The lights in my house just went out, so I have to call an electrician....

I am unable to deal with the current situation..

You shouldn't try being your own electrician

This piece of advice shouldn't shock you

I just found out the electrician I hired is unlicensed.

Needless to say, I was shocked!

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and an electrician?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized"

What do you call a detective electrician?

Sherlock Ohms

Why did the electrician punch a hole in the wall?

He needed an outlet.

What do an electrician and a Buddhist have in common?

Ooooooooooooooohms.

Why was the electrician so excited to go shopping with his wife?

She said they were going to the outlet mall.

Electrician goes into coma after coming in contact with power lines.

“He should be fine,” say the doctors. “He’s just taking a power nap.”

Electrician gets home late...

Electrician didn't get home until after 2am. His wife asked "Wire you insulate?" He replied, "Watts it to you, I'm ohm, aren't I?"

I'm a bad electrician

And when people find out, they're so shocked.

Why do electricians periodically call their parents just to bad mouth them?

So they stay grounded.

2 electricians got into an argument..

It went on for 5 days.. they just couldn't find any common ground.

Shocking.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brother said it's his lifes ambition to give a hand job to a plumber, an electrician, a carpenter and a builder.

Hes wants to be a jack off all trades

I’ve been in the army for the last year and I’m home visiting my girlfriend. I come home and find my friend that is an electrician’s work truck outside my girlfriends house.

I guess he’s fixing a “clap-on,clap-off” light bulb because I can hear them clapping from outside.

What kind of dreams do hydro electricians have?

Wet dreams.

Shocking, isn't it?

Why did teen electrician got struck by lightning?

Because his parents grounded him.

What does an electrician drive?

A Voltswagen

What is a State Electrician's favorite day?

#FRY-day

Why do electricians strip?

They have to make ends meet somehow.

r/electricians should be quarantined

It is a subreddit devoted to shocking content

Have you heard the one about the electrician making a mistake

I hear it's shocking

Why did the optimistic electrician lose his job?

He kept on turning negatives into positives.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An electrician comes home to his wife after working a job at a millionaires house...

He says to his wife “honey you will not believe this, the house I worked at today had a golden toilet.”

She says “Really? I need to see this.”

They take a ride across the neighborhood and pull up in front of a huge house.

The electrician knocks on the door, a woman answers and ...

What did the electrician say when he electrocuted himself?

That Hertz!

What’s the difference between a Gardener and an electrician?

Ask them to define the word “bulb”.

Today i discovered my electrician was unqualified

I was shocked

What do Crossfitters and Electricians have in common?

Lots of Circuit Training

If lawyers are disbarred and priests are defrocked, then...

Electricians are delighted

Corpses are decrypted

Cowboys are deranged

Models are deposed

Underwear models are debriefed

Dry cleaners are depressed, decreased and depleted

Jilted women are debrided

HVAC technicians are deducted

Tennis linemen ar...

I lost my job as an electrician.

They said that I re-fused too much work.

A chemist, a mechanic, a electrician, and a programmer were driving in a car when it broke down.

"This must be because we've mixed the wrong fuel additive!" said the chemist.



"Bollocks!" said the mechanic. "This is clearly a mechanical problem. There must be something wrong with the engine."



"Both of you are wrong. The problem lies with the car wiring and the batte...

An electrician went to the buzzfeed headquarters,

He was asked to come because a power box was malfunctioning, He went to the reception and told them that he was there to fix the problem ,he was told to wait a minute . So he sat down at the reception. He saw that most of the people working there were in their twenties. He then wondered how advanced...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four Surgeons

Four surgeons sit around discussing their favorite patients.



The first surgeon says, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order".



The second surgeon says, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everythin...

I met a really bad electrician at the bar last night...

At first there were some sparks, but he ended up saying some pretty nasty things to me and I left shocked.

An mechanical engineer, electrician and programmer are driving in a car.

After few hours their car suddenly stops and they start to wonder what went wrong.

Mechanical engineer says: "I bet there's something wrong with the engine."

Electrician says: "I think the battery might be dead."

Programmer thinks for a while and then says: "Guys, what if we get...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Surgeons

The first surgeon, from New York , says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."




The second, from Chicago , responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

<...

How to tell apart a good electrician from a bad one

One is 16 feet above and one is 6 feet below ground

The electrician is married to his job

He loves it so much, that you could say between them, sparks fly

What is the electrician's favorite rock band?

AC/DC

We work in the dark to serve the light. What are we?

Electricians

What are the electrician's last words?

...this power cable has no power.

How do you rile up an electrician but calm down a hostage?

Blow a fuse.

I went to college to be an electrician

I feel like I have a bright future ahead of me.

Today I found out that the electrician didn't connect the protective grounding system at my home.

I was shocked.

I confessed to my family I am not actually an electrician.

My sister was shocked.

How does electrician turn down services

He refuses it.

Why did the electrician become a news anchor?

He's always had a knack for current events.

A wire just fell from the ceiling

I was shocked when the electrician couldn’t fix it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman finds out that she's pregnant with triplets...

she then consents to be the test subject for an experiment. A doctor gives her a newly developed pill that is meant to give unborn children super intelligence so they're born with the ability to speak English, think critically, etc.

Nine months later, she goes into labor. The doctor who gave ...

What do you say when you break up with an electrician?

Watt is love?

Baby don't hertz me.

Don't hertz me.

N-ohm-ore.

N-ohm-ore.

The Night the Eiffel Tower’s Lights Went Out

One fateful night, the lights on the Eiffel Tower went out. It was, of course, a national tragedy for all of France and quite a problem, not the least of which being the fact that airplanes could very easily fly right into the thing.

The French government called every last engineer or electr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've built a beautiful house and get complimented on it

But people are always shocked when they find out how crap an electrician I am.

An electrician tells the engineer, “I wired everything exactly according to the drawing and I flip the switch and there’s no current.”

“Yes, I see the problem,” The engineer responds. “We just can’t draw any current.”

What's black and is stuck to a ceiling?

A not very good electrician.

Why did the electrician join Facebook?

So he could post his current status.

My dad got fired recently for being such an irritated electrician

He never conducted himself positively at work

I used to date an electrician...

Boy, she could really light up a room!

What do you call a freelance electrician?

A solderer of fortune.

An electrician was working at an apartment when he got electrocuted.

He died before he even knew watts up.

What's an electrician's favorite breakfast?

Ohmelettes

What social media site does an electrician use

Ohmegle

Jimmy, the electrician's son was grounded by his parents...

I heard his parents say he had no potential

Why is it always better to hire three electricians instead of just one?

Because many hands make light work

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny has the day off from school and is bugging his mom

Johnny: mom, I'm bored I want to do something.

Mom: See those construction workers building that house across the street? Why don't you go over there and see what they are doing, maybe you'll learn something.

So Johnny does what his mom told him and spends all day across the street. He...

Why are electricians terrible sailors?

They are always running aground.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A philosopher, an electrician and a redneck walk into a bar

And they started arguing what was the fastest thing ever:

- From my point of view - says the philosopher - it's the thought, it has gone through your mind before you even notice it!

- Well - Says the electrician - to me, it's electricity, the moment you turn the lights on, they're on! ...

Two electricians are up on a pole

A granny walks by. One of the electricians shouts at the granny:

— Hey grandma, can you hold that cable that's on the ground next to you for a bit, please?

The granny picks up the cable. The same electrician then states to the other:

— Told you it was the ground.

Two electrician friends meet at the hardware store after work

and chat about LED fixtures and other areas of illuminating rooms for a few hours. When the one electrician returns home to his wife that asks what took so long, he replies

"Me and my friend were just having a light conversation at the store."

My friend the electrician

I had this friend in school. Great guy, always cracking jokes. Life of the party. But after we finished school, we went our separate ways. I went off to university, he became an electrician. About a year later, we were both in our home town, so we decided to catch up. It was just like old times, he ...

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked

doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

How many carpenters does it take to change a lightbulb?

I dunno, that’s the electricians job

How do electricians relax?

They meditate.
*Oooohhhmmmm*

They do it after getting all amped up after a long day. It helps organize the mind after getting their wires crossed.

A mechanic, an electrician and a software developer were in a car.

The car stops working.

-It's the carburetor, says the mechanic. We just have to get down and clean it.

-It's the ignition, says the electrician. We have to check the spark plugs and we'll make it work.

-"Guys, I propose getting out of the car and getting back in and maybe it wi...

My frugal neighbor doesn't want to pay for an electrician to re-wire his house so he's going to try and do it himself. "How hard can it be?" he said.

I think he's in for a shock.

An electrician was shocked by a live wire when he was asked why...

He said he couldn't resist.

Two Electricians Are Working On A Telephone Pole

As they're working, an old woman walks by them. The first electrician calls out "Ma'am! Can you move that wire aside for us?"

She replies "Oh yes, deary", as she picks up the wire and moves it out of the sidewalk and strolls off.

The second electrician says to the first "I told you it ...

Why do Electricians make terrible revolutionaries?

They know resistance is a waste of energy.

Why do electricians like talented train drivers?

Because they’re good conductors

If Usain Bolt was an electrician...

His name would be Usain Volt

Three men sat around a table in a bar and talked about their wives.

The first man says, "I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician. When I got home last night I found a pair of pliers and some insulating tape behind the radiator in the bedroom - we've not had any work done on the house, and I can't think of any other way they could have got there".
...

How many electricians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1, it's a goddamn electrician, what'd you expect?

A Mexican electrician accidentally touched a live wire.

He suffered a Corona discharge.

Did you hear how the deaf electrician asked his friend to repeat what he said?

Watt?

How do electricians meditate?

Ohmmmm, Ohmmmm

An electrician's son removed one wire from each of his father's power plugs.

His father asks him furiously: Why did you do that? What's wrong with you?

Son: Nothing, dad. It's just a phase.

Father: You're grounded.

Three Irish guys chatting:

First says, I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician, I came home and under the bed was a pair of wire cutters.

Second one says, I think my wife is having an affair with a plumber, I came home and under the bed was a wrench.

Third one says, I think my wife is having an a...

What's the difference between an Electrician and someone who's high?

The electrician knows where the ground is.

What do you say to give an electrician encouragement?

"You conduit!"

An electrician goes to a fortune teller.

When he arrives, the fortune teller says
"Look into this crystal ball and you will see how you die". When the electrician looks into the ball, he couldn't believe what he saw. He was shocked.

I am a damn good electrician

Otherwise I would be dead

Where do electricians get supplies?

The Ohm Depot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Trevor's father works building houses.

He wants to spend a day on the job site, his mother is reluctant but eventually yields and says yes.

The next day they come home from his day with dad and she asks what he learned.

Little Trevor says "Well first you cut the fucking boards but the motherfuckers won't fit. So you have to...

I'm pretty sure my electrician supports LGBT rights.

Just the other day I heard him talking about his transister.

Did you hear about the electrician who beat up a baker?

He was charged with battery.

What's the best way to cheer on an electrician?

You con-du-it!!!

Did you hear about the recently unemployed electrician?

Apparently he's now ohm-less.

The last words of an electrician

"Yeah you can turn it on, it is proven."

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