Why are the Dutch so tall?

So they can keep their heads above sea level

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A Dutch, A German and A French stranded on an Island..

They Screamed "Help!" Into the Jungle but nobody answered.
The next day they did the same but nobody answered and nobody came to help. The next day they did it again and finally someone came to help them. It were some native people who lived there for a looong time. The leader of them said in a p...

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Two Belgians walk into a police precinct

and say: "Our Dutch friend is missing. Please help us."

Officer: "Can you describe him to me?"

Belgians: "He's tall, has blue eyes and blonde hair"

Officer: "You described half the Netherlands with this. You got anything more specific?"

Belgians: "Yeah, he has an extra p...

Two Dutch girls are out riding their bikes when one of them suggests taking an alternate, scenic route home.

After a while they are in an area that the other girl doesn't recognize and she has no idea where they are or which direction home is. As it is getting towards dusk she becomes nervous and a bit agitated, she says to her friend, "I've never come this way before." And her friend turns to her, smiling...

What's a Dutch party without bitterballen?

A worst kaas scenario.

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So the Belgians are pissed...

The king of Belgium is fed up that the Dutch make jokes about how dumb Belgians are. He goes to King Willem, of the Netherlands, and demands that the Dutch should do something stupid, so that the Belgians can laugh at the Dutch. Willem wants to maintain good relations so he says; "meh, we will build...

A Dutch, English and Chinese man wash up on an island

A Dutch, English and Chinese man survive a boat accident and wash up on an island. They need food, water and supplies to survive the night.
The Dutch guys says that he will gather the food, the English man will get water and the Chinese man is send for supplies.

When the Dutch and the Eng...

What is the favourite city of dutch rodents?

Hamsterdam.

The European Space Agency (ESA) recruits one Dutch, one French and one Turkish astronaut for a space mission

As the mission should last 10 years, they ask the astronauts what they want to bring with them in space.

The Dutch says: "I would like to master a new language, can I bring a Spanish teacher?". ESA recruits the best Spanish teacher trains them and sends them to the space with the others.
<...

Why are Dutch people so tall?

Shorter ones drowned in floods.

What do Dutch folk need for kissing?

Tulips

Standing in Schiphol airport, I overheard the two women next to me. One was trying to remember the name of the Dutch company that builds jet planes. I knew the answer and thought....

Fokker.

After losing at the European Championships to The Czechs, Dutch fans were said to be blazing

Meaning twenty minutes later they were a lot calmer and just craving chips.

Farting under the covers is no longer called a Dutch oven...

It's a free Covid test. If you can still smell or taste it, you're negative.

A Dutch guy, a Belgian guy and a Greek guy are sitting in a room

The Dutch guy had a joke, but wanted money for it. The Greek guy couldn't pay it and the Belgian guy didn't get it.

haha Belgians dumb

The King of Belgian visits the King of the Netherlands and laments that the Dutch people always make fun of the Belgian people. "Can't you just do something rediculously stupid? That way we have something to make fun of you. Just make a bridge in the middle of the desert, that would be so dumb"
<...

Did you hear about the Dutch painter that swapped a Hemi into his Chrysler Voyager?

Everyone in town said, "Look at Vincent's van go!"

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Many cultures have left a stain on our sexual vocabulary

Many cultures have left a mark on our sexual vocabulary. From the sensual, the homoerotic all the way to the asexual. In that order, we have French kissing, doing it the Greek way, and going Dutch.

Why do the Dutch walk so loudly?

Wooden shoe?

A Dutch speaker and a German speakerwalk into a bar

They get extremely drunk and then two Dutch speakers walk out

A nun, a blonde girl, a German and a Dutch sit together in a train compartment.

The train goes through a tunnel, it gets dark. A loud slap can be heard, an outcry follows it. As the darkness fades a big red mark can be seen on the Dutch guys face.

The Dutch thinks to himself "The German guy must have tried to grope the blonde, but she mistook us in the dark and hit me i...

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A joke from my joke calender

A man has to leave for a few days and wants to find a temporary home for his parrot.

Because he knows the priest also has a parrot, he decides to ask him if he can watch his.

'Absolutely not.' The priest says. 'All your parrot knows is how to curse. That's not good for my parrot, as al...

What does one call a dutch spy who specializes in chemical warfare?

Agent Orange

Why is it a bad idea to flush old wooden Dutch shoes down a toilet?

It would start Clogging up

A Dutch joke about the Brits and their love for queues, don’t know if it translates well

A Brit walks down the street and sees two queues. He gets behind one of them, and asks the woman in front of him:

“What is this queue for?”

“Just for fun” says the women.

“But what if I don’t want to stand in the queue?” The Brit asks.

To which the woman replies “that’s w...

When your astrophysicist girlfriend does a "Dutch Oven" on you to explain gas giants...

...she's not talking about planets.

What do you call a pregnant woman from the Netherlands?

A Dutch oven!

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A boy and a girl are romanticaly sitting in the park

Suddenly she loosens her blouse and while looking the boy in the eyes she asks: "do you want to know where they did surgery on my hart?"
The boy, being flabbergasted by this stutters a bit and then brings out: "yes... Yes please!" While looking greedily at her breasts.
The girl, happy with thi...

A man goes to his doctor...

A man goes to his doctor because he's feeling sick and tired and generally rundown. Doctor orders some tests and tells him to come back first thing in the morning.

The next morning, the doctor looks grave.

"Sir, I regret to have to tell you you have psoriasis, multiple sclerosis, toe...

What’s the difference between a straw and a Dutch comedian?

One is a hollow cylinder, the other is a silly Hollander.
I’ll see myself out.

Two Dutch girls

Two Dutch girls are riding their bicycles home from school one day. The first one says "I've never come this way before." And the other says "it's the cobblestones. "

An eccentric dutch inventor whom invented inflatable shoes has died.

A member of the family said it was only a matter of time until he popped his clogs.

A Vincent Van Gogh painting was stolen this weekend from a Dutch Museum.

Now it's Vincent Van Gone.

Is Edam the best Dutch cheese you can buy?

Or is there a Gouda one?

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What do liquid Draino and a Dutch stripper have in common?

They both slowly remove clogs.

I'll see myself out... Hey, at least it was original.
Thanks for the gold !

A young Swedish woman, old Dutch woman, an Englishman, and an Irishman are riding a train.

A young Swedish woman, an old Dutch woman, an Englishman, and an Irishman are riding on a train.
The train goes through a tunnel, it becomes pitch black in the car, and then a loud SMACK is heard.
The train emerges from the tunnel and the Englishman is rubbing his cheek.
The old Dutch woman...

A Dutch man goes to a cobbler

Wanting his wooden clogs fixed.

“What’s wrong with them?” asks the shop owner.

“Well you see,” says the Dutchman, “these are my work boots. They’re getting worn out and have some holes in them. Could you fix them up?”

The owner had never fixed wooden shoes, but he figured it ...

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A dutch and belgian soldier patroll the river maas. (Srry if repost)

Patrols are conducted on both sides of the river Maas. A Dutch soldier walks on one side, a Belgian soldier on the other. It is early in the morning and there is still some fog on the water.

The Dutch soldier wonders which section of the army the Belgian soldier is on. He wants to ask the Be...

The stranded Chinese, American and Dutch

So a Chinese, an American and a Dutch are stranded on an island. The American takes responsibility and says: "We need things to survive so I would say that go fish, you Chinese guy get some suplies and the Dutch should get firewood for the night."

Like the American said, it happend. In the ev...

How does a Dutch gecko know when there's an earthquake?

Van der Waals start shaking.

What did the Dutchman tell to the other ?

I don’t know, I don’t speak dutch

Because it's my Cake Day, I'll tell you a cake joke my little brother (10) told me

It's a Dutch joke but I'll try to explain

So I had made a cake recently, and it just stood there on the table. So my little brother comes up to me and says; 'Kijk daar!' (Look over there) while pointing at the cake. So when I looked at it he says; 'haha je keek' (haha you looked)


<...

So in a program on the BBC about WWII, the host is interviewing a surviving member of the Dutch Free Air Force.

The geezer says, "So there we were flying in formation over the English channel, when Suddenly these four Fokkers come out of the clouds. So I get behind the first Fokker and shoot him down. Then I do the same with the other three Fokkers."

The host interjects," For clarification, I think my ...

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A Dutch anti-German joke (and the first foreign joke i ever learned!)

There's still a lot of ill feeling against the Germans in Holland. With that in mind, this is a joke a Dutch friend told me.

Walking around Amsterdam one day, a Dutchie sees a man down on his knees scooping up water from the canal with his hand to drink.

He shouts to the man (in Dutc...

Why is the Dutch fly exhausted?

Because it Netherlands.

Walking past a pet shop, a sign said; ‘Pedigree Netherlands cats for sale.’

I didn’t believe they were from the Netherlands so I went into the shop and asked the assistant... ‘How Dutch is that moggie in the window?’.

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My neighbor visited my house the other day

He said: Isn't your house the same as mine? How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your living room when you moved in?

12 I said.

A few days later he came back, pretty pissed. "I just finished, and I have 7 rolls of wallpaper left!"

Yeah, so did I.

\*Heard in Dutch a...

What do Dutch sheep do at night?

Schleep

The BBC interviews a former pilot of the Dutch Free Air Forces from WWII . . .

. . . So the Dutch guy starts telling a story:

"As we're flying over France, all of a sudden, 6 Fokkers come out of nowhere. I engage on a Fokker, and shoot him down. Then I line up behind another Fokker and shoot him down too. The other guys in my squadron shoot down the other four Fokkers....

A Brit, a Spaniard and a Dutch walk into a bar..

.. unfortunately the Icelander couldn't come, he's still in the European Championship.

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What is the difference between a Muslim and Dutch?

As a Muslim you get stoned for being gay, but both are legal for a Dutch.

A slightly translated Dutch joke

This is a Dutch joke where the dialog is spoken in English:

A Dutchman and an Englishman are sitting next to each other on an airplane. They start to make small talk and the Englishman asks the Dutchman what he does for a living.

The Dutchman proudly says "I fok horses!" (Fok == breed)...

Here my attempt to translate a Dutch joke in English

2 blond girls meet up. The first girl asks the other: "which is further away, the moon or Australia?" The other things about this long and hard and comes back with her answer after an hour: "the moon is closer, definitely the moon." "How come?" asks the first girl. "Well," says the other "we can see...

An american, a dutch and an italian walk into a bar...

... and dont watch the World cup.

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A father and his son are jogging when they encounter a tourist.

Son, being well versed in over 3 languages wanted to show his dad that learning new languages always helps you.
The tourist did not know english, but tried to explain the dad to show him the in spanish. The father couldn't understand. So the tourist tried french, but still no answer. Then ge tri...

The entire Dutch air force was disabled this week.

The pilot was sick.

Another classic Dutch Bakerjoke

* A dog walks into a bakery
* Baker: How can I help you?
* Dog: Woof!
* Baker: Anything else?
* Dog: Bark!
* Baker: That'll be 12 Euro's. Do you want a receipt?
* Dog: No.

Netherlands work ( personal experience )

So, English is not my first language, it's my third. I moved to Netherlands some time ago and I got my first job. Apparently people here are nice? And they also pay their taxes? Did you guys know that? Anyway, the manager of the factory I worked in approached me to say ''hello'' and introduce himsel...

Is there a more Dutch sounding actor than Tom Holland?

Yes, there's Tom Hollander.

Dutch

A Dutch guy has just invented shoes that will record the distance you walk each day.

Clever Cloggs

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The Dutch connection

Two people are in a restaurant in Amsterdam sitting at the bar. Both are drinking and both look depressed. After a while the man turns to the woman and says:

"Excuse me, I'm looking across and you're a very beautiful woman, you look incredible, but you look so depressed, why?"

"Well, y...

What do Blazes (from Minecraft) and Dutch people have in common

Both live in the nether(lands) and love to blaze it.

A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his days in the air force.

"In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, " he continues, "one day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared."

At this point, several of the children giggle.

"I looked up, and rig...

Have you seen that one movie?

A young man grows up in the Dutch mob and works very hard to advance himself through the ranks of cheese making. He enjoys his life of money and luxury, but is oblivious to the horror that he causes. A cheese addiction and a few mistakes ultimately unravel his climb to the top.

I think it's c...

How was the Dutch dairy farmer caught up in a brawl?

He was gouda'd into it.

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3 men are standing at a urinate, a Dutchman an American and a belgian.

The American looks at the piss jet of the Dutchman and sees 2 piss jets, the American asks: "how did you get that?" the dutch replies "got into the 2nd world war". the Dutchman sees 4 piss jets at the American and says:" how did you get that?" the american says also: "got into the 2nd world war." th...

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A classic Dutch bakerjoke

* A man walks into a bakery.
* Baker: How can I help you?
* Man: I FUCKED YOUR MOTHER!!!
* Baker: Get out dad, i'm trying to work.

If farting under the covers is a Dutch oven...

is doing it in the shower a German oven?

A joke my religion professor told me...

A Dutch Calvinist gets stranded on a deserted island...

He saved his Bible in the shipwreck, so he maintained a prayerful life despite being stranded. The island was full of fruit and wildlife that he could hunt, so he survived well. Every day he swims out to a channel to see if any ships w...

Little Johnny was a notoriously bad speller

He would always misspell words and just write them the way they sounded to a young child's ear. This was particularly embarrassing to his father, whose boss would always brag how clever his own son, Pete was.


One evening, the boss visited Little Johnny's house for dinner, bringing litt...

Took my new girlfriend out......

...... to a restaurant last night,at the end of the evening I asked the waiter for the bill.
My girlfriend said, "Go Dutch."
I said, "Mag ik dan de rekening alstublieft?"

_

A dutch joke. Don't know if other languages know this one as well.

Jantje was at school. The teacher asked the class "i want you all to think how you think you can put an elephant in the fridge"

Jantje thinks by himself "but that's impossible to do. Lets ask my family if they know a so...

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