... and they were all traveling to the same conference. At the train station, the mathematicians each bought a train ticket, and the engineers only bought one to share between the three of them.

"What a bunch of idiots," the mathematicians said. "When the ticket master comes through, they'll ...

"What a bunch of idiots," the mathematicians said. "When the ticket master comes through, they'll ...

... are sleeping when a fire breaks out.

The engineer wakes up, notices the fire, grabs the next fire extinguisher and starts spraying.... After what seems hours of heroic fighting the fire is gone and he goes to sleep again.

But the fire breaks out again. The physicist wakes up, notic...

The engineer wakes up, notices the fire, grabs the next fire extinguisher and starts spraying.... After what seems hours of heroic fighting the fire is gone and he goes to sleep again.

But the fire breaks out again. The physicist wakes up, notic...

An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician, they decide to go bow hunting one season. While on the trail, they spot their first buck. The physicist run some calculations, decides that air resistance is negligible, and aims accordingly. His arrow falls short by 20 feet. The engineer runs some more ...

The first asks the bartender for a pint, the second for half, the third for a quarter, and so on.

The bartender gives them two and says sort it out your self

The bartender gives them two and says sort it out your self

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

The first mathematician orders a beer.

The second orders half a beer.

"I don't serve half-beers," the bartender replies.

"Excuse me?" asks mathematician #2.

The bartender remarks, "What kind of bar serves half-beers? That's ridiculous."

"Oh c'mo...

The second orders half a beer.

"I don't serve half-beers," the bartender replies.

"Excuse me?" asks mathematician #2.

The bartender remarks, "What kind of bar serves half-beers? That's ridiculous."

"Oh c'mo...

Because the root of their negativity is imaginary.

His wife was waiting for him.

"You said you'd be back by 11:45!" she screamed.

The mathematician replied, "No, I said I'd be back at a quarter of 12."

"You said you'd be back by 11:45!" she screamed.

The mathematician replied, "No, I said I'd be back at a quarter of 12."

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.

"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Heaven is now overcrowded. St Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven.

If anyone of you can ask me a question which I cannot answer or don't know, then you're worthy enough to go to He...

"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Heaven is now overcrowded. St Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven.

If anyone of you can ask me a question which I cannot answer or don't know, then you're worthy enough to go to He...

.999999999...

4^2

Soon after, his friends and family are astounded as he suddenly begins taking up a variety of sports, buying the newest things, and being as active as if he were in his twenties.

Before long, they approach him, asking about this behavior in spite of his age. The man responds "Well of course I'm...

Before long, they approach him, asking about this behavior in spite of his age. The man responds "Well of course I'm...

They both think about problems that will never happen in real life.

... are trying to measure a building.

The mathematician tries to calculate the height of the building by using angle of elevation.

The physicist throws an egg off the top of the building and tries using the time it takes to fall.

The engineer walks up to the owner of...

The mathematician tries to calculate the height of the building by using angle of elevation.

The physicist throws an egg off the top of the building and tries using the time it takes to fall.

The engineer walks up to the owner of...

Because of all the natural logs

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

They always find X.

The price of their drink is determined by the numerical order when entering. The first drink costs 1 dollar, the second costs 2 dollars and so on.

In the end, they decided to pay all together.

The waiter then paid them 8.(3) cents and they all left.

In the end, they decided to pay all together.

The waiter then paid them 8.(3) cents and they all left.

Sine language

They all watch three people walk into a house across the road. After 20 minutes, only two people leave the same house.

The scientists are very confused about what has happened.

'The measurements varied, and therefore the measuring equipment was likely inaccurate,' declares the chemist,...

The scientists are very confused about what has happened.

'The measurements varied, and therefore the measuring equipment was likely inaccurate,' declares the chemist,...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

On the ride there just before their tickets are checked the mathmaticians go to the loo and hide together in one cubicle. When asked to present their tickets they slide one under the booth door.

The physicists are stumped, but smart as they are they use the same trick on the return journey. W...

The physicists are stumped, but smart as they are they use the same trick on the return journey. W...

dy/dx - 3x = 2

What's this?

An ODE (Ordinary Differential Equation)

What's this?

An ODE (Ordinary Differential Equation)

First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.

The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate.".

The Biologist: "They have reproduced".

The Mathematician: "If now exactly one person enters the house then it will...

The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate.".

The Biologist: "They have reproduced".

The Mathematician: "If now exactly one person enters the house then it will...

He worked it out with a pencil.

The writer says, "I bet I could write a story about plane delays and how awful they are. I think a lot of people would relate to it and the airlines would improve their service after hearing the outcry."

The mathematician says, "I bet I could write a theorem on the average amount of time each...

The mathematician says, "I bet I could write a theorem on the average amount of time each...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

By removing natural logs.

(HA)^3

Beginner

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

It was a mean thing to s...

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

It was a mean thing to s...

But after 24 hours he called it a day

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

"Unfortunately, since heaven is quite full at the moment, I am only going to allow one of you in," the Devil says. "Whoever can ask me a question that I cannot answer correctly will be admitted into heaven. The rest will go to hell."

So the scientist steps up and asks him, "What is the most c...

So the scientist steps up and asks him, "What is the most c...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Quantitties

He used a pencil and worked it out.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

The woman is horny, and says to the two that she will have sex with the first person to reach her. However, she is on a bed 10 feet away from them. Their condition is to start at that 10 foot mark together, and move half the available distance each time the decide to move closer.

The mathemat...

The mathemat...

Doctor: Don't worry mate, all the things u worry about are just imaginary

Mathematician: That makes it even worse!

Mathematician: That makes it even worse!

Sine-feld.

He got back home and found a note that read,” hi honey, I’ve left and decided to run off with the 18 year old pool boy. We are both 54 years old, and I think you’ll figure out as a mathematician that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18.”

“If I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times …”

The professor looks up in shock from his work to see one of his students slamming a high school geometry textbook on his desk.

“What’s wrong?!” exclaims the professor.

“They’ve updates the syllabus,” the mathematician replies.

The professor, still confused, watches the mathemat...

“What’s wrong?!” exclaims the professor.

“They’ve updates the syllabus,” the mathematician replies.

The professor, still confused, watches the mathemat...

A polynomial

They try to work it out with a pencil.

He saw me. Immediately, my hands went towards my phone, and he shouted,

"You stop right there! Or else imma beta your gamma!"

"You stop right there! Or else imma beta your gamma!"

f(x)

A bus stops and 5 people get in.

As the bus comes around the next time, 6 people get out.

The Physicist comments:

"That's a measuring error."

The biologist says:

"They reproduced on the way."

The mathematician says:

"If one more person gets in, the bus will be empty."

As the bus comes around the next time, 6 people get out.

The Physicist comments:

"That's a measuring error."

The biologist says:

"They reproduced on the way."

The mathematician says:

"If one more person gets in, the bus will be empty."

an algebro

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

**Math debates**

Logrythm

They saw two people go in, and a little while later, three people come out. The engineer said, “Our initial count must’ve been wrong.” The biologist said, “They must’ve reproduced.” The mathematician said, “Now, if one person goes back into the house, it will be completely empty!”

"Because without one the other is nought."

An engineer, a mathematician, a cartographer and a philosopher have a contest. Whoever can fence off the largest area of land with only 100 meters of fence will win and prove their profession superior.

The engineer goes first, and using his expertise makes a square 25m by 25m for 625m^(2). Co...

The engineer goes first, and using his expertise makes a square 25m by 25m for 625m^(2). Co...

Just in case he needed to count to 11.

A very old joke, but sharing on the chance there's anyone who hasn't heard it before.

A very old joke, but sharing on the chance there's anyone who hasn't heard it before.

The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.

The first mathematician wanders off to the bathroom, so the second guy calls over their waitress...

The first mathematician wanders off to the bathroom, so the second guy calls over their waitress...

At some point, the warden realizes that the three men haven't been fed in a while. He accompanies an officer to check up on them. The warden and officer arrive at the first cell that contained the engineer. To their astonishment, the cell was empty and the wall had a hole in it.

"How is that ...

"How is that ...

A fire breaks out in each of their trash cans at the same time during the night.

The engineer wakes up, dumps water onto the fire until its out, then a little more to make sure it stays out, and goes back to bed.

The physicist wakes up, grabs his notepad, calculates the amount of water...

The engineer wakes up, dumps water onto the fire until its out, then a little more to make sure it stays out, and goes back to bed.

The physicist wakes up, grabs his notepad, calculates the amount of water...

The engineer walks into his room. He sees the fire, then sees the bucket. He immediately grabs the bucket and dumps the whole thing on the fire to put it out.

The physicist walks into his room and sees the fire and bucket. He takes out a sheet of paper and calculates exactly how much water he...

The physicist walks into his room and sees the fire and bucket. He takes out a sheet of paper and calculates exactly how much water he...

... arguing about the average mathematical knowledge of the American public. One mathematician

claimed that this average was woefully inadequate, the other maintained that

it was surprisingly high.

"I'll tell you what," said the cynic, "ask that waitress a simple math que...

claimed that this average was woefully inadequate, the other maintained that

it was surprisingly high.

"I'll tell you what," said the cynic, "ask that waitress a simple math que...

(p + l)(a + n)=pa+pn+la+ln

Hey baby, what’s your sine?

They already celebrated 1/5

An infinite number of Mathematicians walked into a bar. The first one asked for 1 beer, the second asked for half a beer. The third asked for 1 quater of a beer and so on. After some thought. The bar tender poured to beers into a jug for them to share. A bystander said. Wow that was a really weird s...

log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

One day, the engineer's house catches fire. He uses the fire extinguisher and puts it out.

A few days later, the physicist's house also catches fire. He uses a fire extinguisher as well, but calculates the hottest point of the fire and puts it out effectively.

A month goes by, and the ...

A few days later, the physicist's house also catches fire. He uses a fire extinguisher as well, but calculates the hottest point of the fire and puts it out effectively.

A month goes by, and the ...

Multi-ply

An engineer wakes up and realizes his bed is on fire. He spots a sink and a bucket, so he goes to the sink, fills the bucket, and douses the fire before going back to sleep.

A mathematician wakes up to find his bed is on fire. He spots the sink and the bucket and then goes to sleep satisfied ...

A mathematician wakes up to find his bed is on fire. He spots the sink and the bucket and then goes to sleep satisfied ...

And I was looking at the file and it looks kinda sketchy, it doesn’t add up. There’s definitely something fishy going on.

Because he kept obsessing over his x.

...They drink and derive.

*Baddum tss*

Thank you, thank you! I'll see myself out.

*Baddum tss*

Thank you, thank you! I'll see myself out.

An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, a biologist, and a chemist are each asked to compute the volume of a little red rubber ball.

The mathematician finds the equation of the surface, performs a triple integral, and computes the volume

The physicist dunks the ball in a pool of wat...

The mathematician finds the equation of the surface, performs a triple integral, and computes the volume

The physicist dunks the ball in a pool of wat...

Because they're a rhythmic tic.

“The probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero!”

They call it asymptote.

He says "Wanna work on your tan? Cos all you have to do is sin!"

The mathematician says "Those cows are brown on this side."

The scientist says "Those are brown cows."

The economist wrinkles his brow, nods, and says "All cows are brown."

The scientist says "Those are brown cows."

The economist wrinkles his brow, nods, and says "All cows are brown."

The rest of the joke is trivial and is left to the student as an exercise.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

They told the world they had discovered the perfect ratio of plutonium to uranium in order to create fuel capable of space travel. They said it was simple, two parts plutonium, one part uranium. However, the rest of Europe didn't believe them because they were a bunch of fibbinazis.

Mathematician: *π* is the most beautiful number

Physicist: I like *e* most

Engineer: What a coincidence! 3 is my favorite number, too!

Physicist: I like *e* most

Engineer: What a coincidence! 3 is my favorite number, too!

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

So a philosopher, a mathematician, and a physicist were at starbucks.

The mathematician turns to the physicist sitting next to him and says "You know, physics is just applied mathematics!"

They all have a good laugh, at which point the philosopher interjects from across the table. "And...

The mathematician turns to the physicist sitting next to him and says "You know, physics is just applied mathematics!"

They all have a good laugh, at which point the philosopher interjects from across the table. "And...

They have too many problems.

You FOIL his plans

They find a deer and take aim.

The mathematician shoots and misses 5 meters to the left.

The physicist shoots and misses 5 meters to the right.

The statistician jumps up and down and shouts, "We got it! We got it!"

The mathematician shoots and misses 5 meters to the left.

The physicist shoots and misses 5 meters to the right.

The statistician jumps up and down and shouts, "We got it! We got it!"

The physicist runs to a chalkboard, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds that amount, puts out the fire, and survives. The engineer pulls out a calculator, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds 10 times that a...

They were both placed in a room and at the other end was a beautiful naked woman on a bed. The experimenter said every 30 seconds they would be allowed to travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician said "this is pointless" and stormed off". The engineer agreed to go...

Because OCT(31) = DEC(25)

Two mathematicians were in a restaurant. One of them was a hard-core misogynist and claimed that women were never any good at maths, especially the blonde ones. His friend claimed that there was no difference and that women were just as capable as men. When the misogynist went for a cigarette, the o...

Prism.

He made a rounding error

Because Nobody does Pie like New York.

They see a deer and this Scientist takes the first shot. He misses by 3 feet

The Mathematician takes a shot and misses again by 3 feet on the opposite side.

The Statistictian shouts "We hit it!"

The Mathematician takes a shot and misses again by 3 feet on the opposite side.

The Statistictian shouts "We hit it!"

A group of mathematicians and a group of engineers are traveling together by train to attend a conference on mathematical methods in engineering. Each engineer has a ticket whereas only one of the mathematicians has one. Of course, the engineers laugh at the unworldly mathematicians and look forward...

What's the difference between a physicist and mathematician?

There's a pot of water on the table and both the physicist and mathematician are asked to boil it. The physicist picks it up, puts it on the range, and lights the burner. The mathematicians picked it up, puts it on the range, and l...

There's a pot of water on the table and both the physicist and mathematician are asked to boil it. The physicist picks it up, puts it on the range, and lights the burner. The mathematicians picked it up, puts it on the range, and l...

Thanks for nothing.

“You’re late!” she yells. “You said you’d be home by 11:45!”

“Actually,” the mathematician replies coolly, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”

“Actually,” the mathematician replies coolly, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”

Ask them to pronounce “sin.”

Math-debate

They can go on about it forever...

using as little material as possible. The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it. The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock. The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around hi...

Before they buy tickets. While the Physicists got two tickets, the mathematicians only get one.

As soon as they see the conductor they both get into the same toilet. So when he knocks on the door they only push one ticket underneath the door.

On the way back, the Physicists buy one ticket only...

As soon as they see the conductor they both get into the same toilet. So when he knocks on the door they only push one ticket underneath the door.

On the way back, the Physicists buy one ticket only...

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