What do you call designer pasta?

J.C Penne

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv...

Who designed the human body?

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints!"

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connectio...

Napoleon may not have been the sole designer of his jacket...

but, I believe he had a hand in it.

Why do fashion designers never have any good ideas?

They're too clothes minded.

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.

Went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.

Have you guys heard about the deaf fashion designer?

Whenever he watched anything, he needed clothed captions!

Sad news....I lost my job as a stage designer,

I wasn't very happy but left without making a scene.

Sad News: The founder of /r/jokes has passed away

RIP Larry Tesler, the UI designer that created Cut, Copy and Paste, died age 74

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A well-renown, high-powered lawyer was just in a horrific car accident.

He was side-swiped, ripping the driver's side door completely off.

A police officer, who happened to be there, ran straight to the man. He found the him sitting on the ground against the wreck angrily swearing and yelling.

Officer: (Relieved the man is well enough to be yelling): "You...

What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?

No ballroom

What does a biologist wear on a first date?

Designer Genes

Headstone Designer: I'm going to use Comic Sans on your headstone.

Client: Over my dead body!

Headstone Designer: Yes

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A guy changing at the gym...

A guy changing at the gym answers the phone, as he’s getting dressed, naturally he just puts it on speaker, the female voice is heard
“Hey Honey, I’ve just found this beautiful designer coat and it’s on sale for £2,000 do you mind if I get it”
The guy says “well if you love it so much then yea...

What’s the difference between a spider and a web designer?

The spider likes bugs on their web

DESIGNER DOGS

These days there are all kind of designer dogs : Yorkiepoos, Goldendoodles, Puggles. etc.
Growing up, we called them Mutts

Why did the game designer get moved from the writing team to the development team?

Because they had poorgrammar skills.


Please clap

I have a friend who's a Russian sound designer.

I have a Czech one, too.

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Mr Simpson owned a high end clothing store.

One day, just around closing up, a pretty young woman walks in, browses for a bit and ends up staring at a very expensive designer dress standing proudly in the centre of the store.
Mr Simpson notices, quietly walks up beside her and says 'it's a beauty, isn't it?'
She glances at him, sighs ...

Did you hear about the fire at the Designer Shoe Warehouse?

Countless soles were lost.

Money cant buy you happiness.

But I'd rather have my tears hit designer Bugatti leather than the composite foam in my car.

Did you hear about the ISIS graphic designer?

He was handed some selfies and asked to blow them up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a designer dildo?

Gucci in the Coochie

When I realized that the play sucks, I quietly resigned from my job as a stage designer.

I didn’t want to make a scene.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night

To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "Jack off".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.

How do you satisfy a graphic designer in the bedroom?

Bring out the GIMP

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are sitting naked in a sauna.

“My wife has a nickname for my penis. It’s so hard and fast, she named it after the boxer, Rocky,” says the first man, who is, coincidentally, a boxer himself.

“Well, my wife says that my schlong is so long, it’s like being impaled, so she’s named it Vlad,” chimes in the second man, with a s...

Did you hear that Heaven’s web designer quit his job?

He felt it was wrong to tamper in God’s domain.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fat fashion designer has found a time machine [OC]

Thinking about how many opportunities of discovery await him, he went inside and clicked a button.

He soon found himself in ancient rome. He noticed all the plebs wearing cool ancient clothes so he quickly went to the nearest shopping centre.

Being fat himself, he asked the shopkeepe...

What is a video game art designer's favorite soft drink?

Sprite.

My friend, who's a shirt designer said he makes shirts in 45 seconds.

But I knew he was fabricating lies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man suffered from a chronic hellish headache

He went to see a doctor who, after the usual exams, said:

- My friend, I have good and bad news. The good thing is that I can cure you of this headache forever. The bad news is that to do that I'll have to castrate you! Your testicles are pressing on your spine, and that pressure causes a he...

[NSFW] How did the fashion designer kill himself?

The Hemming Way

My part-time waitress girlfriend wants to buy nothing but designer outfits...

.. I told her to "act her wage".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Apple Phone designer do when he got home?

Jack off

How many graphic designers does it take to change a light bulb?

Does it have to be a light bulb? 'Cause I had this other idea...

Did you hear about the fashion designer who was on the phone while driving and nearly got into an accident?

It was a clothes call.

I'm not a great interior designer.

There's room for improvement.

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