I have a Russian friend who’s a sound technician

And a Czech one too.
A Czech one too.

I was walking down the street when I passed a Comcast technician near his van and he asked me what time it was

I said “it’s between 8am and 1pm”

Don’t argue with the logic of a sonogram technician

It’s ultrasound

3 guys were riding in a car; a hardware technician, a systems analyst and a programmer.

The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes have failed and the car is accelerating out of control.

So, he pumps the emergency brake, downshifts the gears, and rubs the wheels' rims against the curb. He finally wrestles the car to a stop. The thr...

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A woman in a hot...

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hove...

Bad part about being a bomb disposal technician.....

It takes me 6 hours to open my Christmas presents.

Why did the computer technician get kicked out of the army?

He had troubleshooting.

An audio technician becomes a comedian

An audio technician is on stage at an open mic night in a comedy club.

He seems to be absolutely crushing the audience with witty and outrageous jokes.

At the end of his time he gets to do a mic drop.

That was the last night he ever did comedy.

The feedback ruined it.

I’m trying to remember that movie where the golden retriever becomes an audio technician...

Was it... Ear Bud?

A technician is called to inspect q gas leak at an anesthesiologist's office

Upon arrival, he said: "Huh, this smells like chlorofor".

I was speaking to a computer technician.

"How do you make a motherboard?" I asked him.

He said, "Tell her about my job."

My X-ray technician told me she usually doesn't go on dates with her patients...

...but she saw something in me.

Why did the rookie technician allow a German zeppelin to fly over Allied airspace?

It was just a blimp on the radar.

Did you hear about the sound technician that got fired recently?

Apparently he couldn't handle feedback.

How many sound technicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One....Two...One, Two...

What was the internet technicians dying words?

Tell my WiFi love her

Why do cats make better medical technicians than dogs?

Because dogs can't operate MRI machines, but catscan.

Where do cyber security technicians go when they die?

Encrypts

Did you hear about the HVAC technicians who got into an argument?

At first it was heated, but they got some fresh air then things cooled off

What's better than a pair of Emerency Medical Technicians?

A paramedic(s)!

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Damn girl, are you an ultrasound technician?

Because I'd like to know what sex we're having.

I'm dating an x-ray technician...

But I don't know what she sees in me.

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The photo technician got caught masterbating to people's photos

They charged him with "indecent exposure"

LPT: Never tell a sound technician how they are doing.

They hate feedback.

So, have you guys heard of a chicken cannon?

Used by US Federal Aviation Administration, it's a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane’s windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies.



The theory is that if the windshield doesn’t crac...

Carolyn, a rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won't move at all...

After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), she furiously calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a technician to her.

The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it.

So he turns to the blonde and asks, "Ma'am, are you sure you are usin...

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There’s plenty of Jobs in porn when you have a penis like mine

Cameraman, Lighting, sound technician even production manager.

(Stolen but golden) Stevie Wonder is in the recording studio at the end of a long hard day.

He's chewing the fat with a few of the technicians.

One of them asks:

“It must be hard being blind Stevie.”

To which Stevie replies:

“Yep, it's hard but at least I'm not black.”

Mujibar was trying to get a job.

The HR Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."


Mujibar: "I am ready."

Manager: "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Manager...

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Computer idiots (Warning: Old)

Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" k...

I couldn't live with my mistakes anymore...

So I became a bomb disposal technician

Went to pick up my car after a service

I was told the keys had been locked in it.

I went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

"Hey," I announced to t...

A man takes his computer to a repair shop, claiming that the CD drive wasn't working...

The technician asks him, "When did it break?"

"Sometime between this morning and four years ago."

Two Infantry Officers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up....

A technician walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole', said one officer, 'But we don't have a ladder."
The technician said, 'Hand me that wrench out of your toolbox.'
He loosened a few bolts, then laid the pole down.
He then took measuri...

A penguin pulls up to a dealership

He barely made it there before his car gave out. The technician tells him that it's going to be a few hours before the repairs are finished.
The penguin sees an icecream shop across the street and goes inside. He asks the manager if it would be okay to hang out in the freezer because it's just t...

A blonde gets her car damaged in a hail storm

It's a mess. looks basically like a golf ball--dents everywhere. So she takes it to a body shop, and the technician sees she's blonde and decides to have some fun. He tells her that the fix is simple, that as soon as the tailpipe is cool, to blow into it and all the dents will just pop right out.<...

The Time Travelling Soldier

When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. The soldier remarked, “How long was I in there for?”

A prison decides to renovate its showers

An ageing prison facility is constantly beset by long queues for the shower area, which the managers decide to do something about because having all the prisoners together in one area outside of their cells might get nasty. So they look into the problem, and realise that, although the showers themse...

Back in 1950's Egypt...

Nasser wanted to know the age of a ancient statue that had been recently excavated. He went up to his KGB advisers and asked if their technicians could help. Just a few hours later, one of the KGB men told Nasser "The statue is just about 5,000 years old." Nasser was very impressed and asked "How di...

Craft Beer

About six months ago, I joined the craft beer craze by setting up a back porch brewery, mixing my own corn mash and hops and water. It took me a few batches, by trial and error, but I finally got a good balance of bitterness, color, carbonation and “buzz.”

The stuff tasted pretty good, so I s...

A guy walks into a pharmacy and buys a condom...

A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but figures there’s no law preventing weird people from buying condoms.

The next day, the same man comes back to the store, purchases yet another condom and once...

A cheerful young noble knocks on a witch's door

A cheerful young noble knocks on a witch's door and tells her that he's always wanted to become a bear, and that he will reward her handsomely if she transforms him. She accepts, and starts gathering components for her spell. The man follows her around the whole time, explaining how he had read abou...

Just found this joke in my Chem eng textbook

The little-known rare earth element nauseum (atomic weight 172) has the interesting property
of being completely insoluble in everything but 12-year-old bourbon. This curious fact was discovered in the laboratory of Professor Ludwig von Schlimazel, the eminent German chemist whose invention of t...

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military jokes

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
--U.S. Marine Corps

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
--USAF Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
--Infantry Journal

"A slipping ...

Blonde

A new blonde employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with her password."The problem is that whenever I type password,it just shows stars,"she says."Those asterisks are to protect you."the Help Desk technician explains,"so if someone were standing behind you,they wouldn'...

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A man awakens to find a gorilla in his tree...

So he looks in the phone book and finds the Gorilla Removal Service.

After waiting some time, a van pulls up. The removal technician climbs out carrying a stick, a shotgun and a Chihuahua.

He tells his client, "Okay how this works is I climb into the tree with the gorilla, poke him w...

And actor, a director and a writer walk into a bar.

A director, an actor and a writer walk into a bar.

A sign hanging over the bar proclaims an amateur bull-fighting tournament; where a winner can walk away with a load of gold.

The director races to the bullring, confident in winning the bullion. He sets up lights all over the ring and ...

(NSFW) Computer tech humor

A computer technician was boasting about the size of his hard drive and how much RAM he had. A female colleague said that she had three user friendly ports and some of best port knockers around.

The female technician suggested that perhaps they should combine their equipment and connect his h...

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