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Planner Jokes

My stoner friend used my daily planner to roll up a joint

He’s now high on my list of priorities.

Did you hear about the constipated financial planner?

He couldn’t budget.

Most gun duels in the old west could have been prevented.

If only the city planners had made towns big enough for everyone.

Electronic Arts should release physical analog day planners.

DLC for Months.
.
Literally.

My wife recently starting a new career as a party planner.

At first I wasn’t too sure about it, since it means a lot of late nights and working at weekends.
Thee are some upsides, though. Last night she got home from some event that I guess involved one of those giant cakes that a model suddenly jumps out of as a surprise. She somehow got covered in i...

What does an event planner say to pick a girl up?

"You are in my To-Do list"

A dying wish

A man spoke to each of his three sons when he sent them to college. "I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it. As a gesture of appreciation, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I ...

I decided to do some target practice. But instead of my target sheets, I accidentally used my business planner!

Now my whole week is shot.

A man comes home to his wife, upset.

"Listen, dear..." he tells her. "I'm afraid we'll have to divorce."

"What? Why?"

"They say you've had too many men before me."

The wife thinks for a moment:

"I don't understand," she says. "Am I a bad cook?"

"No, of course not! You are a marvelous cook, better than...

Amongst the dumbest things I've ever purchased...

was a 2020 year planner.

What is the biggest waste of money?

A 2020 planner

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bear is walking in the woods...

And he saw a big cave. Hoping there was food, he walked in and after a few steps a Giant grabs him and yells:
-Why are you in my cave?
-I taught there was food?
-There is no food, why are you here? Do you want me to fuck you or to kill you?
-No, I just...
-Fuck you or kill you?
-Ok...

Most useless purchase of 2019.....

A 2020 planner.

In my line of work, I manage to upset people on both sides of the aisle.

So yeah, I might not be the best wedding planner.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Accordion and Tuba Duo

A party planner has organized a huge new year's eve party. At the last minute, the band he hired has to pull out because of death in the family. The planner is totally stressed out because he has 500 partiers and no band.

On December 30 he contacts the only local band that was avaliable, a ...

3 Engineers are discussing what type of engineer God is...

Engineer #1

Obviously a Structural Engineer,like me. Look at the skeleton! Its art!

Engineer #2

Obviously a Electrical Engineer, like me. Look at the Nervous System! Genius!

Engineer #3

He's not a City Planner, like me... You Never put a waste treatment center...

Why did the road cross the road?

Because civil engineers & urban planners don't like roundabouts!

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says: "Yes. Y...

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