My first job was as a door-to-door salesman.

I sold "no soliciting" signs.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A door-to-door salesman knocks on a door of a house

Little Johnny opens up, holding a half empty bottle of whisky and a lit cigar.

The salesman says, "hey kid, are your mom and dad home?"

Johnny takes a swig of whisky and a puff of the cigar, and answers, "What the fuck do you think"?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.

After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. "The good news is I can cure your headaches; the bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your s...

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

The blonde was very angry about this. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

The blonde did not know how the sale...

A traveling salesman calls home...

His eldest son answers the phone. He asks his son how everyone is doing, son tells him everyone is fine, but the cat died. The salesman is heartbroken. He tells his son that he needs to break things like this more delicately. The son asks how.
The salesman tells him to be more delicate. First yo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man goes into a brothel

He says to the madam, "Hi, I'm a traveling salesman, I've been on the road for eight weeks. I'll pay $100 for the worst blow-job in the house."

​

She says, "The worst...? For $100 you can have the best blow-job in the house!"

​

He says, "No, it's all...

A man with a stutter answers an ad for "bible salesman wanted".

He walks into the office and says " I wanna suh, suh, sell buh, buh, buh, bibles ! "

The office manager, holding back a laugh, replies "sure thing, just take this here box and go door-to-door until they are gone. Then come back for more."

The office manager is amazed when the man comes...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A salesman is peddling his goods from door to door in a massive high-rise building.

He knocks at a young man’s apartment and asks him, “Would you like to buy a top-of-the-line toothbrush? It’s only ten dollars.”

“Ten bucks for a toothbrush!” the man yells. “What moron would pay ten dollars for a toothbrush? You’re out of your mind.”

“All right then,” the salesman cont...

I met a rock salesman once.

He really took his money for granite.

THE salesman story.

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota ."

Well, the boss was unsure, b...

A travelling salesman walks into a bar...

He’s going over the menu when a local guy slides onto the stool next to him, and just says one word: “Waterloo.”

Guessing he’s onto something of a local speciality, he asks for one himself. He takes a deep swig and pulls a face: “This doesn’t taste like anything at all!!!” he exclaims.
...

Used car salesman

Used car salesman: "I'm 95% sure there's not a dead body in the trunk of this fine automobile."

Customer: "Okay, that's good to know."

\*\*\*Muffled screaming sounds from the trunk\*\*\*

Used car salesman: "100%"

Did you hear about the battery salesman?

He charged too much but got positive reviews.

A traveling salesman knocked on the door of a farmhouse..

And since it was getting late, he asked the farmer if he could sleep in the barn that night. The farmer said, "That would be fine, but you have to promise to leave my son alone." And the salesman said, Oh no! I'm in the wrong joke!"

The Salesman

A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there.

The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?"

"Yes, I was a salesman in the country" said the lad.

The boss lik...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A vacuum cleaner salesman

A vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on my door
Before I spoke he tipped a bucket of dog shit over my carpet and said
If this vacuum doesn't remove every trace of it I'll personally eat what's left
I replied I hope you're hungry because they cut off my electric this morning

In what nation does a car salesman live?

Incarnation

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Tractor Salesman

There's a farmer and he's chilling on his stoep watching the cows and the tractor salesman shows up.

​

The farmer says "I have six tractors already. One of them hardly gets used. I think I have enough tractors."

​

The tractor salesman says "This is...

I would love to be a microscope salesman..

"I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not looking to buy a microscope"
"OK then, here's my business card"
"The writing is way too small! I can't read it!"
"Well, do I have a product for you!"

What's a good name for an insurance salesman?

Justin Case

A traveling salesman was driving on a lonely country road on his way home one night when a huge storm came up. He saw farmhouse up the road and headed for it. He knocked on the door and the farmer answered. The salesman asked if he could take shelter from the storm at his house.

The farmer welcomed him in and put him up for the night. In the morning, the kind farmer served him bacon and eggs and the salesman was extremely thankful for his hospitality On his way out, the farmer walked him to his car and the salesman saw a pig with 3 legs go past. The salesman asked why does...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A farmer is at the bar complaining about a pushy fertilizer salesman.

There's only so much bullshit a guy can take.

The Tie Salesman

There’s a great haberdasher by the name of Igor Kavinsky who made his name in the former Soviet Union for his luxurious ties. They were remarked to be the best, better than the best, the best of the best. With a reputation like that, it was no wonder that he was popular amongst the elite of the elit...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do girls in porn slap their vaginas like used - car salesman?

"You can fit so much dick in this bad boy."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Porno Salesman

This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop. His boss comes out and tells him that he has to leave for a while, and "can you handle it? "
The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees.

So, the guy is there by himself for a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Traveling Salesman

A traveling salesman is going door to door in a small town. After having the door slammed in his face multiple times he decides to knock on one last door. The door is answered by a 10 year old boy wearing lingerie, high heels, lipstick and smoking a cigarette.

Salesman (shocked) : Young man a...

Are you a big rig salesman?

Cause you gave me a semi.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A salesman has to travel to Pittsburg for work...

When he gets to the ticket line at the airport, he is caught by how beautiful, and voluptuous, the desk clerk is.
She asks “can I help you?”
And he stammers out “one picket to titsburg please!”
Embarrassed, he apologizes, corrects himself, and gets his ticket.
For the next three days he’...

A salesman position

(English is not my mother language so ignore any grammatical mistakes) :)

A guy is interviewed for a salesman position, the interviewer asks the guy to take his laptop saying "let's see if you can convince me to buy this laptop, I want you to walk in again thinking of me as a customer."...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A married woman had a good sex life

But she wanted to spice it up. So she visits a sex shop and asks for nice dildo. The salesman shows her different varieties but she isn't impressed. Noticing it, the salesman shows her something rare. He says "This is a magic dildo. Where ever you want it to penetrate, say the magic dildo followed b...

My first day as a car salesman...

Customer: Cargo space?
Me: Car no do that. Car no fly.
Manager: Can I see you in my office?

Why was the weed salesman so good at business in mecca

Because he got his profits high

A salesman enters the porch and knocks on the farmhouse door...

... Little Timmy answers the door by sliding it slowly open, inspecting the salesman standing tall with his briefcase.

- hello there kiddo, may I speak to your father? The man asked little Timmy.

Timmy swiftly replies before cleaning his running nose with his sleeve. "sorry my dad got...

What did the blubber salesman say when he found out the margins on petroleum were better?

Whale oil be damned!

I had an interview for a position as a car salesman.

The interviewer handed me his laptop and said, “Here, sell this to me.”
I took the laptop and stuck it in my bag and left. Three hours later he called and asked for his laptop back. I said, “You want to buy it back?”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Toothbrush Salesman.

One day, a man with a lisp named Joseph walks into a toothbrush factory. Down on his luck and very desperate, he asks to speak to the manager of the facility, about getting a job as a toothbrush salesman. The manager walks out, and greets Joseph. “Hi there thir, my names Jotheph, and I was curiouth ...

A new salesman

There was a big town, with a big grocery store that anything could be bought from. Literally anything.

The manager of the storehouse put a "help wanted" flyer up, and a shy boy from the countryside applied for the job.

The manager was interviewing the boy, and asked:


"So, yo...

Why was the clock salesman bored?

He had too much time on his hands.

So there's this salesman..

He's driving down the road, not in any particular hurry. As he's driving, he happens to looks down and sees a chicken running alongside the car. He takes a closer look, and sees it has three legs.

The salesman eases onto the gas. 45, 50 miles per hour; chicken's right there. He gives it a bit...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A vacuum cleaner salesman knocks on a woman's door. As she opens the door the salesman quickly runs inside and empties a bag full of poop on her expensive carpet.

Woman, shocked and angered, shouts "what the hell are you doing to my carpet?!?". The salesman replies "Ma'am, this is not just any ordinary vacuum cleaner. This vacuum cleaner has been engineered by top German scientists in their super high tech labs. If this vacuum cleaner doesn't clean up your ca...

An Arabic man is helplessly wandering through the desert when he comes across a Jewish tie salesman.

"Water! Water!" The Arabic man cries.

"I have no water, only ties. Would you like to purchase a tie?" Replies the Jewish tie salesman.

"No!" Exclaims the Arabic man, "I need water! Tell me where there's water!"

"I know where there is water. 20 miles east, there is a village w...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So a salesman travelling across the Great Plains on a stormy afternoon

Seeks shelter in a small town. He goes into the only restaurant he can find and asks the owner if he can have some food and a bed for the night.
Owner: Sure, good man we have good food and you can stay the night.
Salesman: Great and can I also buy love?

Owner: Hmm, we are a small town b...

A salesman was traveling across the country when...

...his car started making a funny sounds. He knew he needed to take it to a mechanic but knowing nothing about cars he was afraid of getting screwed.

So he came up with a plan. He stopped at the nearest gas station/shop and told the old mechanic "Now listen here bud, I'm a mechanic so I'll kn...

My grandad lost his job after the war as a coleman's mustard powder salesman.

His boss told him to mix it with other cheaper powders like flour and chalk but grandad was an honest man, and would only ever sell genuine 100% pure stuff.

His boss fired him as he plainly didn't cut the mustard

The salesman

A man came into a shop with a 'Salesman Wanted' sign in a window. He went up to the owner and said, "I-I-I w-w-waannn-t the j- joooob-b."

"I don't know if this job would suit you because of your speaking impediment ," said the owner.

"I h-h-havvve a w-wi-wiiiife and s-s-s-six k- kkkid...

I told a salesman I desperately needed a new TV.

"Do you plan on mounting it?" he asked.

"No," I said. "I'm not *that* desperate."

The thirsty criminal

My grandpa told me this gem of a joke. Here it goes...

A fleeing criminal, desperate to escape the police, runs into the desert with hardly any water. Very soon, he runs out of drinking water, and hours later, he is already plodding under the merciless desert sun.

He is close to desper...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Life of a salesman

So a department store famous for carrying everything is looking to hire a new sales associate. They have narrowed it down to two candidates. They decide to do a trial run and give them each a week to see who earns the highest commission to see who gets the job.

The first guy comes in every d...

Why can't you trust r/AntiJokes as a Car salesman?

They lie about the wheels.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Door to door salesman is making his rounds

When he walks up the steps to Little Johnny's house.

Little Johnny answers the door, 8 years old, wearing nothing but his mom's lingerie, smoking a cigar and sipping a glass of bourbon.

"Excuse me young man, are your parents home?" Asks the salesman.

Johnny looks up and says "...

A salesman telephoned a household

and a four-year-old answered.


Salesman: May I speak to your mother?


Child: She's not here.


Salesman: Well, is anyone else there?


Child: My sister


Salesman: O.K., fine. May I speak to her?


Child: I guess so.


Th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Old joke slightly different. An old peach salesman drives up to a house and knocks...

- Beautiful lady answers door with not much on. Asks old man what she can for you

- old man asks if she’d like to buy some peaches

- she says, I don’t know, takes his hand and puts it on her breast. Asks “Are your peaches as firm and nice as this.”

- he says, “yes ma’am”...

What do you call a dog working as a door salesman?

A labour-a-door

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Homesick Salesman

A traveling salesman, in the middle of his two-week stint on the road, walks into a whore house. The salesman whips out $300.00 and hands it to the Madam of the house.
"Give me the WORST lay you have here." he says.
The Madam, looking confused, says, "But sir, for this kind of money, you...

A salesman is being trained on his first day at Walmart

A salesman is being trained on his first day at Walmart, and his mentor is teaching him how to upsell. A customer walks in and asks where he can find a new blade for his lawnmower. The mentor says, “No one sells that kind of blade anymore so you might as well buy a new lawnmower, but fortunately w...

What did the Witch say when the Broom Salesman showed her a Vacuum?

I don't want an automatic! I want a Stickshift!

Circa 1994: A blonde walks into an appliance store and says to the salesman.

"excuse me sir, I would like to buy that television over there"

"Sorry ma'am we don't sell to blondes" the salesman replies

Appalled the blonde scoffs and storms out the door

She comes back with a red wig on and tries again only to have the man tell her

"Sorry ma'am we...

Car salesman: * slaps roof on r/jokes *

This baby can fit so many damn reposts in it!

I picked out a color of grey paint the other day, I guess the salesman didn't like it.

He just said "Oh, the hue manatee."

One day a travelling salesman was driving around Appalachia and decided to stay the night in a farmhouse.

After enjoying a fine meal with the farmer, the salesman turned to him and said, "What is it like for hiring a companion for the evening?"

"Well," replied the farmer, "I'm afraid there are not many women around these parts. But there's always Cletus........."

"Oh?" said the salesman, i...

A blonde walks into a store and asks, may I buy that tv, the store salesman say, sorry, we don't serve blondes.

she comes the next day with her hair dyed black, and

asks the same guy, can I buy this tv. the salesman says, sorry, we don't serve

blondes. frustrated, the next day she dyes her hair red and to make sure, she asks a

different salesman, can I buy this tv. he says, sorry, we d...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Just heard this joke from my dad: A newly hired salesman in a department store is being taught by his manager how to handle sales...

The manager tells him that he'll help the first customer, and show him how to make the most of a sales opportunity, and then he'll let him try.

A customer walks in, so the manager approaches him and says: "Good evening, sir! How may I help you?"

"I'd like to buy some grass seeds.", say...

Did you hear about the lady who fell in love with a ginger ale salesman? [original!]

She was Schwepped off her feet

The Vacuum Salesman

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleane...

I was unsure which mattress I should buy and the salesman told me to sleep on it.

Apparently there was a misunderstanding.

I sat next to an insurance salesman during Robbie Williams performance at the World Cup opening ceremony

And through it all, he offered me protection.

I've always wanted to be a mirror salesman

It's just something I could see myself doing

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Toothbrush Salesman

A man had recently lost his job when he saw an ad in the local paper for a position selling toothbrushes. He went to the address and met with the boss. The boss liked him and decided to give him a shot.

“We’ll start you out with 10 toothbrushes” said the boss. “Once you sell those, come bac...

A salesman is assigned a new route that takes him to Texas for the first time...

After finishing his first sales meeting in Texas, It was getting late so he checked into a hotel and went to its restaurant for dinner. He ordered a small beer. The waitress brought him a huge mug.

“Waitress” he said, “I ordered a small beer.” She said, “ This is Texas. In Texas that’s a sma...

A software salesman died and was greeted by St. Peter at the gate to heaven.

Upon examining the great book, St.Peter tells the salesman he has an equal number of good and bad things in his life’s history, so the choice of heaven or hell is his decision to make.

The salesman, hesitant to make such a momentous decision, asks if he can tour both places to assist him wit...

Classic IBM salesman joke

Three women were talking about their husbands and their love making, and the first one says, "My husband is an athlete and when he makes love to me, he is so powerful that I am swept up in his body, and it's wonderful"

The second woman says, "My husband is a violinist, and when we make love, ...

The top salesman

A young man moves into the city and goes to a big mall to look for a job.

Manager: Do you have any experience as a salesman?

Young man: Of course, where I come from, I was always the top Salesman.

The manager likes the self confidence of the man and gives him the job. The first...

My grandfather was the best damn podium salesman in the business

He always stood behind his product.

A door to door salesman knocked on a door and a woman answered.

Salesman - Hello. Would you like to buy a book titled '500 Excuses to Tell Your Wife After Staying Out Late'?

Woman - Why on earth would I buy a book like that?

Salesman - Because I sold a copy to your husband earlier today.

A traveling salesman was driving in the country when his car broke down.

He hiked several miles to a farmhouse, and asked the farmer if there was a place he could stay overnight.

“Sure,” said the farmer, “my wife died several years ago, and my two daughters are twenty-one and twenty-three, but they’re off to college, and I’m all by myself, so I have lots of room ...

Why is Arnold Schwarzenegger such a good sled salesman?

Because he knows how toboggan.

A salesman knocks on a door

A salesman knocks on a door, as soon as the door opens he throws a mound of dirt on the floor of the house. The house owner begins to confront the salesman in a state of rage but before he can say anything the salesman pulls out a vacuum and sucks up the dirt with ease. The salesman says "I'm here t...

I once met a lizard who was a door-to-door pottery salesman

He could really rep tile

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A salesman knocks on the door and a little boy answers...

he's drinking his father's favorite scotch and smoking a fresh cigar while wearing his mother's favorite bedsheets as a toga.

"Are your parents home?" asked the salesman.

to which the boy replied, "Does it fucking look like it?"

A secretary, a salesman, and their boss...

A secretary, a sales rep, and their boss are walking to lunch when  they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out in  a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you one wish."  

The secretary says, "I want to be in the B...

I just solved the Travelling Salesman Problem...

For the one-dimensional case

I tried arguing with the table salesman at the furniture store.

He kept making strong counter arguments, though.

A salesman knocked on a suburban door...

...and was greeted by a nine-year-old boy puffing away on a long black cigar. Stunned for a brief moment, he managed to regain his composure and say "Good afternoon. Would your mother or father be home?" The boy took the cigar out of his mouth, flicked ashes onto the carpet, and replied "What the f*...

A salesman approaches you

Thanks, but I'm not interested in microscopes right now.

Salesman: That's okay, take my business card anyway.

This text is tiny, I can't read it.

Salesman: Boy, do I have the product for you

A young salesman applies for a job in a big store

The manager asks him about his credentials, and the young man answers: "I can sell *everything*."

Encouraged by the young man's confidence, the manager offers him the job, and he starts right away. A week later, they review his performance.

"How many customers have you served?"
...

Started my new job as a furniture salesman yesterday

Sofa
So Good

What did the world's first hotcake salesman say?

"SALES ARE UNPRECEDENTED!"

A travelin' salesman...

...stops one night at a lonely, secluded farm, and asks the owners if they can host him for the night. the farmer is really sorry, but he has no free rooms. "I could make you sleep with my daughter" says the farmer, "but you have to promise me not to bother her". The salesman accepts. After a fillin...

I ran into a salesman offering me a pencil with invisible lead.

I almost bought it, but I couldn't really see the point.

A car salesman is showing some fine cars for sale...

A car salesman is showing some fine cars for sale, and the buyer is looking at them.

"Well, this one is a fine 1951 Hudson Hornet," says the car salesman.

The buyer gasps, "A Hudson HORNET? Well, I wouldn't want to see a Hudson Wasp!"

The salesman brushes it off and shows him t...

A blonde and a salesman are bored on a plane

The salesman says to the blonde "I'm bored let's play a game. I'll ask you a question and if you don't know the answer you give me 5$, then you ask me something and if I don't know the answer I'll give you 500$"

The blonde agrees to the deal and so the salesman asks his first question "how fa...

A traveling salesman knocks on a door...

A traveling salesman knocks on a door. Seconds later, a stunning woman answers, wearing a see-thru neglige'. Her body is the stuff of dreams. She leans out the door and whispers- "Quick! I hear somebody coming! Come inside!" The man enters and the woman drops the neglige' to the floor. "Tell me", sh...

A traveling salesman is passing through a small town.

He sees a sign for a circus. At the bottom it says “See the amazing Goldstein”. He has some time to kill, so he figures what the hell and stops in. It’s the usual dog and pony show until the very end, when there’s a drum roll, the lights go out, and a single spot shows a table in the center ring w...

A salesman walks into a bar and and asks the female bartender what the specials are...

She says it’s $5 for a club sandwich and $20 for a bj. Salesman looks at her and and asks her “do you give hand jobs?” To which she responds “Yes that’s $15.”

Salesman looks and her, slips her a $10 and says “that’s $5 for the sandwich and another $5 for you to wash your hands before you mak...

Traveling salesman

A traveling salesman is driving down a deserted country road when he has a blowout. Not having a spare he finally finds a house and asks the lady if he can use her phone to call for a tow-truck. As she opens the door for him to come in, a Three Legged Pig runs out.  He asks "why does that Pig only h...

My girlfriend introduced me to her father and mentioned I was a knife salesman

He said he’s happy she’s dating me because I must be pretty sharp.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A company sends a salesman to a middle-eastern country to boost soda sales.

He attempts a visual advertisement campaign.

All around the country, he places billboards with tree pictures, one next to the other: the picture on the left shows a poor man lost in the desert and very thirsty; the middle picture shows the same man drinking the company's drink; the picture o...

I was once a medicine salesman, but I was soon fired.

I lost my job for not selling drugs.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I left my job as a door to door salesman

I got fed up dealing with knobs

Why did the apple salesman fire his delivery boy?

He was driving him bananas.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Traveling salesman joke...

A traveling salesman stops by a farmhouse and an 8 y/o boy answers the door. He's smoking a cigar and drinking a tumbler of scotch.
Once the salesman gains his composure he says, "Well sonny is your Mom home?"
To which the kid answers, "What the fuck do you think?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A traveling salesman's car breaks down in a rural town in the middle of the night...

After walking several miles he happens across a farmhouse. He knocks on the door and explains his predicament to the farmer.
"Well" says the farmer "there's no mechanic that will be able to tend to your car until morning but I can't have you sleeping on the road side. You can shack-up in the bar...

I used to work as a bed salesman

One day this guy came in and started climbing into the beds and asking really specific questions. Then it hit me, he was an undercover cop.

What did the mystic say to the hot dog salesman?

Make me one with everything.

A rabbi, an irishman, a travelling salesman, and a cowboy walk into a bar.

The bartender asks them "what is this, some kind of joke?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The best salesman in the world

The boy went into the mall to get a job. He told the management that he was the world's best salesman. They gave him a job as a seller, but expected profits from day one.

On Saturday evening the manager came down and asked how many customers he had served today. The boy said he had helped one...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Salesman's car breaks down in the middle of the night during a downpour on a desolate road.

He sees a farm not too far from him and walks to the house and rings the bell. "Sir I'm sorry to intrude but my car has broken down and I need a place to huddle up for the night." The farmer says " no problem you can sleep in my gay sons room". The salesman turns around headed back to his car. The f...

Donald Trump is such a good salesman he could sell ice to the Eskimos.

Which will come in handy considering his policies on global warming.

What does a pimp have in common with a used car salesman?

They both tricked me out of money with a passable tranny.

A knife salesman came to my house today...

He didn't sell me on any of his products but damn he looked sharp.

A traveling salesman is driving through the country

when his car breaks down near a farm house. The farmer says he can spend the night but only if he sleeps in the barn.

The next morning the farmer invites the salesman in for breakfast.

Salesman: You have some really amazing animals. The cow could talk. She told me what a good and kind ...