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I thought being an electrician would be cool.

Getting to hangout with a bunch of strippers and dikes all day long.


But really you're just grabbing and twisting nuts all day.

An electrician gets tired of being looked down upon for his profession

so he uses the money he has saved up to become a doctor.

As a resident, he always stood out amongst a crowd that was still mostly younger rich kids who could afford medical school somehow right out of high school and undergrad.

One day in particular, the hospital fire alarm got yanke...

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Why would Butters make a great electrician?

he's always grounded

I asked an electrician to fix an electrical issue at my house

He refused.

Where do electricians go when their job is done?

They go h-ohm.

A lawyer, a doctor, a cop, an electrician, a plumber walks into a bar.

**Bartender asks "So what will you have Johnny Sins?"**

What happened to the intern electrician after accidentally shocking himself bc he forgot to wear PPE?

He was grounded.

Why has no electrician ever gone to the International Space Station?

They don't think it's safe. None of the wiring runs to ground.

My mother advised me not to marry an electrician

"Don't marry an electrician, he will take late night calls and plug himself into other women", my mother warned me.

"Don't marry a plumber either", she continued, "he will work on weekends and do other women's pipes".

"Don't marry a pizza boy neither. He will work on Friday nights and...

a graphic designer, an astrophysicist, a dentist and an electrician walk into a bar

it was queen and they were playing their first gig

I’ve failed my electricians exam 3 times. I’ve decided to try meditation to see if that helps.

Ohmmmmm

What’s an electrician’s favorite store?

The electrical outlet!

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What does an electrician call his hot therapist?

A heat shrink

a joke thats originally in arabic, but I think translates well.

3 men are smoking weed when the cops show up. Panicked, one hides undrneath a car, the other climbs up a telephone pole, and the last hides under a donkey.

The cops find the first guy and ask him if he was smoking weed, and he replies "im just a mechanic, and havent smoked a day in my life" s...

The lights in my house just went out, so I have to call an electrician....

I am unable to deal with the current situation..

I fell in love with an electrician

I couldn't resist her

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An electrician comes home to his wife after working a job at a millionaires house...

He says to his wife “honey you will not believe this, the house I worked at today had a golden toilet.”

She says “Really? I need to see this.”

They take a ride across the neighborhood and pull up in front of a huge house.

The electrician knocks on the door, a woman answers and ...

An electrician comes home late....

Wife: "Wire you insulate?"

Electrician: "Watts it to you? I'm ohm, aren't I."

Four guys were driving in a car, an engineer, electrician, plumber and an IT guy

The car suddenly stops working.

The engineer suggest to check the belts, fluids etc...

The electrician suggest to check the battery and alternator...

The plumber suggest to check the fuel level, pump and filter...

Last, the IT guys says lets get out, lock the doors, unl...

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and an electrician?

Ask them how to pronounce “unionized”

What's an electrician's favourite fruit?

Currants!

Electricians have to strip to make ends meet

Shocking i know

A Chemist, an Engineer, an Electrician and an IT guy get stranded on the side of the road after their car break down...

It’s the dead of winter and the wind chill is below freezing. One of them gets off the phone with the towing company, “they said it’s going to be at least two hours.” They all stay in the car.


After a few minutes the Chemist tells the other three, “I’m pretty sure I know what happened......

How many pedantic electricians does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You need a gardener for that.

My parents were electricians

I was already grounded

What kind of car does an electrician drive?

A volts-wagen

What happenes when you beat up an electrician?

You get charged with battery

Why did the electrician punch a hole in the wall?

He needed an outlet.

What do electricians talk about?







Current events.

Electricians of Reddit. How do you turn off the carbon monoxide detector?

The loud beeping is making me feel dizzy and nauseous.

Two electricians are standing on a ladder leaned against a utility pole...

...when an elderly lady was passing below them. One of the electricians calls her.

\- Excuse me, ma'm! Could you pass us that wire, so we don't have to climb down?

\- This one, young man?

\- Yes, that one! Thank you so much, ma'm, you're very kind!

\- No problem, dear!...

People whose jobs require them to enter someone else's house, such as plumbers and electricians, what is the weirdest thing you've seen at a customer's house?

My wife.

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Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything ins...

Which is an electrician favorite band ?

AC/DC

What do an electrician and a mortician have in common?

They’re both shocked when they touch a live one.

Spelling

The teacher announced that to practice spelling, each member of the class would say what their fathers did for a living and then spell the occupation.

Mary went first. "My Dad is a baker, b-a-k-e-r, and if he were here, he would give everyone a cookie."

Next came Tommy. "My d...

Once upon a time my dad gave me some money and told me to pay our power bill. However, I didn't pay it and instead spent all the money on a raffle where a new car was the prize. The very next day there was a brand new car in front of our house.

The car belonged to the electricians who came to cut our power off.

I really like Electricians.

They are so electrocute

Why was the electrician so excited to go shopping with his wife?

She said they were going to the outlet mall.

I didn’t realise how difficult it was being an electrician until I tried it myself

I was shocked

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I've made up my mind. I'm choosing a career path as an electrician.

I just found out they get to work with dikes and strippers.

I just found out the electrician I hired is unlicensed.

Needless to say, I was shocked!

My grandfather was an electrician during WWII.

His uniform had a helmet with two thunderbolts on it

A Mathematician, an Electrician and a Lawyer are having a job interview.

The Interviewer asked the three Men, "What's the answer to one plus one?"

The Mathematician instantly replied, "Two!"

The Electrician went away, measured lots of things, and eventually came back and gladly said, "Two"

The lawyer looked around, closed the door, leaned in towards ...

Three Irish friends are in their local pub

One of them sighs and says, "lads, I think my wife is cheating on me with an electrician". The other two friends are shocked to hear this. "Why? What makes you think that?", asks one of them. "Well", the first man replies, "I found a pair of wire cutters under the bed, and they're not mine".

...

I'm a bad electrician

And when people find out, they're so shocked.

2 electricians got into an argument..

It went on for 5 days.. they just couldn't find any common ground.

Shocking.

What do you call a detective electrician?

Sherlock Ohms

I found being an electrician interesting

But the work was shocking.

What did the electrician say when he electrocuted himself?

That Hertz!

I used to date an electrician...

Boy, she could really light up a room!

I fell in love with a female electrician

She was a real live wire and i took her ohm with me

An electrician went to the buzzfeed headquarters,

He was asked to come because a power box was malfunctioning, He went to the reception and told them that he was there to fix the problem ,he was told to wait a minute . So he sat down at the reception. He saw that most of the people working there were in their twenties. He then wondered how advanced...

what's an electricians favorite snack ?

microchips

Why did the electrician get killed in a debate?

He used conductive reasoning.

My electrician was bad at his job but he loved me to death

Which is why I was in shock when he died.

What is the electricians favorite city?

Washington, DC

Why did the optimistic electrician lose his job?

He kept on turning negatives into positives.

Three babies in the womb.

They are discussing what they would like to be when they grow up.

The first one says, "I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here."

The second one says, "I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here."

The third one says, "I wanna be a boxer."
...

A local electrician was arrested and charged for battery, yesterday.

And spent the night in a dry cell.

2 builders, 4 plumber, and an electrician walk into a bar.

I really shouldn't have moved that hazard sign.

An electrician installed two aeriels on the same roof . . .

The aeirels quickly fell in love, went on many dates and were soon married. The wedding went off without a hitch . . .

But there was no reception.

I lost my job as an electrician.

They said that I re-fused too much work.

What do you say when you break up with an electrician?

Watt is love?

Baby don't hertz me.

Don't hertz me.

N-ohm-ore.

N-ohm-ore.

What kind of dreams do hydro electricians have?

Wet dreams.

Shocking, isn't it?

What's black and cripsy and hangs from a chandelier?

An amateur electrician

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What did they call the man who gave a handjob to an electrician, a plumber, a welder, and a construction worker?

A Jack Off All Trades

An electrician was shocked by a live wire when he was asked why...

He said he couldn't resist.

I saw an electrician accidentally electrocuting himself today; you might say he was...

killed.

Electrician goes into coma after coming in contact with power lines.

“He should be fine,” say the doctors. “He’s just taking a power nap.”

Today i discovered my electrician was unqualified

I was shocked

I’ve been in the army for the last year and I’m home visiting my girlfriend. I come home and find my friend that is an electrician’s work truck outside my girlfriends house.

I guess he’s fixing a “clap-on,clap-off” light bulb because I can hear them clapping from outside.

Today I found out that the electrician didn't connect the protective grounding system at my home.

I was shocked.

r/electricians should be quarantined

It is a subreddit devoted to shocking content

How does electrician turn down services

He refuses it.

Two electricians are up on a pole

A granny walks by. One of the electricians shouts at the granny:

— Hey grandma, can you hold that cable that's on the ground next to you for a bit, please?

The granny picks up the cable. The same electrician then states to the other:

— Told you it was the ground.

Why do electricians periodically call their parents just to bad mouth them?

So they stay grounded.

How to tell apart a good electrician from a bad one

One is 16 feet above and one is 6 feet below ground

The US military wanted to draft one of three people, an electrician, an engineer, and a politician. All three were asked why they should be able to stay with their families:

The electrician said, “If you draft me, who will work on your vehicles and weapons when they are broken?“

The engineer then followed with, “If you draft me, who will build the vehicles and weapons for the electrician to work on when they are broken?”

The politician then said, with a sl...

Jimmy, the electrician's son was grounded by his parents...

I heard his parents say he had no potential

The electrician is married to his job

He loves it so much, that you could say between them, sparks fly

What are the electrician's last words?

...this power cable has no power.

An electrician was working at an apartment when he got electrocuted.

He died before he even knew watts up.

My dad got fired recently for being such an irritated electrician

He never conducted himself positively at work

What's an electrician's favorite breakfast?

Ohmelettes

Why are electricians terrible sailors?

They are always running aground.

You shouldn't try being your own electrician

This piece of advice shouldn't shock you

Did you hear the one about the colorblind electrician?

Maybe I shouldn't tell this joke, it was shocking

I met a really bad electrician at the bar last night...

At first there were some sparks, but he ended up saying some pretty nasty things to me and I left shocked.

A chemist, a mechanic, a electrician, and a programmer were driving in a car when it broke down.

"This must be because we've mixed the wrong fuel additive!" said the chemist.



"Bollocks!" said the mechanic. "This is clearly a mechanical problem. There must be something wrong with the engine."



"Both of you are wrong. The problem lies with the car wiring and the batte...

What is a State Electrician's favorite day?

#FRY-day

A kid goes to his grandfather

The grandfather shows him his old stuff from ww2 and comes across his helmet. The kid looks at it and says:
-Grandpa, I never knew you were an electrician!

If Usain Bolt was an electrician...

His name would be Usain Volt

An electrician tells the engineer, “I wired everything exactly according to the drawing and I flip the switch and there’s no current.”

“Yes, I see the problem,” The engineer responds. “We just can’t draw any current.”

What do you call a freelance electrician?

A solderer of fortune.

My frugal neighbor doesn't want to pay for an electrician to re-wire his house so he's going to try and do it himself. "How hard can it be?" he said.

I think he's in for a shock.

Why did the electrician join Facebook?

So he could post his current status.

Why do Electricians make terrible revolutionaries?

They know resistance is a waste of energy.

My friend the electrician

I had this friend in school. Great guy, always cracking jokes. Life of the party. But after we finished school, we went our separate ways. I went off to university, he became an electrician. About a year later, we were both in our home town, so we decided to catch up. It was just like old times, he ...

I confessed to my family I am not actually an electrician.

My sister was shocked.

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A philosopher, an electrician and a redneck walk into a bar

And they started arguing what was the fastest thing ever:

- From my point of view - says the philosopher - it's the thought, it has gone through your mind before you even notice it!

- Well - Says the electrician - to me, it's electricity, the moment you turn the lights on, they're on! ...

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A wife is tired of all the problems that need fixing in her house

She asks her husband, "Can you please fix the leak in the bathroom? ", the husband says "Do i look like a plumber?"

She asks him "Well can you please fix the light in the living room, its been flickering for ages?", he replies "Do i look like and electrician?"

Growing tired she asks hi...

Two electrician friends meet at the hardware store after work

and chat about LED fixtures and other areas of illuminating rooms for a few hours. When the one electrician returns home to his wife that asks what took so long, he replies

"Me and my friend were just having a light conversation at the store."

Why is it always better to hire three electricians instead of just one?

Because many hands make light work

Where do electricians get supplies?

The Ohm Depot.

How do electricians meditate?

Ohmmmm, Ohmmmm

What do Crossfitters and Electricians have in common?

Lots of Circuit Training

What social media site does an electrician use

Ohmegle

Why did the electrician become a news anchor?

He's always had a knack for current events.

A mechanic, an electrician and a software developer were in a car.

The car stops working.

-It's the carburetor, says the mechanic. We just have to get down and clean it.

-It's the ignition, says the electrician. We have to check the spark plugs and we'll make it work.

-"Guys, I propose getting out of the car and getting back in and maybe it wi...

What's the difference between an Electrician and someone who's high?

The electrician knows where the ground is.

How many electricians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1, it's a goddamn electrician, what'd you expect?

Did you hear about the recently unemployed electrician?

Apparently he's now ohm-less.

How do you make an electrician sad

You kill his daughter.

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