It's really nice to see Churches embrace internet technology during this pandemic.

Our priest even bought my son his own Webcam.

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An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any ...

Never thought I'd see a day where technology is so advanced you can watch a movie at home with the same experience,

But here VR

They are developing a brand new fan technology

It's so cool

My granddad says I'm too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

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What is another name for Male Sex Toys or Technology you use?

Erectronics

Woody Harrelson was heard recently to have increased interest in computer technology

Especially the RAM part.

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An American, a Japanese and an Indian were trying to show off how advanced their country's technology is.

The American goes first, looks at his hand and pokes it at a few places, proceeds to place it on his ear like a mobile and starts talking. After the call gets over here explains that he has a simcard embedded in his hand that let's him use it as a mobile. Everyone is impressed.
Then suddenly some...

When it comes to technology, Asian countries really do have Europe and America beat.

We’re living in 2019 while they’re already a decade ahead!

It is said that there are 2 constants, taxes and death. but with coming technology it may be possible to remove one!

That's right, Death!

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My girlfriend said I remind her of a technology company.

I said I must be the Apple of your eye.

She said no it’s just that your penis is micro and soft.

My grandpa said that we youngsters rely on technology too much

I replied "no, you do" and unplugged his life support.

How to retire when business is poor

Two elderly men met in a town in Florida, and began to talk to each other. It turned out both of them were from Oregon, and had owned small factories, and had now retired and moved to Florida.

"I had a factory that produced high-end furniture," said the first man. "Was successful for many yea...

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Question: What is globalization

Answer : Princess Diana's death

Question : How come?

Answer :

An English princess with an
Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a
German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was high on
Scottish whiskey, followed closely by
Itali...

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It's a good thing technology can't unblur images and video

Because if it could, Japanese porn stars would clearly be fucked

What’s the difference between I.T. and management?

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?” The man below says: “Yes. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”...

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A Kotaku throwback

Best Buy Customer Rep: "Good afternoon, welcome to Best Buy. What brings you in to see us today?"

Customer: "I'm pretty interested in one of those new 3D tv's but I thought I'd check it out before I buy. I'm a little concerned over the image quality."

Rep: "I understand your concern si...

Technology

Google has a purchase recommendation feature.

It essentially looks over your shoulder when you are on the computer. It scans your emails, sees what you are doing on-line, what sites you frequent, who you talk too, what you talk about and what you spend your money on. Then it tells you what y...

What is the latest in Pirate technology?

The I-patch

A German, an Italian, a Frenchman, and an Englishmen

...are debating philosophy. The question arises over the course of their debates: what separates man from the animals?

"Technology," says the German. "Other creatures have tools, yet none can match the heights of engineering we have accomplished. It is our industry that separates us from the ...

What technology company was named after its founders genitalia?

Microsoft

CostCo Doctor

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will...

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Person A : "Windows 8 can suck my dick" Person B : "I can't believe how far technology has come today"

found on tumblr

Max receives a text from his neighbor.

Hi Max, its Richard from next door, I've been riddled with guilt for months and have been trying to build up the courage to tell you face to face but i couldn't. When your not around, I've been sharing your wife, day and night, probably much more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently....

I’d recommend investing in Weed Wacker companies...

They work on cutting edge technology

It's a lot of rubbish when people talk about "how good" modern kids are these days with technology.

My grandson is staying for the weekend, and he looks absolutely clueless with my VCR and VHS tapes.

So this famous singer was doing a giveaway...

The prize was a tablet a brand new phone and 1 minute of singing on stage with this famous singer. So a girl named Jess signed her brother up for the giveaway knowing full well he hates crowds and technology but sure enough he won the contest and he was forced to go on stage with this singer. Boy oh...

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Man goes to buy a new car...

The salesman at the dealership talks with him for a while and sets him up with a car that suits his needs. As he's leaving the lot, he wants to listen to some music and discovers there isn't any buttons on the stereo. He beckons over the salesman and asks "what's the deal with the stereo, I can't tu...

Technology

Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly.

"That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rings. Th...

I feel that if we send people to Mars, we should dismantle the old rovers for their technology.

Otherwise we’ll miss a hell of an Opportunity.

Guy goes into a bar in California where there is a robot bartender.

The robot asks, “What will you have?” The guy replies, “Whisky.” The robot brings back his drink and asks, “What’s your IQ? The guy says, “168.” The robot continues to talk about physics, space exploration, and medical technology.

After the guy leaves the more he thinks about it,...

A blonde entered a technology and appliance store to purchase a new TV.

When she found one she liked, she brought it to the cashier, saying “I would like to buy this TV, please.”

The cashier replied, “sorry, but I don’t sell to blondes.”

Discouraged and still determined to buy the TV, she went to the salon, dyed her hair brown, and returned to the same sto...

Did you hear the Russians have began funding and creating technology to compromise and undermine the USA’s recent Central American initiatives?

They have created a ladder

My grandfather once told me, “your generation is too reliant on technology!”

“You’re goddamn right”, I said as I remotely hacked into his life support system and disabled it via my smart watch

Scientists are studying cloning technology and are finally ready to put it to the test.

They insert DNA from a test subject into the machine and wait as the cloning device does it's thing.

After it's done all it managed to produce was a head, an alive and conscious head.

Scientists quickly scramble to put the head in a jar of salient. Where he remained for about a week....

I just started a 2 month break from technology.

I started an hour ago. It's working out nicely so far.



Edit 1, 5/15/19: Dude I've never stuck to a goal this much.

I told my husband I’m going gradually cut back my dependence on technology in 2019.

I’m starting with the vacuum cleaner, washer/dryer and iron.

When in future, technology figures out how to brighten our homes without light bulbs,

I will be delighted

For people saying that apple is behind in the foldabe smartphone technology, they have already released it the previous year

It just takes a lot more effort.

What do you call an electronic shovel

Groundbreaking technology

I introduced science and technology to the frogs in my neighborhood in an attempt to uplift their species.

All of my neighbors are mad at me now because now the frogs only say “rivet”.

I have convinced my grandma that the baby boomers are as dependent on technology as us.

When she said " you millenials are so addicted to technology" I quickly glanced at her life support. That was the last time she said it.

Bored at work so I wrote my first joke. It’s extremely dumb but maybe it’ll make someone laugh.

An extremely wealthy family owned countless successful companies, bought out competitors and even purchased new ventures if they looked promising enough. Nothing was too big or small, and nothing was off limits.

The family consisted of a mother (Linda), father (Robert) and 3 sons (Robert Jr.,...

Day after day we're getting more addicted to technology

my uncle for example spends 6 our each day on a hemodialysis machine

Technology is crazy these days

We now have smartphones, wireless TVs, and tablets.
When I was a kid we had to blow everything. The Nintendo cartridge, the mouse with that ball inside, the priest.

Amish people of reddit

what is it like living without technology?

The longest circumcision in history

I had this mate and he used to go on about it his job all the time, you know the type? Work, work, work! Well this was particularly annoying in his case, as he was a professional circumciser.

I said to him one day do you enjoy your work? And off he went...

He said yes it’s a fantasti...

New technology uses bacteria to power a laptop

I guess you could say the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the dell

There was a computers and technology fair on the 10th of September...

I arrived at the venue but they all looked at me confused. They told me the fair was 8 days ago. Ridiculous!

Modern technology has never matched the simplicity and grace of the traditional pen.

In fact, you could say that there is still no e-quill.

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Whoever said technology would replace paper....

has clearly never tried wiping their butt with an iPad.

The tragedy of Canada

The tragedy of Canada is that they had the opportunity to have British culture, French cuisine, and American technology. Instead, they developed British cuisine, American culture, and French technology.

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We now have the technology to build a new penis.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

The man ...

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3 of the worlds best athletes go to Japan to test out their new toilet technology

Ones British, ones French and the other is American, so they get to Japan and they're greeted by a scientist and he shows them the toilet and says, go in, take a shit and it will be the best shit in your life, so the British guy goes first and comes back and says my god that was the greatest shit I ...

My friend asked me, "where do you see yourself tomorrow?"

"I see myself being surrounded with my loved ones and friends, reflecting on the memories I've been with them and how grateful I am to have them in my life. I will feel sadness for the people that I have lost along the way, but joy that I have met them and that they made me who I am today. I see mys...

*CORPORATE JOKE*

Agency: " Sir, we found 3 candidates as per your requirements. How do you want their placements, sir?"

MD: "Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room and close the door, leave them alone and come back after a few hours and analyse the situation:

...

Firefighters go to rescue a woman from an upper floor of a burning apartment building.

The firefighters say look, we have two ways to get you out. We have this new technology that allows us to form a fireproof slide that can take you down the stairs. Or, you can just come out the window with us and go down the way we've always done it.

The lady says, "The former seems interesti...

I used to work in restaurants before switching to information technology...

... The biggest difference is that the phrase "my server went down on me" is no longer a good thing.

Recent mobile phone technology has linked up with micro chip brain implant technology so that when your phone rings it can immediately connect without making a ringing sound.

It just won the Nobel peace prize.

I've finally discovered why it takes so long to develop self-driving vehicle technology.

The first cars equipped with it have to turn 16 before any real development can begin.

I'm beginning to worry about my obsession with technology.

I told my doctor, "I think I'm addicted to Twitter."
He replied, "I don't follow you."

Technology is like the woman I desire.

It's moving fast and I can't keep up

- I just build a machine that produces knives

- Is it any good?

- It's cutting edge technology.

A man goes and runs to his boss

He says "i have just invented some new cutting edge technology today!"

His boss says "well, what is it?"

The man takes a peice of bread and cuts off it's edges with a knife he made

Technology...

Two guys... Hey do you think that someday technology will replace paper?... Well I think it will be quite hard to wipe with a tablet...

A joke I made on the spot to my piano teacher

Me: Hey, so by the way, I’m not going to be able to come to practice April 4th, I got a robotics meeting that day (I actually did have that, this wasn’t just added in for me to make the joke)

Piano teacher: Alright, no problem, let me just write that down.

Me, in a stroke of genius: I ...

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First joke I've ever come up with. So far nobody has laughed

I went to the opticians and they were telling me about revolutionary technology to allow us to see out of different parts such as our arms, nose and even our ass. Intrigued, I asked "when will this technology would be available?" The optician replied "arm and nose is coming in 2019, hindsight is 20...

My grandfather told me that teenagers have become so lazy because of technology.

"They're not the only ones," I said, looking at his mobility scooter.

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology:

"And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement...

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10 ISIS suicide bombers decided to blow up a building

"We must pick a building that will have a mass effect on western culture" the leader says. So they research all the popular websites they can find and have decided on the reddit headquarters.

"YES!!" Another exclaimed! "We can not only dismantle their social construct but we can all attack ...

Why do jocks hate new technology?

They don't like betas.

Took me a month but I finally got to pull off this joke in real life

*Me and my friend had just finished watching a ton of conspiracy theory videos.*

Friend: It's crazy if some of that stuff is true. But the government is just hiding it from us.

Me: Yeah like monsters and aliens and stuff.

Friend: Yeah! And not to mention all the cool technology ...

My grandfather once said that we're starting to rely way too much on technology; that it's important we remind ourselves to live without it. I honestly had to agree with him.

So, I unplugged his life support.

I hear North Korea is coming out with some new cloning technology...

I can't wait to meet Kim Jong-deux.

A man walks into a bar

And orders a drink. Whilst drinking it, a massively scarred Asian dude stumbles in the bar.

"What happened?" The man asks as he downs his drink.

"There's a dragon 10km east from here." The Asian dude rasps before passing out.

So the Man gets on his bike and travels 10km east an...

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A horse at a barn sees a music video...

...and decides he wants to play the guitar so he calls a local music shop: "Hey, I'm a horse but I want to play the guitar. Do you think you can help me?" Shop owner replies: "Sure, come on over, we'll get you a guitar and teach you how to play it." So the horse spends weeks and weeks learning how t...

I make fun of my parents for not knowing how to use new technology

But then again, I googled how to boil an egg

The Irish are really far behind with technology...

Their bombs still have four wheels and a motor.

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