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I thought being an electrician would be cool.

Getting to hangout with a bunch of strippers and dikes all day long.


But really you're just grabbing and twisting nuts all day.

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An electrician comes home to his wife after working a job at a millionaires house...

He says to his wife “honey you will not believe this, the house I worked at today had a golden toilet.”

She says “Really? I need to see this.”

They take a ride across the neighborhood and pull up in front of a huge house.

The electrician knocks on the door, a woman answers and ...

a graphic designer, an astrophysicist, a dentist and an electrician walk into a bar

it was queen and they were playing their first gig

My parents were electricians

I was already grounded

What does an electrician say when he eats dinner? Ohm, ohm, ohm

Ohm, ohm, ohm

How many pedantic electricians does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You need a gardener for that.

Electrician comes home late

Wife: Wire you insulate?

Electrician: Watt? I'm ohm now, ain't I?

Two electricians are standing on a ladder leaned against a utility pole...

...when an elderly lady was passing below them. One of the electricians calls her.

\- Excuse me, ma'm! Could you pass us that wire, so we don't have to climb down?

\- This one, young man?

\- Yes, that one! Thank you so much, ma'm, you're very kind!

\- No problem, dear!...

What do electricians talk about?







Current events.

The lights in my house just went out, so I have to call an electrician....

I am unable to deal with the current situation..

I really like Electricians.

They are so electrocute

I fell in love with an electrician

I couldn't resist her

People whose jobs require them to enter someone else's house, such as plumbers and electricians, what is the weirdest thing you've seen at a customer's house?

My wife.

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Five surgeons were talking about the best patients...

First surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered."
Second surgeon says, "Nah - librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
Third surgeon responds, "Try electricians, man! Everything in...

What do an electrician and a mortician have in common?

They’re both shocked when they touch a live one.

What happenes when you beat up an electrician?

You get charged with battery

Electricians of Reddit. How do you turn off the carbon monoxide detector?

The loud beeping is making me feel dizzy and nauseous.

Why did the electrician punch a hole in the wall?

He needed an outlet.

Electricians have to strip to make ends meet

Shocking i know

A Chemist, an Engineer, an Electrician and an IT guy get stranded on the side of the road after their car break down...

It’s the dead of winter and the wind chill is below freezing. One of them gets off the phone with the towing company, “they said it’s going to be at least two hours.” They all stay in the car.


After a few minutes the Chemist tells the other three, “I’m pretty sure I know what happened......

Which is an electrician favorite band ?

AC/DC

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I've made up my mind. I'm choosing a career path as an electrician.

I just found out they get to work with dikes and strippers.

I asked an electrician to fix an electrical issue at my house

He refused

What do you call a detective electrician?

Sherlock Ohms

I found being an electrician interesting

But the work was shocking.

Why was the electrician so excited to go shopping with his wife?

She said they were going to the outlet mall.

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and an electrician?

Ask them how to pronounce “unionized”

I didn’t realise how difficult it was being an electrician until I tried it myself

I was shocked

A Mathematician, an Electrician and a Lawyer are having a job interview.

The Interviewer asked the three Men, "What's the answer to one plus one?"

The Mathematician instantly replied, "Two!"

The Electrician went away, measured lots of things, and eventually came back and gladly said, "Two"

The lawyer looked around, closed the door, leaned in towards ...

how did the arguement between the electricians come to an end?

they found common ground

My grandfather was an electrician during WWII.

His uniform had a helmet with two thunderbolts on it

what's an electricians favorite snack ?

microchips

My electrician was bad at his job but he loved me to death

Which is why I was in shock when he died.

2 electricians got into an argument..

It went on for 5 days.. they just couldn't find any common ground.

Shocking.

I'm a bad electrician

And when people find out, they're so shocked.

She fell in love with...

She fell in love with an electrician, and she got shocked.

She fell in love with an artist, and things got sketchy.

She fell in love with a musician, and she got played.

She fell in love with a photographer...

I fell in love with a female electrician

She was a real live wire and i took her ohm with me

I just found out the electrician I hired is unlicensed.

Needless to say, I was shocked!

Why did the electrician get killed in a debate?

He used conductive reasoning.

2 builders, 4 plumber, and an electrician walk into a bar.

I really shouldn't have moved that hazard sign.

Three babies in the womb discuss what they would like to be when they grow up.

Three babies in the womb discuss what they would like to be when they grow up. The first one says, “I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here.” The second one says, “I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here.” The third one says, “I wanna be a boxer.” The others look con...

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Three babies

So there's three babies in the womb. At some point Baby 1 asks a question


Baby 1: So what are you guys going to do when you get out of here? I'm going to be a plumber to fix the plumbing of this place because there's water everywhere!


Baby 2: Well I will become an electrici...

She got married to an electrician ....

Everyone was shocked!

Add yours .....

A shocking revelation…

Most people are shocked when they realize theyre not an electrician.

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My brother said it's his lifes ambition to give a hand job to a plumber, an electrician, a carpenter and a builder.

Hes wants to be a jack off all trades

What did the electrician say when he electrocuted himself?

That Hertz!

I used to date an electrician...

Boy, she could really light up a room!

An electrician installed two aeriels on the same roof . . .

The aeirels quickly fell in love, went on many dates and were soon married. The wedding went off without a hitch . . .

But there was no reception.

An electrician went to the buzzfeed headquarters,

He was asked to come because a power box was malfunctioning, He went to the reception and told them that he was there to fix the problem ,he was told to wait a minute . So he sat down at the reception. He saw that most of the people working there were in their twenties. He then wondered how advanced...

An Electrician

A electrician was working while the police came to arrest him. Do you know what happened?

HE WAS PUTTING UP A RESISTANCE

I’ve been in the army for the last year and I’m home visiting my girlfriend. I come home and find my friend that is an electrician’s work truck outside my girlfriends house.

I guess he’s fixing a “clap-on,clap-off” light bulb because I can hear them clapping from outside.

Electrician goes into coma after coming in contact with power lines.

“He should be fine,” say the doctors. “He’s just taking a power nap.”

What does an electrician drive?

A Voltswagen

What kind of dreams do hydro electricians have?

Wet dreams.

Shocking, isn't it?

Why do electricians periodically call their parents just to bad mouth them?

So they stay grounded.

I lost my job as an electrician.

They said that I re-fused too much work.

Why did the optimistic electrician lose his job?

He kept on turning negatives into positives.

What are the electrician's last words?

...this power cable has no power.

Why are electricians terrible sailors?

They are always running aground.

I saw an electrician accidentally electrocuting himself today; you might say he was...

killed.

Today i discovered my electrician was unqualified

I was shocked

r/electricians should be quarantined

It is a subreddit devoted to shocking content

What is a State Electrician's favorite day?

#FRY-day

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A wife is tired of all the problems that need fixing in her house

She asks her husband, "Can you please fix the leak in the bathroom? ", the husband says "Do i look like a plumber?"

She asks him "Well can you please fix the light in the living room, its been flickering for ages?", he replies "Do i look like and electrician?"

Growing tired she asks hi...

A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat.

He says to the barman, "Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please?" The barman says, "Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!" The dog replies, "Why? Do they need electricians?"

What do you say when you break up with an electrician?

Watt is love?

Baby don't hertz me.

Don't hertz me.

N-ohm-ore.

N-ohm-ore.

How to tell apart a good electrician from a bad one

One is 16 feet above and one is 6 feet below ground

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A little boy wanders into a construction site next to his house.

A few hours later, he comes home and quickly finds his dad.

"Dad guess what. The guys at the construction site showed me how to build a house."

The dad excited, asked his son to show him what he learned. The son gets a roll of string, hands one end to his dad, runs to the other sid...

Two electricians are up on a pole

A granny walks by. One of the electricians shouts at the granny:

— Hey grandma, can you hold that cable that's on the ground next to you for a bit, please?

The granny picks up the cable. The same electrician then states to the other:

— Told you it was the ground.

An electrician was working at an apartment when he got electrocuted.

He died before he even knew watts up.

My dad got fired recently for being such an irritated electrician

He never conducted himself positively at work

What's an electrician's favorite breakfast?

Ohmelettes

An electrician was shocked by a live wire when he was asked why...

He said he couldn't resist.

You shouldn't try being your own electrician

This piece of advice shouldn't shock you

Did you hear the one about the colorblind electrician?

Maybe I shouldn't tell this joke, it was shocking

I met a really bad electrician at the bar last night...

At first there were some sparks, but he ended up saying some pretty nasty things to me and I left shocked.

Today I found out that the electrician didn't connect the protective grounding system at my home.

I was shocked.

How does electrician turn down services

He refuses it.

Jimmy, the electrician's son was grounded by his parents...

I heard his parents say he had no potential

The electrician is married to his job

He loves it so much, that you could say between them, sparks fly

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What did they call the man who gave a handjob to an electrician, a plumber, a welder, and a construction worker?

A Jack Off All Trades

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Little 5-year-old Johnny was running around the house making noise...

When his mother yelled at him, saying: "Can't you find something to do? Like maybe go across the street and watch the construction workers build that new house? "


So, Johnny did. A few hours later, His father had just returned home from work. "Where were you, son?" He
asked.
...

When I was growing up I loved watching my dad at work whenever I got the chance to go with him.

He used to work in New York City and him and the people he worked for was this big electrical company. There were all electricians. Some of the funniest people I've ever met on the planet.

The one thing about all their jokes though is that they're a little too vulgar for not exactly the most...

Why did the electrician join Facebook?

So he could post his current status.

What do you call a freelance electrician?

A solderer of fortune.

How do you make an electrician sad

You kill his daughter.

A chemist, a mechanic, a electrician, and a programmer were driving in a car when it broke down.

"This must be because we've mixed the wrong fuel additive!" said the chemist.



"Bollocks!" said the mechanic. "This is clearly a mechanical problem. There must be something wrong with the engine."



"Both of you are wrong. The problem lies with the car wiring and the batte...

What do Crossfitters and Electricians have in common?

Lots of Circuit Training

I confessed to my family I am not actually an electrician.

My sister was shocked.

My friend the electrician

I had this friend in school. Great guy, always cracking jokes. Life of the party. But after we finished school, we went our separate ways. I went off to university, he became an electrician. About a year later, we were both in our home town, so we decided to catch up. It was just like old times, he ...

An mechanical engineer, electrician and programmer are driving in a car.

After few hours their car suddenly stops and they start to wonder what went wrong.

Mechanical engineer says: "I bet there's something wrong with the engine."

Electrician says: "I think the battery might be dead."

Programmer thinks for a while and then says: "Guys, what if we get...

An electrician tells the engineer, “I wired everything exactly according to the drawing and I flip the switch and there’s no current.”

“Yes, I see the problem,” The engineer responds. “We just can’t draw any current.”

If Usain Bolt was an electrician...

His name would be Usain Volt

My electrician has been bragging that he ran power to his linseed garden.

Wired flax, but ok.

Why is it always better to hire three electricians instead of just one?

Because many hands make light work

Why do Electricians make terrible revolutionaries?

They know resistance is a waste of energy.

My frugal neighbor doesn't want to pay for an electrician to re-wire his house so he's going to try and do it himself. "How hard can it be?" he said.

I think he's in for a shock.

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Four surgeons are discussing their favorite patients to work on.

The first surgeon to speak says "librarians are my favorite; when you cut them open, everything inside is alphabetical filed."

The next surgeon replies "I prefer to work on accountants, because everything is in numerical order."

The third surgeon rebuttles "electricians are the best, w...

How do electricians meditate?

Ohmmmm, Ohmmmm

Where do electricians get supplies?

The Ohm Depot.

Why did the electrician become a news anchor?

He's always had a knack for current events.

What social media site does an electrician use

Ohmegle

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A philosopher, an electrician and a redneck walk into a bar

And they started arguing what was the fastest thing ever:

- From my point of view - says the philosopher - it's the thought, it has gone through your mind before you even notice it!

- Well - Says the electrician - to me, it's electricity, the moment you turn the lights on, they're on! ...

Two electrician friends meet at the hardware store after work

and chat about LED fixtures and other areas of illuminating rooms for a few hours. When the one electrician returns home to his wife that asks what took so long, he replies

"Me and my friend were just having a light conversation at the store."

A construction contractor buys a 10 foot Italian submarine sandwich to feed his crew

It gets delivered a little early, so he sets it out on a table and goes back to finish up the morning's work. By the time him and his crew get back to it, though, there's something wrong. Most of the middle sections are missing, and the two ends have been pushed together, making it only a 4 foot san...

How do electricians relax?

They meditate.
*Oooohhhmmmm*

They do it after getting all amped up after a long day. It helps organize the mind after getting their wires crossed.

Why do electricians like talented train drivers?

Because they’re good conductors

What's the difference between an Electrician and someone who's high?

The electrician knows where the ground is.

A mechanic, an electrician and a software developer were in a car.

The car stops working.

-It's the carburetor, says the mechanic. We just have to get down and clean it.

-It's the ignition, says the electrician. We have to check the spark plugs and we'll make it work.

-"Guys, I propose getting out of the car and getting back in and maybe it wi...

Did you hear about the recently unemployed electrician?

Apparently he's now ohm-less.

Three men are chatting when the first says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a plumber.

"I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A pipe."

"I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician," says the second. "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A box of fuses."

"I think my wife is having an affair with a horse," says the thi...

A Mexican electrician accidentally touched a live wire.

He suffered a Corona discharge.

I am a damn good electrician

Otherwise I would be dead

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Johnny has the day off from school and is bugging his mom

Johnny: mom, I'm bored I want to do something.

Mom: See those construction workers building that house across the street? Why don't you go over there and see what they are doing, maybe you'll learn something.

So Johnny does what his mom told him and spends all day across the street. He...

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