.

And may god damn Italian engineering, English cooking, and German humor.

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Engineering pickup lines

Engineering pickup lines:

Hey babe, what's your factor of safety?

Can I use my sigma to find your tau max?

What frequency does it take to make your O-me-ga

How big does your period need to be to reduce our frequency

How about you and I go have a couple moment
...

Professor opened with this in first year engineering lecture: What do engineers use for birth control?

Their personalities

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mechanical, electrical and computer engineer were riding together to an engineering seminar .....

A mechanical, electrical and computer engineer were riding together to an engineering seminar when the car suddenly began jerking and shuttering.
The mechanical engineer, said, "I think the car has a faulty carburetor."
The electrical engineer said, "No, I think the problem lies with the alter...

Why didn't the engineering student have a good relationship with his professor?

There were too many truss problems.

A group of engineering teachers get on a plane...

After everyone settle to their seats, the captain starts speaking:

"Hello everyone, this is the captain speaking. I want you to all know that this plane was built by your students!".

After hearing this, all the teachers started running off the plane and refused to fly, except one. The ...

The train ride to the engineering and math convention

A math/engineering convention was being held. On the train to the convention, there were a bunch of math majors and a bunch of engineering majors. Each of the math majors had his/her train ticket. The group of engineers had only ONE ticket for all of them. The math majors started laughing and snicke...

Two engineering students and a bicycle...

Two buddies in engineering school are walking around campus. One is pushing around a bicycle. The other says "Hey, how did you get the new bike?"

His friend replies, "Crazy thing happened the other day, I was walking back from class, when this beautiful blonde girl rode up to me on this bicy...

I'm going on a date with a chemical engineer this week, what are some good chemisty/engineering jokes?

Best engineering joke I've heard:

A man is walking in a field when he notices a guy adrift in a hot air balloon with no fuel. Balloon guy shouts down "A little help here?"
The man on the ground looks up and shouts "You are in a hot air balloon with no fuel, you're about 20 feet off the gro...

My Indian engineering teacher told us this today

Growing up in America, you've probably heard your parents say, "Eat your food, there are starving children in India." But I tell my children, "Do your math homework or an Indian child will eat your food."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fucking engineering students

A local Zen master is very well known for his inspirational consulting and has gave enlightenment to many teenagers. One day the Zen master found a youngster knocking on his door seeking consulting:


Student: Master, I love my girlfriend a lot, she has a lot of good qualities, but she als...

Engineering

A doctor, a priest, and an engineer are out golfing one day. To their dismay, they are stuck behind a very very slow threesome of men who cannot hit the ball in the right direction no matter what they do. The doctor flags over the course owner and asks him why these guys are so terrible, and if it w...

Kiss me

"A male engineering student was crossing a road one
day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss
me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over,
picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog
spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me
back into a ...

Engineering Position

Bubba applied for an engineering position at a refinery company. A Yankee applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the manager. Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Bubba and said: ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do so many Muslim students take Intro to Engineering?

They heard it was a great place to find 72 virgins.

What's the difference between an Engineering student and an Arts student when tying their shoes?

The arts student gets a mark for it.

The problem majoring in Electrical Engineering...

is keeping up with Current Events.

What do you call a snake with a degree in engineering?

A Boa Constructor

German engineering isn't that good...

...showers in the camps didn't even work!

*CORPORATE JOKE*

Agency: " Sir, we found 3 candidates as per your requirements. How do you want their placements, sir?"

MD: "Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room and close the door, leave them alone and come back after a few hours and analyse the situation:

...

Engineering student show up to his lab partner's house with a new bike...

His partner says, "wow.. that's a pretty nice bike you got there."
Engineering student says, "yeah, I was outside my dorm last night when a co-ed rode up on it. She was really drunk. She threw the bike on the ground and took off all of her clothes and said 'you can have whatever you want.'"
P...

College Engineer

So a Engineering student is studying outside when his colleague drives up in a shiny new motorcycle.

"Hey!" says the college student, "Where'd you get the motorcycle."

His colleague replied "You know it was the strangest thing. I'm walking around town when suddenly a beautiful blonde g...

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