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A fashion designer was interviewing a cannibal...

"So what do you think would best complement a person?"
"Salt and pepper."

My friend can’t decide which designer brand to wear to dinner.

I’m sure Hilfiger it out.

I handed my wife a picture of a $50,000 Birkin designer handbag. "This is what I'm getting you for our anniversary!" She was so happy she started crying.

Who knew a simple photograph would mean so much to her?

Which designer fashion brand would never print their name on panties?

The Gap

a graphic designer, an astrophysicist, a dentist and an electrician walk into a bar

it was queen and they were playing their first gig

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Putin and Biden are wrapping up their discussion...

Putin says: "You know, Joe. I had this dream few days ago"

Biden: "Oh, what kind of dream?"

Putin: "I saw America, in flames. Nuclear warhead crater where Capitol used to be. New York leveled. Los Angeles covered in human ash. It was Glorious, Joe. I nearly teared up..."

Biden: ...

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.

Went out, had a few drinks. Nice Guy. He's a Web Designer.

Sad News: The founder of /r/jokes has passed away

RIP Larry Tesler, the UI designer that created Cut, Copy and Paste, died age 74

Father's Day

I don't get excited about gifts the way other people do, and it drives my wife nuts. For Father's Day, my wife was determined to get a reaction out of me and so she ordered me a custom-designed tie. She knew that I had two great passions in life: movies and dad humor, so she hired a well-known graph...

I just lost my job as a stage designer.

I left without making a scene.

My font designer girlfriend broke up with me last night.

I guess I just wasn't her type.

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New shoes

A young sexy woman went to the mall with her husband and spotted a pair of designer pumps in the window of an upscale shoe store and began staring, imagining how sexy she'd look wearing them…
The husband looked over and saw her and interrupted, "No fucking chance love, they're way too expensive! ...

What do you call designer pasta?

J.C Penne

Where can you find a free pair of designer shoes in any size?

The mosque

A famous car designer...

A famous car designer was about to retire at the age of 64 due to health concerns. For all his life, he had strived for perfection in his craft of designing cars, specifically for Kia. In each of his 32 models, he was instrumental in some innovation or vastly improved function.

He called for ...

Gotta love the graphic designer for the PA license plate

...cuz the colors I associate the state with are blue, white, and yellow like the gorgeous beaches it has.

A business owner posted an ad on classifieds looking for logo designers...

The ad said: "Looking for a talented youth that can design an attractive logo. As I am a small business owner, the work is unpaid. You will be working for exposure."

A recently graduated graphic designer reads this ad. As he was unemployed and struggling to find a job, he thought that he woul...

I was chatting to a graphic designer about invitations for the baby’s christening.

“How about comic sans?” I said “Oh no” she scoffed, “for this occasion we’re gonna need a baptismal font”.

What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?

No ballroom

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv...

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Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night

To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "Jack off".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.

What’s the difference between a spider and a web designer?

The spider likes bugs on their web

Just learned that French fashion designers are trying to develop a clothing line made from frozen water.

I SWEAR!!

A guy walks into a bar, pulls up a seat, and orders his favorite drink.

In the bar there's a group of gorgeous blond ladies who are having a bit of a celebration. "TWENTY-SIX DAYS! TWENTY-SIX DAYS!" they shout as they're knocking back drink after drink.

This goes on for some time. The ladies are getting more and more intoxicated, "TW..TWENNNTTTY-SIX DAYYYYS.... &...

Headstone Designer: I'm going to use Comic Sans on your headstone.

Client: Over my dead body!

Headstone Designer: Yes

I have a friend who's a Russian sound designer.

I have a Czech one, too.

Did you hear about the fire at the Designer Shoe Warehouse?

Countless soles were lost.

DESIGNER DOGS

These days there are all kind of designer dogs : Yorkiepoos, Goldendoodles, Puggles. etc.
Growing up, we called them Mutts

A man in rags parks a 40-year-old pickup truck next to a printing store and walks up to the counter.

He says:

- I need 20 pictures of Kim Kardashian. I'll pay later.

The store clerk agrees and makes the prints. The truck guy drives away with them. Some time later, he comes back in decent clothes and a 20-year-old truck, pays for the 20 pictures and says:

- I need 50 pictures of...

Why did the game designer get moved from the writing team to the development team?

Because they had poorgrammar skills.


Please clap

When I realized that the play sucks, I quietly resigned from my job as a stage designer.

I didn’t want to make a scene.

Did you hear about the ISIS graphic designer?

He was handed some selfies and asked to blow them up.

We Finally Know Why The Leaning Tower Of Pisa Is Leaning.

The graphic designer pressed the *ITALICS* key on accident.

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Fat fashion designer has found a time machine [OC]

Thinking about how many opportunities of discovery await him, he went inside and clicked a button.

He soon found himself in ancient rome. He noticed all the plebs wearing cool ancient clothes so he quickly went to the nearest shopping centre.

Being fat himself, he asked the shopkeepe...

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What did the Apple Phone designer do when he got home?

Jack off

My part-time waitress girlfriend wants to buy nothing but designer outfits...

.. I told her to "act her wage".

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What do you call a designer dildo?

Gucci in the Coochie

[NSFW] How did the fashion designer kill himself?

The Hemming Way

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A woman is getting her home remodeled.

On the final day, she meets the designer on her front porch. He says, "Bonjour madam, are you ready to see your new home?"

They enter the house, and into the living room. It's stunning, but she's distracted by the coffee table.

"Everything is perfect," she says, "except for the c...

A Web Designer decided to use right aligned text

His boss yelled at him for it, because it wasn't justified.

My friend, who's a shirt designer said he makes shirts in 45 seconds.

But I knew he was fabricating lies.

Why do fashion designers never have any good ideas?

They're too clothes minded.

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What do a Tupperware designer and a horny walrus have in common?

They're both looking for a tight seal.

If a clothes designer had a child...

Would it have designer genes?

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