A white scientist is studying a tribe in Africa

A white scientist is studying an African tribe.

One day, the tribe leaders wife has a white son.

The tribe leader approaches the scientist soon after.

"Well, we both know what happened here. No one else could have done it. You slept with my wife, I have to kill you." The tribe l...

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Thats a Bug

\*\*Scientist: Dick Bug\*\*


Other Scientist: no


\*\*Scientist: Penis Beetle\*\*


Other Scientist: no


\*\*Scientist: Cock Roach\*\*


Other Scientist: fine whatever

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A scientist sat beside a little girl on a plane. He wanted to start a conversation.

He said: » I hear flights shorten if you talk with other passangers…«

The little girl replied: »OK, what do you want to talk about?«

The scientist was being a bit sarcastic: »Why don't we talk about nuclear physics?«

The girl said: »Can I ask you somethig first? A goat, a cow an...

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A scientist was experimenting on a cockroach..

A scientist was experimenting on a cockroach..

He pulls out one leg of cockroaches leg each time and let him free and says go...

The scientist notes down the result,

1- cockroach can run when one leg was pulled out.

2- cockroach can run when the second leg was pulled ...

Why do scientists hate reacting the 1 mol concentration of a carboxyl acid and 1 mil concentration alkane?

They make 1 mol-ester!

How do scientists keep their breath fresh?

Experamints

Who was the scariest scientist?

Frank Einstein

Scientists say, "Eat before you go into a grocery store, so you don't buy as much."

That does not work in a liquor store.

When should scientists unionize?

If the ionizing didn't work.

What was the name of that really annoying scientist?

Isaac Nuisance

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North Korean scientists report 50% success at turning shit into butter

Spreads fine, taste slightly off.

What do you call a snitching scientist?

A lab rat

Scientists have discovered another deadly pathogen they are calling the Peekaboo virus.

Doctors are sending anyone with peekaboo straight to ICU.

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A woman asks a drunk man if he is a scientist.

Drunk man: Hell Yeah! I'll sign your tits.

Al Gore and a computer scientist started a band.

The Al Gore Rhythms

Scientists have invented a bomb that explodes when the temperature hits absolute zero

It's called the "0K Boomer"

Three scientists were awarded the Nobel Prize for their work on black holes. The Trump Administration immediately objected

and said that research would should be directed towards white holes as well.

Scientists were studying rams

They had three rams in their lab. Each ram had a leather collar, and attached to each collar was a tag identifying them as A, B and C.

One of the researchers brought a large gourd from the supply closet and placed it on the head of Ram A. Nothing happened. After five minutes he removed the g...

Scientists say there are 6 people who look the same as you.

Unfortunately, i'm the last survivor.

Did you hear scientists were able to grow vocal cords in a petri dish?

The results speak for themselves

A scientists asks people on the street whats the most acidic thing they own. One man answers its his phone. The scientist replies: “No, acidic does not mean dirty”

The man replies: “I know, my phone has a ph of one”

A brilliant scientist successfully creates a lifelike deer cyborg.

Dr. Holmes, after many years of biotechnological research, finally succeeded in his secret project, using funds diverted from his research grant. Because the project needed to be kept off the records, Dr. Holmes kept the deer at home.

The cyborg would grow and develop just as a normal fawn wo...

Hello everyone! I'm a scientist and I am researching bestiality between humans and dogs.

I will be in my Lab if you need me.

Scientists have accidentally created immortal frogs

While running experiments, they decided to cut some of the frogs vocal cords.
Ever since then, the frogs just wont croak

What do you call a scientist who works with bacteria?

A man of culture.

A scientist was experimenting with how high frogs could jump.





First, he found a frog and said: "Jump". The frog jumped 2 feet into the air. The scientist recorded this in his notebook.

Next, he carefully pulled one leg off the frog, and told it to jump. It jumped 8 inches into the air, so he recorded this.

He pulled off yet anothe...

Two scientists walk into a bar.

The first scientist tells the bartender, "I'd like some H2O please."

The second scientist says, "I would also like H2O."

The two scientists finish their drink, but on their way out the second scientist suddenly collapses and starts foaming at the mouth.

"What happened?" goes the...

Scientists wanted to finally answer "how many incels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"

Getting them into the lightbulb was the easy part.

A great scientist invents a machine to split the pain of birth between a couple...

He finds a couple who just went into labour, and asks them if he can use the machine on them, as a test.

The couple agrees, and the husband says "We can split it 50 - 50, its only fair". So the scientist turns the machine up to 50%, just as the baby begins coming out, and the women starts gro...

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Scientists claim its impossible to fold a piece of paper 8 times.

They have obviously never seen me wiping my ass when there is only one sheet of toilet paper left.

A scientist drops a bar of gold on his foot by mistake...

"Au!", he exclaimed.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

Did you hear about the scientist who devoted his life to researching how to create potassium out of thin air?

Some could say... >!he’d gone bananas!<

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Two scientists walk into a bar.

"I'll have H2O," says the first.
"I'll have H2O, too," says the second.

The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.

Scientists believe they're very close to curing Agoraphobia.

Unfortunately for the agoraphobics, its just around the corner.

Scientists Invent Machine That Can Ruin Any Pizza

It's called a microwave.

Food scientists have finally managed to remove the mint flavor from gum

The ex-spearmint was a complete success

A scientist is looking to conduct an experiment using dolphins

He goes to the pet store and asks the clerk if they have any dolphins

The clerk responds “We don’t have any dolphins, but would a whale work?”

The scientist responds “No thank you, that defeats the porpoise”

Two scientists are playing Minecraft.

Two scientists are playing Minecraft. One is new to the game and doesn’t know much about it. At some point, he crafts a pickaxe, but doesn’t know what to do with it, so he asks the more experienced scientist.

Scientist 1: Bro, what should I do with this pickaxe that I crafted?

Scie...

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Scientists made a brand new discovery about sperms......

They don't swim the way you think, they swim in _cockscrew_ motion

The most embarrassing thing that can happen to a data scientist...

Is premature extrapolation.

A scientist called the customer support of his microscope company, complaining that the light bulb was broke.

Customer support responded that they will look into it.

A scientist named Berade cloned himself 76 times. Because of a mutation, the clones were all much more muscular than the real Berade.

One day one of the clones said to his 75 fellow clones, "I'm tired of that weakling bossing us around! He's treating us like servants just because he created us!"

So the clones all picked up Berade and threw him into a pigpen. When Berade landed, a hornet's nest was dislodged, and the hornets...

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A scientist, a mathematician, and in idiot all die in a car wreck and go to Heaven.

"Unfortunately, since heaven is quite full at the moment, I am only going to allow one of you in," the Devil says. "Whoever can ask me a question that I cannot answer correctly will be admitted into heaven. The rest will go to hell."

So the scientist steps up and asks him, "What is the most c...

A scientist announced he managed to cool something down to absolute zero.

It was 0K.

Scientists say they may be able to synthesize a completely clean biofuel using the enzymes in finely shredded fungi, such as mushrooms...

Some critics have questioned the ethics of the process, but admit they are comforted by the researchers’ strong Morel fibre.

Have scientists considered Queen Elizabeth's

Blood for covid-19 vaccine...??

Scientists recently discovered that there is no such thing as gravity

The Earth just sucks

People say Elon Musk is a mad scientist. Do you think he relates to Dr. Jekyll?

Because I've always heard he benefited from having a part Hyde.

Scientist recently linked a disease to women acting like a Karen.

It's mad cow disease.

A new twist on an old joke.

Scientists recently did a study on the effects the right side and left side of a brain had on counting.
They first took out the left half of a man's brain and asked him to count to 10.

He says, ‟2, 4, 6, 8, 10”.

They put the left half back in and removed the right half, asking him...

A scientist goes to a bar

He tells the barkeeper, give me 20 beers! It's for research! I want to see how many beers you need to take to get drunk!

The barkeeper gives him 20 beers, and the scientist finishes it in no time. He asks for 10 more.

Again, he drinks all beers in a few minutes. And asks for 5 more. An...

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Scientists confirmed West Virginia has zero cases of COVID-19

This was due to the fact that one family was immune to the strain.

A theological one for the computer scientists

After the animals exited the ark, the Lord came to the animals and the Lord spoke "Go forth and multiply".

The snakes came to him and said "Oh Lord, we cannot fulfil the commandment, for we are adders"

Thus spoke the Lord "Go and cut down the trees, and out of the trees you shall fashi...

Scientists have discovered life on Venus!

I’m going to see if they want my wife back.

Two scientists walk into a bar

The first one says, “I’ll have some H2O.”

The second one says, “I’ll have some H2O too.”

The second scientist dies

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What is it called when a scientist masturbates ?

A stroke of genius.

What did the suicidal guy say to the scientist who was trying to not get him to jump

You have so much potential

Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds…

They’ve left no tern unstoned…

A crazy scientist asked strangers on Reddit to help him make a bomb

Edit: Wow this exploded! I didn't expect that, Thank you guys!

Scientists have discovered the gene for shyness

They stated that it could have been discovered years ago, but it was found hiding behind two other genes...

What do you call an orgy with scientists?

The big bang

Did you hear about scientist exposing herbs to nuclear radiation?

It led to some amazing exspearmints.

Plant scientists have used genetic engineering to create a new variety of orange.

The novel navel.

Scientists have determined that one dog year is not equal to 7 human years.

The only thing equal to 7 human years is 2020

A Scientist, Inventor, and Engineer

A Scientist, Inventor, and Engineer are tasked with solving a major world problem. The Scientist does the research and makes a discovery that the Inventor then uses to invent the thing that will solve the problem. The engineer refines the invention until it is ready for operation. Their solution is ...

What's the difference between a scientist and plumber?

The way they pronounce unionized.

According to Scientists atom’s are as old the universe

So therefore your honour she was legal

2 scientists walk into a bar, the first one says “I’ll have H2O” the second one says “I’ll have water also” the first scientist walks off, furious that is assassination attempt had failed.

You have to be moderately smart to understand it...

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Scientists have discovered a food that totally erases a woman 's sex drive.

It's called a wedding cake.

Donald Trump, a scientist, a grandfather and his grandson were on a plane.

Suddenly, the plane's engine malfunctioned. The pilot turned around to face his passengers and said, "There are 3 parachutes. One of you will have to stay here with me while I try to land this plane."

Donald Trump immediately grabbed a pack and said, "I am the most important person on this p...

Scientists have discovered that diarrhea is hereditary....

It runs in your genes!

A farmer and a scientist are on a walk together

A farmer and a scientist are walking down a trail together. The scientist asks the farmer, "What is the distance from earth to the moon?" The farmer says he doesnt know. The scientist says,"Then you have wasted half of your life.". The two of them continue their walk with the scientist asking the fa...

Recently, Scientists have shown that Earth’s magnetic field is weakening.

It’s true. Current events have made it less attractive.

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A scientist walks into a doctor's office to inquire about his fever.

The doctor asks the scientist to lay down and drop his pants, which the scientist does without question.

The doctor asks about the scientists field of work to which he replies "astronomy my dear boy". The doctor was overjoyed at this response as space had always interested him.


T...

Scientists were baffled when hundreds of stars were suddenly extinguished.

Nobody saw the meteor that slammed into Hollywood.

Why did the scientists announce to the world they had a vaccine without adequate human testing?

Because they were Russian...

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Scientists are creating a new refreshment mint that is designed to keep your butt smelling nice

It's called a poopermint

Did you hear about the mad scientist who created deer-plant hybrids?

Apparently he wanted to introduce some variety to the local fawna.

Scientists have discovered a way to milk sheep.

Just release a new iphone every year.

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Three scientists are arguing about the meanest animal in the jungle

The first scientist says, "The meanest animal in the jungle is the the King of the Jungle himself, the lion. He wouldn't be the king if he wasn't the meanest bastard in there."

The second scientist says, "The lion may be king, but the meanest animal is actually the water buffalo. Even a lion ...

The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming numbers...

Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.

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Although COVID spreads mostly through the mouth & nose..

..scientists now conclude the greatest risk comes from assholes.

Two scientists walk into a bar.

The first man says “I’ll have H2O please.”

The bartender replies “Sure thing, and you?”

The second man says “I’ll have H2O aswell please.”

The bartender turns around and mutters to himself “Dammit, I’ll get him next time.”

A scientist is doing tests on a frog

The scientist is seeing what will happen to a frog if he cuts its legs off. First he says, “jump frog jump!” The frog jumps four feet. He writes down, ‘frog with four legs jumps four feet.’

He then cuts off the first leg and says, “jump frog jump!” The frog jumps three feet. He writes down, ‘...

I think we need to stop listening to scientists. They’ve been wrong about a fundamental topic...

...that you need a brain to survive. Look at Trump, he’s living proof that you don't.

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God offered to prove his power to a scientist.

Scientist asked God to fill his basement with diamonds, and instantly god did. He wasn't convinced yet cuz an alien could have the tech to do that.

He asked god to create a new galaxy in less than 1 second, and god did, but still wasn't convinced.

He asked God to create another planet ...

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Scientist walks into bar with an apple...

He sits down and the bartender says, "what's the apple for?" Scientist says "I made this apple taste like a screwdriver. Here, try it."
The bartender grabs it and takes a bite. "Woah! Tastes like vodka!"
"Turn it around," the scientist says. The bartender turns it around and takes another bite...

Scientists removed the right half of a man's noggin...

...and then, they asked him to count to ten. The man counted,

> "Two, four, six, eight, ten."

Then they put the right half back and removed the left half, and again asked the man to count to ten. The man counted,

> "One, three, five, seven, nine."

The scientists t...

What's the difference between a geologist and Dwayne Johnson conducting an experiment?

One is a rock scientist. The other is The Rock, scientist.



(This is so dumb. I apologize in advance to anyone who reads this.)

A group of scientists start a band. What's it called?

Ion Maiden

Fun Facts about ants

So as you may or may not know, ants have many breeds, but above these breeds, two general groups can be seen in ants around the world. These groups are the Macro ants (Big ants), and the Micro ants (Small ants).

Multiple different breeds of ants can be found in each of the two groups (Such ...

American scientists experimented on some spiders to find out more about the fascinating insect

They started off by saying to the spider to run.

As they all thought the spider started to run.

Then they removed all the legs from the spider and told the spider to run again.

And as they thought the spider didn't run.

The American scientists then concluded that spide...

Scientists have recently discovered that 97% of the worlds population is kind of dumb.

Phew, thank god I'm part of the other 5%.

Scientists studied the gait of inebriated men.

The results were staggering.

Great white shark diet surprises scientists

"It consists mostly of wildlife biologists that study sharks," said a famous wildife biologist studying sharks.

Why did the scientist remove the bell off the house?

Because he wanted to win the NoBell prize.

A scientist figured out a way to freeze time.

It involved having to perform special exercise, because

the planks constant.

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Two Covid deniers die of Covid and go to heaven. God tell them they can ask anything they want and get the truth....

Two Covid deniers die of Covid and go to heaven. God tell them they can ask anything they want and get the truth

Covid Denier 1: So there was no such thing as covid, right? I died of lung cancer or something!

God: No, Covid is real, you died of covid just like the Doctors said.
...

During an accident in the lab, a scientist was cooled to absolute zero.

Don't worry, he's 0K.

Why did the scientist eat photons after lunch?

He needed a light snack

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A group of scientists was doing an experiment involving the bacteria in feces. They asked for donations of fecal matter from the public...

...but nobody gave a crap

What did the rock-eating scientist say when he wasn’t hungry?

I’ve lost my apatite.

What did the short American scientist say to the tall British scientist?

You’re pretty Fahrenheit.

Just one.

How many scientists does it take to build a time machine?

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'd like some H2O." The second says, "I'll have some H20, too.”

The bartender says, “You damn fool! Don't ingest disinfectants! You’re supposed to be scientists—act like it, for pity’s sake. And how’d you even find an open bar violating the stay-at-home order?”

A couple scientists created an AI

That seemed to be able to answer all questions. It cured cancer and even told them how to travel faster than light.one day one of the scientists asked it if there was a god. The ai asked for all of humanities information in order to answer. It was given all books ever written, all historical data an...

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Scientists have recently created a new hybrid by mating a male donkey and a female deer.

It isn't very beautiful, but that ass doe

What is the favorite food of the cannibal who only ate scientists?

Marie Curry

Scientists have discovered a new element that makes people raise their eyebrows.

They are calling it the element of surprise.

What do scientists eat for breakfast?

Special Potassium

Scientists say they discovered a rare breed of dinosaur known for infidelity

It was called Doyouthinkhesaurus

Two scientists walk into a bar.

"I'll have your finest aged H2O2.", says the first.

"I'll have the same H2O2, too.", says the second.



The bartender served them both water because he paid attention in chemistry class and understood the decomposition process of hydrogen peroxide.

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The robot that knew everything

Scientist were finally able to invent a robot which could answer any question.

His friends told him about this robot and so he decided to test it because he believed that such a robot could not possibly be created.

So he went to the the robot , press the button. The robot turned activ...

How often do scientists like to joke about elements?

Periodically

Why can't a scientist see?

Because the c is silent

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A scientist was put in charge of developing new methods of assassination for the CIA.

He came up with several ideas, and the director of the CIA came down to see them demonstrated.

He showed off ballpoint pen dart-guns and poisoned bubble gum, but nothing seemed to impress the director. Finally, he stood up to leave.

"I'm going to go take a piss, and then I'm headed bac...

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