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Salesman Jokes

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A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, poured a bag of dog shit on my carpet and said, "Sir, if this vacuum can't clean it completely, I'll eat whatever's left."

I said, "I hope you're hungry 'cause they cut off the electricity this morning."

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.

A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the...

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A young Geordie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. The manager asked "Do you have any sales experience?" The young man answered "Aye, I was a canny salesman back in Newcastle."

The manager liked the Geordie so he gave him the job. His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked "OK,...... so how many sales did you make today?" The Geordie said "Just the one like" The manager groaned an...
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The furniture store salesman told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”

I said “Where am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”

The blind salesman a woman in the shower

A woman was taking a shower when she heard a knock on the door. She called out, “who is it? I can’t come to the door right now, I just stepped out of the shower” The man at the door answered “Don’t worry lady, I’m a blind salesman”…so the woman says “ok you can come in”. He gets inside and asks: “wh...

My first day as a car salesman...

Customer: Cargo space?
Me: Car no do that. Car no fly.
Manager: Can I see you in my office?

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THE salesman story.

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota ."

Well, the boss was unsure, b...

A tractor salesman shows up at Joe's farm...

The salesman approaches the farmer and says, "Good day to you sir! I'd like to tell you about our top-of-the-line tractor. You will not find a better tractor than this anywhere and I can see that you are a man of discerning tastes. Tell you what -- "

Old Joe interrupts the sales pitch and wit...

Stuttering Bible Salesman

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who wo...

Salesman

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go a...

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Guy gets hired as a salesman at a huge big box store...

....the type of store that sells everything.

At the end of the first month he is top salesperson, and the boss calls him in for a chat.

"You're amazing" says his grateful boss, "your first month on the job and you're top salesperson already! Not sure how you do it, for example just the...

A stammering man walks up to a bible salesman.

"H-h-how is b-b-business g-going?" asks the man. "To be honest, not many people are into bibles these days," answers the salesman, "some people don't even answer their doors when they see me standing there." "T-t-that's a s-s-shame" says the man, "c-c-can I t-t-try f-for a d-d-day?" The biblesalesma...

The Life of a Bug Spray Salesman

A salesman was traveling through the countryside, selling insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer. *"Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again, I guarantee it."*

The farmer was dubious. *"Young man, I'll make you a proposition. I'll tie you...

Bought a Christmas tree today. The salesman asked if I was going to put it up myself.

I said no, in my living room

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The best salesman in the world

The boy went into the mall to get a job. He told the management that he was the world's best salesman. They gave him a job as a seller, but expected profits from day one.

On Saturday evening the manager came down and asked how many customers he had served today. The boy said he had helped one...

A salesman drove into a small town...

A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was playing.

A sign read:

"Don't Miss The Amazing Italian".

The salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, under The Big Top, in the centre ring, was a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it was an old Ita...

What did the pharoah say to the pyramid salesman?

Shut up and take my mummy!

So I went to see the antelope salesman the other day...

He said "I've got good gnus, and bad gnus."

The door-to-door magazine salesman lugged around a 50-lb. sample case all day.

He had a lot of back issues.

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A traveling salesman walks up to a house.

He knocks on the door, and it’s answered by a 10 year-old boy. The boy is wearing a bra and panties, smoking a cigar, and holding a beer in one hand.

“Woah!” The traveling salesman exclaims, “Kid, are your parents home?”

The boy asks, “What the fuck do you think?”

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A young vaccum cleaner salesman on the first day of the job knocked the door of a house. The moment they opened, he poured a bottle of dried dog poo on their carpet.

"If I cannot remove all the poo from the floor within the next 10 minutes, I will lick them off myself " He said in a confident tone.

The owner gave him a packet of mints and said

"Here is for your mouth after you complete, my electricity got cut off only today today morning due to lat...

Vacuum Salesman

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door of the First house on the street.

A tall lady answered the door.

Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman entered the living room, opened a big black plastic bag, and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

"Madam,...

The salesman

A man came into a shop with a 'Salesman Wanted' sign in a window. He went up to the owner and said, "I-I-I w-w-waannn-t the j- joooob-b."

"I don't know if this job would suit you because of your speaking impediment ," said the owner.

"I h-h-havvve a w-wi-wiiiife and s-s-s-six k- kkkid...

When I was buying a male deer for $1000, the salesman offered me a female deer for only $20 more.

I went ahead and bought it because it was a great bang for the buck.

What do a hooker and a furniture salesman have in common?

They’ll both take $200 off your dresser.

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A salesman knocks on the door and a little boy answers...

he's drinking his father's favorite scotch and smoking a fresh cigar while wearing his mother's favorite bedsheets as a toga.

"Are your parents home?" asked the salesman.

to which the boy replied, "Does it fucking look like it?"

As a door to door salesman, you never want to hear people say that your product "really sucks."

Unless you're selling vacuum cleaners.

Ba dum tiss.

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Travelling salesman

There was a travelling salesmen who had the job since he was he was seventeen so was constantly on the road, and had only ever slept with prostitutes his whole life. Due to this fact he had never went down on a woman for fear of where they might have been, although it was something he always desired...

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A toothbrush salesman had a booth on a street corner.

One day he was approached by a man looking for a job. The salesman, skeptical of this random person’s sales ability, agreed that if the man could sell 100 toothbrushes in a day, that he could have the job.

At the end of the day the man approached him saying “I’ve sold all 100 toothbrush, can ...

A traveling salesman was driving through the countryside when his car broke down.

Without phone service, he walked a couple miles to a farm house where he knocked on the door.

The old farmer answered and the salesman told him of his situation.

The farmer says. "It's getting late, but your welcome to spend the night. We'll call the tow truck in the morning.
<...

Did you hear about the farmer whose wife left him for a traveling tractor salesman?

She wrote him a John Deere letter.

A salesman was looking for a house to sell his vacuum cleaner in a new territory

He found the first house and knocked at it's door


A woman answered the knock but before she could say anything,the man rushed into the house and dumped a pile of garbage there


"Ma'am" the man said in his best salespitch "if this vacuum cleaner doesn't work wonders in cleaning u...

I just left my position as tire pump salesman

Couldn't handle the pressure...

A Salesman is working late one night to close a deal with some clients.

They start to get hungry, so he calls down to the office cafeteria to see if they can fix anything. The kitchen is already closed for the night, so the best the chef can do is whip up some sandwiches. As the chef is plating them up, he accidentally knocks the pickle jar off the counter and shatter...

The Vacuum Cleaner Salesman

A door to door vacuum salesman visits a house. When he proposes a deal the woman tells him to take a hike. Without giving her a second chance the man empties a bucket of cow dung onto to carpet and says "If the vacuum cleaner doesn't suck all of this up then I will eat the rest myself" The woman goe...

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A Winking Salesman!

A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.

"Looking at your resume, I can see that you're more than qualified", says the interviewer. "Unfortunately, we can't have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can't hire ...

A Salesman is Late for an Important Meeting.

A Salesman is Late for an important meeting, but as he is driving around looking for a parking spot, he realises they are all taken. Desperately, he begins to pray

"Please lord!" He says, "If you let me find a spot I will attend church every week and never drink beer again!"

Suddenly, ...

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Salesman’s promise

A salesman knocked at the door and a woman answers. The salesman barges in and scatters fresh horseshit all around the living room floor and the carpet.
The woman is shocked and her kids are amused.

The salesman confidently says, “Do not worry. I am selling this brand new extra power vacu...

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A guy finds a super expensive frog at a flea market He asks the salesman why is the frog so expensive. “Because he can give one hell of a blowjob..”

The guy gets intrigued and buys the frog.

Later that night, his wife comes home to see him lying in their bed naked, with the frog on his shoulder, reading a cooking book.

“What the hell is this??”

“Baby, if this frog learns how to cook, you’re outta here!”

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Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years. He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.

The Doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.

The only way to relieve the pressure is to rem...

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A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him, so he walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing...

She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole and you’re a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached the lady, again with the same request.

She said, “I’m on the 14th, you are a hole...

A travelling salesman

A travelling salesman's car has broken down. It's late at night, so he walks to the closest farmhouse and asks to stay there for the night.

\- You can spend the night, but you’ll have to share the room with my 17-year-old son, says the farmer.

\- F#ck. I'm in a wrong joke.

A salesman walked up to the door of a house and knocked.

A young boy opened the door, smoking a cigar and holding a glass of scotch in his hand.
The salesman asked, “Excuse me son... Are either of your parents home?”

The little boy said, “What the heck do YOU think?”

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A door to door salesman is doing his rounds

He knocks on a door that’s promptly answered by a 14 year old boy wearing stockings and suspenders and a lace bra and panties. The boys drinking a glass of cognac and smoking a fine cigar.
The salesman asks “Son, are your parents home?”
The boys replies “What the fuck do you think”

What’s the difference between a software salesman and a snake oil salesman?

The snake oil salesman knows what’s inside the bottle…

A salesman decided to venture into a new housing development.

He thought no other salesmen would have gone there because it was a new development. He wanted to be the first one, the early bird. So he knocked on the very first house that he saw there. A lady came and opened the door. Without giving her a chance to speak, he slipped into her house, took out A LO...

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My wife didn’t understand why the Umbrella salesman was being so vague.

I had to remind her it’s a shady business.

A traveling salesman, caught in a torrential rainstorm, stopped overnight at a farmhouse.

In the morning, he looked out on the flood coursing through the front yard. He watched pieces of fence, chicken coops, branches, and an old straw hat floating past with the current.

Then he saw the straw hat come back, upstream past the house. Then he saw it go down again. Pretty soon it came...

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A man goes to a job interview for a salesman position.

In order to prove he can do the job, the man is given a box of 100 toothbrushes, and told to come back when he's sold them all. He leaves, and returns in 2 hours and says "I sold them all." The interviewer is dumbfounded. "I have never had anyone sell that many toothbrushes that quickly! You get t...

A blonde walked into an electronics store and said to the salesman, "I want that TV."

The salesperson shook his head and said, "I am sorry, but we don't sell to blondes."

The blonde left, dyed her hair brown, came back and asked, "I want that TV."

Again the salesperson said, "I am really sorry, but we don't sell to blondes."

The blonde leaves, dyes her hair red a...

A furniture salesman from Ontario was on a business trip in Quebec, selling furniture to various stores.

After a long day of selling furniture in Montreal, the guy was almost back in his hotel when he ran into a gorgeous woman who seemed to be interested in him. But he spoke no French, and she spoke no English. So he came up with a plan.

The guy pulled out a notepad and drew a picture of a taxi....

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A door-to-door salesman rings the doorbell

A little ten year-old boy answers and opens the door, but he is standing there wearing a bra stuffed with socks, wearing a pair of panties and has cigar hang from his lips.

The salesman looking a bit befuddled asks, "Is mommy or daddy home?"

The little boy answers, "What the fuck do yo...

Travelling salesman stops by a farm in Southern Ontario...

A travelling salesman stops by a farm in Southern Ontario... where the farmer has the requisite three beautiful daughters. As he walks up to the farm house he looks over the fence into the pig sty and he notices that one of the pigs has a wooden back leg and is hobbling around.

When he gets ...

What do you call an Irish outdoor furniture salesman?

Padi O’Furniture

a traveling salesman ...

So a traveling salesman goes into a fairly grungy diner. The waitress comes over, and she doesn't look much better.

Deciding not to take any chances, the salesman orders two hamburgers and a hot dog.

The waitress comes over a few minutes later with the hamburgers under her arms.
...

A travelling salesman knocks on a door, which is opened by a 12 year old in a bathrobe, holding a cigar and a snifter of cognac

The salesman is shocked, but manages to say, "Excuse me, is your dad home?"

The kid responds, "What the hell do you think?"

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A traveling salesman finds himself in an elevator

While he's all alone, he rips a huge stinking fart. He quickly opens his briefcase and takes out a can of air-freshener and give it a few squirts.

A few moments later another man enters the elevator, visibly disturbed by the strong smell.

"Smells nice doesn't it? It's a special blend o...

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A Finnish salesman comes to Russia to sell chainsaws to local lumberjacks.

“With this saw a good lumberjack can cut down 40 trees an hour and not even get tired” says the salesman.

The lumberjacks, thinking that sounds pretty good, place an order for 50 chainsaws.

At first they are delighted but then the miracle wears off as they notice the Finnish salesman...

Tie Salesman

A fleeing criminal, desperate to escape the police, runs into the desert with hardly any water. Very soon, he runs out of drinking water, and hours later, he is already plodding under the merciless desert sun.
He is close to desperation when suddenly sees something far off in the distance. Hoping...

A Travelling Salesman Whose Car Has Broken

A travelling salesman whose car has broken down goes to the door of the closest farmhouse.
The farmer says, “You can spend the night but you’ll have to share a room with my daughter.”
The daughter, a gorgeous 20-something, winks at him over her father’s shoulder.
“Oh, I don’t mind that,” ex...

Salesman John

John was appointed as sales person at a local store in London.

While on one of his shifts, a lady approached him and asked if they had 'Peach Jam' to which he bluntly replied, "Out of stock."

At this, the lady immediately turned to leave the shop in disgruntlement.

It was then t...

A young woman approached a salesman in a department store and said, "I need some batteries for my vibrator."

The salesman motioned with his finger and said, "Come this way."

"If I could come that way," she snapped, "I wouldn't need the damn vibrator."

I used to work as a bed salesman

One day this guy came in and started climbing into the beds and asking really specific questions. Then it hit me, he was an undercover cop.

Stuttering Sam the S-S-S-Salesman

Three guys, Adam, Barry and Sam, got hired by Mike the Manager to sell bibles door-to-door. First day of work, they had a quick meeting with Mike and they were each given a separate area of the city that they were to try to sell their bibles. They were to go out, use their best judgment as to the lo...

A traveling salesman stops at the nearest farmhouse and asks if he can spend the night.

The farmer says OK and tells him he can go upstairs and sleep in the same room as his daughter. The salesman goes upstairs and, as he enters the daughter's room, notices another salesman in the bed with her.

"Oh my God!" he proclaims." I must be in the wrong joke!"

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A man goes into a brothel

He says to the madam, "Hi, I'm a traveling salesman, I've been on the road for eight weeks. I'll pay $100 for the worst blow-job in the house."

She says, "The worst...? For $100 you can have the *best* blow-job in the house!"

He says, "No, it's all right, I'm not horny, I'm homesic...

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A traveling salesman asked a farmer to spend the night.

The farmer agreed, but told him he would have to sleep in the barn.

The farmer, being a nice guy and knowing how horny traveling salesmen get told the man, "Look son, see that wall? It's got three holes in it. You can screw the first two but don't mess around with that third hole.

Go...

So, a travelling salesman walks up to a woman's house...

The woman is in a bad mood, but answers the door anyway. Seeing that the salesman has nothing of interest to her, she shuts the door. However, the door does not shut all the way and bounces back open. She thinks that the salesman was sticking his foot in the doorway to prevent her from closing the d...

Chris the tractor salesman

Ol' farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him.

"Say, Chris, how ya doing? How's the tract...

Daryl was sitting in his house when came a loud knock on his door. He went to the door and a salesman was standing there with an unfamiliar object in his hand. “What’s that?” asked Daryl. “It’s a Thermos.”

Intrigued, Daryl asked, “What does it do?”

Shifting into the sales pitch he said, “This little jewel is amazing. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”

After some discussion Daryl purchased one thinking it would really help with his lunch situation at work. The next day he arr...

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A bed salesman has an existential crisis and sells all of his wares for 100% off.

The sale slogan? “Fuck it, nothing really mattress.”

I was shopping for a car and asked the salesman the sticker price. He said $200. 'Not much for a car,' I said.

'The car's extra' he said.

What's the best part of being a hitman salesman?

Their target audience never complains.

Rick, a salesman, specilized in real estate. As he was talking to a client names Down about a property. The client said to Rick...

"Never in my life have i seen such a pretty house!"

"Gonna buy it?" asked Rick.

"Give me the paperwork" said Down. "I'm gonna."

"You made the right choice." said Rick, while grinning a grin. What he had neglected to tell his client was thay the upstairs was completly damaged....

As a rock salesman, I've had great success with money.

Sometimes I take it for granite.

I had a friend who worked as a trampoline salesman for several years. I once asked him how that line of work was…

To which he replied “It has its ups and downs”.

Did you hear about the lady who fell in love with a ginger ale salesman? [original!]

She was Schwepped off her feet

A vacuum salesman knocked on a newly built home

A lady opened the door. The salesman rushed into the home and threw rotten scrambled eggs, fries and hot dogs on the carpet floor. Before the lady said anything, the salesman said "Mam, the vacuum i have is the best in business. I'll vacuum every single thing and also ensure there is no odor. If i f...

A farmer walks into a hardware store and asks for a chainsaw that can cut down 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The farmer is suitably impressed, and buys it.

The next day he brings it back, complaining that it would only cut down 1 tree and it took ALL DAY! The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what’s wrong, and the farmer says: “What’s that noise?”

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NSFW A handsome traveling salesman stops at this farmhouse.

After a long wait at the door finally a young woman with no arms or legs shows up at the door in an electric wheelchair.

"Sorry Mister there's no one at home but me for the next few hours, but I would like to ask you a favor."

"Alright young lady, what can I do for you?"

"Well y...

A man is wandering the dessert, having lost his way, when he comes across a friendly looking salesman with a suitcase.

'Good day to you, good sir', the salesman greets him.
'Water, please!' is all the man manages to say through his sore throat.

'Oh, I'm afraid I don't have any water on me. But I can offer you one of these stylish ties.' With that he opens his suitcase and presents a collection of colored t...

A travelling salesman passes a field and sees a pig with 3 legs

A travelling salesman passes a field and sees a pig with 3 legs. Intrigued, he pulls up to the farm house and asks the farmer, "What's up with that 3-legged pig?"

The farmer gets all misty-eyed and says, "Let me tell you 'bout that pig. A few years ago, we were all asleep when a fire broke ...

A young salesman walks up to a house and knocks on the door. The most beautiful woman he has ever seen answers, dressed in only a slinky negligee. She asks "Do you like what you see?" Slack jawed, the man finally manages to stutter "uh... yes, very much!"

She says "Quickly, step inside, I think I hear someone coming."

Once inside the beautiful woman drops her negligee and is completely naked. With a smile she asks "What do you think is the most sensitive part of my body?"

The salesman says "I guess that would have to be your ears."...

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Traveling Salesman and the Sheep.

A traveling salesman is lost in a rural part of West Virginia (that's a redundancy, but...). He comes upon a farm and stops to ask directions. As he walks up to the door, he happens to look up on a hill behind the house and sees a man copulating with a sheep. He doesn't know whether he should tell a...

A traveling salesman had got lost one day while driving through the Midwest farm country. So he stopped at a farm house for directions.

While the farmer was giving the salesman directions, he noticed all the farm animals were penned except a 3 legged pig roaming around the farm yard.

Curious the salesman asked the farmer what was the story about the 3 legged pig.

"Why this is no ordinary pig. In fact he's quite amazing...

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The owner of a sex shop, hires a new clerk.

After the owner taught him the basics of running the store, he has to run an errand.

'Could you run the store on your own for a couple of hours, Jeremy?' he asks.

'Sure thing boss!' Jeremy replied, 'don't you worry, I've got this.'

So the boss leaves for his errands, leaving you...

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A traveling salesman walks into a bar. It's empty except for a guy sitting in one corner nursing a beer and looking terribly bitter. The salesman orders a drink and sits down at the old dude's table.

A traveling salesman walks into a bar. It's empty except for a guy sitting in one corner nursing a beer and looking terribly bitter. The salesman orders a drink and sits down at the old dude's table.

"What's got you so down, buddy?" he asks.

"You new in town?" the old drunk asks.
...

The Stuttering Bible Salesman

A man had just accepted his new job as a door-to-door Bible salesman and was introducing himself to his new co-workers.

It quickly became clear that the man had a severe stutter and the other workers began to make fun of him for it. But by the end of the week when the man had sold over 1,000 ...

Salesman says to a customer,

"Can I help you find something?"

"I'm looking for toilet paper."

"What color?"

"Give me white. I'll color it myself!"

Why did the exotic perfume salesman continue going out during lockdown?

He had no common scents

Another Traveling Salesman Joke

Back at the beginning of 1930, there was a traveling salesman who vowed to sell his product in every state in the country. He started in Maine and worked his way across all the northern states. He was so good at selling that he never had to pay for a hotel room. He always could talk people into putt...

Did you hear about the travelling pasta salesman?

His commission was penne's on the dollar

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Another great salesman

One day the manager of a door-to-door toothbrush sales business calls in his three new employees.

He asks the first guy, "how much did you sell today?"

"Well, I sold 30 toothbrushes."

"That's not bad for your first day," replies the manager, "what was your sales technique?"
<...

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A traveling salesman employs a man with a stutter to sell toothbrushes...

His expectations are low for this guy, so he gives him a couple dozen toothbrushes to sell, expecting him to flop out.

To his surprise, the man returns in an hour with all the money. "S-s-sold then a-all!", he says.

The salesman chalks it up to beginners luck, and hands the stutterin...

It was late at night and the salesman had been driving for a while

The rain was as heavy as his eyelids and, as he nodded off and lost control. The car swerved left, then right before crashing upside down into a ditch.

The guy came round, the water in the ditch lapping round his head, he pulled himself loose, feeling the blood running down his head. He stagg...

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A joke I learned as a car salesman

What do you call nuts on your wall?

Walnuts!

What do you call nuts on your chest?

Chestnuts!

What do you call nuts on your chin?

My dick in your mouth!

I've always wanted to be a mirror salesman

It's just something I could see myself doing

A salesman knocked on my door.

He asked me if I wanted to buy a Gideon's Bible or I want to listen to him read the book of Psalms.

He was a stammerer.

What does a hat salesman drink to get him going in the morning?

A cappuccino.

Traveling salesman walks into a bar.

The bartender says "Why the long face?"

The salesman replies "Amazon.

Salesman: "Ma'am, this vacuum cleaner is so great it will cut all your work by half!"

Woman: "That's fantastic! Give me two."

What does a a cowboy car salesman say

*tips hat* Audi

Little Johnny yells upstairs: "Dad, there's a salesman here with a moustache."

"Tell him I've got one."

A salesman was driving the back roads one day, when he saw the strangest thing...

While driving dusty back roads looking for his next sale, this Salesman noticed a chicken was running along side the road. Now, the guy didn't think much of that, you tend to see chickens in rural communities... but this one was strange. The chicken was keeping up with the car, even though the guy w...

A man goes to Heaven and meets Jesus.

Upon arriving at the pearly gates, Jesus said, "Come on in. I'll show you around. I really think you'll like it here."

Walking through the gates, the man noticed that there were clocks everywhere. It appeared that Heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.

Surprised at how H...

I would love to be a microscope salesman..

"I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not looking to buy a microscope"
"OK then, here's my business card"
"The writing is way too small! I can't read it!"
"Well, do I have a product for you!"

A traveling salesman...

A traveling salesman couldn't find a hotel one night.

He saw a light on a deserted road, and decided to knock on the door. It turned out to be a monastery; the monks were preparing dinner.

He was invited to join the others while the food was being prepared. They sat round in a circle;...

I shouldn’t have bought balloons from a salesman with commitment issues.

There were no strings attached.

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I’d like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman. “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, “I’d like to buy this TV.”

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied again.

She went home and got a haircut and new color, a new outfit, big sunglasses and a big hat. She then waited a few days before s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A salesman finds himself at a farm.

And the farmer catches him getting amorous with the farmers daughter. So the farmer whacks him over the head, knocking him out.

He wakes up that afternoon, tied up naked to a pole in the barn. He spends the whole night tied up. The next morning, the farmer comes out and asks, "well now, ho...

A travelling salesman was driving down a back road...

...when he saw a man in overalls, standing in an orchard, holding something that looked quite heavy up next to an apple tree. He decided to pull over and see what was going on.

He climbed over a fence and, as he got nearer, he realized that a farmer was holding a huge pig up about shoulder h...

A salesman flies to Vegas for a convention.

He’s driving down the strip when he sees a hooker who tells him, “Yoo Hoo! I’m selling!” They strike a bargain and do the big nasty.

When he returns home, he discovers he’s contracted gonorrhea. He’s on medication for the rest of the year. But the convention rolls around again and he flies ba...

A traveling salesman is driving down a country road one day, and spies a farmhouse with a pig sty just off the front porch.

Finding this to be a little odd, he slows down to take a closer look, and sees a single, well cared-for pig in the sty. Odder still, on closer inspection, he sees that the pig has one wooden leg.

Consumed with curiosity, he heads up the driveway to the farmer's home, hops out of his car, and ...

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A salesman was going door to door trying to sell his wares.

As he walked up to the next house, he noticed a boy sitting on the stoop. "Is your mother home?", he asked.

"Yeah, she's home," the boy said, scooting over to let him pass. The salesman rang the bell three times but got no response. He then knocked on the door loudly but got no answer. Exaspe...

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A salesman knocks on a door

A salesman knocks on a door, as soon as the door opens he throws a mound of dirt on the floor of the house. The house owner begins to confront the salesman in a state of rage but before he can say anything the salesman pulls out a vacuum and sucks up the dirt with ease. The salesman says "I'm here t...

A salesman was traveling across the country when...

...his car started making a funny sounds. He knew he needed to take it to a mechanic but knowing nothing about cars he was afraid of getting screwed.

So he came up with a plan. He stopped at the nearest gas station/shop and told the old mechanic "Now listen here bud, I'm a mechanic so I'll kn...

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Stuttering Salesman

A salesman goes to the doctor to see if he can fix his stutter. "D-d-doctor," he says, "I h-have a p-p-p-problem. I have th-this st-stutter, and it's m-making it h-h-h-h-hard for me t-to sell s-stuff."

"Let's take a look at you. Get undressed," the doctor replies. The salesman undresses, and ...

If a health food salesman comes to your door ...

... Vitamin!

("Invite - him - in")

... never mind.

The traveling salesman's toast

To all the kisses I've snatched ...


and vice versa.

(Morbid) As a mortician, I try to be an honest salesman...

So a couple came in needing a casket for their dead baby. They had already browsed through our catalog as I walked up trying my best to be my most sensitive. They whispered to me through tears that they had picked out a beautiful casket for their dear beloved son. I had a conundrum to face. Afte...

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A travelling salesman drives through a small town he's never been to before...

He pulls up at the gas station where an old Native America man is sitting. The salesman walks up and says, "How!"

"Hello," the old Native guy says.

"What's your story?" the salesman asks.

"I have the world's greatest memory. I never forget a thing."

"Oh really?" the sales...

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