How does NASA organize a party?

They planet

I organized a threesome last week.

There were a couple of no shows, but I did alright.

What do you call a bunch of crows trying to organize a gang?

Attempted murder

A father wanted to help organize his daughter’s wedding day …

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other jobs he had been given, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different...

What's the first thing in organized ghost does in the morning?

Makes a to boo list

I organized a dozen professional boxers to stand in a row and hit anyone that got near them

That was my best punchline ever

What do you call it when robots organize an African themed party?

BotsWanna Party

I can at least tell you how Space Force organizes a party

They planet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The head of an organized crime syndicate realized his accountant had been skimming money from him for years.

Unfortunately the accountant only spoke Russian. So the boss hired a Russian interpreter and busted into the accountant’s home.

He tells to the interpreter, “tell him I want to know where my money is, AND I WANT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW!!” The interpreter conveys the message in Russian and the acco...

I tried to organize a hide and seek tournament.

But good players are hard to find.

We’ve been trying to organize a Fear of Commitment workshop.

But we just can’t seem to nail down a date.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool.

I lost the Rock’s paper scissors.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American, a Japanese, and a Brazilian firm are bidding on a contract to build a stadium.

An American, a Japanese, and a Brazilian firm are bidding on a contract to build a stadium.

The American firm says that the stadium will cost 2 million dollars because Americans like everything big and built to last.

The Japanese firm says that the stadium will cost 1 million because ...

I needed to do the laundry, but then I realized I was out of detergent,

so I went to write a shopping list and realized how unorganized the junk drawer was, and started checking pens for ink. When I went to toss all the junk, I saw that the trash was full but before I took it out I wanted to get rid of old food in the fridge. That's when I realized a juice jug had leake...

A woman asked her husband for help around the house...

The toilet was leaking. "I'm not a plumber" he answered while reading the newspaper.

The dog was limping. "I'm not a veterinarian" he responded boredly, scrolling his phone.

The car oil needed changing. "I'm not a mechanic" he said playing his games.

"I'm not a maid, a painter, ...

A plane crashes in the pacific ocean. The only survivors are five men and a gorgeous woman

After a few days they end up on a desert island. After several failed attempts to get in contact with the outside world, they give up and come to terms with the fact that they have to spend the rest of their lives on this island.

They quickly acquire the necessary skills to build houses and l...

My local store organizes their shampoo aisle like Ajax.

Head and Shoulders above the rest.

Don't get involved in organized insect crimes.

The mothia is ruthless.

Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK.

It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet...

My hair is always really messy, and I can never get organized.

I asked me friend today ''hey Jess, how do you get your hair like that?'' and she told me it's natural.


I wish that I had Jessie's curl

How do you organize a trip from the Earth to Mars with your friends?

You planet

Today I was turned away from an LGBTQ organized event. To think I thought they were inclusive.

This is the last time I take my pack of lions to a pride parade.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We decided to organize an intervention for our friend, who is addicted to taking laxatives.

I said, “This shit needs to stop.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 5k organizers were shocked to find out someone spiked all the water jugs with Viagra.

Although it did explain why so many came running today.

There was once a robot whose job it was to organize all the shelves of a massive library that had thousands of books. Every day he did his job without missing a beat. One day though, he didn’t show up to work. The librarians were all perplexed that a robot would do something like that...

Turns out he had become shelf aware.

Never ask a felon to organize something numerically

Not unless you're prepared to handle the con sequences.

Every year I organize a patient-relative charity event to benefit Alzheimer’s research.

I tell the patients to invite their whole family but nobody ever shows up.

My town organized a competition yesterday to find out who is the best contortionist.

My friend entered himself and won.

How does NASA organize their company parties?

They planet.


[Please take pity on me i am very unfunny :(]

How do they organize a party on Mars?

They planet.

My five year old told me this today.

I got a job assisting a fledgling orchestra with their day to day activities and helping to organize upcoming shows...

My official title is Band Aide.

(I thought of this in the shower, so it's definitely not funny)

My grandma told me this one

A butcher goes to a barber for a haircut. When it’s time to pay, the barber declines, saying “I’m feeling generous today, you don’t need to pay for this one”

The next morning someone knocks on the barber’s door. When he opens, it turns out to be the butcher, carrying some sausages and other m...

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