An electrician didn't get home until after 2 a.m.

His wife asked, "Wire you insulate?"

He replied, "Watts it to you? I'm ohm, aren't I?"

What do you say to an electrician who isn't on time?

Wire you insulate?

Today i discovered my electrician was unqualified

I was shocked

A chemist, a mechanic, a electrician, and a programmer were driving in a car when it broke down.

"This must be because we've mixed the wrong fuel additive!" said the chemist.



"Bollocks!" said the mechanic. "This is clearly a mechanical problem. There must be something wrong with the engine."



"Both of you are wrong. The problem lies with the car wiring and the batte...

r/electricians should be quarantined

It is a subreddit devoted to shocking content

Why did the optimistic electrician lose his job?

He kept on turning negatives into positives.

Have you heard the one about the electrician making a mistake

I hear it's shocking

What's the difference between an electrician and a chemist?

The electrician likes his work to be unionized, while the chemist likes his work to be unionized.

My dad told me I'm a bad electrician

He is in for a shock

What do Crossfitters and Electricians have in common?

Lots of Circuit Training

An mechanical engineer, electrician and programmer are driving in a car.

After few hours their car suddenly stops and they start to wonder what went wrong.

Mechanical engineer says: "I bet there's something wrong with the engine."

Electrician says: "I think the battery might be dead."

Programmer thinks for a while and then says: "Guys, what if we get...

I met a really bad electrician at the bar last night...

At first there were some sparks, but he ended up saying some pretty nasty things to me and I left shocked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An electrician comes home to his wife after working a job at a millionaires house...

He says to his wife “honey you will not believe this, the house I worked at today had a golden toilet.”

She says “Really? I need to see this.”

They take a ride across the neighborhood and pull up in front of a huge house.

The electrician knocks on the door, a woman answers and ...

I lost my job as an electrician.

They said that I re-fused too much work.

I confessed to my family I am not actually an electrician.

My sister was shocked.

Today I found out that the electrician didn't connect the protective grounding system at my home.

I was shocked.

What did the electrician say when he electrocuted himself?

That Hertz!

What is the electrician's favorite rock band?

AC/DC

The electrician is married to his job

He loves it so much, that you could say between them, sparks fly

How to tell apart a good electrician from a bad one

One is 16 feet above and one is 6 feet below ground

An electrician went to the buzzfeed headquarters,

He was asked to come because a power box was malfunctioning, He went to the reception and told them that he was there to fix the problem ,he was told to wait a minute . So he sat down at the reception. He saw that most of the people working there were in their twenties. He then wondered how advanced...

Why did the electrician join Facebook?

So he could post his current status.

What do you say when you break up with an electrician?

Watt is love?

Baby don't hertz me.

Don't hertz me.

N-ohm-ore.

N-ohm-ore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A carpenter, plumber, an electrician and a welder are all dating the same woman. What do you call her?

A jack off all trades

What are the electrician's last words?

...this power cable has no power.

What social media site does an electrician use

Ohmegle

Why did the electrician become a news anchor?

He's always had a knack for current events.

How does electrician turn down services

He refuses it.

Electricians need to strip

To make ends meet.

I went to college to be an electrician

I feel like I have a bright future ahead of me.

My dad got fired recently for being such an irritated electrician

He never conducted himself positively at work

An electrician tells the engineer, “I wired everything exactly according to the drawing and I flip the switch and there’s no current.”

“Yes, I see the problem,” The engineer responds. “We just can’t draw any current.”

What do you call a freelance electrician?

A solderer of fortune.

Why are electricians terrible sailors?

They are always running aground.

When people find out I am not a very good electrician,

they are usually shocked.

Why is it always better to hire three electricians instead of just one?

Because many hands make light work

An electrician was working at an apartment when he got electrocuted.

He died before he even knew watts up.

What's an electrician's favorite breakfast?

Ohmelettes

I used to date an electrician...

Boy, she could really light up a room!

What do you call when you cross a detective with an electrician

Sherlock Ohms

(sorry if this is repost, I thought of it in class)

Two electrician friends meet at the hardware store after work

and chat about LED fixtures and other areas of illuminating rooms for a few hours. When the one electrician returns home to his wife that asks what took so long, he replies

"Me and my friend were just having a light conversation at the store."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A philosopher, an electrician and a redneck walk into a bar

And they started arguing what was the fastest thing ever:

- From my point of view - says the philosopher - it's the thought, it has gone through your mind before you even notice it!

- Well - Says the electrician - to me, it's electricity, the moment you turn the lights on, they're on! ...

A dog walks into a bar

The dog says, "Gimme a beer." The bartender says, "Wow! You can talk! You should get a job at the circus!" The dog says, "They're hiring electricians at the circus?"

Jimmy, the electrician's son was grounded by his parents...

I heard his parents say he had no potential

How do electricians relax?

They meditate.
*Oooohhhmmmm*

They do it after getting all amped up after a long day. It helps organize the mind after getting their wires crossed.

Two electricians are up on a pole

A granny walks by. One of the electricians shouts at the granny:

— Hey grandma, can you hold that cable that's on the ground next to you for a bit, please?

The granny picks up the cable. The same electrician then states to the other:

— Told you it was the ground.

My rubbish dog joke.

A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please'.
The barman says, 'Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!'
The dog replies, 'Why? Do they need electricians?'

A horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar and says "bartender, scotch on the rocks please!"

The bartender, rubbing his eyes in disbelief says "did.. did you just talk?!"

"Yes I have, why?" Said the horse

"It's just, incredible! I've never seen a talking horse! You know, you should really go talk...

My frugal neighbor doesn't want to pay for an electrician to re-wire his house so he's going to try and do it himself. "How hard can it be?" he said.

I think he's in for a shock.

At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge.

The judge said, "State your name, occupation, and
the charge."
The defendant said, "I'm Sparks, I'm an electrician,
charged with
battery."
The judge winced and said, "Bailiff! Put
this man in a dry
cell!"

Why do Electricians make terrible revolutionaries?

They know resistance is a waste of energy.

Why do electricians like talented train drivers?

Because they’re good conductors

A Mexican electrician accidentally touched a live wire.

He suffered a Corona discharge.

My friend the electrician

I had this friend in school. Great guy, always cracking jokes. Life of the party. But after we finished school, we went our separate ways. I went off to university, he became an electrician. About a year later, we were both in our home town, so we decided to catch up. It was just like old times, he ...

If Usain Bolt was an electrician...

His name would be Usain Volt

An electrician was shocked by a live wire when he was asked why...

He said he couldn't resist.

A mechanic, an electrician and a software developer were in a car.

The car stops working.

-It's the carburetor, says the mechanic. We just have to get down and clean it.

-It's the ignition, says the electrician. We have to check the spark plugs and we'll make it work.

-"Guys, I propose getting out of the car and getting back in and maybe it wi...

How do electricians meditate?

Ohmmmm, Ohmmmm

How many electricians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1, it's a goddamn electrician, what'd you expect?

An electrician goes to a fortune teller.

When he arrives, the fortune teller says
"Look into this crystal ball and you will see how you die". When the electrician looks into the ball, he couldn't believe what he saw. He was shocked.

Two Electricians Are Working On A Telephone Pole

As they're working, an old woman walks by them. The first electrician calls out "Ma'am! Can you move that wire aside for us?"

She replies "Oh yes, deary", as she picks up the wire and moves it out of the sidewalk and strolls off.

The second electrician says to the first "I told you it ...

What do you say to give an electrician encouragement?

"You conduit!"

What's the difference between an Electrician and someone who's high?

The electrician knows where the ground is.

An electrician's son removed one wire from each of his father's power plugs.

His father asks him furiously: Why did you do that? What's wrong with you?

Son: Nothing, dad. It's just a phase.

Father: You're grounded.

Did you hear how the deaf electrician asked his friend to repeat what he said?

Watt?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the girl who gave out handjobs to electricians, plumbers, mechanic, you name it?

She was a right Jack off all trades.

Where do electricians get supplies?

The Ohm Depot.

What's the best way to cheer on an electrician?

You con-du-it!!!

I'm pretty sure my electrician supports LGBT rights.

Just the other day I heard him talking about his transister.

Did you hear about the recently unemployed electrician?

Apparently he's now ohm-less.

Did you hear about the electrician who beat up a baker?

He was charged with battery.

This one is for the Electricians

A black guy, a red guy and a blue guy all walk into a bar.

The bartender says "we don't serve your kind around here, this here is the neutral bar".

I am a damn good electrician

Otherwise I would be dead

The oldest job in the world

A surgeon,gardener and electrician sitting in a bar talking about the worlds oldest job.

The Surgeon laughed and said: “HAH! Ofcourse surgeon is the oldest job in the world who else removed the rib from adams body for god to create eve! He doesn’t even have a scar from it!”

Then the Ga...

What kind of workout does Bob the electrician do?

Circuit training.

A duck walks into a bar...

A duck walks into a bar, and orders a pint.

"That's amazing, a talking duck!" says the barkeep, as he pours the duck's drink. "You should join the circus!"

"Why?" Replied the duck, "do they need an electrician?"

I don’t know why people get so shocked

when they find out i’m a bad electrician.

What is black and smokes and is attached to electrical wires?

A bad electrician

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

5 surgeons discussing who makes the best patients to operate on

The first surgeon, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon, says, "No, I really think librarian...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sammy adventures

Sammy has the day off from school and is bugging his mom.

Sammy: mom, I'm bored I want to do something.

Mom: See those construction workers building that house across the street? Why don't you go over there and see what they are doing, maybe you'll learn something.

So Sammy does...

A duck walks into a bar

A talking duck that happens to be an electrician walks into a bar and orders a pint of his favourite larger.
The bartender asks him how was work, to which the duck replies "ah its been a long week with a few tough jobs, I was thinking about a career change"
The bartender takes a moment to thin...

Three babies in the womb discuss

what they would like to be when they grow up. The first one says, "I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here." The second one says, "I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here." The third one says, "I wanna be a boxer." The others look confused and ask, "Why do you want t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three ticks are living in a girls vagina

The first tick says “You know what? I’m gonna become an electrician so it won’t be so dark in here”

The second tick says “I’m gonna be a plumber so it won’t be so wet in here”

The third tick says “I’m gonna be a boxer” the other ticks look at him confused and ask him why would he want ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 6 had a crush on 7 ever since middle school, but couldnt build up the courage to ask her out. His friends 8 and 9 pushed him to ask her out to prom, and she said yes. They fell in love and got married, 6 got a job as an electrician and 7 played as the house wife. They had 2 beautiful twin gi...

What's black and crispy, and hangs from a chandelier?

An amateur electrician

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