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Designer Jokes

Sad news....I lost my job as a stage designer,

I wasn't very happy but left without making a scene.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night

To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "Jack off".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.

Sad News: The founder of /r/jokes has passed away

RIP Larry Tesler, the UI designer that created Cut, Copy and Paste, died age 74

Starbucks and Victoria's Secret are collaborating on a new line of designer lingerie.

Coffee cups.

Do you know what happens when your designer jeans get tangled in the dryer?

Guess knot

a graphic designer, an astrophysicist, a dentist and an electrician walk into a bar

it was queen and they were playing their first gig

Amber Heard had an argument with her interior designer.

They could not decide on where to place the stool in the bedroom.

You know, there was this IQ test designer suffering from the worst writer's block

He'd make decent progress, working out patterns like 'circle-3, triangle-2...' but no matter what, he always found himself going back to 'square-1'.

Dolly Parton no longer speaks to her bra designer.

Not since the two fell out.

I'm an anaesthetist that moonlights as a meal designer for French Celiacs

I love to leave people pain free

My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it

We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer.

What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?

No ballroom

Which designer fashion brand would never print their name on panties?

The Gap

A famous car designer...

A famous car designer was about to retire at the age of 64 due to health concerns. For all his life, he had strived for perfection in his craft of designing cars, specifically for Kia. In each of his 32 models, he was instrumental in some innovation or vastly improved function.

He called for ...

What do you call designer pasta?

J.C Penne

DESIGNER DOGS

These days there are all kind of designer dogs : Yorkiepoos, Goldendoodles, Puggles. etc.
Growing up, we called them Mutts

My font designer girlfriend broke up with me last night.

I guess I just wasn't her type.

My friend can’t decide which designer brand to wear to dinner.

I’m sure Hilfiger it out.

Did you hear about the ISIS graphic designer?

He was handed some selfies and asked to blow them up.

Jewish mothers, right?

The year is 2028 and the United States has elected the first woman as well as the first Jewish president, Sarah Goldstein.
She calls up her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says, "So, Mom, I assume you'll be coming to my inauguration?"
"I don't think so. It's a ten-hour drive, your fa...

I handed my wife a picture of a $50,000 Birkin designer handbag. "This is what I'm getting you for our anniversary!" She was so happy she started crying.

Who knew a simple photograph would mean so much to her?

Where can you find a free pair of designer shoes in any size?

The mosque

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What did the Apple Phone designer do when he got home?

Jack off

I have a friend who's a Russian sound designer.

I have a Czech one, too.

Headstone Designer: I'm going to use Comic Sans on your headstone.

Client: Over my dead body!

Headstone Designer: Yes

I'm worried that my designer girlfriend might be pregnant...

...false alarm, she was just fashionably late again

Napoleon may not have been the sole designer of his jacket...

but, I believe he had a hand in it.

What’s the difference between a spider and a web designer?

The spider likes bugs on their web

Putin is so desperate that he's now sending interior designers to the battlefield

They are planning a carpet bombing.

A Web Designer decided to use right aligned text

His boss yelled at him for it, because it wasn't justified.

I'm not a great interior designer.

There's room for improvement.

(A joke I wrote myself) A Russian man walks through the streets of Moscow.

As he passes by the headquarters of a major company, he notices a poor man in decrepit clothes standing by the building, seemingly waiting for something, looking at the sky. "Another poor crazy weirdo", he thinks. He keeps on walking.

The next day, he passes near another company's HQ, and see...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fat fashion designer has found a time machine [OC]

Thinking about how many opportunities of discovery await him, he went inside and clicked a button.

He soon found himself in ancient rome. He noticed all the plebs wearing cool ancient clothes so he quickly went to the nearest shopping centre.

Being fat himself, he asked the shopkeepe...

I was chatting to a graphic designer about invitations for the baby’s christening.

“How about comic sans?” I said “Oh no” she scoffed, “for this occasion we’re gonna need a baptismal font”.

Did you hear about the fire at the Designer Shoe Warehouse?

Countless soles were lost.

[NSFW] How did the fashion designer kill himself?

The Hemming Way

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What do a Tupperware designer and a horny walrus have in common?

They're both looking for a tight seal.

So I used to date this graphic designer...

We broke up because I caught her cheating. Writing hundreds of letters to some guy named Lorem Ipsum. What a creep, right?

The chief designer of the Titanic had a lisp...

That's unthinkable!

My part-time waitress girlfriend wants to buy nothing but designer outfits...

.. I told her to "act her wage".

A man in rags parks a 40-year-old pickup truck next to a printing store and walks up to the counter.

He says:

- I need 20 pictures of Kim Kardashian. I'll pay later.

The store clerk agrees and makes the prints. The truck guy drives away with them. Some time later, he comes back in decent clothes and a 20-year-old truck, pays for the 20 pictures and says:

- I need 50 pictures of...

Why did the game designer get moved from the writing team to the development team?

Because they had poorgrammar skills.


Please clap

My friend, who's a shirt designer said he makes shirts in 45 seconds.

But I knew he was fabricating lies.

What do you call a fashion designer that rejects everything?

Calvin Deklein.

What does a Russian fashion designer call people from the United States?

A mannequin.

So a clothes designer drank from the Fountain of Youth...

Now she's Forever 21.

Did you hear about the new designer toy dog in the Middle-East?

It's called a Bombiranian

How many graphic designers does it take to change a light bulb?

Does it have to be a light bulb? 'Cause I had this other idea...

A business owner posted an ad on classifieds looking for logo designers...

The ad said: "Looking for a talented youth that can design an attractive logo. As I am a small business owner, the work is unpaid. You will be working for exposure."

A recently graduated graphic designer reads this ad. As he was unemployed and struggling to find a job, he thought that he woul...

What did the clothes designer say to her son at his graduation?

"I'm Prada you son."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Putin and Biden are wrapping up their discussion...

Putin says: "You know, Joe. I had this dream few days ago"

Biden: "Oh, what kind of dream?"

Putin: "I saw America, in flames. Nuclear warhead crater where Capitol used to be. New York leveled. Los Angeles covered in human ash. It was Glorious, Joe. I nearly teared up..."

Biden: ...

A woman walks into a designer dress store, trying to get a job...

She walks up to the manager and says, "I'm the best damn salesperson you could ever have! I want a job."

The manager, admiring her moxie, says, "That's wonderful, but *any*one can just *say* they're the best."

Without missing a beat, the woman says, "Give me anything. It'll be done in ...

So a cinematographer, writer, and production designer walk into a bar....

and the director takes all the credit.

I just read a Facebook ad that said "Come in a designer, leave a CEO."

Not sure why they're offering dating advice, but okay.

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