Somebody stole my day planner, but I caught the guy...

He was at all my appointments.

Electronic Arts should release physical analog day planners.

DLC for Months.
.
Literally.

My stoned friend used my daily planner to roll a joint.

Now he’s high on my list of priorities.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

City Planner: this intersection design would result in multiple, severe collisions every day

**Hot Wheels Creator:** dope, right?

**City Planner:** *[nodding]* super fuckin dope

I lost my job as an event planner at a nursing home today...

Apparently “Get down before being put down” is not an acceptable name for a dance event.

In my line of work, I manage to upset people on both sides of the aisle.

So yeah, I might not be the best wedding planner.

I decided to do some target practice. But instead of my target sheets, I accidentally used my business planner!

Now my whole week is shot.

The funeral planner died.

They weren't quite sure what to do with him.

The worst thing I bought in 2019

was a 2020 planner

What is the biggest waste of money?

A 2020 planner

A lot of conflict in the Wild West....

....could have been avoided completely if cowboy city planners had just made their towns big enough for everyone.

My wife recently starting a new career as a party planner.

At first I wasn’t too sure about it, since it means a lot of late nights and working at weekends.
Thee are some upsides, though. Last night she got home from some event that I guess involved one of those giant cakes that a model suddenly jumps out of as a surprise. She somehow got covered in i...

What is a wedding planner's favourite melon?

Cantaloupe

What does an event planner say to pick a girl up?

"You are in my To-Do list"

Why did the road cross the road?

Because civil engineers & urban planners don't like roundabouts!

A man spoke to each of his 3 sons when he sent them off to college...

"I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that.  However, I want you to appreciate it.  As a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."

And so it happened.  His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a financial pl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An artist, an engineer, and a civil planner are arguing about God's occupation by observing the human body.

The artist says, "God is an artist. You only need to see the beautiful shapes of our muscles, the rich colors of our skin, the textures of our hair to see that."

The engineer says, "God is a engineer. You only need to see the wonders of the human body and its ability to grow and rebuild itse...

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says: "Yes. Y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bear is walking in the woods...

And he saw a big cave. Hoping there was food, he walked in and after a few steps a Giant grabs him and yells:
-Why are you in my cave?
-I taught there was food?
-There is no food, why are you here? Do you want me to fuck you or to kill you?
-No, I just...
-Fuck you or kill you?
-Ok...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Accordion and Tuba Duo

A party planner has organized a huge new year's eve party. At the last minute, the band he hired has to pull out because of death in the family. The planner is totally stressed out because he has 500 partiers and no band.

On December 30 he contacts the only local band that was avaliable, a ...

3 Engineers are discussing what type of engineer God is...

Engineer #1

Obviously a Structural Engineer,like me. Look at the skeleton! Its art!

Engineer #2

Obviously a Electrical Engineer, like me. Look at the Nervous System! Genius!

Engineer #3

He's not a City Planner, like me... You Never put a waste treatment center...

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