What's the best thing about sleeping with a geologist?

The ore-gasms.

My last girlfriend was a Geologist...

She kept finding faults in me. Cracks soon appeared and we eventually split.

My ex should be a geologist

She keeps on digging up the past
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I had a stone that I thought was something else, but a geologist friend told me it was gneiss.

I'm afraid i took it for granite.

What is the best part about being a Geologist?

All your coworkers are down to earth

Why do geologist keep some of the rocks they collected?

Because it has sedimentary value

A suicidal geologist says "I'm going to jump off this cliff"

I said "Don't listen to him, it's a bluff"

Why do geologists make such good friends?

Because they’re gneiss

Professor Stone: "To the geologist a thousand years or so are not counted as any time at all."

Man in the Audience: "Great Scott! And to think I made a temporary loan of two pounds to a man who holds such views."

Source: 1913 newspaper

A geologist was driving down a country road

A geologist was driving down a country road when he saw this beautiful rock formation. He pulled over to get a closer look. As he was admiring the rock, an old farmer drove up. The geologist asked if he knew how long the rock had been here.

The farmer says "in fact, I do! It's a million and ...

How did the geologist get down the mountain?

'e rode

What does the drug addicted, sea faring geologist do?

Smoke seaweed, does crystal math and sails on the *high* seas.

What’s a geologist’s favorite ice cream?

Rock erode.

A geologist, physicist and an economist are marooned on a desert island with nothing to eat.

A can of soup washes ashore. They ponder how to open it. The geologist says, ‘Let’s smash it open with a rock.’ The physicist says, ‘Let’s heat it up and blow it open.’ The economist says, ‘No, no. You guys will lose most of the soup. Let’s just assume we have a can opener.’

What did the limestone say to the geologist?

Don’t take me for granite!

Did you hear Twisted Sister performed for the "Geologist of the Year" award ceremony?

They played "I Won A Rock!"

What did the geologist say after her date?


What do you call a famous geologist?

A rock star.

Why did the geologist decide to be a paleontologist?

Because he loved rocks so much, he wanted to date them.

A geologist discovers a giant rock that's 5280 feet across

It was quite the milestone

What is the highest honour for a geologist

To become a knight of the tectonic order.

A man asks a geologist for help.

The geologist says: "Well, now, I just don't give anyone help for free."

The man replies: "That's fine, I can pay. How much do you want?"

The geologist pondered this for a moment, before saying: "A dolomite do it."

To a geologist, what's the difference between rocks and a kid?

If you date a kid, you get sent to jail

What's a geologist's favorite dating app?

Carbon-14 Dating.

A Geologist from Alabama could tell you the chronological order of Sandstone Layers, but not their exact ages

You could see they're into Relative Dating.



I know you expected that punchline. My apologies, when I'm under pressure my sediment jokes turn a little schist.

Please stay gneiss in the comments.

Why did the sad geologist skip his lunch break?

Because he lost his apatite.

Why are geologists so good at getting laid?

They know the best dating techniques.

Did you hear about the geologist who got robbed?

Dieticians HATE him! Find out how this geologist lost over 100 stones OVERNIGHT!

A Geologist stubs his toe


What's the difference between a geologist and Dwayne Johnson conducting an experiment?

One is a rock scientist. The other is The Rock, scientist.

(This is so dumb. I apologize in advance to anyone who reads this.)

Where does a catholic geologist go to pray?

Land Mass

What did the statistician say to the geologist?

Your guess is as good as mine.

What did one geologist say to the other while they both stared down at a giant fissure in the rocks?

“I wonder whose fault this is.”

Hey geologists, I'm having a party...

Are you (Mg,Fe2+)2(Mg,Fe2+)5Si8O22(OH)2?

I must be a geologist

I keep finding a new rock bottom.

Geologists really love rocks....

...that's why they date them!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when a group of geologists have sex?

A Georgy.

What do you call a geologist who can't hear?

Stone deaf...

I hate it when geologists explain the reasons behind earthquakes.

All that stupid faulty logic.

How do geologists get their rocks off?

By breaking them and staring at the resulting cleavage!

A geologist falls down a mountain and dies...

I guess you could say he hit rock bottom...

You hear the one about a geologist that was an alcoholic?

He found rock bottom.

Where do geologists go for entertainment?

*Rock concerts.*

What did the geologist say when he got a rock for his birthday?

I appreciate the sediment.

Why do geologists have children with birth defects?

Because they practice relative dating!

I used to be a geologist

It was a boring job

I really admire geologists.

They leave no stone unturned.

I'm no geologist

But when I look at mountains in the morning I take them for granite

What would you call your geologist friend if you are a pokemon fan?


How did the geologist win his lawsuit?

By taking advantage of the quartz system.

How did the geologist develop a career as a sink-hole expert?

She just fell into it.

Why do geologists perform so well during intercourse?

They really know how to make bedrock.

Did you know that Santa Claus is both an arborist and a geologist?

He's gonna find out what's knotty or gneiss.

"I wanna rock!"

~said the angry geologist.

Why did the geologist quit his job?

His boss always took him for granite.

Did you hear about the group of geologists?

They formed a Rock Band.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Favorite bands

What’s an ornithologist’s favorite band? The Byrds

What’s a geologist’s favorite band? The Rolling Stones

What’s a herpetologist’s favorite band? The Turtles

What’s a vaccine developer’s favorite band? The Cure

What’s a pyromaniac’s favorite band? Arcade Fire


My dad always told me “don’t be quick to find faults”.

Good man, terrible geologist.

Anyone who doesn’t understand...

The difference between geologists and geographers really rock my world

Wanna know what you call a smart crackhead?

A geologist.

the knights

What is the name of the knight who moonlights as a geologist?

Sir Vey

What is the name of the agreeable knight?

Sir Tenly

What is the name of the Knight who used to be a slave?

Sir Vent

What are the names of the Knights who run the graduation ceremony?

What do you call a black guy who studies rocks?

a geologist, you racist!

What's dumber than a box of rocks?

...the hippie trying to sell them

and that my friends, as a geologist, is my favorite rock joke.

What happens when you screw up

Biologist screws up:
Mutant virus

Physicist screws up:
Deadly black hole

Geologists screws up:
Rock on table is now rock on floor

Two Eskimos have killed a walrus

and they are on their way to their settlement. They are pulling the walrus by the tail, but it's really hard to pull since its tusks keep digging into the snow and the tail continuously slips out of their grip.

Halfway home, they come across a geologist. The geologist sees their struggle and ...

Bad Dad Joke:

Q: Did you hear two University Geologists broke off their engagement?

A: the relationship was rocky from the start

True story

I've met a research geologist whose work was groundbreaking.

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